No Fragments Archive 10: Diskmags/nf_archive_10.iso/MAGS/SYNTAX/SPECIALPD1.MSA/WINNOPOO.ART

Text File | 1994-10-25 | 13.8 KB | 321 lines

                        BELIEVABILITY

                    By James G. Johnston.

I was recently asked what I thought was the key factor in adventure
writing and having given the matter some thought, gave the
following reply - 'Believability'.  Now I have to explain what I
mean by 'believability' and to do this I will go back to when I was
Dr. Watson to a young adventure writer, Ross Harris. We were in the
middle of developing a Space Prison Adventure which involved
escaping from the prison sphere, travelling the interconnecting
passage, setting a timed explosion in the passage and sealing the
administration sphere. After waiting for the resulting explosion to
blow the administration sphere clear of the prison, the emergency
pod is operated to complete your escape.

We had just hit a problem of believability. How did you indicate
the method of waste disposal for hundreds of prisoners in space
and about the same number of guards etc? Too costly to shuttle
down, you could not store it nor could you push it out into space.
The waste would be gravitationally attracted to the largest body
near it - the prison station - and end up clinging to the walls.
Yeugh!! We were in the middle of detailing a central globe in the
passage which would covert the waste to compost in its inner
portion, the compost being used for food cultivation in the outer
portion. As I was leaving, Ross handed me a set of sheets and
asked me to glance over them. The sheets referred to a proposed
'spoof' adventure. Unfortunately time and the nature of things has
meant that neither 'Space Prison Breakout' nor 'The Kidnap of
Kristofer Rambo' was ever completed but here is the detail.

This 'spoof' adventure is based loosely on Winnie the Pooh stories
but, for copyright reasons, claims to never have heard of 'Pooh
stories' before creating these original characters and story!!

Characters

Winno the Pugh (pronounced Pyuo). A friendly bear with many
friends and a particular liking for hunny whiskey. Not a lot of
brain though.


Kristofer Rambo.  Your average growing-up child. At the time of
the story, about to leave home to go on a special holiday, called
Supervised Community Work, the result of being caught playing his
favourite pastime (Granny Scaring).

Hee Haw. A very sarcastic donkey, suffering from acute depression
due to a part of his anatomy having dropped off. Suggestions from
his friends of "sticking it on again with superglue" or "strapping
on an artificial one" have increased his depression and sarcasm.

Snigger.  A striped cat-like creature.  Spends his time playing
practical jokes, when not watching Kristofer Rambo 'Granny
baiting'!

Twiglet.  A small very nervous piglet who has difficulty making up
his mind what day it is.


Titchy. A small and extremely timid creature of unknown type. The
only creature in the whole world who considers Twiglet superior to
him.

Bajars. Disgusting, offensive, mindless, moronic animals who live
in a commune in 'Bajar's Wood'

Hamsturs.  Small rat-like creatures who, having no courage of
their own, live in the fringe of the Bajar Commune and will do
anything to be recognised as Bajar friends.

This list of characters was rounded off with a fancy bird called
Yowl and two jumpy characters called Regretta and Rue (a mother
and son).

Now read on!!

             An introduction to Pugh's Adventure.
               'The Kidnap of Kristofer Rambo'

                         Chapter One

IN WHICH WINNO THE PUGH FINDS OUT HE MUST GO AND RESCUE KRISTOFER
RAMBO, AND THE READER WORKS OUT THAT HE ONLY NEEDS TO LOOK AT THE
TITLE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

Winno the Pugh woke up, suddenly, in the middle of the night and
listened.  Hurriedly, he lit the candle he kept by his bed for
such occasions.  Avoiding the beer cans strewn across the floor,
from Kristofer Rambo's farewell party held a few nights before, he
made his way to the airing cupboard to see if anybody had been
trying to steal his hunny-still or any of the illicit liquer he
had laid down since.  "That's lucky, that," thought Pugh. "Books,
and I can get away with mis-spelling liquor!"

Anyway, to Pugh's great relief, none had been touched.

"I think......" he smiled, "I think it's going to be one of those
get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-have-some-whisky-days!"

