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- WHAT TO DO WHEN THIS MACHINE BREAKS DOWN
- ****************************************
-
-
- 1. Do not call for service until everyone concerned has had
- time to form an opinion as to what is wrong. Give each
- member of staff an opportunity to correct the problem.
- Whenever possible, ALL controls and adjusting screws should
- be turned.
-
- 2. After several days, when the machine malfunction has become
- a major emergency, place an URGENT call for service. Fridays
- are best, but any time after 4 p.m. is o.k.
-
- 3. Alert all personnel so that each can give their version of
- what is wrong. Suggestions on how to fix the machine will be
- welcomed by the engineer.
-
- 4. Hide the service history log that is found inside the
- machine. Make several references about the man who was here
- for the same problem last week.
-
- 5. Have at least eight graduate engineers present to ask highly
- technical questions which are in no way related to the
- problem.
-
- 6. The minute the engineer arrives, ask what caused the delay.
- Make it clear that you expected him two days ago. Before he
- can answer, ask him when the machine will be back in
- service.
-
- 7. The machine should be as dirty and greasy as possible. A
- mixture of oil and pencil sharpener shavings works well. If
- the machine has electrical components, add staples and paper
- clips.
-
- 8. Assign a member of staff to supervise the repair, someone
- who has never seen or used the machine is preferable. Bad
- breath is a plus here and scores bonus points.
-
- 9. Ask again when the machine will be ready. Good timing is
- essential and when the machine is in 800 pieces and spread
- all over the floor will be just grand.
-
- 10. Be sure the machine is in a narrow passage with plenty of
- people passing by, each making a comment about the time the
- repair is taking. The lighting should be as low as possible,
- good engineers can work blindfold.
-
- 11. Ask if the machine is ready yet. If the engineer is looking
- at the schematic diagram, ask if he knows what he's doing.
- It doesn't hurt to mention that you repaired the toaster
- last week without the aid of a schematic diagram.
-
- 12. When the repair is completed, tell him what a swell job he
- did. Say it should be a swell job as it took long enough.
-
- 13. Try to get the engineer to lower the bill. They make too
- much money anyway.
-
- 14. After he has gone, call his supervisor and say the machine
- is worse now than before. Follow up with a letter with
- copies to the Head Office.
-
- FOLLOW THESE RULES ON EVERY CALL NO MATTER HOW SMALL THE PROBLEM
-
-
- Thanks to Diagnostic Engineer magazine (September October 1990)
-
- 73's de Terry
-
- GM0MUI @ GB7SAN