> GAH! EW gives Stanly Kubrick's lastest masterpiece, Eyes Wide Shut, a C-.
> What BS. Everyone else praises the hell out of it. God I hate the
> reviewer.
>
> ~Matt
>
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Date: Fri, 16 Jul 1999 14:22:08 -0400
From: Mel Eperthener <bcassidy@usaor.net>
Subject: RE: [MV] EWS
At 11.09 AM 16/07/99 -0700, Romero, Leticia wrote:
>That's why I don't watch EW - they exsisted only to let the world know who's
>sleeping with who, and who got a bigger paycheck
I THINK he meant the magazine version. Doesn't really matter, tho, as it's
not much better than the TV show.
Regards,
- --Mel
- --Mel Eperthener
president, Gowanna Multi-media Pty
email: bcassidy@usaor.net
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Date: Fri, 16 Jul 1999 18:39:26 -0400
From: Mel Eperthener <bcassidy@usaor.net>
Subject: RE: [MV] EWS
At 02.22 PM 16/07/99 -0400, we wrote:
>At 11.09 AM 16/07/99 -0700, Romero, Leticia wrote:
>>That's why I don't watch EW - they exsisted only to let the world know who's
>>sleeping with who, and who got a bigger paycheck
>
>I THINK he meant the magazine version. Doesn't really matter, tho, as it's
>not much better than the TV show.
Just have to ask this:
What is the topic here (EWS) anyway??
Eyes Wide Shut, or Entertainment Weekly sucks??:-)
(Sorry, couldn't resist)
- --Mel Eperthener
president, Gowanna Multi-media Pty
Please support the endeavour
of a friend and fellow Australian.
Political Corrections by Michael Jaymes Cassidy
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Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 02:22:12 -0700
From: "Jason Cormier" <movieman@netcom.ca>
Subject: [MV] Eyes Wide Shut review
As far as movies go I'm a meat and potatos kind of guy - I like good
characters and good stories. I'm not too much a fan of character
exploration movies or theme only movies. This is the main reason why Eyes
Wide Shut has now beat out Barry Lyndon (which isn't a bad movie) as my
least favourite Kubrik film. There is some classic Kubrik in there though
and it had my heart racing - but I guess it wasn't what I was expecting as I
had seen all of Kubrik's films to date and have enjoyed every single one of
them. I would recommend this film to people who enjoy philosophizing and
dissecting movies that they have just seen. I would not reccomend this to
my mother or most of my friends though. As far as entertainment value I
would give it a 70%. See it...if you dare! (or should that be - if you
care!)
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Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 13:49:44 EDT
From: SkipyLlama@aol.com
Subject: Re: [MV] Eyes Wide Shut review
Personally, I enjoyed this one more than I've enjoyed most Kubrick films,
with Dr. Strangeglove and Metal jacket being the 2 that I liked more. The
intenistiy that Kubrick created just proves his magicianship with a
camera.... too bad we won't be seeing any more of it. The orgy scene and the
scenes before it, when he enters the house, were, IMHO, the most intense
scenes of any movie i've ever seen (of course, Blair witch comes out in 2
weeks. that might change things :-). I honestly hardly breathed for about
15 minutes, from the time he walked in to the time the shot went to his front
door. THe contrast of colors (dulls and brights, the xmas tree in the dark
rooms, etc) was entrancing. I'd say this movie was, from what I've seen,
which is admitedly limited, the best movie of the year, so far. And if
Kidman doesn't get some oscar recognition for that role, I'm gonna be REALLY
upset.
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Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 22:07:04 -0400 (EDT)
From: maillist@moviejuice.com
Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - EYES WIDE SHUT - Full Frontal Metal Jacket
VISIT THE (BOGUS) DREAMWORKS HOME PAGE!
http://www.moviejuice.com/dreamworks/home.htm
********************
EYES WIDE SHUT - FULL FRONTAL METAL JACKET
by Mark Ramsey
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/eyeswideshut.htm
July 17, 1999
If being a famous director is incentive enough for big, big stars to take off their clothes and screw, then hand me a camera, a crew, and Winona Ryder's phone number, because that's the life for me!
Eyes Wide Shut, the latest from eccentric expatriate Stanley Kubrick, is a movie so ripe for parody, the Criterion Special Edition DVD should include a version with a laugh track.
Tragically, Stanley died just after completing this film (a savvy marketing move - are you listening, Geena Davis?). A legendary career and not even one movie with a Saturday Night Live alum! How can it be!?
