1=DEMOCRACY IS THE RECURRENT SUSPICION THAT MORE THAN HALF OF THE PEOPLE ARE RIGHT MORE THAN HALF OF THE TIME. -- E.B. WHITE
2=THE BIGGEST THINGS ARE ALWAYS THE EASIEST TO DO BECAUSE THEIR IS NO COMPETITION. -- WILLIAM VAN HORNE
3=BACK OF EVERY ACHIEVEMENT IS A PROUD WIFE AND A SURPRISED MOTHER-IN-LAW. -- BROOKS HAYS
4=NOISE PROVES NOTHING. OFTEN A HEN WHO HAS MERELY LAID AN EGG CACKLES AS IF SHE LAID AN ASTEROID. -- MARK TWAIN
5=BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO, HAVING NOTHING TO SAY, REFRAINS FROM GIVING WORDY EVIDENCE OF THE FACT. -- GEORGE ELIOT
6=IF A MAN DOES NOT KEEP PACE WITH HIS COMPANIONS, PERHAPS IT IS BECAUSE HE HEARS A DIFFERENT DRUMMER. LET HIM STEP TO THE MUSIC WHICH HE HEARS, HOWEVER MEASURED OR FAR AWAY. -- HENRY DAVID THOREAU
7=THE MORE WE REALIZE OUR MINUTENESS AND OUR IMPOTENCE IN THE FACE OF COSMIC FORCES, THE MORE ASTOUNDING BECOMES WHAT HUMAN BEINGS HAVE ACHIEVED. -- BERTRAND RUSSELL
8=EACH MORNING SEES SOME TASK BEGUN. / EACH EVENING SEES IT CLOSE. / SOMETHING ATTEMPTED, SOMETHING DONE, / HAS EARNED A NIGHT'S REPOSE. -- LONGFELLOW
9=ABSENCE DIMINISHES LITTLE PASSIONS AND INCREASES GREAT ONES JUST AS THE WIND BLOWS OUT A CANDLE AND FANS A FIRE. -- LA ROUCHEFOUCAULD
10=THERE ARE TWO REASONS FOR DOING THINGS: A VERY GOOD REASON AND THE REAL REASON.
11=I SHALL TELL YOU A GREAT SECRET, MY FRIEND. DO NOT WAIT FOR THE LAST JUDGMENT. IT TAKES PLACE EVERY DAY. -- ALBERT CAMUS
12=HE WHO IS OUTSIDE HIS DOOR ALREADY HAS A HARD PART OF HIS JOURNEY BEHIND HIM. -- DUTCH PROVERB
13=ADVERSITY HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON A MAN THAT SEVERE TRAINING HAS ON A PUGILIST: IT REDUCES HIM TO HIS FIGHTING WEIGHT. -- JOSH BILLINGS
14=ADVERTISING MAY BE DESCRIBED AS THE SCIENCE OF ARRESTING THE HUMAN INTELLIGENCE LONG ENOUGH TO GET MONEY FROM IT. -- STEPHEN LEACOCK
15=ADVICE IS LIKE SNOW; THE SOFTER IT FALLS, THE LONGER IT DWELLS UPON, AND THE DEEPER IT SINKS INTO, THE MIND. -- SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE
16=FEWER THINGS ARE HARDER TO PUT UP WITH THAN THE ANNOYANCE OF A GOOD EXAMPLE. -- MARK TWAIN
17=FIRST YOU FORGET NAMES, THEN YOU FORGET FACES, THEN YOU FORGET TO PULL YOUR ZIPPER UP, THEN YOU FORGET TO PULL YOUR ZIPPER DOWN. -- LEO ROSENBERG
18=TO KNOW HOW TO GROW OLD IS THE MASTER-WORK OF WISDOM, AND ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT CHAPTERS IN THE GREAT ART OF LIVING. -- HENRI FREDERIC AMIEL
19=A TOWN THAT HAS NO CEILING PRICE, / A TOWN OF DOUBLE-TALK; / A TOWN SO BIG THEY NAMED IT HER TWICE, / LIKE SO: "N'YARK, N'YARK" -- CHRISTOPHER MORLEY
20=WASHINGTON IS A PLACE WHERE MEN PRAISE COURAGE AND ACT ON ELABORATE PERSONAL COST-BENEFIT CALCULATIONS. -- J.K. GALBRAITH
21=HEAVEN HAS NO RAGE LIKE LOVE TO HATRED TURNED, / NOR HELL A FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED. -- WILLIAM CONGREVE
22=THE QUIZZICAL EXPRESSION OF THE MONKEY AT THE ZOO COMES FROM HIS WONDERING WHETHER HE IS HIS BROTHER'S KEEPER, OR HIS KEEPER'S BROTHER. -- EVAN ESAR
23=WORRYING HELPS YOU SOME. IT SEEMS AS IF YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WHEN YOU'RE WORRYING. -- LUCY MAUD MONTGOMERY
24=BOOKS GIVE NOT WISDOM WHERE NONE WAS BEFORE. / BUT WHERE SOME IS, THERE READING MAKES IT MORE. -- JOHN HARRINGTON
25=DICTIONARIES ARE LIKE WATCHES; THE WORST IS BETTER THAN NONE, AND THE BEST CANNOT BE EXPECTED TO BE QUITE TRUE. -- SAMUEL JOHNSON
26=UNCERTAINTY AND MYSTERY ARE ENERGIES OF LIFE. DON'T LET THEM SCARE YOU UNDULY, FOR THEY KEEP BOREDOM AT BAY AND SPARK CREATIVITY. -- R.I. FITZBENRY
27=THE HAPPIEST TIME IN A MAN'S LIFE IS WHEN HE IS IN RED-HOT PURSUIT OF A DOLLAR WITH A REASONABLE PROSPECT OF OVERTAKING IT. -- JOSH BILLINGS
28=A CRIMINAL IS A PERSON WITH PREDATORY INSTINCTS WHO HAS NOT SUFFICIENT CAPITAL TO FORM A CORPORATION. -- HOWARD SCOTT
29=IF THE NATIONAL MENTAL ILLNESS OF THE UNITED STATES IS MEGALOMANIA, THAT OF CANADA IS PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA. -- MARGARET ATWOOD
30=NO GOVERNMENT OUGHT TO BE WITHOUT CENSORS, AND WHERE THE PRESS IS FREE, NO ONE EVER WILL. -- THOMAS JEFFERSON
31=AS ONE GETS OLDER, ONE DISCOVERS EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE EXACTLY THE SAME WITH DIFFERENT HATS ON. -- NOEL COWARD
32=CHILDREN HAVE NEVER BEEN VERY GOOD AT LISTENING TO THEIR ELDERS, BUT THEY HAVE NEVER FAILED TO IMITATE THEM. -- JAMES BALDWIN
33=THERE ARE ONLY TWO THINGS A CHILD WILL SHARE WILLINGLY: COMMUNICABLE DISEASES AND HIS MOTHER'S AGE. -- BENJAMIN SPOCK
34=CHRISTIAN: ONE WHO BELIEVES THAT THE NEW TESTAMENT IS A DIVINELY INSPIRED BOOK ADMIRABLY SUITED TO THE SPIRITUAL NEEDS OF HIS NEIGHBOUR. -- AMBROSE BIERCE
35=A CHRISTIAN IS A MAN WHO FEELS REPENTANCE ON SUNDAY FOR WHAT HE DID ON SATURDAY AND IS GOING TO DO ON MONDAY.
36=IF ONLY GOD WOULD GIVE ME SOME CLEAR SIGN. LIKE MAKING A LARGE DEPOSIT IN MY NAME AT A SWISS BANK. -- WOODY ALLEN
37=PEOPLE IN GENERAL ARE EQUALLY HORRIFIED AT HEARING THE CHRISTIAN RELIGION DOUBTED, AND AT SEEING IT PRACTICED. -- SAMUEL BUTLER
38=THE MOBS OF GREAT CITIES ADD JUST SO MUCH TO THE SUPPORT OF PURE GOVERNMENT AS SORES DO TO THE STRENGTH OF THE HUMAN BODY. -- THOMAS JEFFERSON
39=CIVILIZATIONS DIE FROM PHILOSOPHICAL CALM, IRONY, AND SENSE OF FAIR PLAY QUITE AS SURELY AS THEY DIE OF DEBAUCHERY. -- JOSEPH WOOD KRUTCH
40=FOOTBALL CONSISTS OF THE TWO WORST FEATURES OF OUR SOCIETY: VIOLENCE PUNCTUATED BY COMMITTEE MEETINGS. -- GEORGE WILL
41=WHAT IS A COMMITTEE? A GROUP OF UNWILLING, PICKED FROM THE UNFIT, TO DO THE UNNECESSARY. -- RICHARD HARKNESS
42=CONSCIENCE IS THOROUGHLY WELL-BRED, AND SOON LEAVES OFF TALKING TO THOSE WHO DO NOT WISH TO HEAR IT. -- SAMUEL BUTLER
43=SHE HAD LOST THE ART OF CONVERSATION, BUT NOT, UNFORTUNATELY, THE POWER OF SPEECH. -- GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
44=YOU CAN NEVER HOPE TO BECOME A SKILLED CONVERSATIONALIST UNTIL YOU LEARN HOW TO PUT YOUR FOOT TACTFULLY THROUGH THE TELEVISION SET. -- M. DALE BAUGHMAN
45=EVERY MAN IS ENCOMPASSED BY A CLOUD OF COMFORTING CONVICTIONS, WHICH MOVE WITH HIM LIKE FLIES ON A SUMMER DAY. -- BERTRAND RUSSELL
46=A MAN CAN BELIEVE IN A CONSIDERABLE DEAL OF RUBBISH, AND YET GO ABOUT HIS DAILY WORK IN A RATIONAL AND CHEERFUL MANNER. -- NORMAN DOUGLAS
47=FIGHT ON MY MERRY MEN ALL, / I'M A LITTLE WOUNDED BUT I AM NOT SLAIN; / I WILL LAY ME DOWN FOR TO BLEED A WHILE, / THEN I'LL RISE AND FIGHT WITH YOU AGAIN. -- J. DRYDEN
48=NATURE FITS ALL HER CHILDREN WITH SOMETHING TO DO, / THOSE WHO WOULD NOT WRITE AND CAN'T, CAN SURELY REVIEW. -- JAMES RUSSEL LOWELL
49=CRITICS ARE LIKE EUNUCHS IN A HAREM; THEY KNOW HOW IT'S DONE, THEY'VE SEEN IT DONE EVERY DAY, BUT THEY'RE UNABLE TO DO IT THEMSELVES. -- BRENDAN BEBAN
50=YOU CANNOT MAKE A MAN BY STANDING A SHEEP ON HIS HIND LEGS. BUT BY STANDING A FLOCK OF SHEEP IN THAT POSITION YOU CAN MAKE A CROWD OF MEN. -- MAX BEERBOHM
51=CYNICISM IS THAT BLACKGUARD DEFECT OF VISION WHICH COMPELS US TO SEE THE WORLD AS IT IS, INSTEAD OF AS IT SHOULD BE. -- AMBROSE BIERCE
52=BECAUSE I COULD NOT STOP FOR DEATH / HE KINDLY STOPPED FOR ME. / THE CARRIAGE HELD BUT JUST OURSELVES / AND IMMORTALITY. -- EMILY DICKINSON
53=I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE. I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN IT HAPPENS. -- WOODY ALLEN
54=IT COST ME NEVER A STAB NOR SQUIRM / TO TREAD BY CHANCE UPON A WORM. / "AHA, MY LITTLE DEAR", I SAY, / "YOUR CLAN WILL PAY ME BACK ONE DAY." -- DOROTHY PARKER.