He leaned down and picked up a half-full bottle, opened it gently,
paused briefly to sample the sweet aroma of hunny, then downed the
lot in one.  Smiling from cheek to cheek, he made his way back to
his bed with a glow in his tummy.

Just before he reached the bed, however, he heard the noise that
had initially woken him up.  It sounded like the sort of noise a
Hamstur would make if used to hammer a nail into a heavy wooden
front door.

"Hum ho, it sounds like the sort of noise a Hamstur would make if
used to hammer a nail into my heavy front door", agreed Pugh.

Cautiously, or as cautiously as a Pugh can be with the contents
of a half-bottle of hunny whisky in him, he made his way to the
door.  Slowly he opened the large wooden door and saw before him a
large Bajar carrying a very dazed looking Hamstur.  "Are you Winno
the Pugh?" asked the Bajar. "Yes I am", replied Pugh politely...
but just before he could say more, he belched a loud and fruity
belch.

Now a Pugh belching is not a pretty sight, at the best of times,
but coupled with the hunny whisky and the candle, it became a very
effective flamethrower.  The Bajar squeaked a pitiful little
squeak that you might do if caught by surprise by a Pugh with a
flamethrower and ran off into the woods in a
fast-zig-zagging-I-don't-like-being-on-fire manner.

Pugh eventually looked away and was about to close the door when
he saw the message nailed there. The nail was bent and crooked, as
if it hadn't been knocked in with a hammer. It was also rather
sticky. At any rate, it had ruined his lovely teak door, the one
Kristofer Rambo's daddy had given him in exchange for the spiky
weeds that were growing in Mr. Pedro's garden. He decided then
and there, as Pughs tend to do, that he would get even with those
Bajars.

He ripped the note off the door and read it. It said, "WE BAJARS
HAV KRISEFUR ROMBOW AN WIL REELEEZE HIM IN ERXECHANG FOR TWELRVE
BOTTLES OF HUNNY WHISKY".

This annoyed Pugh so much that he uttered a lot of naughty words
that can't be said in children's books - including two new ones.
There were two reasons why this annoyed him so. Firstly Bajars
only like twelve year old hunny whisky, which is very hard for a
four year old bear to acquire.  The second thing was the atrocious
spelling, as most animals in the wood, (except Rue, who was too
young), could spell perfectly but whenever the Author typed what
they had said or written, it always contained appalling spelling
mistakes just to make him look good. And with a determined stomp
that annoyed teddy bears make, he went back to bed.

                        Chapter Two.

IN WHICH WINNO THE PUGH FINDS A MYSTERY OUTSIDE HIS VERY FRONT
DOOR, AND HEE HAW IS AS SARCASTIC AS EVER.

Pugh got up with a start. He hadn't the faintest idea how it had
got into his bed, just that it was there. He wished it wasn't. But
now he had woken up properly and had looked under his bed, he
found that it had gone as suddenly as it had appeared. Anyway, it
had turned out to be fine day in the wood and the birds were
singing loudly. Too loud, Pugh could still hear them even when he
played his Walkman full blast.  He decided that birds singing
would be very nice, if conducted out of earshot of his humble
dwelling. "I pay my rates," he cried, "I'll have to put a stop to
this right now!".

A few minutes later, the birds saw a small bear leave Pugh's house
with a very determined stomp. Indeed they had never seen Pugh with
such a determined stomp before. In fact it was because of the
stomp that they never noticed the flock of Kestruls until it was
too late.

A small bear was seen heading back to Pugh's house with a slight
spring in its feet.

After elevenses, Pugh decided that there had been enough waffling
in this chapter and so he set out to tell his friends about
Kristofer Rambo and his capture. For the first time that day, Pugh
looked at the ground. There he noticed something that he had not
seen before. A dark path led off from his very front door into the
wood, following a brand new clearing.  A Mystery!! "A mystery!!"
gasped Pugh,( "A mystery!!" repeated the Narrator), "and one
outside my very front door, I must investigate at once, if not
sooner!" decided Pugh.

Pugh followed the trail and found that it led to Twiglet's house.
At least, it would have yesterday when the house hadn't been razed
to the ground. The air was thick with the smell of burnt fur.

Twiglet was sitting in the exact spot where his house wasn't,
evidently wondering why not. He was covered from head to toe in
soot.  Pugh thought of a extremely witty thing to say but decided
against it on the grounds that it may have been taken as racist
and, worse still, the book taken off the market.