Anytime somebody describes a movie as a "masterpiece" and its director as a "genius," look out. Bring your fake IQ scores, kids, not to mention your MENSA card and your "I-love-NPR-because-it's-informative-yet-whimsical" bumper sticker. No wonder Hector Elizondo was wandering down the aisle passing out Ginko Biloba. This here's "Eyes Wide and Non-Commercial." No Carrot-top guest-spots as far as the wide eyes can see, baby.
The great thing about this flick is that it's shot in New York - or at least the New York part of London. Look, there's Brooklyn/Whales, where the diner waitress speaks the Queen's English! Look, there are the streets of the city, pretty much deserted, even though this city seems to contain just one block. Look, it's a coffeehouse in the Greenwich Village of Bath which spices up the Christmas season with a little Mozart Requiem. Cheery! Where are all the authentic New Yorkers, anyway, in temporary holding cells at Ellis Island?
Tom and Nicole go to a party where Nicole meets Hungary's cheesiest elder male formalwear model. This guy attempts to seduce her like he's seducing a Lincoln Continental into a parking spot in a commercial on the Golf Channel.
You see, there's trouble in paradise: Nicole keeps having these fantasies - Nothing sexual, mind you, just something about a 4 million year old black monolith and a monkey fondling a bone and ejaculating it into the air, where it becomes a very long spaceship.
She dreams about "the old in-and-out" with other guys. So Tom hits the pavement of Brooklyn/Whitby, asks questions, and flashes his doctor ID which somehow induces all the Brit-Yorkers to tell him everything he wants to know. Just like Jack Klugman in Quincy!
This business is so tiring, Tom needs to find sex. In New Liverpool? With that megawatt smile? Not a chance!
In search of action, Tom taxis off to New Dover's ritziest sex, fetish, and costume ball. It's a masquerade affair at a secret mansion hidden in the Connecticut suburbs of London. Hey, if the Metropolitan Museum sponsored a sex party, this is what it would be like, but with more mummies and no ambiguous hors d'oeuvres.
Lots of dudes standing around in cloaks and masks with naked chicks in ridiculous headgear. Nice look, ladies. Just add a free buffet and master of ceremonies Wayne Newton and you'll find me at my lucky machine in the casino, bubba!
What kind of British sex party is this? Is this a Hammer film? Is Peter Cushing about to rip off his mask and run a stake through Christopher Lee?
"Who are you?" asks a masked Tom. "It doesn't matter who I am. You are in great danger," replies a masked but otherwise stark naked model. "Luke, I am your father," pipes in James Earl Jones, playing the role of subservient Sith sex slave "Qui-Jerk Yank."
Tom strolls through the house to find room after room of extras from Amadeus doing the nasty, most of the grinding blocked by digitally inserted onlookers to assure an "R"-rating. Cool! Can you make it look like the orgy is steaming through the North Atlantic, headed for an iceberg?
Hear that sound? It's Mike Myers' mind working on the ludicrous costume orgy sequence for the next Austin Powers movie. Dr. Evil: "Can you toss me a boner, people? What do I pay you for? Cripes!"
Pained by guilt and an unfamiliar itch in the genital region, Tom wanders the dark streets of London-York followed by a suspicious Donald Pleasence who must be lost searching for that knife-wielding Michael Myers.
You know Donald's appearance is suspicious not only because he died years ago, but also because of the suspiciously emphatic piano strokes - "ping ping ping PING PING BAM BAM BAM BBBAAAMMM."
And that's just one note!
This sheet music fits on the back of Stanley's weekly receipts from Dominos Pizza! No wonder the closing theme sung by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey seemed so out of place.
Believe me, the hard part here is keeping your eyes wide OPEN. By my clock, this flick runs damn near three hours. Will the credits roll before 2001? Will this theater ever open the pod doors?
Now I love Tom and Nicole, but there are gobs of ponderous silences and trickle-slow dialogue delivery. Spit out the words, gang! Get to the point! What's with the Metamucil pacing? I can feel osteoporosis coming on! You guys may have had two years to spend on this, but I've got a life, thank you very much.
Sorry, cine-asses, three hours of Kubrick is redrum. REDRUM, I tell you!
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
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DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the top of the left frame. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
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Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 23:18:24 PDT
From: "Danielle Conkle" <danyelli@hotmail.com>
Subject: [MV] some thoughts on south park
I received this FWD...and since it has to do with movies i thought i would
pass it on.
- ---
>The article by Ted Baehr can be found at
>http://movieguide.crosswalk.com/1,2046,,00.htm
>If you haven't logged on to the "MovieGuide" site
>in awhile, they now provide two free movie reviews
>per week -- plus many more if you'd like to subscribe
>to the service.