55=WARNING ON KENNER PRODUCT'S BATMAN COSTUME. "CAUTION: CAPE DOES NOT ENABLE USER TO FLY."
56=I ALWAYS KEEP A SUPPLY OF STIMULANT HANDY IN CASE I SEE A SNAKE, WHICH I ALSO KEEP HANDY. -- W.C. FIELDS
57=THE ULTIMATE GOAL OF THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM IS TO SHIFT TO THE INDIVIDUAL THE BURDEN OF PURSUING HIS EDUCATION. -- JOHN W. GARDNER
58=EDUCATION IS THE ABILITY TO LISTEN TO ALMOST ANYTHING WITHOUT LOSING YOUR TEMPER OR YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE. -- ROBERT FROST
59=GOOD JUDGMENT COMES FROM EXPERIENCE. AND EXPERIENCE? WELL, THAT COMES FROM BAD JUDGMENT.
60=EXPERIENCE ENABLES YOU TO RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE WHEN YOU MAKE IT AGAIN. -- FRANKLIN P. JONES
61=EXPERIENCE IS WHAT YOU GOT WHEN YOU DIDN'T GET WHAT YOU WANTED.
62=FAME IS A BEE. / IT HAS A SONG, / IT HAS A STING, / AH, TOO, IT HAS A WING. -- EMILY DICKENSON
63=DESTINY: A TYRANT'S EXCUSE FOR CRIME AND A FOOL'S EXCUSE FOR FAILURE. -- AMBROSE BIERCE
64=A FELLOW WHO IS ALWAYS DECLARING HE'S NO FOOL USUALLY HAS HIS SUSPICIONS. -- WILSON MIZNER
65=IF WE WERE GIVEN BY MAGIC THE POWER TO READ EACH OTHER'S THOUGHTS, I SUPPOSE THE FIRST EFFECT WOULD BE TO DISSOLVE ALL FRIENDSHIPS. -- BERTRAND RUSSELL
66=IN EVERY WORK OF GENIUS WE RECOGNIZE OUR OWN REJECTED THOUGHTS; THEY COME BACK TO US WITH A CERTAIN ALIENATED MAJESTY. -- RALPH WALDO EMERSON
67=OURS IS A WORLD WHERE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT AND ARE WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO GET IT. -- DON MARQUIS
68=IF YOU WOULD HIT THE MARK, YOU MUST AIM A LITTLE ABOVE IT. EVERY ARROW THAT FLIES FEELS THE ATTRACTION OF EARTH. -- HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
69=WE ARE ALL HERE ON EARTH TO HELP OTHERS; WHAT ON EARTH THE OTHERS ARE HERE FOR I DON'T KNOW. -- W. H. AUDEN
70=IF I'VE LEARNED ANYTHING IN MY SEVENTY YEARS IT'S THAT NOTHING'S AS GOOD OR AS BAD AS IT APPEARS. -- BUSHROD H. CAMPBELL
71=HATING ANYTHING IN THE WAY OF ILL-NATURED GOSSIP OURSELVES, WE ARE ALWAYS GRATEFUL TO THOSE WHO DO IT FOR US AND DO IT WELL. -- SAKI
72=THE STATE, IT CANNOT TOO OFTEN BE REPEATED, DOES NOTHING, AND CAN GIVE NOTHING WHICH IT DOES NOT TAKE FROM SOMEBODY. -- HENRY GEORGE
73=HOW CAN YOU GOVERN A COUNTRY WITH TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY-SIX VARIETIES OF CHEESE? -- CHARLES DE GAULLE
74=TOO BAD THAT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO RUN THE COUNTRY ARE BUSY DRIVING TAXICABS AND CUTTING HAIR. -- GEORGE BURNS
75=WHEN WE GOT INTO OFFICE, THE THING THAT SURPRISED ME MOST WAS TO FIND THAT THINGS WERE JUST AS BAD AS WE'D BEEN SAYING THEY WERE. -- JOHN F. KENNEDY
76=NOT A DAY PASSES OVER THE EARTH, BUT MEN AND WOMEN OF NO NOTE DO GREAT DEEDS, SPEAK GREAT WORDS AND SUFFER NOBLE SORROWS. -- CHARLES READE
77=WE HAVE NO MORE RIGHT TO CONSUME HAPPINESS WITHOUT PRODUCING IT THAN TO CONSUME WEALTH WITHOUT PRODUCING IT. -- GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
78=UNQUESTIONABLY, IT IS POSSIBLE TO DO WITHOUT HAPPINESS. IT IS DONE INVOLUNTARILY BY NINETEEN-TWENTIETHS OF MANKIND. -- JOHN STUART MILL
79=A MAN SHOULD ALWAYS CONSIDER HOW MUCH MORE HE HAS THAN HE WANTS, AND HOW MUCH MORE UNHAPPY HE MIGHT BE THAN HE REALLY IS. -- JOSEPH ADDISON
80=IF YOU HATE A PERSON, YOU HATE SOMETHING IN HIM THAT IS PART OF YOURSELF. WHAT ISN'T PART OF OURSELVES DOESN'T DISTURB US. -- HERMANN HESSE
81=WE MAY NOT PAY SATAN REVERENCE, FOR THAT WOULD BE INDISCREET, BUT WE CAN AT LEAST RESPECT HIS TALENTS. -- MARK TWAIN
82=THE MAN WHO HAS NOT ANYTHING TO BOAST OF BUT HIS ILLUSTRIOUS ANCESTORS IS LIKE A POTATO: THE ONLY GOOD BELONGING TO HIM IS UNDER GROUND. -- THOMAS OVERBURY
83=HISTORY NEVER LOOKS LIKE HISTORY WHEN YOU ARE LIVING THROUGH IT. IT ALWAYS LOOKS CONFUSING AND MESSY, AND IT ALWAYS FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE. -- JOHN W. GARDNER
84=HISTORY: AN ACCOUNT MOSTLY FALSE, OF EVENTS, MOSTLY UNIMPORTANT, WHICH ARE BROUGHT ABOUT BY RULERS, MOSTLY KNAVES, AND SOLDIERS, MOSTLY FOOLS. -- AMBROSE BIERCE
85=TO HER FAIR WORKS DID NATURE LINK / THE HUMAN SOUL THAT THROUGH ME RAN, / AND MUCH IT GRIEVED MY HEART TO THINK / WHAT MAN HAS MADE OF MAN. -- WILLIAM WORDSWORTH
86=PEOPLE WHO ARE BRUTALLY HONEST GET MORE SATISFACTION OUT OF THE BRUTALITY THAN THE HONESTY. -- RICHARD J. NEEDHAM
87=I SUPPOSE IT CAN BE TRUTHFULLY SAID THAT HOPE IS THE ONLY UNIVERSAL LIAR WHO NEVER LOSES HIS REPUTATION FOR VERACITY. -- ROBERT G. INGERSOLL
88=THE WORST SIN TOWARDS OUR FELLOW CREATURES IS NOT TO HATE THEM, BUT TO BE INDIFFERENT TO THEM; THAT'S THE ESSENCE OF INHUMANITY. -- GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
89=ACQUAINTANCE: A PERSON WHOM WE KNOW WELL ENOUGH TO BORROW FROM, BUT NOT WELL ENOUGH TO LEND TO. -- AMBROSE BIERCE
90=HUMOR CAN BE DISSECTED, AS A FROG CAN, BUT THE THING DIES IN THE PROCESS. -- E.B. WHITE
91=IT IS WELL TO REMEMBER THAT THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE UNIVERSE, WITH ONE TRIFLING EXCEPTION, IS COMPOSED OF OTHERS. -- JOHN ANDREW HOLMES
92=WHEN YOU SAY THAT YOU AGREE WITH A THING IN PRINCIPLE, YOU MEAN THAT YOU HAVE NOT THE SLIGHTEST INTENTION OF CARRYING IT OUT. -- OTTO VON BISMARCK
93=TO SAY THAT AN IDEA IS FASHIONABLE IS TO SAY, I THINK, THAT IT HAS BEEN ADULTERATED TO A POINT WHERE IT IS HARDLY AN IDEA AT ALL. -- MURRAY KEMPTON
94=THERE IS NO ADEQUATE DEFENSE, EXCEPT STUPIDITY, AGAINST THE IMPACT OF A NEW IDEA. -- PERCY W. BRIDGMAN
95=THE TROUBLE AIN'T THAT PEOPLE ARE IGNORANT; IT'S THAT THEY KNOW SO MUCH THAT AIN'T SO. -- JOSH BILLINGS
96=IDIOT: A MEMBER OF A LARGE AND POWERFUL TRIBE WHOSE INFLUENCE IN HUMAN AFFAIRS HAS ALWAYS BEEN DOMINANT AND CONTROLLING. -- AMBROSE BIERCE
97=AS I WAS GOING UP THE STAIR / I MET A MAN WHO WASN'T THERE. / HE WASN'T THERE AGAIN TODAY. / I WISH, I WISH, HE'D STAY AWAY. -- HUGHES MEARNS
98=IT TAKES YOUR ENEMY AND YOUR FRIEND, WORKING TOGETHER TO HURT YOU TO THE HEART; THE ONE TO SLANDER YOU AND THE OTHER TO GET THE NEWS TO YOU. -- MARK TWAIN
