Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - EXTRA: THE WALT WITCH PROJECT
Date: 01 Aug 1999 22:44:25 -0400 (EDT)
SOMETHING NEW AND VERY SPECIAL FROM MOVIEJUICE.COM:
THE WALT WITCH PROJECT
In 1994, three film students mysteriously vanishedàin the "Happiest Place on Earth." See their recovered video. It's three minutes of comedy heaven, and maybe the best thing I've done yet. You'll need RealVideo G2 and all the usual patience that net congestion necessitates. A Quicktime version is forthcoming. See the film that makes The Blair Witch's budget look bloated.
Are you as alarmed as I am about the Fox Sports promos now running in front of the trailers in front of the THX pitch in front of the theater's self-promo in front of the feature, a.k.a. that thing I almost forgot was the reason I'm here in the first place?
If you've been to the movies lately, you've seen it. Terry Bradshaw and his lug-head cronies stilt their deliveries and psych-grope a captive audience for a game-length promo on the evils of asthma, not to mention the evils of wearing a suit and tie after a lifetime of 'roids. These guys would look less awkward dressed as Big Bird and the Muppets.
And then there's the trailer for Kevin Costner's upcoming For The Love of the Game, which so effectively blew the whole movie in the space of a trailer, I could write the review right now. What's with Kevin and Baseball movies, anyway? All that ball-scratching has me scratching my head.
A decade after we learned that romance blooms when wealth redeems hookers, and every romantic comedy should feature a scene where the gal-pal tries on clothes for her beau, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere reunite. If ever there was a sure-fire can't miss formula, Runaway Bride is it. And here's the good news, this flick ain't bad! What a silly sucker of a sap I am.
The fact that this movie works is especially remarkable given the relative lack of comedy in this romantic comedy and its super-slow start. The first hour of Runaway Bride should be called RUNWAY Bride because this vehicle takes so long to get off the ground. But once those seat-backs are finally returned to their upright and locked positions, there's surprising depth and truth here.
Every question ever asked about Julia's relationship with left-at-the-altar Kiefer Sutherland is answered in this movie somewhere - except the question: "What did Julia ever see in Kiefer Sutherland?"
Is Runaway Bride better than Julia's other Summer flick, Notting Hill? No, not nearly, but whereas Hugh and Julia make for a slow simmer, Richard and Julia go five-alarm. Julia's chemistry with Richard Gere is almost as mysterious as Richard's marriage to Cindy Crawford. Hey, I said "almost"!
What really pisses me off about Runaway Bride is that the Dalai Lama probably saw this flick weeks before I did, and where's his review? Is the domain exiledspiritualleader.com already taken?
Runaway Bride is from director Garry Marshall. To me, Marshall is best known as my answer to a names-in-the-news trivia question years ago when I was trying to win a Newsweek tote bag. Newsweek asked for a famous "Marshall," and the idiot who is yours truly submitted "Garry," even though I now suspect they were looking for Supreme Court Justice Thurgood. Fortunately, Thurgood had not directed as many movies at that time, and I got the tote bag anyway. Jeez, what if I answered "Penny"?
Warning: Liking this movie means overlooking many lame-ass comic missteps. Like Peggy Fleming jokes, for example, which should at least be upgraded to Dorothy Hamill jokes, converted to Tonya Harding jokes, and finally transcend the genre into full-fledged Oksana Baiul jokes. Why craft a reference that goes so far over the audience's heads Rupert Murdoch could bounce cable signals off of it?
There's the hotel desk clerk who dons VR gamer glasses between guests. Not funny. There's the rainbow treatment Julia gives Richard's hair that strangely resembles the traditional Tibetan flag. Not funny. Even the glorious Joan Cusack has more gifts wasted than a horny presidential intern.
Damn! You'll think it's "Three's Company" all over again when the soundtrack fires up Hall & Oates' "Maneater." Holy VH-1 Reagan-Rock! On the cutting room floor: The scene where Richard slicks back his hair and bursts out singing "When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day."
