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This study was prepared by:- COPYRIGHT
Pastor Ralph MORLEY (Ph 079 971 478) ~~~~~~~~~
P O Box 158 MOURA Qld 4718 You may COPY and DISTRIBUTE.
This Program is FREE.
It MUST be distributed ONLY in
Distributed by - Alphon Edugames COMPLETE FORM. It must NOT be
221 Ridley Road altered in any way. It may be
Bridgeman Downs 4035 AUSTRALIA packed in your choice of
format (Arc Pak Zip ? ? )
Study No. 1 TO THE GLORY OF GOD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE TRUTH ABOUT MARRIAGE: THE TRUTH ABOUT DIVORCE.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest.
And deal full many a thoughtless blow,
To those who love us best.
...Family households maintained by a woman with no husband present
comprise 11% of all households - a 46% increase since 1970.
...One in seven families have no father in the home.
Divorces ... 1870 ... 1 divorce in every 34 marriages.
Divorces ... 1920 ... 1 divorce in every 7 marriages.
Divorces ... 1940 ... 1 divorce in every 6 marriages.
Divorces ... 1960 ... 1 divorce in every 4 marriages.
Divorces ... 1972 ... 1 divorce in every 3 marriages.
Divorces ... 1977 ... 1 divorce in every 2 marriages.
Russia's divorce rate in 1978 - 1 in 3. That's a country with 170
eligible women for every 100 eligible men!
Matthew 24:37-39
"For the coming of the Son of Man will be just like the days of
Noah. For as in those days which were before the flood they were
eating and drinking, they were marrying and giving in marriage,
until the day that Noah entered the ark, and they did not understand
until the flood came and took them all away; so shall the coming of
the Son of Man be."
The only thing they were doing wrong was that they were leaving God
out!
"Marriages are made in heaven."
So are THUNDER and LIGHTNING!
Psalm 127:1
"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build
it."
AND LOOK AT THESE FACTS ON FAMILY LIFE:
...One in three children between the ages of six and seventeen today
live with just one parent.
...One in four pregnancies ends in abortion throughout the world each
year - 30 million 'legal' abortions.
...Nowadays, a family is a group of people who have keys to the same
house!
...Our understanding of how to live with one another is still far
behind our knowledge of how to destroy one another.
QUITTING ON MARRIAGE
Professor Frank Zimring, who teaches Family Law at the University of
Chicago says, "Even if a couple today is no less happy than their
parents were, they will tend to get a divorce."
When Ann Landers asked her married readers if they would marry the
same person again, if they were able to go back and start over - 45%
of the 50,000 replies answered "No!".
Sociologist, Dr. David Mace says, "Since women have assertiveness,
independence and personhood, men no longer feel the compulsion to
provide for them. The new attitude is, "If I walk out on my wife, she
is quite capable to taking care of herself."
One husband told me, "The only reason some brides promise to love,
honour and obey is that they don't want to start an argument in front
of all those people."
THE TRUTH ABOUT DIVORCE.
Sociologists give us the following major reasons in America today:
... The changing roles of husbands and wives.
... The belief that marriage is the number one road to happiness.
... The trend toward earlier retirement.
... The demand on parents' time outside the home.
... The end of "extended family" because its various parts keep
moving away.
... Women's "liberation" with its major theme of "make it on your
own."
... The myopic goal of "self-realization."
... The supposedly "modern" attitude of sexual permissiveness and
"free sex".
... Improved birth control methods aiding a couple's feelings of "no
commitment."
... Easy marriage laws and easy divorce laws.
... Adultery-oriented television, movies, books, magazines etc.
STOP THE "BLAME GAME"
Ron Wiseman, Founder of "Enjoying Marriage Seminars" states, "In
recent years I've learned a magic formula for helping salvage
marriages. If, just once, I can get the individuals to stop playing
the 'blame game' - blaming the other person - and look at themselves
and what it is that they have done wrong - and what it is that they
can do to improve the marriage, then they are going to turn and go in
the right direction."
Ephesians 4:29-32
"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a
word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment,
that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the
Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of
redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and
slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to
one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in
Christ also has forgiven you."
Forgiveness is absolutely essential to begin the healing of any
marriage - putting away all bitterness (see Matthew 6:14-15).
