From: "Amy J. Fugate" <eleanor_rigby@angelfire.com>
Subject: Re: [MV]Sixth Sense
Date: 01 Sep 1999 08:58:51 -0700
I just saw the sixth sense this past weekend and i thought it was an awesome movie. I was proud that Bruce Willis didn't do his usual Muscle role, and i believe that Haley Joel Osment deserves an award for his role.
---
A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they're not dead, really. They're just... backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt, even! Play as well as you can. Go team! GO! Give me an L! Give me an I! Give me a V! Give me an E! L. I. V. E. LIVE! ...Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.
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<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/stigmata.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/13thwarrior.htm
September 9, 1999
Last week, one of my favorite actors, the awesomely talented Kevin Spacey, put the rumors to rest and announced he is not - I repeat, not - gay. Naturally, that single pronouncement received more media attention than all of his career achievements combined.
"Besides," added Kevin, "I hate the taste of dick."
In other news....
Now that MTV is spoofing the spoofs of The Blair Witch Project, isn't it only a matter of time before somebody spoofs their spoofing of spoofs?
High concept: A trio of film students is lost backstage at the 1999 Video Music Awards while pursuing artists who can string together five coherent words without repeating any. Hey, that's what I call myth and legend!
Switching gears....
I don't know about you, but anything inspiring hottie Patricia Arquette to do evil, I'm all for. I don't know what's gotten into her, but I'd love to keep it company, if you know what I'm saying.
"Stigmata" are bleeding wounds in the head, hands, and feet that mirror the wounds of Christ on the cross. They're accompanied by flapping doves, water dripping in reverse, slo-mo photography, and loud sound effects. And they have the nasty propensity to strike Patricia just as she's about to run into swerving traffic in a Pittsburgh so rainy the US Airways jets must paddle to their gates.
The tagline says Stigmata will "scare the hell into you." Not exactly. You don't need a Sixth Sense to see there's nothing very scary here. The Exorcist it ain't. Unless we're talking Exorcist II or III.
Stigmata is brought to you by MGM, the folks famous for two things: James Bond movies and the long gaps of downtime between James Bond movies.
"The Angel" Gabriel Byrne costars as a Catholic priest who investigates miracles such as the mystery of Patricia's marriage to Nick Cage and why Italian hookers give a "Vatican Discount" (hey, don't blame me. It's in the movie, folks).
Gabriel's just off a successful assignment where he discounted the "marionette string theory," but discovered that NBC crew members actually had to "wind up" the cast of Later Today prior to its premiere this week.
"How old are you," Gabriel asks Patricia.
"I'm 23," she replies.
23?! Are you kidding? If Gabriel's searching for miracles, he's just found one. Is Patricia counting only odd-numbered days? Is she dyslexic? Will the DVD include the rest of the line: "23...not counting the '70s"? Sounds like she needs to use the more reliable carbon dating technique.
Don't miss Jonathan Pryce as a Vatican mucky-muck in one of his few on-screen appearances since those commercials where tears of blood dripped from the headlights of an Infiniti.
Stigmata is way over-stylized, with lots of atmosphere substituting for plot. Although the pace picks up some once the trademarked "Vatican Conspiracy" is revealed and the priests start slapping each other around - now that has more ratings potential than WWF Smackdown!
Is the Catholic Church covering something up? Why will they kill to hide the so-called "missing Jesus Gospel," which seems to be an oblique reference to the Gnostic Thomas Gospel - or at least the Joseph Campbell liner notes thereof. Damn, we know our religion here at MovieJuice.com!
Oops, I mean "darn."
"I don't know what that says, but the handwriting is mine," says Patricia, quoting the rationalizing screenwriters as they entered confession booths.
In spite of it all, Stigmata ain't bad. In fact, it's got a sweet humanistic spiritual message wrapped into its broader themes of bloodletting, possession, conspiracy, and Gabriel Byrne strutting his star-stuff in a throng of scurvy Brazilian peasants.
And did I mention that Patricia Arquette is nude in the bathtub?
Now that's enough to make me speak in tongues.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
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Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - ADVANCE - MUMFORD - Is "Mum" the Word?
Date: 15 Sep 1999 20:12:54 -0400 (EDT)
MUMFORD û Is ôMumö the Word?
by Mark Ramsey
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/mumford.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/mumford.htm
September 15, 1999
Alec Guinness is on record: Obi-Wan Kenobi hates Star Wars.