The excruciatingly slow and dialogue-free strolls don't help matters any either. I hate to watch movies where navel-obsessed people think while cloying Soft Rock hits blast in the background. It always comes off like an infomercial for "Romantic Moods," CD or Tape, $14,99. Call now - 1-800-FREE-TIBET. Major credit cards accepted. An infinitesimal portion of our profits go to fund the hopeless but chic cause of Tibetan freedom. Our motto: "Don't be a whiner, make a statement to Chiner!"
What's mystifying about this movie is the notion that the premise - a woman dumping one groom after another - is interesting enough to merit what Richard describes as the magazine "cover story" he's working on. Yawn! What magazine is this, Ignored at the Checkout Counter Weekly? If Richard's supposed to be an edgy columnist who "goes out on a limb," then why do I feel like slitting mine?
What product placement for USA Today! Not only is everyone reading it, but they're all reading it aloud! Are they putting a ruler under each line? Are they sounding out the words phonetically?
Known for controversy the way its known for Sunday editions, USA Today fires Richard after he writes one misogynistic diatribe too many, forcing fellow columnist Larry King to marry every offended female reader, one at a time.
"In this life that you share together, may your individuality strengthen your love," says this flick, banging you over the head with its not so subtle message. Nevertheless, it's a sentiment hard to argue with in a breezy summer romance worth having.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the bottom of the left hand side. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
********************
IF YOUR LINES AREN'T WRAPPINGà
Your browser and/or email client (why DO they call it that?) has a setting called "Wrap Long Lines." Select it!
[ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
[ movies" (without the quotes) to majordomo@xmission.com ]
ItÆs the MovieJuice! Mini-movie spectacular everybodyÆs talking about. A young crew of filmmakers gets lostàin the ôhappiest place on Earth!ö
Thanks this week to Dan Myrick, who co-directed The Blair Witch project, and his girlfriend for their praise of my little tribute. I appreciate it! Also thanks to Broadcast.com/Yahoo, which is about to start streaming the video, due to the incredible demand and interest it has received.
If anyone would like to volunteer their server to host the bandwidth-hogging Quicktime version, email me at mramsey@moviejuice.com and let me know.
********************
THE SIXTH SENSE û DIE HARD
by Mark Ramsey
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/sixthsense.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/sixthsense.htm
August 8, 1999
Whoever calls these the "dog days" of summer is barking up the wrong tree when it comes to what's at the movies, because The Sixth Sense is one fine mutt!
Everyone's familiar with the five senses:
- Smell - This is the sense that tells you Mickey Rourke is in the house.
- Touch - The temptation to do this is what makes Patricia Arquette a star
- Hearing - Being forced to do this is what keeps Patricia Arquette from becoming a bigger star
- Sight - This is what you have if you're on the Web
- Taste - This sense is virtually irrelevant, since it's in impossibly short supply in Hollywood.
The sixth sense, of course, is the one that tells you Winona Ryder will never know your name no matter how many times you mention her in MovieJuice.
As the movie opens, Mrs. Bruce Willis is doting on her husband, reading his award citation aloud, fiddling with what's left of his hair, searching for a lost shaker of salt.
But the trouble starts when a very upset guy in jockeys who's seen one too many X-Files episodes breaks into Bruce's home in ritzy downtown Philadelphia. Either it's Quentin Tarantino off his meds and out of ideas or a mentally disturbed former patient of shrink-man Bruce.
After a life-altering trauma, Bruce takes on a new project - a boy who says he sees dead people. "Like Demi?" Bruce asks. "No, like Geena Davis," says the boy.
Dead folks, you see, don't know they're dead - much like Buddy Ebson or the musical Cats. They're just walking around amidst the living, hoping for some long deserved credit from the Writer's Guild, a brief marriage to Shannon Doherty, a topless peek at Sarah Jessica Parker, or a guest shot on Touched by an Angel. If you look very hard, you can see them tugging at Jack Valenti's shirtsleeves: "Join us, Jack! We're rated 'R' for 'Return with us to the fiery depths of Hell, where we can thrust into pies as many times as we like and with complete impunity.'"