99=IF A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE IS DANGEROUS, WHERE IS THE MAN WHO HAS SO MUCH AS TO BE OUT OF DANGER? -- THOMAS HUXLEY
100=SIT DOWN BEFORE A FACT AS A LITTLE CHILD, BE PREPARED TO GIVE UP EVERY PRECONCEIVED NOTION, FOLLOW HUMBLY WHEREVER AND TO WHATEVER ABYSS NATURE LEADS, OR YOU SHALL LEARN NOTHING. -- THOMAS HUXLEY
[Politics as Usual]
Number=100
1=THINGS ARE MORE LIKE THEY ARE NOW THAN THEY HAVE EVER BEEN. -- GERALD FORD
2=PROGRESSION IS NOT A PROCLAMATION NOR PALAVER. IT IS NOT PRETENSE NOR PLAY ON PREJUDICE. IT IS NOT OF PERSONAL PRONOUNS, NOR PERENNIAL PRONOUNCEMENT. IT IS NOT ... A PROMISE PROPOSED. -- WARREN G. HARDING
3=THAT'S PART OF AMERICAN GREATNESS, IS DISCRIMINATION. YES, SIR. INEQUALITY, I THINK, BREEDS FREEDOM AND GIVES A MAN OPPORTUNITY. -- LESTER MADDOX, EX-GOVERNOR OF GEORGIA
4=SOME REPORTERS SAY I DON'T HAVE ANY VISION. I DON'T SEE THAT. -- GEORGE BUSH
5=WHEREVER I HAVE GONE IN THIS COUNTRY, I HAVE FOUND AMERICANS. -- ALF LANDON, FDR OPPONENT
6=THE ONLY WAY WE WILL EVER GET A VOLUNTEER ARMY IS TO DRAFT THEM. -- EDWARD HEBERT, CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON ARMED SERVICES
7=I DON'T LIKE WAR. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A WAR, BUT I HAVE SEEN "THE KILLING FIELDS." -- FAWN HALL, SECRETARY TO OLIVER NORTH
8=EVERYBODY SHOULD RISE UP AND SAY, "THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT, FOR BOMBING HAIPHONG." -- MARGARET MITCHELL
9=WE ARE NOT AT WAR WITH EGYPT. WE ARE IN ARMED CONFLICT. -- PRIME MINISTER ANTHONY EDEN, 1956
10=CAPITAL PUNISHMENT IS OUR SOCIETY'S RECOGNITION OF THE SANCTITY OF HUMAN LIFE. -- SENATOR ORRIN HATCH
11=WITHOUT CENSORSHIP THINGS CAN GET TERRIBLY CONFUSED IN THE PUBLIC MIND. -- WILLIAM WESTMORELAND
12=CHINA IS A BIG COUNTRY, INHABITED BY MANY CHINESE. -- CHARLES DE GAULLE
13=I NEVER SAID I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT MOST OF THE THINGS YOU SAID I SAID I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT. -- ELLIOT ABRAMS
14=I STAND BY ALL THE MISSTATEMENTS. -- DAN QUAYLE
15=WHERE FRATERNITIES ARE NOT ALLOWED, COMMUNISM FLOURISHES. -- BARRY GOLDWATER
16=HONEST BUSINESSMEN SHOULD BE PROTECTED FROM THE UNSCRUPULOUS CONSUMER. -- LESTER MADDOX
17=I'D LIKE TO SEE PEOPLE, INSTEAD OF SPENDING SO MUCH TIME ON THE ETHICAL PROBLEM, GET AFTER THE PROBLEMS THAT REALLY AFFECT THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY. -- RICHARD NIXON
18=THE STREETS ARE SAFE IN PHILADELPHIA, IT'S ONLY THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM UNSAFE. -- MAYOR FRANK RIZZO
19=THE MORE KILLING AND HOMICIDES YOU HAVE, THE MORE HAVOC IT PREVENTS. -- MAYOR RICHARD DALEY
20=OUTSIDE OF KILLINGS, [WASHINGTON] HAS ONE OF THE LOWEST CRIME RATES IN THE COUNTRY. -- MARION BARRY
21=WE'RE GOING TO PUT YOU BACK IN THE FASHION DEPARTMENT. -- CONGRESSMAN FRED GRANDY, RESPONDING TO A FEMALE REPORTER
22=LITTLE CHILDREN WHO COULD NEITHER WALK NOR TALK WERE RUNNING ABOUT IN THE STREETS CURSING THEIR MAKER. -- SIR BOYLE ROCHE, IRISH MEMBER OF BRITISH PARLIAMENT
23=WHILE I WRITE THIS LETTER, I HAVE A PISTOL IN ONE HAND AND A SWORD IN THE OTHER. -- SIR BOYLE ROCHE
24=I ANSWER IN THE AFFIRMATIVE WITH AN EMPHATIC "NO". -- BOYLE ROCHE, MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT
25=I'M NOT A PERSON, I'M A LADY. -- CONGRESSWOMAN PAULA HAWKINS
26=WHERE WOULD CHRISTIANITY BE IF JESUS GOT EIGHT TO FIFTEEN YEARS, WITH TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR? -- N.Y. STATE SENATOR JAMES DONOVAN
27=YOU KNOW, YOU NOSE LOOKS JUST LIKE DANNY THOMAS'S. -- RONALD REAGAN TO LEBANESE FOREIGN MINISTER
28=WHY THRESH OLD STRAW OR BEAT AN OLD BAG OF BONES? -- SENATOR EVERETT DIRKSEN
29=I UNDERSTAND IT'S A NICE LIFE-STYLE. I LOVE GOLF, AND I UNDERSTAND THEY HAVE A LOT OF NICE GOLF COURSES. -- CHIC HECHT ON WHY HE WOULD LIKE TO BE AMBASSADOR TO THE BAHAMAS
30=THIS IS THE WORST DISASTER IN CALIFORNIA SINCE I WAS ELECTED. -- GOVERNOR PAT BROWN.
31=WE HAVE EVERY MIXTURE [ON MY ADVISORY GROUP] YOU CAN HAVE. I HAVE A BLACK, I HAVE A WOMAN, TWO JEWS AND A CRIPPLE. -- JAMES WATT
32=I DON'T SEE ANYTHING UNUSUAL ABOUT IT. -- LOUISIANA GOVERNOR EDWIN EDWARDS, 1976, AFTER ADMITTING HIS WIFE TOOK $10,000 FROM A KOREAN BUSINESSMAN HAVING TIES TO THE KOREAN CIA
33=CASUAL DRUG USERS OUGHT TO BE TAKEN OUT AND SHOT. -- DARYL GATES
34=HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT ANIMALS, AND I DO NOT WANT TO SEE SEX AND SEXUAL DIFFERENCES TREATED AS CASUALLY AND AMORALLY AS DOGS AND OTHER BEASTS TREAT THEM. I BELIEVE THIS COULD HAPPEN UNDER THE ERA.-- RON REAGAN
35=FACTS ARE STUPID THINGS. -- PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN
36=ONE WORD SUMS UP PROBABLY THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ANY VICE PRESIDENT. AND THAT ONE WORD IS "TO BE PREPARED."
37=[I AM] PRO-CHOICE WITH LIMITATIONS, PRO-LIFE WITH EXCEPTIONS. -- SENATOR JOHN WARNER
38=THAT WAS CONSCIOUSLY AMBIGUOUS IN THE SENSE THAT ANY TERRORIST MOVEMENT THAT IS CONTEMPLATING SUCH ACTIONS I THINK KNOWS CLEARLY WHAT WE ARE SPEAKING OF. -- ALEXANDER HAIG
39=WE NEED LAWS THAT PROTECT EVERYONE. MEN AND WOMEN, STRAIGHTS AND GAY, REGARDLESS OF SEXUAL PERVERSION ... UH, PERSUASION. -- BELLA ABZUG
40=I AM SPEAKING OF A GREAT MAN WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRESIDENT AND WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE GREAT PRESIDENTS IN HISTORY: HUBERT HORATIO HORNBLOWER. -- JIMMY CARTER
41=MAN HAS BEEN GIVEN HIS FREEDOM TO A GREATER EXTENT THAN EVER AND THAT'S QUITE WRONG. -- MARTHA MITCHELL
42=WELL, I THINK THAT'S A, IT'S HAD SOME DIFFICULT TIMES BUT I THINK WE HAVE, WE, I THINK, HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE SOME VERY GOOD PROGRESS AND IT'S, I WOULD SAY IT'S, IT'S, DELIGHTFUL THAT ... -- EDWARD KENNEDY
43=I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW ALL THIS CAN HAPPEN. IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE ONE LOSE ONE'S FAITH IN GOD! -- EVA BRAUN, FROM HITLER'S BUNKER.