Good resolutions are like babies crying during a church service - both
need to be carried out immediately.
Porter Wagner of Fuller Theological Seminary wrote, "I am most
concerned over the increasing divorce rate ... among Evangelicals in
particular. Divorce is taken too lightly by contemporary
Evangelicals, giving married and unmarried young people alike the
impression that divorce is a reasonable Christian life option instead
of a sin as heinous as murder or homosexuality."
Jamie Buckingham, in an excellent article in the March, 1979 issue of
"Charisma Magazine" called, "The Betrothal: Is It Still Relevant?:"
wrote, "The Bible calls for an entirely different approach to
marriage. One in which...the engagement is of more importance than
the actual wedding. One in which an engagement ceremony is performed,
one in which long-term preparation is not only good, but
mandatory...unless Christians return to ALL the Biblical principles,
including the concepts of preparation for marriage, the home will not
stand amidst the mounting pressure of the world."
Immorality is a sin not only against the human body, but against the
Body of Christ...and it is a terribly contagious sin. 1 Corinthians
6:18 says, "Flee immorality." Every other sin that a man commits is
outside the body, but the immoral man SINS AGAINST HIS OWN BODY." The
Body of Christ is being splintered, and often rendered ineffective,
because of rampant divorce within the church.
The world always has its own standards for success or failure and its
own reasoning for marriage and/or divorce; but the Bible is the only
acceptable standard for anyone who calls himself or herself a
"Christian". Better than 90% of Christian marriages last a lifetime,
and among the 84% of the family who are still husband-wife families,
are the multitude of Christians who have followed God's standards.
But a Christian marriage isn't necessarily a happy marriage. I still
tell about the optimist who used to go daily to the Marriage Bureau to
see if maybe his licence had expired!
Manual Seminars are to show you what's happening and to show you just
HOW the Lord wants to build YOUR house with your co-operation. Then
you WILL have a happy marriage, full of the joy of the Lord.
BASE YOUR MARRIAGE ON GOD'S WORD.
Matthew 7:24-27
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine, and acts upon
them, may be compared to the wise man, who built his house upon the
rock. And the rain descended and the floods came and burst against
that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon
the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine, and does not
act upon them, will be a foolish man, who built his house upon the
sand. And the rain descended, and the winds blew and burst against
that house; and it fell, and great was its fall."
The above passage of Scripture tells us:
1. There will be storms. Storms cause us to go back to the Book and
get God's answers for ending the storm.
2. The result of your home is your decision - reached by whether or
not you have your home built on doing what the Word of God says to
do - ACTING UPON THE WORD.
3. Hearing the Word of God without acting upon it will not cause your
home to stand. The value of the Bible doesn't consist merely in
knowing it, but in living it.
"If you were arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough
evidence to convict you?"
PRESSURE TIMES IN MARRIED LIFE:
... Going to school while married.
... The first baby.
... Anytime there is a career conflicting with the marriage.
... When the man turns 40.
... When the woman enters menopause or has a hysterectomy.
... When the man turns 60.
... The loss of a job.
... Working under prolonged stress or fatigue.
... Anytime there is a problem of nutrition.
... Anytime there is a disease, illness or accident.
... Moving to another locality.
... The necessity of giving up one's home.
... Problem children.
... Children born handicapped.
... Finding your mate has lied to you.
... Sexual unfaithfulness or incompatibility.
... Problems with parents, friends or in-laws coming between you and
you and your mate.
Because of the storms that rise in every marriage, never be a
"matchmaker". You can get blamed by an unhappy couple for lighting
their fire and burning them up!
COMPATIBILITY - A MAJOR KEY TO MARRIAGE PLUS
The Very Reverend Lawrence Welsh as a Catholic Priest got so tired
of seeing divorce after divorce among the people that he married a few
years ago, designed a 128 question Pre-Marital Inventory Survey for
all couples wanting to marry. Plus, he put them on a four month
waiting period after their initial contact with him regarding
marriage. Today Lawrence Welsh is a Bishop. There are now 143
questions and thousands of disasters have been averted! A multitude
of Catholic dioceses in the U.S. are using it.