The spooks congregate in Philly because a good cheesesteak is tough to come by in the afterlife. Furthermore, even Big Apple spooks are terrified by whiplash inducing New York taxi rides and out-of-body "buckle up" exhortations of Jackie Mason and Joan Rivers. "Pull over, Mohammad. Now!"
Boy oh boy this flick makes Philly look creepy, although any town that erects a Rocky statue outside its museum of art doesn't need the help, if you ask me.
The boy with the sixth sense lives in South Philly, or more specifically the fictional part of South Philly where people don't have South Philly accents, instead sounding fresh from a stint at Julliard and some course-work at the Yale School of Drama.
There are so many dead folks in this flick, it's like a day with Turner Classic Movies. And most of the dead folks look like they're about to gobble brains and intestines for George Romero. "Brains!!! I want brains!!!" Is there a Marilyn Manson show in town? Was this casting call limited to Rose McGowan's little black book? Is Fairuza Balk trolling for boy-toys? Isn't that witty one Janeane Garofalo? Email dysfunctional@cKone.com.
All credit to Bruce Willis whose hair-raising performance is ironic, given that his own hair couldn't see a raise if he shampooed with iron filings and towel-dried with a high-powered magnet.
Bruce is dynamite in a nicely modulated performance that belies the fact that I don't know what a "nicely modulated" performance is. The scene where Bruce conducted a sΘance and spoke to the ghost of his missing hair and the "demonic comb from Hell" was particularly chilling.
The Sixth Sense is one creepily clever concoction with a capper twistier than a Philly soft pretzel. In case you miss Boo Berry and Count Chocula, have a taste of The Sixth Sense.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the bottom of the left hand side. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
********************
IF YOUR LINES AREN'T WRAPPINGà
Your browser and/or email client (why DO they call it that?) has a setting called "Wrap Long Lines." Select it!
[ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
[ movies" (without the quotes) to majordomo@xmission.com ]
From: "Amy J. Fugate" <eleanor_rigby@angelfire.com>
Subject: RE: [MV] Re:Top Ten
Date: 09 Aug 1999 17:37:13 -0700
An accurate top ten list of my favorite movies would be difficult to make, but I will list in no particular order my favorite movies of all time.
The Truman Show
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
Pleasantville
When Harry Met Sally
Harold and Maude (as you can tell by the quote below)
The War
Rebel Without a Cause
A Clockwork Orange
Dr. Strangelove
Splendor in the Grass
Forrest Gump
Schindler's List
The Apartment
Some Like it Hot (maybe this will even turn out to be a surprise party!!!)
Dirty Dancing
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Best Years of Our Lives
Heaven Help Us
Breakfast Club
Pretty in Pink
Pump up the Volume
A Hard Day's Night
The Graduate
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
and I know you are getting tired of me rambling on about movies, so I will shutup after I name one last movie. And that movie is Sliding Doors.
---
A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they're not dead, really. They're just... backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt, even! Play as well as you can. Go team! GO! Give me an L! Give me an I! Give me a V! Give me an E! L. I. V. E. LIVE! ...Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.
Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com
[ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
[ movies" (without the quotes) to majordomo@xmission.com ]
Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - ADVANCE - BOWFINGER - La Marti±a
Date: 10 Aug 1999 08:45:43 -0400 (EDT)
BOWFINGER û La Marti±a
by Mark "Kit" Ramsey
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/bowfinger.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/bowfinger.htm
August 8, 1999
When I arrived at the screening of Bowfinger, the latest from one-time comic titans Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy, TV detective Jerry Orbach was wrapping orange tape around the crime scene. And sure enough, two hours later ushers were tracing what was left of the audience in chalk.
Cause of death: Comic asphyxiation. Okay, okay, it's not that we were dead, only that we wished we were.
Will you laugh at this movie? Sure, if you wire up to a Walkman and a Chris Rock tape. I know, you'll laugh in all the wrong places, but in Bowfinger, every place is wrong anyway.