44=WE OFFER THE PARTY AS A BIG TENT. HOW WE DO THAT WITHIN THE PLATFORM OR WHATNOT, THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN. BUT THAT MESSAGE WILL HAVE TO BE ARTICULATED WITH GREAT CLARITY. -- DAN QUAYLE
45=YOU HEAR ABOUT CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS, FREE SPEECH, AND FREE PRESS. ... I SAY TO MYSELF "THAT MAN IS A ... A COMMUNIST." YOU NEVER HEAR A REAL AMERICAN TALK LIKE THAT. -- JERSEY CITY MAYOR FRANK HAGUE
46=IN EVERY COUNTRY THE COMMUNISTS HAVE TAKEN OVER, THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS OUTLAW COCKFIGHTING. -- JOHN MONKS, OKLAHOMA STATE REPRESENTATIVE
47=THE STRATEGY REPRESENTS OUR POLICY FOR ALL TIME, UNTIL IT'S CHANGED. -- MARLIN FITZWATER
48=WE'RE LAUNCHING THIS INNOVATION FOR THE FIRST TIME. -- N.Y. CITY MAYOR JIMMY WALKER
49=THERE'S NO TEXTBOOK ON JUDGMENT. I MIGHT MAKE ONE OR TWO OTHER [MISTAKES], BUT IT WILL CERTAINLY BE WITH GREAT FORETHOUGHT. -- MARION BARRY
50=IF A PERSON IS INNOCENT OF A CRIME, THEN HE IS NOT A SUSPECT. -- ATTORNEY GENERAL EDWIN MEESE
51=THE PRESIDENT IS AWARE OF WHAT IS GOING ON. THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT ANYTHING IS GOING ON. -- NIXON PRESS SECRETARY RON ZIEGLER
52=[I SUPPORT EFFORTS] TO LIMIT THE TERMS OF MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, ESPECIALLY MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE AND MEMBERS OF THE SENATE. -- DAN QUAYLE
53=FILIPINOS WANT BEAUTY. I HAVE TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL SO THE POOR FILIPINOS WILL HAVE A STAR TO LOOK AT FROM THEIR SLUMS. -- IMELDA MARCOS
54=THE WORD IS NOT COVERT. IT'S OVERT. COVERT MEANS YOU'RE OUT IN THE OPEN. OVERT IS WHAT I DID. I WAS UNDER COVER. -- SENATOR CHIC HECHT
55=THOSE WHO SURVIVED THE SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE SAID "THANK GOD, I'M STILL ALIVE." BUT, OF COURSE, THOSE WHO DIED, THEIR LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. -- SENATOR BARBARA BOXER
56=FOLLOW ME AROUND. I'M SERIOUS. IF ANYONE WANTS TO PUT A TAIL ON ME, GO AHEAD. THEY'D BE VERY BORED. -- GARY HART, SOON THEREAFTER PHOTOGRAPHED WITH DONNA RICE ON HIS LAP ABOARD THE SHIP "MONKEY BUSINESS"
57=BALLROOM DANCING HAS BEEN AROUND IN VARIOUS FORMS SINCE EARLY CIVILIZATION, AND IT HAS BEEN A CRUCIAL FACTOR IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF MANKIND. -- SENATOR HOWELL HEFLIN
58=WE MUST HAVE A NATION OF ALL-AMERICANS. WE MUST EXPEL THOSE WHO CANNOT RECITE THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES AND THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS. -- EX-IOWA GOVERNOR WILLIAM HARDING
59=TOO MANY TEXTBOOKS AND DISCUSSIONS LEAVE STUDENTS FREE TO MAKE UP THEIR MINDS ABOUT THINGS. -- MEL GABLER, TEXAS TEXTBOOK CRITIC
60=WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ENDANGERED SPECIES. WHY, WE CAN'T EVEN GET RID OF THE COCKROACH. -- JAMES WATT, ONE TIME SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR
61=IT IS ABOUT A SOCIALIST, ANTI-FAMILY POLITICAL MOVEMENT THAT ENCOURAGES WOMEN TO LEAVE THEIR HUSBANDS, KILL THEIR CHILDREN, PRACTICE WITCHCRAFT, ... AND BECOME LESBIANS. -- PAT ROBERTSON ON THE ERA
62=I WAS ASKED TO COME TO CHICAGO BECAUSE CHICAGO IS ONE OF OUR FIFTY-TWO STATES. -- RAQUEL WELCH SUPPORTING THE PRO-CHOICE MOVEMENT
63=IT IS ESSENTIAL AND ECONOMICAL, ECONOMICAL FOR THE COUNTRY AND FOR THE CONGRESS TO HAVE FOOD AVAILABLE AROUND HERE. -- REPRESENTATIVE JAMES WHITTEN ON FOOD SUBSIDIES FOR CONGRESS
64=SHE'S A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL PERSON, AND WE'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO A HAPPY AND WONDERFUL NIGHT, UH ... LIFE. -- TED KENNEDY ABOUT HIS FIANCEE VITORIA REGGIE
65=IF GAYS ARE GRANTED RIGHTS, NEXT WE'LL HAVE TO GIVE RIGHTS TO PROSTITUTES AND TO PEOPLE WHO SLEEP WITH ST. BERNARDS AND TO NAILBITERS. -- ANITA BRYANT
66=I DID WHAT ANY NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO AT THAT AGE. YOU CALL HOME. YOU CALL HOME TO MOTHER AND FATHER AND SAY, "I'D LIKE TO GET INTO THE NATIONAL GUARD." -- DAN QUAYLE
67=THERE WERE ALLEGATIONS A NUMBER OF STUDENTS AT SCHOOLS IN BROOKLYN MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN HAVING SOME KNOWLEDGE, PARTICULARLY ABOUT SOCIAL STUDIES AND POSSIBLY ENGLISH. -- EDUCATOR SAM POLATNICK, 1975
68=I HAVEN'T COMMITTED A CRIME. I FAILED TO COMPLY WITH THE LAW. -- NEW YORK CITY MAYOR DAVID DINKINS ON HIS FAILURE TO PAY TAXES
69=MINNESOTA VOTERS PLAYED A MAJOR ROLE IN THE VICTORY OF THAT STATE'S GUBERNATORIAL PRIMARY ELECTIONS YESTERDAY. -- NRA PRESS RELEASE
70=HE NO PLAY-A DA GAME, HE NO MAKE-A DA RULES. -- EARL BUTZ, FORD'S SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE, ON THE POPE'S STAND ON BIRTH CONTROL
71=VERBOSITY LEADS TO UNCLEAR, INARTICULATE THINGS. -- DAN QUAYLE
72=THIS WAS NOT A JUNKET IN ANY SENSE OF THE WORD. -- SENATOR STROM THURMOND, AFTER A TRIP TO THE PARIS AIR SHOW WITH HIS WIFE, TWO CHILDREN, NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR, AND EIGHT STAFF MEMBERS.
73=THERE'S NO CONNECTION BETWEEN THEIR LOBBYING WORK AND THE MONEY THEY CONTRIBUTE. -- CHIEF OF STAFF FOR SENATOR DAVE DURENBERGER
74=THIS PLANET IS OUR HOME. IF WE DESTROY THE PLANET, WE'VE DESTROYED OUR HOME, SO IT IS FUNDAMENTALLY IMPORTANT. -- ROSS PEROT
75=PEOPLE SAY I'M EXTRAVAGANT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE SURROUNDED BY BEAUTY. BUT TELL ME, WHO WANTS TO BE SURROUNDED BY GARBAGE? -- IMELDA MARCOS
76=THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT WILL BE A POLITICIAN WHO IS BLACK. -- DOUGLAS WILDER, GOVERNOR OF VIRGINIA
77=NIXON HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE WHITE HOUSE WHILE GEORGE MCGOVERN HAS BEEN EXPOSING HIMSELF TO THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES. -- FRANK LICHT, GOVERNOR OF RHODE ISLAND
78=FOR SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS I'VE WORKED ALONGSIDE PRESIDENT REAGAN. WE'VE HAD TRIUMPHS. MADE SOME MISTAKES. WE'VE HAD SOME SEX ... UH ... SETBACKS. -- DAN QUAYLE
79=WE CAN'T JUST LET NATURE RUN WILD. -- ALASKA GOVERNOR WALTER HICKEL, DEFENDING WOLF KILLINGS
80=IT IS INDEED FITTING THAT WE GATHER HERE TODAY TO PAY TRIBUTE TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN, WHO WAS BORN IN A LOG CABIN THAT HE BUILT WITH HIS OWN HANDS. -- UNNAMED POLITICIAN AS REPORTED BY SENATOR MORRIS UDALL
81=I HAVE OPINIONS OF MY OWN, STRONG OPINIONS, BUT I DO NOT ALWAYS AGREE WITH THEM. -- GEORGE BUSH
82=THIS IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, IF WE JUST STEEL OUR WILLS AND LOSE OUR MINDS. -- BILL CLINTON
83=ON BEHALF OF ALL OF YOU, I WANT TO EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION FOR THIS TREMENDOUSLY WARM RECESSION. -- RON BROWN, DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN
84=A LITTLE VAGUENESS GOES A LONG WAY IN THIS BUSINESS. -- JERRY BROWN
85=... BECAUSE I REALLY COULDN'T THINK OF A GOOD REASON NOT TOO. -- JERRY BROWN, ON WHY HE DECIDED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT
86=WHEN I GO OUT THERE ON THE LAWN AND I THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE KIDS PICKING UP EASTER EGGS, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT THEM ALL BEING IMMUNIZED. -- BILL CLINTON
87=I THOUGHT THAT LE DUC THO HAD DISCOVERED SOME HIDDEN PHYSICAL ATTRACTION FOR ME. HE COULDN'T KEEP HIS HANDS OFF ME. -- HENRY KISSINGER TALKING ABOUT THE PARIS PEACE TALKS
88=AS HENRY VIII SAID TO EACH OF HIS THREE WIVES, "I WON'T KEEP YOU LONG." -- RONALD REAGAN
89=DRINKING IS THE CAUSE OF PSORIASIS. -- DONNA SHALALA, MEANING CIRRHOSIS
90=YOU PLAY BASKETBALL IN THIS COUNTRY FOR A MONTH, YOU GO BACK, AND YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY WAITING IN LINE FOR A POTATO. -- MARIO CUOMO ON THE COLLAPSE OF COMMUNISM
91=SPACE IS ALMOST INFINITE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE THINK IT IS INFINITE. -- DAN QUAYLE
92=I'M GOING TO GET THIS OUT, BUT I'M GOING TO DO IT IN SUCH A WAY THAT I DO IT IN A MANNER THAT IS COMPATIBLE, OR AT LEAST NOT INCOMPATIBLE, WITH MY GENERAL THRUST. -- GEORGE SHULTZ
93=IF WE DO NOT SUCCEED, THEN WE RUN THE RISK OF FAILURE. -- DAN QUAYLE
94=EVEN THOUGH THERE MAY BE SOME MISGUIDED CRITICS OF WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO, I THINK WE'RE ON THE WRONG PATH. -- RONALD REAGAN
95=WE [MUST] AVOID THE TENDENCY ... TO RUSH TO SUMMITRY FOR SUMMITRY'S SAKE AND BRING ABOUT EUPHORIC EXPECTATIONS ... AND THEN TO DASH THAT EUPHORIA AGAINST THE ROCKS OF ILL-PREPARED SUMMITRY. -- AL HAIG
96=QUITE FRANKLY, TEACHERS ARE THE ONLY PROFESSION THAT TEACHES OUR CHILDREN. -- DAN QUAYLE
97=IN ELOQUENCE OF EXPRESSION, HE HAD NO PEERS AND FEW EQUALS. -- RICHARD NIXON DURING EULOGY FOR ADLAI STEVENSON
98=THEY'VE MANAGED TO KEEP THEIR UNEMPLOYMENT LOW ALTHOUGH THEIR OVERALL UNEMPLOYMENT IS HIGH. -- BILL CLINTON
99=ITS NOT EXAGGERATION TO SAY THE UNDECIDEDS COULD GO ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. -- GEORGE BUSH
100=IT'S LIKE THE ROMAN EMPIRE. WASN'T EVERYBODY RUNNING AROUND JUST COVERED WITH SYPHILIS? AND THEN IT WAS DESTROYED BY A VOLCANO. -- JOAN COLLINS
[Wonderfully Wrong]
Number=100
1=WE KNOW, ON THE AUTHORITY OF MOSES, THAT LONGER AGO THAN SIX THOUSAND YEARS, THE WORLD DID NOT EXIST. -- MARTIN LUTHER, CIRCA 1500.
2=THE WORLD WAS CREATED ON 22D OCTOBER, 4004 B.C., AT 6 O'CLOCK IN THE EVENING. -- JAMES USHER, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH, CIRCA 1650.