The Pre-Marital Inventory Survey cover the couple's attitudes about
children, parenthood, relations with in-laws, sexuality, finances,
interests, how well they relate, and if they feel they can relate on a
lifetime basis etc. As an example of its success, of the first 780
teenage marriages he performed followed the start of his "wait and
survey", there have been only two divorces so far, and "the other
marriages are far happier."
What does it prove? It proves you need, as a married couple to
share the same interests. Sometimes you'll hear the statement,
"opposites attract", but you'll find that interest and "oneness of
thought" that will bind the couple together in joy for a lifetime.
Happy marriages can occur at all ages. Historians tell us that the
Virgin Mary was most likely 16 years of age at the time God chose her
to bring forth Jesus. Statistics do show, however, that the ideal
marrying ages for those that will last a lifetime are between 21 and
29 years old for the girl, and between 24 and 30 years old for the
guy, and the marriages are given more and more chance for real
happiness the longer the guy or girl waits during their 20's to be
sure they know their own minds and the exact kind of mates they want
for a lifetime.
Before the ceremony, any doubt means "Bail Out!" If there are any
feelings in the guy or girl that the one they're going with wouldn't
be the "Perfect Partner for a lifetime" - they should save both of
them complete despair and not marry that one.
Q. "What about 'sexual compatibility?' Shouldn't the couple know
fully about that before marriage?"
A. You can never really know about "sexual compatibility": outside of
marriage because there is no full security for the couple outside
of marriage. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage is totally
condemned by God and never proves that a couple would be right for
each other.
In fact, it proves they would most likely be wrong for each other
because the act would bring both of their moral trustworthiness
into great question. Neither could their mate be honest and
committed only to them after marriage.
Hebrews 13:4
"The marriage bed is pure, but fornicators and adulterers God will
judge."
The famous Kinsey studies found that persons who have had many sexual
experiences before marriage made the poorest sexual adjustments after
marriage.
One of the biggest lies couples tell each other is, "If we live
together before we're married, we'll know we're compatible."
Even Nena O'Neill, whose co-authored book "Open Marriage", mocked
sexual faithfulness in marriage, has now said that stable marriages
are, in fact, based on such faithfulness. Writing in the October 1979
"Human Behaviour Magazine" she says, "Sexual fidelity is not just a
vow in marriage or a moral or religious belief, but a need associated
with our deepest emotions and our quest for emotional security."
God condemns sex before marriage not only because of the immorality
involved, but because He knows the wretched hurt that comes when one
selfish partner in such a lifestyle sees the trial as a miserable
failure - while the other partner thinks the trial is a success.
Terrible heartbreak in such a situation is the inevitable result for
someone when the other person walks out.
THE TRUTH ABOUT MARRIAGE.
Weddings have become so expensive it's now the Father of the Bride who
breaks down and weeps!
In Revelation 19:5-9, Christ is the Groom and His Church is the Bride.
Has it ever struck you then that whether you're male or female, Jesus
Christ has asked, "Will you marry me? Will you commit yourself to Me
even as you commit yourself to your earthly marriage?" A marriage is
to be as close in parallel to the walk in Christ as possible.
MARRIAGE WITH CHRIST AND MARRIAGE ON EARTH
REQUIRES HONEST LIVING, TIME AND REAL COMMUNICATION.
EPHESIANS 5:22-33
THE HUSBAND MUST BE: THE WIFE MUST BE:
Loving Leader.....Eph.5:25 Submitted to her
husband and with
an obedient Spirit...Eph.5:22-24;
1 Pet.3:6
Provider..........1 Tim.5:8 Mentally
encouraging to her
husband..............Eph.5:33
Protector.........1 Pet.3:7 Physically
satisfying to her
husband (and vice
versa)...............1 Cor.7:2-5
After the minister says, "THE TWO OF YOU ARE ONE" (legally), you must
work it out experientially.
N.B. Juan Carlos Oritz adds, "Marriage is like the eternal commitment
the Trinity has in John 17:21. They can be called 'One' because
they are never going to divide from each other. One means
'indivisible' - it cannot be divided. You can divide 2,3,10 etc.
but, you can only BREAK one!"
Christian marriage is not a partnership (50-50), but a "Divine Merger"
(100-100). You give everything you have to each other - all your
assets and all your liabilities!