Reflecting on his career and hyping the third installment of his biography, In Case You Missed It The First Two Times, Sir Alec called his Star Wars dialogue "bloody awful" and "banal."
A furious George Lucas immediately shot back, claiming this is nothing but a clever Jedi mind trick. Said Lucas, "As a service to fans, I am adding a downloadable Quicktime definition of the word 'banal' to the starwars.com website so fans don't have to look it up like I did." Not surprisingly, millions of hits were registered and numerous overzealous collectors auctioned the definition of "banal" on ebay for ridiculous sums.
What about Mumford?
Mumford is neither Dumbford nor Plumbford, it's more like Numbford.
It's a small movie with no stars, no special effects to speak of, and a not so very high concept. There's barely even a projectionist - the usher just hands you a pad of scene stills and you flip them with your thumb to simulate action. Because God knows there's not much real action here.
Let's see, no stars, little action, but a fine little script. Hey, don't they call that a "play"?
Unfortunately, I was condemned to endure this screening with a typically undiscriminating gaggle of media blowhards, and blow they do, all over the local TV stations. That's where they flack flicks to the Brylcreem generation - the folks convinced that "Chris Rock" is some special brand of cocaine available only during the holidays. These media folks have the giggles! Is it the gin under the TelePrompTer?
Mumford is the brainchild of industry superstar writer/director Lawrence Kasdan, and - despite the "Lost Ark" reference - it ain't Larry's best. That would require an Indy fedora or a Jedi light sabre or a young and naked Kathleen Turner or a Kevin Costner on the cutting room floor.
Especially Kevin Costner on the cutting room floor.
Obi-Wan hates the cutting room floor.
I think Martin Short has secretly harnessed the power to translocate matter, just like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly. From the looks of him, Katharine Hepburn crept unnoticed into the transmutation chamber with him, and Marty's now permanently half Short, half Kate. He may not shake, but he wears a pantsuit like nobody's business!
The biggest name in Mumford is TV vet Ted Danson, and I'm talkin' letter-count-big. Ted's in and out in about two pages - that's quicker than you can say "And the Emmy for 'Most Transient Couple' goes to Jack Nicholson and Lara Flynn Boyle."
Obi-Wan hates Emmy.
Mumford (the guy) is an enigmatic faux-shrink with a sordid past and a peculiar fascination with Unsolved Mysteries and its part-time host, part-time marble statuette and human coat-rack Robert Stack. Didn't I see a giant Robert Stack battling Rodan and Mothra back in the 60's? I'm watching Bob on TV and I'm thinking "this is a billboard, isn't it?" Is that a nest under his left arm, or is some entrepreneur using Bob as fertilizer for a tree nursery? Does he get a new ring under his eyes every year?
Mumford is played by the barely known Loren Dean, who puts a flotilla of "nilla" in vanilla and seems to have left his charisma with Kevin Costner on the cutting room floor. Somebody spinal tap Julia Roberts and inject Loren, stat! He needs some B-vitamins in a big way. Is this what Kasdan meant by The Big Chill?
What small town would be complete without a 20-something computer mogul in residence? Jason Lee (who's super good, by the way) may know his way around a CPU, but the fairer sex is too RAM-intensive with a mind-boggling operating system worthy of Unsolved Mysteries. Say, what good is a warranty when it's always MY fault?
"Even though I make 23 percent of the world's modems," says Jason, "I can't make one simple connection with a woman who loves me." Listen carefully: Turn off the fucking computer and go outside! And bring Obi-Wan with you.
I hate to dissuade you from seeing this movie because it is not without charm. It's a Hallmark card of a writer's movie from a writer's writer. And if that sounds dull to you then listen up:
Mum's not the word.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
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Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - ADVANCE - FOR LOVE OF THE GAME - Jock Shock
Date: 16 Sep 1999 21:00:01 -0400 (EDT)
FOR LOVE OF THE GAME û Jock Shock
by Mark Ramsey
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/forlove.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/forlove.htm
September 17, 1999
Hey butterfingers, don't saw with your pitching arm. I repeat: Don't saw with your pitching arm! If For Love of the Game teaches us anything, it's that.
Fortunately, we can rebuild him. We can make him better than he was. Stronger, faster. With one eye for Lindsay Wagner and another that makes a pulsing beep as it zooms. As for the swelled head, well, that's beyond help.
If a movie has balls you'll find Kevin Costner in it. Baseballs, golf balls, and whatever those Rocky Mountain Oysters are between Sean Young's legs.