>
>Blessings,
>Lori
>
>
>
>To subscribe to this list,
>http://www.breakpoint.org/script4.html
>
>
>BreakPoint Commentary #90712 - 07/12/1999
>Causing Little Ones to Sin: South Park: The Movie
>by Charles Colson
>
>A new movie features pornographic perversity, wall-
>to-wall obscenities, and blasphemous references to
>God--and the film is aimed directly at young people.
>I'm talking about the cartoon movie "South Park,"
>based on the TV series, and it's perhaps the most
>extreme example of the way Hollywood deliberately
>corrupts our children.
>
>To give you an idea of just how foul this movie is,
>it was originally given an NC-17 rating--what used to
>be an X-rating. Only after intense negotiations with
>the Motion Picture Association of America was the
>rating reduced to an "R."
>
>But if you've heard anything about this film, you
>understand why the rating should have stayed NC-17.
>One scene shows a little boy searching for porn sites
>on the Internet. When he finally finds one, he
>discovers that it features his own mother. Another
>third-grader refers to God using profanities. And
>believe it or not, the film even features
>graphic homosexual activity involving Satan.
>
>This is "undoubtedly one of the filthiest mainstream
>films ever released," says New York film critic Rod
>Dreher. Keep in mind that we're talking about a
>cartoon, and that the TV series on which it's based
>has a huge following among adolescents and even pre-
>teens. Almost certainly, says Dreher, many of these
>underage children will get in to see the film--and
>will then emulate the depraved characters in it.
>
>In fact, that seems to be the filmmakers' intention.
>The movie plot features a gang of eight-year-old kids
>who sneak into an NC-17 rated film and afterward
>spout curse words incessantly. The children's
>parents are portrayed as hysterical prudes,
>hopelessly out of touch with reality. And in the
>end, it's the parents--not the children--who see the
>error of their ways.
>
>The film mocks the very idea of childhood innocence
>and the idea that parents should try to protect that
>innocence. As cultural critic Neil Postman explains,
>commercial institutions today view young people as
>markets to be exploited, not children to be protected.
>
>In his book, Saving Childhood, film critic Michael
>Medved says "this careless cultural assault on the
>innocence of small children can be directly connected
>to the development of more dangerous behavior in
>maturing adolescents:" suicide, drug use, and
>promiscuity. And entertainment that includes "crude
>language, vulgar scenes, and steamy sexuality" tends
>to make children "more aggressive and insensitive,"
>Medved writes.
>
>In the wake of Littleton, Hollywood promised to clean
>up its act. And yet, just a few weeks later, they're
>offering up unspeakable filth like South Park to our
>kids. That's why it's up to parents to be more
>vigilant than ever. If you call BreakPoint, we'll
>send you an article written by Christian film critic
>Ted Baehr, about the moral agenda of Hollywood
>elites. We'll also send you the phone numbers of
>Paramount and Time-Warner, which are distributing
>this foul assault on childhood innocence. These
>entertainment executives should hear from parents.
>
>And while you're at it, make sure other parents know
>about the content of this movie. Many parents may
>assume it's just another cartoon.
>
>Finally, pray that God will have mercy
>on those who seek to profit from the corruption of
The Blair Witch Project achieves the unimaginable.
No, not terrifying moviegoers on a shoestring. I'm talking about ridding the world of some excess film students! Evidently, if film students go missing and leave behind only their footage, nobody notices for three years. And when they finally do, forget the missing kids, let's edit the footage!
Yes, it seems film students are to the Blair Witch what donuts are to Homer Simpson: "Mmmmm...Film Students....!"
Might I suggest a formal "Semester in the Black Hills Forest," starting with, say, the NYU Film School (simply because it's so far East, no one from California's likely to miss it).
The Blair Witch Project is the Real World episode I've always wished for. Get drunk, get laid, get profound, get naked, and get lost.
The crowd for this flick was unusually hip and dysfunctional, including lots of Goth Tim Burton wannabes. Before the lights went down, some chick in front of me was asking her friend: "Is this a documentary?" "Is this real?" Listen, ma'am, am I the only one who watches Inside Fucking Edition! Do your homework, for God's sake.
So The Blair Witch Project traces the doomed journey of three young celluloid hero adventurers who get lost in the woods searching for the legendary Blair Witch. It seems the Witch allegedly murdered some kids a few years back and haunts the woods still.