3=IT IS ONCE FOR ALL CLEAR ... THAT THE EARTH IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORLD AND ALL WEIGHTS MOVE TOWARDS IT. -- PTOLEMY, 2ND CENTURY ASTRONOMER
4=ANIMALS, WHICH MOVE HAVE LIMBS AND MUSCLES; THE EARTH HAS NO LIMBS AND MUSCLES, HENCE IT DOES NOT MOVE. -- SCIPIO CHIARAMONTI, OPPONENT OF GALILEO, 1633
5=IT WOULD BE BETTER TO DESTROY EVERY OTHER BOOK EVER WRITTEN, AND SAVE JUST THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS OF GENESIS. -- WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN, 1924
6=SALT ... IS OBJECTIONABLE; IT IS SUCH A GOAD TOWARD CARNALISM THAT THE ANCIENT FABLE DEPICTED VENUS AS BORN OF THE SALT SEA-WAVE. -- DR. DIO LEWIS, 1874
7=RUSSIAN WOMEN ARE NEVER MORE PLEASED THAN WHEN RECEIVING A DRUBBING AT THE HANDS OF THEIR HUSBANDS. -- DR. PARKE, 1906
8=SEX WITHOUT CLASS CONSCIOUSNESS CANNOT GIVE SATISFACTION, EVEN IF IT IS REPEATED UNTIL INFINITY. -- ALDO BRANDIARLI, SECRETARY OF THE ITALIAN COMMUNIST PARTY, 1973
9=SOMETIMES A WOMAN'S PERIODS ARE LACKING BECAUSE THE BLOOD ... IS EMITTED THROUGH OTHER PARTS AS THROUGH THE MOUTH IN THE SPIT, THROUGH THE NOSTRILS, OR THROUGH HEMORRHOIDS. -- TROTULA, 1039
10=NOTHING WILL EVER SEPARATE US. ... WE'LL PROBABLY BE MARRIED ANOTHER TEN YEARS. -- LIZ TAYLOR, FIVE DAYS BEFORE SHE ANNOUNCED SHE WAS DIVORCING RICHARD BURTON.
11=I THINK [A BLACK] ... COULD SCARCELY BE FOUND CAPABLE OF TRACING AND COMPREHENDING THE INVESTIGATIONS OF EUCLID. -- THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1787
12=NEGRO EQUALITY! FUDGE! HOW LONG ... SHALL THERE CONTINUE TO BE KNAVES TO VEND, AND FOOLS TO QUIP, SO LOW A PIECE OF DEMAGOGISM AS THIS. -- ABRAHAM LINCOLN, 1859.
13=WOMAN MAY BE SAID TO BE AN INFERIOR MAN. -- ARISTOTLE, FOURTH CENTURY.
14=NATURE INTENDED WOMEN TO BE OUR SLAVES. ... WHAT A MAD IDEA TO DEMAND EQUALITY FOR WOMEN! WOMEN ARE NOTHING BUT MACHINES FOR PRODUCING CHILDREN.
15=WHEN A WOMAN BECOMES A SCHOLAR THERE IS USUALLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER SEXUAL ORGANS. -- FRIEDICH NIETZSCHE, 1888
16=DIRECT THOUGHT IS NOT AN ATTRIBUTE OF FEMININITY. IN THIS THE WOMAN IS NOW CENTURIES BEHIND MAN. -- THOMAS EDISON, 1912
17=THE ABOLISHMENT OF PAIN IN SURGERY IS A CHIMERA. ... KNIFE AND PAIN ARE TWO WORDS IN SURGERY THAT MUST FOREVER BE ASSOCIATED. -- ALFRED VELPEAU, FRENCH SURGEON, 1839.
18=THE SOUND OF A FLUTE WILL CURE EPILEPSY, AND A SCIATIC GOUT. -- THEOPHRASTUS, 300 B.C.
19=IF EXCESSIVE SMOKING ACTUALLY PLAYS A ROLE IN THE PRODUCTION OF LUNG CANCER, IT SEEMS TO BE MINOR ONE. -- W.C. HEUPER OF THE NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE, 1954
20=APPROXIMATELY 80% OF OUR AIR POLLUTION STEMS FROM HYDROCARBONS RELEASED BY VEGETATION. SO LET'S NOT GO OVERBOARD IN SETTING AND ENFORCING TOUGH EMISSIONS STANDARDS FOR MAN-MADE SOURCES. -- RONALD REAGAN
21=ALL THE WASTE IN A YEAR FROM A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT CAN BE STORED UNDER A DESK. -- RONALD REAGAN
22=THE ELECTION OF HOOVER SHOULD RESULT IN CONTINUED PROSPERITY FOR 1929. -- ROGER BABSON, STATISTICIAN, 1928
23=SO HERE IS THE GREAT SOCIETY. IT'S THE TIME, AND IT'S GOING TO BE SOON, WHEN NOBODY IN THIS COUNTRY IS POOR. -- LYNDON JOHNSON, 1965
24=ATTENTION HAS ALSO BEEN CALLED TO THE PREHENSILE FOOT AMONG CRIMINALS. -- HAVELOCK ELLIS, BRITISH "SCIENTIST", 1890
25=THE BULLET HASN'T BEEN MADE THAT CAN KILL ME. -- MOBSTER JACK "LEGS" DIAMOND, 1929. SHOT DEAD, 1931.
26=THERE IS AS MUCH CHANCE OF REPEALING [PROHIBITION] AS THERE IS FOR A HUMMING-BIRD TO FLY TO THE PLANET MARS WITH THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT TIED TO ITS TAIL. -- SENATOR MORRIS SHEPPARD, 1930.
27=THE COUNTRY COULDN'T RUN WITHOUT PROHIBITION. THAT IS THE INDUSTRIAL FACT. -- HENRY FORD, 1929
28=DEMOCRACY WILL NEVER SURVIVE ANOTHER WORLD WAR. -- PRIME MINISTER DAVID LLOYD GEORGE, 1936
29=SENSIBLE AND RESPONSIBLE WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO VOTE. THE RELATIVE POSITIONS TO BE ASSUMED BY MAN AND WOMAN ... WERE ASSIGNED LONG AGO BY A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE THAN MY OWN. -- GROVER CLEVELAND, 1905
30=MR. LINCOLN IS ALREADY BEATEN. HE CANNOT BE RE-ELECTED. -- HORACE GREELY, 1864
31=THE RACE WILL NOT BE CLOSE. LANDON WILL BE OVERWHELMINGLY ELECTED AND I'LL STAKE MY REPUTATION AS A PROPHET ON IT. -- WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST. FDR DEFEATED ALF LANDON, 523 ELECTORAL VOTES TO 8.
32=HE WON'T HAVE A CHANCE. I HATE TO SEE [JFK] AND BOBBY WORK THEMSELVES TO DEATH AND LOSE. JOESEPH P. KENNEDY, 1959
33=I WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST THAT RONALD REAGAN IS POLITICALLY DEAD. -- NBC POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT TOM PETIT, 1980.
34=I HAVE NO QUESTION THAT THE PRESIDENT [NIXON] WILL INSIST ON FULL DISCLOSURE OF THE FACTS. -- HENRY KISSINGER, 1973
35=NO WOMAN IN MY TIME WILL BE PRIME MINISTER ... ANYWAY, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE PRIME MINISTER; YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF 100 PERCENT. -- MARGARET THATCHER, 1969
36=NO MORE HATREDS, NO MORE SELF-INTERESTS DEVOURING ONE ANOTHER, NO MORE WARS, A NEW WORLD MADE UP OF HARMONY AND LIGHT PREVAILS. -- VICTOR HUGO, 1842
37=THIS [WORLD WAR I], THE GREATEST OF ALL WARS, IS NOT JUST ANOTHER WAR, IT IS THE LAST WAR. -- H.G. WELLS
38=ONCE VIGOROUS MEASURES APPEAR TO BE THE ONLY MEANS LEFT OF BRINGING THE AMERICANS TO A DUE SUBMISSION TO THE MOTHER COUNTRY, THE COLONIES WILL SUBMIT. -- KING GEORGE III, 1775
39=PRESIDENT LINCOLN DESIRES THE RIGHT TO HOLD SLAVES TO BE FULLY RECOGNIZED. THE WAR IS PROSECUTED FOR THE UNION, HENCE NO QUESTION OF SLAVERY WILL ARISE. -- SIMON CAMERON, SECRETARY OF WAR, 1862
40=MISTREATMENT OF JEWS IN GERMANY MAY BE CONSIDERED VIRTUALLY ELIMINATED. -- CORDELL HULL, SECRETARY OF STATE, 1933
41=FOR THE SECOND TIME IN OUR HISTORY, A BRITISH PRIME MINISTER HAS RETURNED FROM GERMANY BRINGING PEACE WITH HONOR. I BELIEVE IT IS PEACE FOR OUR TIME. -- PRIME MINISTER NEVILLE CHAMBERLIN, 1938
42=IN SPITE OF THE HARDNESS AND RUTHLESSNESS I THOUGHT I SAW IN HIS FACE, I GOT THE IMPRESSION THAT HERE WAS A MAN WHO COULD BE RELIED UPON WHEN HE HAD GIVEN HIS WORD. -- P.M. NEVILLE CHAMBERLIN.
