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Date: Sun, 28 Mar 1999 16:10:45 -0500 (EST)
From: maillist@moviejuice.com
Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - ADVANCE - 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU plus CAA HOME PAGE?
THE NEW CAA WEB PAGE?
What? CAA has a web page? At least it LOOKS like CAA's web page. This week MovieJuice! brings you a special insider treat, and even I think it's funny. Don't miss the "Agent-Cam." Find it at:
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/caa.htm
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10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU - SHREW BLEW
by Mark Ramsey
http://www.moviejuice.com
March 28, 1999
Hollywood is in love with Shakespeare.
No, not William Shakespeare, I mean Willy's hipster street cousin, "Shakes-Master P," creator of 10 Things I Hate About You, a.k.a. The Taming of the Shrew II. Hey, even if you know the tale, It's Shrew to You.
As I nestled into my seat, Shakes-Master P was just a few rows away, and the frolicking comedie commenced. It wasn't long before his head was bruised with the tell-tale marks of a hundred wall bangings.
10 Things, you see, is set in modern day High School, where indecipherable Olde English has been replaced by indecipherable pseudo-intellectual poseur smart-babble. Who script-doctored this thing, William F. Buckley, Jr.? Somewhere, Godzilla-master Dean Devlin is scratching his head in a befuddled stew, a big question mark in a bubble floating over his head.
This lingo is a major stretch. When one young hottie references her "stunning digestive pyrotechnics," a voice behind me said "What?" Welcome to "Einstein's Creek," gang, where the thesaurus is on steroids and all the kids are implanted with Pentium III's. These are the Bill Gates of Hell!
What's more this cast is so anonymous they should advertise this flick on milk cartons. Not to say the talent sucks here, but the only way these kids are gonna see an Oscar ceremony is if they learn to count ballots. Of course, there's always the sugar daddy route. Unfortunately, they're already too old to costar with Clint Eastwood, so that option's out.
"I'm busy enjoying my adolescence," said Anonymous Girl #1, with a line that could only be written by someone who hasn't seen adolescence in many a blue moon and spent most of it thumbing to Euro hostels, scraping goat dung off her combat boots, and tinting her hair to just the right shade of blue.
Star Katarina is pissed and loving it. She's one Desde-moana and groana. Is this "Daria, the Movie" or "I was a Teenaged Janeane Garofalo"?
The problem, you see, is that Bianca's dad won't let her date unless her bitter sister Katarina does too, and Katarina hates dating because it illustrates "the oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our attention," or some shit like that. Now this plot device may have made some sense back in Shakes-master P's time, but today this is mighty flimsy stuff.
The boys, Cameron and his nerdy buddy, come off like the hellish spawn of Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza. They even go to a Lowenstein party! Jerry hasn't been to one of those in a while, I'm guessing.
The high point is the detention scene. I always said that boobs were in detention. How right I was! When Katarina flashes her noteworthy nodules to spring her boyfriend, Liam Neeson, Jr., out of detention, am I the only one who noticed that signal also caused several United Airlines flights to vector madly? Take a lesson girls, breasts evoke action. You have the power!
Like the superior She's All That, this flick culminates in a dance fever with music by what looks like the Patty Duke and Gwen Stefani band. I didn't know those babes were working together now!
On the plus side, you may enjoy this flick if your age starts with a "1" as long as your IQ does too. And this is the best movie I've ever seen with an actor named "Chill." Who says I'm not fly for a white guy?
I'm glad everyone's adapting Shakes-Master P to the demographically appealing, rights-fees-gratis, dirt-cheap-casting world of teenagers. While you're at it, Hollywood suits, have you guys considered:
- - McBETH - Through deceit and treachery, 16-year-old Beth rises quickly through the McDonald's managerial food-chain. Meanwhile, her hip Black friend "Lady" silences insistent "have it my way" patrons with a hot apple pie to the throat. Will Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane, or will it just drive-thru? This is dunce inane!
- - HAMLET - The story of a tiny talking pig, "Hamlet," who broods in the mud and talks to ghosts. Hamlet's owner, played by Fernanda Montenegro, describes the melancholy swine as "thin, pure, virginal - they don't have much of this type of actress in American cinema." Music by Randy Newman. Vocals by a guy who used to look like Peter Gabriel.
Coming too soon to a theater near you, Daddy-O. Rest assured.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
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TV MUST-SEE: FUTURAMA
Don't miss the debut of FUTURAMA tonight on FOX. Creator Matt Groening is the patron saint of MovieJuice if ever there was one!
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SEE THE STAR WARS PARODY TRAILER!
It's our tribute to the folks at Lucasfilm and the phenomenon of Star Wars. See it NOW at http://www.moviejuice.com. And spread the word!
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DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
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Date: Mon, 29 Mar 1999 08:06:20 -0800
From: "Bruce Bridges" <Bruce@ffww.com>
Subject: Re: [MV] Kazan -- Snakeyes -Reply
I agree with everything except that I thought the beginning sucked as much =