Along the way, our ill-fated heroes hear scary sounds in the middle of the night and wake to ornamental rock decorations and tastefully bound twigs. Is this the Black Hills Japanese Garden? Were there any Buddha statues nearby? Are they camping in Martha Stewart's big backyard? After all, no one's ever seen Martha and the Blair Witch in the same place at once, unless you're on her payroll.
I don't know how scared I am, but I definitely have fresh new ideas for rustic centerpieces. Any doilies? Are there any damn doilies?
Am I the only one who's burned out on movies by filmmakers about filmmaking? Sometimes the world of the young filmmaker is so excessively self-referential, he or she forgets the only folks who give a damn about a life in film are those making one or those too chicken to. Either way, most folks are left out, obsessed instead with Entertainment Tonight's sensitive handling of the intellectual subtext of Eyes Wide Shut: "Tom and Nicole - Nude! See their asses first, exclusively on ET!"
Shoestring or not, this movie works. And I, for one, resent the way the media is handicapping this flick with constant references to its microscopic budget, as if to imply that more would be better and expectations should rise and fall with the cost of a movie. Bull.
Stuff is scary because it's strange, unfamiliar, surprising, and unseen. Even Spielberg admits that Jaws worked because the shark didn't. When it comes to fright flicks, less is definitely more.
Picture the big studio remake of The Blair Witch Project:
- -------------
"From the creators of ID4 and Godzilla, comes a new experience in terror, merchandising, and licensing: The Blair Witch Project 2 a.k.a., BW2.
"Starring as the team of three young filmmakers: Mel Gibson, Freddie Prinze Jr., and Catherine Zeta-Jones. And as the Blair Witch, the fully computer animated voice, physical manifestations, and Tom Cruise fixation of Rosie O'Donnell.
"Chill to the sight of rocks and twigs assembling themselves into clever camp-like crafts through the magic of CGI! Watch as scary trees magically come to life, scamper toward our hero's' tent, and wrap their leaves and branches around the kids in an effort to strangle them to death! You'll hardly believe the terror, if you find any!
"Enter Paul Newman as Freddie Prinze's grandfather. Paul's the only one with the secret to destroying the Blair Witch, not to mention the secret to a tasty Caesar salad.
"Thus leading to the climactic face-off in a forest clearing, where Paul calls on the forces of nature to swell up in an enormous maelstrom of special effects to suck up the Witch back to the demon-world from whence she came.
"UNTIL she can return for the inevitable sequel, where she's bound, gagged and transported to a major metropolitan area to be exhibited as a sideshow attraction. Shockingly, she escapes, wreaks havoc, and climbs the Empire State building, where - in the nick of time - Will Smith bravely buzzes an F-16 around her head and blasts her to smithereens with a sidewinder missile, but only after he accidentally takes out half the city.
"The End?????"
- -------------
I repeat: Less is more.
Unfortunately, rocks and twigs haven't really frightened me ever since I came to terms with my inner camper.
And nobody uttered a scream in the theater where I saw this flick. To be honest, this movie is less scary than it is about people who are scared. All the time. Scared and screaming "What the fuck is that?!" for the most part.
But...
Without giving anything away, I will tell you that the closing five minutes of this movie are more creepy, shudder-inducing, and terrifying than anything to come out of the big studios in years. Very simple, very primal, very scary.
Entertainment Weekly liked this flick, but bitched that you don't know how the kids disappear at the end. No shit, Time Warner Sherlocks! You're not supposed to! And the movie wouldn't be as good if you did!
The final minutes make The Blair Witch Project a must-see. I can't get it out of my head.
Keep
the lights
on.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
VISIT THE (BOGUS) DREAMWORKS HOME PAGE!
http://www.moviejuice.com/dreamworks/home.htm
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
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Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 08:34:39 CDT
From: "Wade S." <wds9974@hotmail.com>
Subject: [MV] Lake Placid
Did anyone else on the list have the misfortune to see Lake Placid this
weekend? What a waste of money. I went in not expecting very much, and
surprising to say, my expectations were still WAY too high. This was an
awful movie, cliched and trite, derivative from about every similar genre
movie you can think of, and there weren't even any good cheesy one-liners to
boot. Anaconda is oscar material compared to this movie. Lake Placid was not
only not scary or tense, but there were no good little jolts or scares in it
either. And, some of the stuff is SO stupid. Normally good actors but crappy
acting. Normally, you like to think that a lame script and hammy acting
might mean that inserted "camp" might make what could be a bad movie
actually good, but here, it is just bad. The croc itself is really cheap
looking, and Betty White, in what could have been a funny role, was just