43=AND WHILE I AM TALKING TO YOU MOTHERS AND FATHERS, I GIVE YOU ONE MORE ASSURANCE. I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE, AND I SAY IT AGAIN AND AGAIN: YOUR BOYS ARE NOT GOING TO BE SENT TO ANY FOREIGN WARS. -- FDR 1940
44=THE UNITED STATES WILL NOT BE A THREAT TO US FOR DECADES, NOT IN 1945 BUT AT THE EARLIEST 1970 OR 1980. -- ADOLPH HITLER
45=I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO THE CONCLUSION THAT WE CANNOT WIN THIS WAR FOR ENGLAND, REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH ASSISTANCE WE EXTEND. -- CHARLES LINDBERGH, 1941
46=A JAPANESE ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR IS A STRATEGIC IMPOSSIBILITY. -- MAJOR GEORGE ELLIOT, 1938
47=WE ARE NOT ABOUT TO SEND AMERICAN BOYS NINE OR TEN THOUSAND MILES AWAY FROM HOME TO DO WHAT ASIAN BOYS OUT TO BE DOING FOR THEMSELVES. -- LYNDON JOHNSON, 1964
48=[STALIN] DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING BUT SECURITY FOR HIS COUNTRY, AND ... HE WON'T TRY ANYTHING AND WILL WORK WITH ME FOR A WORLD DEMOCRACY AND PEACE. -- FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT, 1944
49=WE FANCY THAT ANY REAL CHILD MIGHT BE MORE PUZZLED THAN ENCHANTED BY THIS STUFF, OVERWROUGHT STORY. -- REVIEW OF "ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND", 1865
50=THE CINEMA IS LITTLE MORE THAN A FAD. IT'S CANNED DREAMS. WHAT AUDIENCES REALLY WANT TO SEE IS FLESH AND BLOOD ON THE STAGE. -- CHARLIE CHAPLIN, 1916
51=EVERY THING THAT CAN BE INVENTED HAS BEEN INVENTED. -- CHARLES DUELL, COMMISSIONER OF THE PATENT OFFICE, 1899
52=HOW CAN HE CALL IT A WONDERFUL SUCCESS WHEN EVERYONE ACQUAINTED WITH THE SUBJECT WILL RECOGNIZE IT AS A CONSPICUOUS FAILURE? -- HENRY MORTON DISCUSSING THOMAS EDISON'S LIGHT BULB, 1879
53=IT IS IMPOSSIBLE THAT THE NOBLE ORGANS OF HUMAN SPEECH COULD BE REPLACED BY IGNOBLE, SENSELESS METAL. -- JEAN BOUILLAND ON THE LIKELIHOOD THAT EDISON'S PHONOGRAPH WOULD WORK, 1878
54=THAT'S AN AMAZING INVENTION, BUT WHO WOULD EVER WANT TO USE ONE OF THEM? -- RUTHERFORD B. HAYES REGARDING ALEXANDER BELL'S TELEPHONE, 1876
55=THE RADIO CRAZE WILL DIE OUT IN TIME. -- THOMAS EDISON, 1922
56=IT IS PROBABLE THAT TELEVISION DRAMA OF HIGH CALIBER AND PRODUCED BY FIRST-RATE ARTISTS WILL MATERIALLY RAISE THE LEVEL OF DRAMATIC TASTE OF THE NATION. -- DAVID SARNOFF, CEO OF RCA, 1939.
57=I THINK THERE IS A WORLD MARKET FOR ABOUT FIVE COMPUTERS. -- THOMAS WATSON, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF IBM, 1943
58=WHERE A CALCULATOR ... IS EQUIPPED WITH 18,000 VACUUM TUBES AND WEIGHS 30 TONS, COMPUTERS IN THE FUTURE MAY HAVE ONLY 1,000 VACUUM TUBES AND PERHAPS ONLY WEIGHT 1.5 TONS." POPULAR MECHANICS, 1949
59=THERE IS NO REASON FOR ANY INDIVIDUAL TO HAVE A COMPUTER IN THEIR HOME. -- KEN OLSEN, PRESIDENT OF DIGITAL EQUIPMENT CORP.
60=YOUR HUMANITARIAN PRINCIPLES AND YOUR INTEREST IN PROTECTING INDIVIDUAL LIBERTY AND FREEDOM HAVE MADE AN OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION TO ... HUMAN DIGNITY. -- JOSEPH CALIFANO, LETTER OF REFERENCE FOR JIM JONES
61=BY 1980 WE WILL BE SELF-SUFFICIENT AND WILL NOT NEED TO RELY ON FOREIGN ENEMIES ... UH, ENERGY. -- RICHARD NIXON, 1973
62=ANYONE WHO EXPECTS A SOURCE OF POWER FROM THE TRANSFORMATION OF ... ATOMS IS TALKING MOONSHINE. -- LORD RUTHERFORD, 1933
63=NO ONE WILL EVER COLLECT A FARTHING IN TOLLS FROM THIS IMPOSSIBLE CANAL. -- THE LONDON GLOBE REGARDING THE SUEZ CANAL, 1839
64=IF GOD HAD WANTED A PANAMA CANAL, HE WOULD HAVE PUT ONE THERE. -- KING PHILLIP II OF SPAIN, 1552
65=THE ORDINARY HORSELESS CARRIAGE IS AT PRESENT A LUXURY FOR THE WEALTHY; ... IT WILL NEVER, OF COURSE, COME INTO AS COMMON USE AS THE BICYCLE. -- THE LITERARY DIGEST, 1899
66=IN 15 YEARS, MORE ELECTRICITY WILL BE SOLD FOR ELECTRIC VEHICLES THAN FOR LIGHT. -- THOMAS EDISON, 1910
67=THE RECIPROCATING PISTON ENGINE IS AS DEAD AS THE DODO. -- SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, REFLECTING ON THE WANKEL ROTARY ENGINE, 1969
68=WITH OVER 50 FOREIGN CARS ALREADY ON SALE HERE, THE JAPANESE AUTO INDUSTRY ISN'T LIKELY TO CARVE OUT A BIG SLICE OF THE U.S. MARKET FOR ITSELF. -- BUSINESS WEEK, 1968
69=WHAT CAN BE MORE PALPABLY ABSURD THAN THE PROSPECT HELD OUT OF LOCOMOTIVES TRAVELING TWICE AS FAST AS STAGECOACHES? -- THE QUARTERLY REVIEW, ENGLAND, 1825
70=RAIL TRAVEL AT HIGH SPEED IS NOT POSSIBLE BECAUSE PASSENGERS, UNABLE TO BREATHE, WOULD DIE OF ASPHYXIA. -- DIONYSUS LARDNER (1793-1859), PROFESSOR AT UNIVERSITY COLLEGE, LONDON.
71=MEN MIGHT AS WELL PROJECT A VOYAGE TO THE MOON AS ATTEMPT TO EMPLOY STEAM NAVIGATION AGAINST THE STORMY NORTH ATLANTIC. -- DIONYSUS LARDNER
72=I CANNOT IMAGINE ANY CONDITION WHICH WOULD CAUSE A SHIP TO FOUNDER ... MODERN SHIPBUILDING HAS GONE BEYOND THAT. -- EDWARD SMITH, FUTURE CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC, 1906
73=HEAVIER THAN AIR FLYING MACHINES ARE IMPOSSIBLE. -- LORD KELVIN, 1895
74=THIS FELLOW WILL NEVER MAKE IT. HE'S DOOMED. -- HARRY GUGGENHEIM ASSESSING CHARLES LINDBERGH'S IMPENDING TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT
75=THE AEROPLANE ... IS NOT CAPABLE OF UNLIMITED MAGNIFICATION. IT IS NOT LIKELY THAT IT WILL EVER CARRY MORE THAN FIVE OR SEVEN PASSENGERS. -- WALDEMAR KAEMPFER, EDITOR OF SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, 1913
76=WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF HAVING MORE PLEASING LINES TO THE EYE WHILE IN FLIGHT, THE MONOPLANE POSSESSES NO MATERIAL ADVANTAGE OVER THE BIPLANE. -- GLENN CURTISS, AVIATION PIONEER, 1911
77=I WILL IGNORE ALL IDEAS FOR NEW WORKS AND ENGINES OF WAR, THE INVENTION OF WHICH HAS REACHED ITS LIMITS AND FOR WHOSE IMPROVEMENT I SEE NO FURTHER HOPE. -- JULIUS FRONTINIUS, 1ST CENTURY MILITARY ENGINEER.
78=MY IMAGINATION REFUSES TO SEE ANY SORT OF SUBMARINE DOING ANYTHING BUT SUFFOCATE ITS CREW AND FOUNDER AT SEA. -- H.G. WELLS, 1902
79=AIR FORCES THEMSELVES WILL NEVER DO TO GREAT CITIES WHAT ROME DID TO CARTHAGE. -- THE AMERICAN MERCURY, 1932
80=TO AFFIRM THAT THE AEROPLANE IS GOING TO REVOLUTIONIZE NAVEL WARFARE OF THE FUTURE IS TO BE GUILTY OF THE WILDEST EXAGGERATION. -- SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, 1910
81=IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY THAT AN AIRPLANE, OR FLEET OF THEM, COULD EVER SINK A FLEET OF NAVY VESSELS BUILT UNDER BATTLE CONDITIONS. -- FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT, 1922
82=THE SUBMARINE MAY BE THE CAUSE OF BRINGING BATTLE TO STOPPAGE ALTOGETHER, FOR FLEETS WILL BECOME USELESS, AND AS OTHER WAR MATERIAL CONTINUES TO IMPROVE, WAR WILL BECOME IMPOSSIBLE. JULES VERNE, 1904
83=I'LL HAVE MY ZAMBIAN ASTRONAUT ON THE MOON BY 1965 ... WE ARE USING MY OWN FIRING SYSTEM, DERIVED FROM THE CATAPULT. -- EDWARD MUKAKA NKOLOSO, DIRECTOR OF THE ZAMBIAN SPACE PROGRAM, 1959
84=I GIVE CASTRO A YEAR, NO LONGER. -- DEPOSED CUBAN DICTATOR FULGENCIO BATISTA, 1959
85=LET US RECOGNIZE THE TRUEST DEMOCRACY IN EUROPE, THE TRUEST DEMOCRACY IN THE WORLD TODAY. -- WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST PRAISING THE BOLSHEVIK REVOLUTION, 1918.
86=GAIETY IS THE MOST OUTSTANDING FEATURE OF THE SOVIET UNION. -- JOSEPH STALIN, 1935
87=THE LABOR CAMPS HAVE WON HIGH REPUTATIONS THROUGHOUT THE SOVIET UNION AS PLACES WHERE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF MEN HAVE BEEN RECLAIMED. -- ANNA LOUISE STRONG, AMERICAN JOURNALIST, 1936
88=ONLY ENEMIES OF THE SOVIET UNION CAN THINK OF THE KGB AS SOME KIND OF SECRET POLICE. -- YURI ANDROPOV, 1967
89=A SHILLY-SHALLY THING OF MILK AND WATER, WHICH COULD NOT LAST. -- ALEXANDER HAMILTON'S VIEWS ON THE U.S. CONSTITUTION, 1787
90=ALASKA ... IS AN INHOSPITABLE, WRETCHED, GOD-FORSAKEN REGION, WORTH NOTHING. -- CONGRESSMAN ORANGE FERRISS IN OPPOSITION TO THE PURCHASE OF ALASKA, 1868
91=I DON'T GO SO FAR AS TO THINK THAT THE ONLY GOOD INDIANS ARE DEAD INDIANS, BUT I BELIEVE NINE OUT OF EVERY TEN ARE, AND I SHOULDN'T INQUIRE TOO CLOSELY INTO THE CASE OF THE TENTH. -- TEDDY ROOSEVELT, 1896
92=MY UNCLE IS A PEACEFUL MAN. HE THINKS WAR IS NOT WORTH THE CANDLE. -- WILLIE HITLER, 1937
93=I DO NOT CONSIDER HITLER TO BE AS BAD AS HE IS DEPICTED. HE IS SHOWING AN ABILITY THAT IS AMAZING AND HE SEEMS TO BE GAINING VICTORIES WITHOUT MUCH BLOODSHED. -- MOHANDAS GANDHI, 1940
94=KNOWING OF YOUR CONGREGATION'S DEEP INVOLVEMENT IN THE MAJOR SOCIAL AND CONSTITUTIONAL ISSUES OF OUR COUNTRY IS A GREAT INSPIRATION TO ME. -- WALTER MONDALE IN A LETTER OF REFERENCE FOR REV. JIM JONES.