For Love of the Game is the final chapter in the Kevin Costner Tolkien Middle Earth Baseball Trilogy. You'll remember Kevin's earlier efforts: If You Build It James Earl Jones Will Come and Bull Durham.
Is it just me or is For Love of the Game missing a "the"? The studio suits told Entertainment Weekly the title rolls off the tongue easier this way, but I don't think so. Caramel corn rolls off my tongue; this kind of corn sticks in my craw.
This flick is for every gal who has ever loved a ballplayer who stares wistfully at the clouds over the park and every guy who has ever loved...well...Kelly Preston. Who wouldn't want to round that diamond, if you catch my drift? No wonder Kevin spends so much time on the mound.
For Love of the Game is one-part guy's sports flick and one-part girl's love story. And anyone who thinks those go together is free to suggest beauty tips at half-time. Hey, it's the "seventh inning stretch," not the "seventh inning primp." Picture Donna Mills and Markie Post hosting Fox Sports on Lifetime's "Television for Women" and you get a sense of the gender collision here. Should men and women sit on opposite sides of the aisle? It's love, it's game, it's love, it's game. Oh, to Hell with it.
You know, there's nothing like having sports announcer Vin Scully drone on about the theme of the movie as we're trying to watch it.
"Will this be the last pitch in Billy Chapel's life?" inquires Vin, as Kevin's sore pitching arm cartwheels off his shoulder and gut-wrenchingly arcs out of the park.
"He's pitching against time," shouts Vin, despite the fact that Time's clearly on second, Who's on first, and What's at bat.
"Can he push the sun back up in the sky and give us one more day of summer?" Probably not, Vin, but he can push your sorry ass right out that skybox window as I join the crowd in the "celebratory wave of joy."
Where'd all the people come from? With only a couple thousand extras in the ballpark, fancy computer graphics were used to magically fill out all the empty seats in the stands. Hopefully, Universal can do the same in the theater.
And what would a Costner movie be without controversy and friction? You see Kevin is in an exhibitionistic frenzy, fighting for your right to see his penis.
Now there's a right the founding fathers never intended to guarantee.
Thanks to some last minute cinematic circumcision, the world was spared Kevin's penis in widescreen - although, from what I understand, "pan-and-scan" is more than sufficient. In fact, I hear director Sam Raimi got the job done with "jostle-and-scan."
Kevin has accused Universal of making the cut to pander to the "biggest common denominator." Ironically, Kelly Preston reports the denominator's more common and not nearly as big as Kevin likes to think.
It seems a screening audience giggled when Kevin's ding-dong made its big screen bow. Is this every guy's worst nightmare, or what? "Say, Mabel, is that a fly on the projector?" Evidently, this is not the kind of bat-and-ball-swinging America wants to see in its baseball movies. At least the dynamic digit wasn't webbed, for God's sake.
Perhaps it wasn't Kevin's Little Billy itself that was so amusing, but the Groucho Marx moustache and glasses perched over it.
The world may never know.
Despite the best intentions, For Love of the Game is no field of dreams, although its heart is in the right place. "It doesn't matter if you win or lose," says Kevin, "just as long as you put everything out there."
Everything above the waist, anyway.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
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I could not agree with Oz more! I have been deleting this thread
without even opening the messages after the first few.
David H seems to delight in cluttering up our e-mails --
enough already
Pat Evans
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Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - ADVANCE - THREE KINGS - Gold Bricks and Mortar
Date: 23 Sep 1999 22:49:04 -0400 (EDT)
THREE KINGS - Gold Bricks and Mortar
by Mark Ramsey
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/threekings.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/threekings.htm
September 23, 1999
Spot the October Premiere on the newsstand and you'll see my bedroom fantasy come true: Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie, cheek-to-cheek.
It's pure tweak chic: Winona, who once punched in to a loony bin, and Angelina, who's got more issues than Meet the Press and lip enough to cover the state of California or at least something in that general shape.
Oooo, baby.
Fresh from the Gulf War sands, Three Kings kicks off with a captured Iraqi and a hidden map.
Well, it's not exactly "hidden." In fact, its rolled like a taco, and it juts out of his ass like the Apollo 11 flag on the moon. It's one small step for man, one giant map in the ass for mankind. I believe this hole's a par-three! Rand McNally's gone randy, baby. Is this what they mean by "PokΘmon"?
