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-
- So I'm walking along and I pass the adult bookshop, and I've always wanted
- to have a GOOD look around and not just stare out of the corner of my eyes
- without moving my head on the way past, hoping to catch a glimpse of some-
- thing memorable. And there was no-one around...
-
- So in I go.
-
- I head to the "Hot Leather Rampant Chicks" section as if drawn to it. On
- the way I bump into Father Tim in the Religious section, fingering a copy
- of "Hot Sister Hosemonster" whilst sniffing the covers of "Papal Orgy II -
- The Homecumming" and "Whip me father for I have sinned"
-
- I make a mental note to go to Father Tim next confession - not for the
- whipping part but because now I have BARGAINING POWER! I can almost see
- it....
-
- ..Fade in..
-
- ...
- Father Tim: Well, you have been a dirty little trooper, haven't you
- Simon? For your penance, say 75 Hail Marys and slam your
- hand in the vestry door 6 times.
-
- Me: Father, was that you I saw in "Sticky Mags and Inflato
- Lovers" last week??
-
- Father Tim: ..And yet, on second thoughts, I don't know if anything you
- have done is a sin any more since Vatican II...
-
- Me: Is that the one where the Pope takes Manhattan?
-
- Father Tim: No that was the sequel, Vatican II II, with Linda Lovelace
- as Cardinal Cough-Cough
-
- Me: Oh. Well, I'll be off then, say 75 Hail Marys and slam
- your hand in the vestry door 7 times father
-
- Father Tim: OK. Bless you Simon.
-
- Me: And you father - Remember, you're not cheating yourself,
- you're cheating God...
-
- ..fade in..
-
- My smugness is almost overwhelming, I almost feel like going out on a sin
- binge to make it all that much sweeter.
-
- Anyway, I'm looking around at all the glossy frontals and nothing really
- competes with my imagination for impressive visual effects and choice of
- partners, so I decide to leave. And then I realise the mistake I've made.
-
- The cardinal offense, I've brought a shopping bag into the store! And not
- only that, but I've got my briefcase as well! As if that's not enough, I
- notice that there's a bus-stop outside and a whole horde of senior school
- girls pulls up!!!!
-
- !!!
-
- Everyone knows that the worst thing imaginable is to be caught coming out
- of an adult bookstore by teenage girls, and even worse than that is coming
- out of an adult bookstore with a package of any sort, and worse still, a
- briefcase! I may as well just pick up a bag of sweets and a raincoat from
- the "Dirty-Old-Man" section and complete the act.
-
- So I'm stuffed. I can hide behind one of the stands and hope they go away
- before I'm due back at work - which doesn't seem likely because I was late
- before I stopped here... I could leave everything I have here, but then
- I'd have to come back and get it... I offer to sell the guy behind the
- counter my case and shopping, but he says he's got a whole cupboard of them
- but for $10 he'll let me out the back way....
-
- I grab a pink thing from the counter and tell him to stick that in his back
- way because I've got a plan - it came to me like a flash! The old "Highly-
- Shocked-Moral-Crusader" plan. I puff my face up red, put on an angry
- expression and head towards the door. Out of the corner of my eye I see
- Father Tim, red in the face, and looking angry, heading towards the door too.
-
- Oh hell....
-
- spt@waikato.ac.nz.
-
- *** EOF
-