95=WE RULE BY LOVE AND NOT BY THE BAYONET. -- JOSEPH GOEBBELS, 1936
96=THE WORLD WILL LITTLE NOTE NOR LONG REMEMBER WHAT WE SAY HERE. -- ABRAHAM LINCOLN IN HIS GETTYSBURG ADDRESS, 1863
97=I WOULD HAVE MADE A GOOD POPE. -- RICHARD NIXON, 1980
98=THE SEAT OF THE SOUL AND THE CONTROL OF VOLUNTARY MOVEMENT ... ARE TO BE SOUGHT IN THE HEART. THE BRAIN IS AN ORGAN OF MINOR IMPORTANCE. -- ARISTOTLE
99=IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT IF YOU SHAVE YOUR MUSTACHE, YOU WEAKEN YOUR EYES. -- WILLIAM MURRY, GOVERNOR OF OKLAHOMA, 1932
100=WE SHALL ESCAPE THE ABSURDITY OF GROWING A WHOLE CHICKEN IN ORDER TO EAT THE BREAST OR WING, BY GROWING THESE PARTS SEPARATELY UNDER A SUITABLE MEDIUM. -- WINSTON CHURCHILL, 1932
[Tough Acronyms]
Number=100
1=BILOC: BOREDOM INDUCED LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS
2=FUBAR: FOULED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION
3=SNAFU: SITUATION NORMAL, ALL FOULED UP.
4=POSSLQ: PERSONS OF OPPOSITE SEX SHARING LIVING QUARTERS
5=DINKS: DOUBLE INCOME, NO KIDS
6=PODWOGS: PARENTS OF DINKS (DOUBLE INCOME NO KIDS) WITHOUT GRANDCHILDREN
7=ASAP: AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
8=CREEP: COMMITTEE TO RE-ELECT THE PRESIDENT
9=AAAAAA: ASSOCIATION FOR THE ALLEVIATION OF ASININE ABBREVIATIONS AND ABSURD ACRONYMS
93=NASA: NEED ANOTHER SEVEN ASTRONAUTS; NEED ANOTHER SHUTTLE, ALSO
94=FAT PATT: FOOLING ALL THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME
95=WOMBAT: WASTE OF MONEY, BRAINS AND TIME
96=CABLE: CHANNELS ABOUND BUT LITTLE ENTERTAINMENT
97=PLAYMATES: PRETTY LADIES AND YOUNG MEN AMOROUSLY TOUCHING EACH STAPLE
98=SO SAD: SAME OLD SONG AND DANCE
99=BEHEMOTH: BIG ELECTRONIC HUMAN-ENERGIZED MACHINE, ONLY TOO HEAVY
100=LUFTHANSA: LET US FONDLE THE HOSTESS AND NOT SAY ANYTHING
[Sports Wisdom]
Number=100
1=THE MONEY IS JUST A MONETARY THING. -- BUTCH REYNOLDS, DISCUSSING HIS $25 MILLION SETTLEMENT WITH THE OLYMPIC FOLKS
2=THEY'RE ONE HELL OF A DAMN FINE FOOTBALL TEAM. -- MARTY SCHOTTENHEIMER
3=THEY'RE IN A FLAT-FACED TIE. -- STU NAHAN, LA SPORTS COMMENTATOR
4=THEY MADE SOME CALLS THEY SHOULD HAVE AND VICE VERSA. -- STU NAHAN, L.A. SPORTS REPORTER
5=WE'RE HERE FOR THE ANNUAL GAME OF THE CENTURY. -- FRED HESSLER, L.A. SPORTS ANNOUNCER
6=IT'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER BALL BURNER. -- JIM HARRICK, UCLA BASKETBALL COACH
7=IT'S GONNA DROP ... IT'S GONNA DROP .... IT'S GONNA DROP ........ IT DOES DROP, BUT IT'S FOUL. -- JERRY DOGGETT, DODGER BROADCASTER
8=NOW LET'S SEE IF THAT'S A WILD PITCH OR A PASS BALL. -- JERRY DOGGETT, DODGER BROADCASTER AFTER A CALLED THIRD STRIKE GOT AWAY FROM THE CATCHER
9=AS DUKE ELLINGTON ONCE SAID, "THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO WAS WON ON THE PLAYING FIELDS OF ELKTON." -- BABE RUTH
10=DON'T CUT OFF YOUR NOSE YOURSELF. -- CASEY STENGEL
11=BRUCE SUTTER HAS BEEN AROUND FOR A WHILE AND HE'S PRETTY OLD. HE'S THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD. THAT WILL GIVE YOU SOME IDEA HOW OLD HE IS. -- RON FAIRLY, SAN FRANCISCO PLAY-BY-PLAY MAN.
12=I'VE BEEN TRAVELING SO MUCH, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO GROW IT. -- BOB HORNER ON WHY HE HADN'T GROWN A BEARD
13=WE HAVE ONLY ONE PERSON TO BLAME, AND THAT'S EACH OTHER. -- BARRY BECK, NY RANGER
14=MIKE ANDREW'S LIMITS ARE LIMITLESS. -- DANNY OZARK, PHILLIES MANAGER.
15=LADY: "GOOD MORNING MR. BERRA. MY, YOU LOOK MIGHTY COOL TODAY." YOGI: "THANK YOU, MA'AM. YOU DON'T LOOK SO HOT YOURSELF."
16=I WANT TO GAIN 1500 OR 2000 YARDS, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST. -- GEORGE ROGERS, SAINTS RUNNING BACK
17=WELL, THAT KIND OF PUTS A DAMPER ON EVEN A YANKEE WIN. -- PHIL RIZZUTO DURING A GAME AFTER HEARING THAT THE POPE HAD DIED
18=WE JUST LOST A POPE, WHICH IS VERY SAD, AND NOW WE LOST TO THE YANKEES, WHICH IS ALSO VERY SAD. -- CARDINAL MEDEIROS AFTER TWO CONCURRENT SAD EVENTS
19=ALL I SAID WAS THAT THE TRADES WERE STUPID AND DUMB, AND THEY TOOK THAT AND BLEW IT ALL OUT OF PROPORTION. -- RON DAVIS, TWINS PITCHER
20=WE MADE TOO MANY WRONG MISTAKES. -- YOGI BERRA
21=DON'T YOU KNOW I'M A FASCIST? YOU KNOW, A GUY WHO SAYS ONE THING AND MEANS ANOTHER? -- DAN OZARK
22=ERIC SHOW WILL BE OH FOR TEN IF THAT POP FLY COMES DOWN. -- JERRY COLEMAN, PADRES BROADCASTER
23=IT'S NOT GOOD FOR BUSINESS IF YOU CARE FOR A SECOND WHETHER BLOOD IS BUBBLING FROM A GUY'S MOUTH. -- VIKING JOEY BROWNER
24=IF THERE'S A PILE UP, THEY'LL HAVE TO GIVE SOME OF THE PLAYERS ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION. -- CURT GOWDY
25=IF YOU CAN'T MAKE THE PUTTS AND CAN'T GET THE MAN IN FROM SECOND ON THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN ENOUGH FOOTBALL GAMES IN THIS LEAGUE. -- SAM RUTIGLIANO, BROWNS COACH
26=IT JUST AS EASILY COULD HAVE GONE THE OTHER WAY. -- CUBS MANAGER DON ZIMMER ON HIS TEAM'S 4-4 ROAD TRIP
27=THE BALTIMORE COLTS ARE A BRIGHT YOUNG TEAM. IT SEEMS AS IF THEY HAVE THEIR FUTURE AHEAD OF THEM. -- CURT GOWDY
28=I'M WEARING THESE GLOVES FOR MY HANDS. -- YOGI
29=BOB DAVIS IS WEARING HIS HAIR DIFFERENTLY THIS YEAR, SHORT AND WITH CURLS. ... I THINK YOU CALL IT A FRISBEE. -- J. COLEMAN, PADRES PLAY-BY-PLAY MAN
30=IT'S A GREAT ADVANTAGE TO BE ABLE TO HURDLE WITH BOTH LEGS. -- DAVID COLEMAN, BBC SPORTS COMMENTATOR
31=WE ALL GET HEAVIER AS WE GET OLDER BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT MORE INFORMATION IN OUR HEADS. -- VLADE DIVAC, LAKERS CENTER
32=THE DOCTORS X-RAYED MY HEAD AND FOUND NOTHING. -- DIZZY DEAN
33=FANS, DON'T FAIL TO MISS TOMORROW'S GAME. -- DIZZY DEAN
34=I'VE NEVER HAD MAJOR KNEE SURGERY ON ANY OTHER PART OF MY BODY. -- WINSTON BENNETT, U. OF KENTUCKY BASKETBALL FORWARD
35=THIS COACH IS CRAZY. HE CAN'T ASK ME TO RUN LIKE THIS. HE MUST THINK I HAVE TWO LUNGS. -- BRAZILIAN SOCCER PLAYER
36=A LOT OF PEOPLE MY AGE ARE DEAD AT THE PRESENT TIME. -- CASEY STENGEL
37=FOLKS, THIS IS PERFECT WEATHER FOR TODAY'S GAME. NOT A BREATH OF AIR. -- CURT GOWDY
38=I WOULDN'T SAY THAT JOE HAS A SORE ARM, PER SE, BUT HIS ARM IS KIND OF SORE. -- WEEB EWBANK DISCUSSING JOE NAMATH'S ARM
39=I'M IMPRESSED BY THE CONTINUITY OF HIS PHYSICAL PRESENCE. -- HOWARD COSELL
40=IF YOU ASK ME ANYTHING I DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER. -- YOGI BERRA
41=OUR STRENGTH IS THAT WE DON'T HAVE ANY WEAKNESSES. OUR WEAKNESS IS THAT WE DON'T HAVE ANY REAL STRENGTHS. -- FRANK BROYLES, U. OF ARKANSAS COACH
42=WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE BASICS BECAUSE, BASICALLY, WE'VE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE BASICS. -- BOB OJEDA, DODGERS PITCHER
43=IT ISN'T LIKE I CAME DOWN FROM MOUNT SINAI WITH THE TABLOIDS. -- INDY COACH RON MEYER
44=IF CHRIST WERE A BALLPLAYER, HE'D BE THE BEST THERE WAS. HE'D TAKE OUT THE GUY AT SECOND BASE, THEN HE'D SAY, "I LOVE YOU," PICK HIM UP, SLAP HIM ON THE BUTT AND COME BACK TO THE DUGOUT. -- BRETT BUTLER
45=HIS REPUTATION PRECEDED HIM BEFORE HE GOT HERE. -- DON MATTINGLY
46=I THINK I'VE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN MY PHASE OF THE BROADCAST INDUSTRY, BUT I DON'T THINK I'VE IMPACTED ON THE WORLD IN THE MANNER OF FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT. -- HOWARD COSELL
47=PEOPLE THINK WE MAKE THREE MILLION AND FOUR MILLION A YEAR. THEY DON'T REALIZE THAT MOST OF US ONLY MAKE $500,000. -- PETE INCAVIGLIA
48=TELL ME, THESE WOMEN, ARE THEY WAYWARD? -- RUSSIAN HOCKEY COACH WATCHING DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS
49=MOST OF MY CLICHES ARE NOT ORIGINAL. -- CHUCK KNOX, RAMS COACH
50=REPORTER: "YOGI, HAVE YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND YET." YOGI: "NOT THAT I KNOW OF."