Engagement is "an urge on the verge of a merge". It must be the time
to true discovery as to whom you're marrying. Marriage doesn't create
problems, but reveals problems that were never solved before the
marriage.
THREE ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY INGREDIENTS FOR ANY MERGER:
LOVE, TRUST AND RESPONSIBILITY
1. LOVE:
It's a startling revelation to many that the Bible doesn't tell
wives to love their husbands the same way that husbands are to
love their wives.
A husband is to agape his wife...Eph.5:25.
"Agape" love means choosing to do the highest good for the wife
in spite of her response. It's fulfilling his God-assigned role
in his marriage, no matter what she does. It is always, love by
choice, not be feeling. "Agape" is the total opposite of
selfishness. It's a love that gives and gives and gives without
requiring something back.
What Is Love?
There is a built-in selfishness in all other forms of the Greek
word "love" except agape:
a) "EROS" love is perverted sexual passion - loving for what you
can get out of it. It is never used in the New Testament,
though its Hebrew counterpart is found in Proverbs 7:18 in the
description of making love to a prostitute. Originally, it
meant the physical desire that a man has for his wife and vice-
versa, but it came to be associated with perversion about 250
years before the New Testament was written and became something
describing an ungodly thing - the sexual urges of homosexuals,
lesbians or prostitutes. Today we say "erotic".
b) "STORGE" love is family love. It's the kind of love that
proves the adage "blood is thicker than water" and resents
intrusion into the family from the outside. It's found only in
Romans 12:10 and is translated "devoted" or "affectioned". It
carries with it family pride. Churches are sometimes hindered
by this kind of love as they want to stay small and not open up
to others.
c) "PHILEO" love is the word that gives us the name of the city
"Philadelphia" and why we call that city "The City Of
Brotherly Love". "Phileo" love is always egocentric because
it is the response of a person to that which appeals to his
five senses. It is mutual love based on common traits or
common concerns. It is easily abandoned because it only
functions as long as it's enjoying the object of its "phileo"
love. It is love with a reason, "I love you because you've
given me good reason to love you." It's found in Titus 3:15;
Matthew 10:37; John 11:36; John 12:25 etc.
The association of the word "philandros", describing the love a
wife must have for her husband, finds its root in the word
"phileo" because it describes a kinsman relationship. Because 1
Corinthians 13, 1 John and other places in the New Testament call
upon all Christians to love with "agape" love - the wife is also
to obviously "agape" her husband too. But she isn't to "lead"
him, therefore, she does not have to make the critical decisions
he is responsible to make. This gives her the ability to remain
his lover-friend.
2. TRUST:
The second absolutely essential ingredient for a merger. If you
can't trust your mate, trust God with your mate.
3. RESPONSIBILITY:
The third absolutely essential ingredient for a merger. There can
be NO excuse for not being a responsible mate. Success in
marriage is more than FINDING the right person - it's a matter of
BEING the right person!
A good question to ask yourself is, "If I were my mate, would I like
being married to me?" If not - CHANGE!
THE ESSENTIALS ARE ESSENTIAL!!!
If you have not been a loving, trusting or responsible mate until now
- you need to repent.
James 5:16(a)
"Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one
another, so that you may be healed."
If your mate confessed to you that they've been failing in some area -
FORGIVE!
Matthew 6:14-15
"For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then
your Father will not forgive your transgressions."
(Note: The word "men" is used often, as here, to refer to both male
and female.)
DECIDE!
A marriage will never be healed unless both partners absolutely decide
that there can never be a divorce from this merger. However, a
marriage is immediately on its way to being healed if either one of
the mates will absolutely decide that there can never be a divorce
from this merger.
COOPERATION, NOT COMPETITION!
The world's way of any relationship between two people is competitive,
not cooperative - everything is done for competition.
The "world logic" is obvious - "If we only pass through this world
once and this is all there is, then we should take all we can get, and
its just too bad if anyone else is hurt by it, they'll just have to
look out for themselves!"
But God's way of the marriage relationship is cooperation, not
competition. The real hindrance to the success of every hurting
marriage is selfishness.
Note: Jesus didn't go about "healing sickness", He went about "healing
the sick". He cares about YOU (Hebrews 4:14-16).
END of STUDY ONE