Naturally, the stench of the so-called "Iraqi ass map" attracts fortune hunters, including George Clooney, Marky Mark, Ice Cube and Spike Jonze. What do they want with this ass map? Do the three kings plan a royal flush?
Nope. It's a treasure ass map! And "X" marks millions of dollars in stolen Kuwaiti gold, stuffed in an Iraqi bunker.
George, in particular, has been up to his ass in ass, thanks to his shapely-assed former French model girlfriend and his CinemaScopic, panoramic-assed aunt Rosemary.
And since this movie's from Warner Bros., parent company Time Warner has taken corporate synergy to appalling new levels. Also spotted poking out of the Iraqi's ass, for example, were a Time magazine subscription card, 10 free Columbia House CDs, a Book-of-the-Month-Club selection, two tickets to a Braves game and, in a special coop deal, 250 hours of free AOL.
Speaking of ass, Three Kings is a kick-ass dark comedy that's remarkably moving and true. It's an uncomfortable and brilliant collision of laugh and death, gas and ass, strife and life, creed and greed. It's Desert Storm's answer to M*A*S*H.
And it's positively one of the best movies of the year.
Clooney is the King of Cool, as far as I'm concerned. Think Steve McQueen, plus irony, minus swagger, plus Ali Baba, minus Ali McGraw. I'm nutty for George because he doesn't take himself seriously, and "taking yourself seriously" is one of the Screen Actors Guild bylaws. That, and wearing dark sunglasses at the Viper Room.
Plus George is single now, ladies, so puff up the petticoats and spritz back the feathered hair. There's courtin' to be done, Farrah!
This whole flick has a bleak, washed-out look. Its world is disinfected and sterile, much like the surgical strikes of antiseptic "smart" bombs. Remember the blasts broadcasted birds-eye by CNN in a war with no shooting and where none of the casualties were red, white, or blue? If you think you know all about the Gulf War thanks to network news, then you must see this movie.
Look for former SNLer Nora Dunn as a network reporter, a "five-time Emmy runner-up." It's a rabid parody of CNN foreign correspondent and fourth estate moth to combat flame Christiane Amanpour. Last Fall, Christiane reported that CNN homeboy Larry King would cameo in Three Kings. Producers were reportedly split between the revised titles: Three Kings, a Joker, and a Platoon of Ex-Wives or Four Kings, Another Wedding and a Funeral.
A terrific Marky Mark proves Boogie Nights was no fluke, and kooky music video king Spike Jonze is a comic revelation. Last seen in his clever disguise as the geeky frontman for Fat Boy Slim's "Torrance Community Dance Troupe," Spike goes gonzo and bare-knuckles rapper Ice Cube. In what should be a ridiculously one-sided fight, Spike holds his own with Cube! Only in the movies, dude, because Cube should be kicking this little white boy's ass! That's like Arnold and Maria takin' it to the mat and ass-whooping to a draw. Sure, and I won a Monet on eBay with a $50 bid.
Well, it was a Gus Monet.
Kudos to writer/director David O. Russell. Three Kings is a humvee-dinger of an outstanding movie with a remarkable cast, top to bottom.
Stand back, because it will, as George says, "hit you with the blinding power of American sunshine."
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
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SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHTà.
A couple folks have asked, so hereÆs the truth: those quotes from famous names on the MovieJuice.com home page are 100 percent real.
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>> > I have heard many different movie titles that have been described as
>> > the scariest movie ever. I believe that the scariest movie ever
>> > would have to be Children of the Corn, that movie freaked me out!!!
>> > What do you think this the scariest movie ever is?
>> >
>> > BB
>> >
>> > [ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
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>>
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>
>--
> ----------------- {{{OZ}}} -------------------
> ------- http://www.filmink-online.com --------
> ----------------------------------------------Out of everyone that I have talked to I would have to say that Children of the Corn is the scariest movie!
From: "Julie E Reynolds" <jewelsks25@mailcity.com>
Subject: [MV] Scariest/Favorite
Date: 30 Sep 1999 14:32:20 -0500
I really liked the scary movies Scream, Urban Legends, and I Know What You Did Last Summer, but by far the scariest movie is Children of the Corn. My favorite movies are the Princess Bride, Sixteen Candles, My Cousin Vinny, and any movie with Tommy Lee Jones.(what a great actor)
Worst Movies:
Titanic
Sommersby
City of Angels
Patch Adams
I have problems with romantic movies where one of the main characters DIE!!! What is romantic about that!
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