"Ddddid yyou see tttthe ccomet last night Pugh?" stuttered
Twiglet.

"No," said Pugh, temporarily forgetting the plight of Kristofer
Rambo.

"It came all the way through the wood and hit my lovely house and
burnt it all up!"

By this time Pugh was totally engrossed in Twiglet's story. To
think that a comet had been at his door - and he had been fast
asleep. "Tell me more," enquired Pugh, trying to hide his
excitement.

"Well, it was big, about the size of a Bajar - but, of course, you
never see a Bajar on fire and it made a sort of horrid noise as it
dodged from side to side."

"And then it hit your house?" asked Pugh.

"Yes, and burned it down. But I don't think it meant to. It even
left a large pot roast ready cooked for me, but the really funny
thing was that it must have known that Titchy was visiting me".

"How was that?" inquired Pugh

"Well it left me a small pot roast for him".

Though Pugh had no Brains, even though it had a capital 'B', for
no obvious reason, he was not slow.  Pugh made a hasty retreat
once Twiglet started pestering him about making the incident about
the comet into a Pugh Hum. However, the sun was shining. This was
just the kind of day that Pughs like to hum and Pugh hummed the
best hum that Pugh had hummed in a long time.
               Why is it when I write a sign
                or attempt to write a letter
           The spelling is the worst there's been
           The more twisted it seems the better.

                   But when I hum a poem
                and this seems strange to me
           The words come out the right way round
                  and rhyme most perfectly.

But the end of the second chapter had been reached and he still
hadn't told any of his friends.

"Not to worry," he thought, "That's the way they pad out these
books."

And Pugh went straight to bed, with a smile that only comes if you
know that people have found out that the chapter titles lie.

The broad outline of the locations and tasks followed and it
looked a good 'spoof'. The skilful way he had used the graphics
for the insert and the adventure introduction to paint the scene
and set up the personalities ensured a high believability factor.

Having got this far, the actual adventure did not create a great
deal of difficulty since the clues/puzzle information would flow
naturally from the introduction and characters would act
accordingly.

Thus you would never expect Snigger to go to the Bajars' lair and
demand the whereabouts of Kristofer Rambo but he would take part
in a practical joke on them.

Twiglet will never do anything about anything on his own but if
his little friend Titchy, who looks up to him, makes the request
(maybe on behalf of the adventurer), he will find it difficult to
refuse.

You, as Winno, are fortified with hunny whiskey to keep yourself
on top of the situation and, if successful in rescuing Kristofer
Rambo, must pay for all the booze at the celebration party (Do you
really want to give away all that hunny whiskey?)!!!

I trust that I have managed to put across what I feel is the main
criteria for any piece of fiction (story, film, play or computer
adventure) to be successful - believability.

If the reader finds himself saying "wait a minute, that's not
practical (possible, logical, etc,)" then you have failed to
maintain your illusion and your story, instead of giving pleasure,
irritates and believability is gone forever.

To illustrate a breakdown in believability, I will take an example
from a current adventure.  You are required to cross a river! You
search around for a means to cross.  Six locations away, unknown
distance, you find a boat. GET BOAT, WEST, WEST, SOUTH, SOUTH,
WEST, DOWN, DROP BOAT, ROW BOAT .......  Wait a touch! Shipmate! I
was brought up in a fishing town on the river Forth and I never
saw a boat under 12 ft. Built as boats are, to be buoyant and safe
as possible, it took about eight of us to move our 17ft. racing
yawl, on rollers, down the 500 yards of soft sand to the water
edge. We were glad of a rest before preparing the boat for
sailing.

Wandering about with a boat on your back, dropping it so that it
falls directly and unharmed into the water, with you in it, then
calmly rowing away, without mention of oars at any time, is to me
utterly unbelievable and at that point the 'adventure' finished
for me.

Without believability, you are wasting your time.

1.  While you are preparing the data for your adventure, check
that at every stage that it is believable to you.

2. Get a friend to read it over and give you his opinion and a
note of any suspect points.

3. Ask your playtesters to give their opinion on believability.

          You cannot overcheck for believability.







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