51=MY SISTER'S EXPECTING A BABY, AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE OR AN AUNT. -- CHUCK NEVITT, HOOP PLAYER AT NC STATE.
52=I DON'T KNOW. THEY WERE WEARING A PAPER BAG OVER THEIR HEAD. -- YOGI AFTER HE WAS ASKED IF THE STREAKER WAS MALE OR FEMALE
53=LEAD US IN A FEW WORDS OF SILENT PRAYER. -- FOOTBALL COACH BILL PETERSON
54=ME AND GEORGE AND BILLY ARE TWO OF A KIND. -- YANKEE MICKEY RIVERS
55=OL' DIZ KNOWS THE KING'S ENGLISH. AND NOT ONLY THAT, I ALSO KNOW THE QUEEN IS ENGLISH. -- DIZZY DEAN RESPONDING TO AN ACCUSATION THAT HE DIDN'T KNOW THE KING'S ENGLISH
56=HAVING A SPEECH WRITER WOULD DEFINITELY BE TOO PLASTIC. I JUST TRY TO REMEMBER SIX KEY WORDS BEFORE EVERY TALK. -- MARK SPITZ, MR. PLASTIC HIMSELF
57=BROOKS ROBINSON IS NOT A FAST MAN BUT HIS ARMS AND LEGS MOVE VERY QUICKLY. -- CURT GOWDY
58=LUIS TIANT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE EXCEPT BETWEEN HIS LEGS. -- CURT GOWDY.
59=ANYONE WHO CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BALL HITTING WOOD AND A BALL HITTING CONCRETE MUST BE BLIND. -- YOGI BERRA
60=YOUNG FRANK PASTORE MAY HAVE PITCHED THE BIGGEST VICTORY OF 1979. MAYBE THE BIGGEST VICTORY OF THE YEAR. -- JERRY COLEMAN
61=I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN THIS ORGANIZATION NOT FOCUSED ON THE FORTY-NINERS, I MEAN CHARGERS. -- BILL BELCHICK, CLEVELAND BROWNS COACH
62=REX MORGAN WINDS UP HIS CAREER TODAY, THE ONLY STARTER IN THE STARTING LINE-UP. -- CURT GOWDY
63=HE FAKES A BLUFF. -- RON FAIRLY, GIANTS ANNOUNCER
64=THE THING THAT'S KEPT JEFF AROUND IS HIS LONGEVITY. -- DON SMITH
65=GIL HODGES IS SO STRONG HE COULD SNAP YOUR EARBROWS OFF. -- CASEY STENGEL
66=LAST NIGHT I NEGLECTED TO MENTION SOMETHING THAT BEARS REPEATING. -- RON FAIRLY
67=QUESTION: "DO THE BRONCOS HAVE YOUR NUMBER, CHRISTIAN?" ANSWER: "I DON'T KNOW. DO THEY HAVE A GUY WITH THE NUMBER 35?" -- CHIEFS BACK CHRISTIAN OKOYE
68=MEN, I WANT YOU JUST THINKING OF ONE WORD ALL SEASON. ONE WORD AND ONE WORD ONLY: SUPER BOWL. -- OILER COACH BILL PETERSON
69=BOBBY KNIGHT TOLD ME, "THERE IS NOTHING THAT A GOOD DEFENSE CANNOT BEAT A BETTER OFFENSE." IN OTHER WORDS, A GOOD OFFENSE WINS. -- DAN QUAYLE
70=THE RECEIVERS ARE AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE PASSING GAME. -- HANK STRAM
71=I NEVER SET OUT TO HURT ANYBODY DELIBERATELY UNLESS IT WAS, YOU KNOW, IMPORTANT. LIKE A LEAGUE GAME OR SOMETHING. -- DICK BUTKUS, BEARS LINEBACKER
72=THE WORD "GENIUS" ISN'T APPLICABLE TO FOOTBALL. A GENIUS IS A GUY LIKE NORMAN EINSTEIN. -- JOE THEISMAN
73=I'VE BEEN HEALTHY MY WHOLE CAREER EXCEPT FOR A FEW NAGGING INJURIES THE LAST FEW YEARS. -- MIKE SMITH, CINCINNATI REDS PITCHER
74=THE PLACES WHERE I NEED WORK ARE ON MY INSIDE AND OUTSIDE GAMES. -- DARNELL HILLMAN, KANSAS CITY KINGS
75=ALL I WANT IS FOR MY CASE TO BE HEARD IN FRONT OF AN IMPRACTICAL DECISION MAKER. -- PETE ROSE
76=THERE ARE SO MANY LATIN PLAYERS, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET A LATIN INSTRUCTOR UP HERE. -- PHIL RIZZUTO, YANKEES SPORTSCASTER
77=I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THAT, BUT MIKE'S GOT A WHOLE NEW SET OF BANISTERS. -- DON KING ON MIKE TYSON'S NEW LAWYERS
78=QUESTION: "WHICH LEG DID PAUL WARFIELD HURT?" DON SHULA: "I DON'T KNOW. IT'S ONE OF THE TWO."
79=FROM THE WAIST DOWN, EARL CAMPBELL HAS THE BIGGEST LEGS I'VE EVER SEEN ON A RUNNING BACK. -- JOHN MADDEN
80=YOU CAN PITCH A GEM AND LOSE, BUT YOU CAN'T LOSE WHEN YOU WIN. -- ERIC SHOW, SAN DIEGO PADRES
81=WE'LL DO ALL RIGHT IF WE CAPITALIZE ON OUR MISTAKES. -- MICKEY RIVERS, NEW YORK YANKEES
82=MORALITY AT THIS TIME ISN'T A FACTOR. -- DANNY OZARK, REGARDING HIS TEAM'S MORALE
83=EXCEPT FOR THREE BIG PLAYS, WE PLAYED WELL ENOUGH TO WIN, IF WE HAD BEEN ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ON OFFENSE. BART STARR, GREEN BAY PACKER COACH
84=THE GAME WAS CLOSER THAN THE SCORE INDICATED. -- DIZZY DEAN AFTER A 1-0 GAME
85=I THREW ABOUT 90 PERCENT FASTBALLS AND SLIDERS: 50 PERCENT FASTBALLS, 50 PERCENT SLIDERS. -- JOHN BUTCHER, TEXAS RANGERS
86=THINGS STARTED TO SNOWPLOW. -- KEVIN APPIER, KANSAS CITY ROYALS
87=WE'VE GOT TO NIP IT IN THE BUTT. -- JETS COACH
88=HOW COULD IT BE MENTAL? I DON'T HAVE A COLLEGE EDUCATION. -- STEVE FARR, ROYALS PITCHER WHEN ASKED IF HIS SHOULDER PAIN COULD BE MENTAL
89=THEY SAY YOU HAVE TO STOP EATING WHEN HE DOES. BUT WHAT IF HE'S HAVING A SNACK AND YOU'RE STARVING? DO YOU HAVE TO EAT FAST? -- CHARLES BARKLEY, WORRIED ABOUT DINING WITH PRINCE RAINIER OF MONACO
90=THERE ARE NIGHTS WHEN JESUS CHRIST COULDN'T GUARD ME, AND THAT'S ONE OF THE BEST FEELINGS IN THE WORLD. -- LARRY BIRD, BOSTON CELTICS
91=I FOUND CHRIST, I HAD A REVELATION WHILE I WAS WATCHING MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. -- TERRY BRADSHAW
92=I THINK JESUS WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT BASKETBALL PLAYER. ... I THINK HE'D REALLY GET IN YOUR FACE. NOTHING DIRTY, BUT HE'D PLAY TO WIN. -- MARK EATON, JAZZ CENTER
93=ALL THE MET'S ROAD WINS AGAINST LOS ANGELES THIS YEAR HAVE BEEN AT DODGER STADIUM. -- RALPH KINER, METS ANNOUNCER
94=IT'S NOT A MILLION DOLLAR A YEAR CONTRACT. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A REALLY LARGE SUM OF MONEY. -- LARRY BIRD, CELTICS FORWARD
95=TWELVE FOR TWENTY THREE ... IT DOESN'T TAKE A GENIUS TO SEE THAT'S UNDER FIFTY PERCENT. -- DICK VITALE
96=ANYTIME DETROIT SCORES MORE THAN 100 POINTS AND HOLDS THE OTHER TEAM BELOW 100 POINTS, THEY ALMOST ALWAYS WIN. -- DOUG COLLINS
97=IT'S NOT HOW GOOD YOU CAN PLAY WHEN YOU PLAY GOOD. IT'S HOW GOOD YOU CAN PLAY WHEN YOU PLAY BAD, AND WE PLAY AS BAD AS ANYONE IN THE COUNTRY. -- HUGH DURHAM, GEORGIA BASKETBALL COACH
98=I THOUGHT WE PROBABLY PLAYED THIS WEEK LIKE I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE PLAYED LAST WEEK, AND I DIDN'T EVEN THINK WE COULD PLAY THAT BAD LAST WEEK IF WE PLAY LIKE THIS. -- TED MARCHIBRODA, COLTS COACH
99=THE WIND AT CANDLESTICK TONIGHT IS BLOWING WITH GREAT PROPENSITY. -- RON FAIRLY
100=THERE IS ONE WORD IN AMERICA THAT SAYS IT ALL, AND THAT ONE WORD IS "YOU NEVER KNOW". -- JOAQUIN ANDUJAR, HOUSTON ASTROS PITCHER