Fortunately and not a moment too soon, United Artist Cinemas appealed to the federal government which declared all Bowfinger theaters a disaster area, thereby making producer Brian Grazer eligible for relief funds, which is the only way he's gonna earn his nut back from this fiasco.
What's gotten into Brian, anyway? No wonder Variety reports that Brian has been forced to wear socks recently, because toxic chemicals from those Italian loafers are leeching into his bloodstream, impairing his judgment and inducing what the Red Cross describes as "dementia of the deal."
"The Con is On," proclaims the poster for this movie, and the con is most decidedly on, because the comedy is way, way off. And guess who's being conned, America? Blowfinger is one of the worst movies of the year. "The BOMB is on," I think you mean. I'll take my con on the cob, thank you.
Five minutes into this flick, my lovely bride turned to me and said "This movie blows." "It'll get better," I replied hopefully and with more than a little crossing of fingers.
It didn't.
Incredibly, Steve Martin actually wrote this bow-finger to the audience. Steve's the same guy who wrote Roxanne, one of the greatest romantic comedies ever! Nowadays, however, it seems Steve has decided to prematurely release some posthumous unfinished draft works-in-progress.
"Great script," says Steve's opening line in this movie, proving for once and for all the futility of positive affirmations. Hey Steve, this puppy needs more than a polish, it needs a contractor and an expense account at the Home Depot!
Yep, the "wild and crazy guy" has yanked that arrow out of his head and is sticking it through yours and mine, folks.
Will someone please explain to me how somebody as obviously talented as Eddie Murphy can make so many lousy career choices. Eddie is the Venus Fly-Trap of winged shitty scripts.
Already, Eddie has entered the Henry-Fonda-Stars-in-"The-Swarm" phase of his career. That's the phase where stars lose roles to Lou Gossett, Jr. "Damn that Lou Gossett, Jr.," said Eddie in the Hollywood Reporter. "That bitch can kiss my ass, especially if he wears hot-pants and a midriff-baring tank top."
Eddie plays "Kit Ramsey," who is described as one part Knight Rider, one part "the hottest, sexiest action star in the movies."
Let's face it, Eddie would make one hell of a kick-ass action star, especially if the action happened in the back seat of his Benz and the bad guy was a badass in pumps.
Although I admit the association of the name "Ramsey" with the terms "hot" and "sexy" tops off my subliminal ego tank, am I the only one who gets annoyed when movies make up names of big stars, then everyone in the movie fawns obsequiously over the faux celebrities? Don't phony star names blow the fantasy all to hell?
Reputed "It" girl Heather Graham energetically slums her way through this flick like a fine thoroughbred greyhound chasing an "It" bunny around the high school track. If Heather makes many more movies like Bowfinger, she'd better take a picture of "It" so that "It" lasts longer.
So Steve plays a schlocky filmmaker, a latter day Ed Wood, but without the vampires, the angora sweaters, or the development deal with Dimension Films. Get the picture? An unfunny movie about an unfunny movie. Can you possibly count the number of times Steve must have whispered to the studio suits "trust me"?
"Steve and Eddie, Together for the First Time," the poster taunts us. Well, much like Hitler and Mussolini, let's hope it's the last.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT MISS ôTHE WALT WITCH PROJECTö
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/waltwitchproject.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
ItÆs the MovieJuice! Mini-movie spectacular everybodyÆs talking about. A young crew of filmmakers gets lostàin the ôhappiest place on Earth!ö
Thanks this week to Dan Myrick, who co-directed The Blair Witch project, and his girlfriend for their praise of my little tribute. I appreciate it! Also thanks to Broadcast.com/Yahoo, which is about to start streaming the video, due to the incredible demand and interest it has received.
If anyone would like to volunteer their server to host the bandwidth-hogging Quicktime version, email me at mramsey@moviejuice.com and let me know.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the bottom of the left hand side. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
********************
IF YOUR LINES AREN'T WRAPPINGà
Your browser and/or email client (why DO they call it that?) has a setting called "Wrap Long Lines." Select it!
[ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
[ movies" (without the quotes) to majordomo@xmission.com ]
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/teaching.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/teaching.htm
August 15, 1999
What's this gossip about Warren Beatty running for president? Does this mean the first lady will be joined by the second lady, the third lady, and the fourth lady? Will new legislation require all lobbyists to be mother/daughter teams? What's the campaign slogan, "Warren Beatty for President: Show Me Your Tits"?
From Dimension Films (the "Mr. Hyde" to Miramax's "Dr. Jekyll") comes a Heathers-like black comedy written and directed by Kevin Williamson, writer of the Scream franchise, the Dawson's Creek franchise, and the Jiffy Lube franchise.
It's back-to-school and that means it's time for Teaching Mrs. Tingle.
The awesomely talented Helen Mirren stars as Mrs. Tingle, and much like old Kris Kringle, she's the queen of tingle-ling. Mrs. Tingle you see is a mean and nasty old crone of a history teacher. And this single mingle Tingle has it in for our heroes, Katie Holmes and her crew.
Katie, the Maggie Smith of the Clearasil set, is hero number one. I had trouble paying attention to Katie, though, because the real hottie was her friend Jo Lynn.
With that dippy-flippy hair and those groovy capri pants, Jo Lynn should be screaming "Oh, Rob" as Dick Van Dyke tailspins over the ottoman. Hot as Hades though she may be, she's also a not-too-bright aspiring actress who likes Stanislavsky because he designs such cute accessories.
On the other hand, Katie's not completely ice-cold. There's one steamy love scene here where the camera pans away to the fireplace just in time for you to say "why the hell is the camera panning to the fireplace NOW!?" If I wanted to see a fireplace I'll buy a log!
Katie's out for an "A" in history so she can win a scholarship and escape small town living. She's Eva Gabor in Green Acres. Jo Lynn, meanwhile, struggles to spell an "A" in history. As she bobs her head, she triggers a persistent jingling noise. Something, it seems, is loose in there, and I'm not talkin' about thoughts! Jingle, jingle, meet Mrs. Tingle.
Stuff happens, and Katie is wrongly accused of cheating. So she and her posse tie the Tingler to the bed (which isn't as hot as it sounds, believe me. Helen Mirren's hottie days were the proverbial Days of Yore).
Problem is, the foot shots. LOTS of foot shots. Yikes, Mrs. Tingle! Do you wear socks or nuclear containment receptacles? Have your toes been rioting? Call in the peacekeepers, there's a ground war on down there! Those ten little piggies need to be hosed down! Did the Blair Witch eat your cuticles? Are your shoes shaped like a "Z"? You need more than a pedicure, Mrs. T., you need a pedi-miracle!
Thanks to her captive status, Mrs. Tingle escapes the clutches of special guest link to high schools from the 80's, Molly Ringwald. Molly plays the principal's assistant with all the finesse and verve we'd expect from someone whose career has been coasting on fumes since the Reagan administration. And, from the looks of her, those fumes are noxious, indeed.
Maybe it's just me but there's something inherently funny about a character shouting "Stop right there, Mrs. Tingle!" as he holds her at bay with a crossbow.
A crossbow? Are there vampires about? Are the hounds on the moors tonight? Not since the sling shot has there been a more awkward weapon. Have we scheduled a duel with Braveheart? If we're storming a medieval castle, will someone bring a Britney Spears MP3? I only go into battle with tunes, dammit!
With all the teen crap out nowadays, Teaching Mrs. Tingle is a flick worth seeing. It's good! It's Kevin's chance to exercise his Hitchcock muscles and advance from the irony-laced fright of Scream to something really terrifying:
Helen Mirren's horrifying pedal extremities!
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT MISS ôTHE WALT WITCH PROJECTö
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/waltwitchproject.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
ItÆs the MovieJuice! Mini-movie spectacular everybodyÆs talking about. A young crew of filmmakers gets lostàin the ôhappiest place on Earth!ö
Thanks to Dan Myrick, who co-directed The Blair Witch project, and his girlfriend for their praise of my little tribute. I appreciate it! Also thanks to Broadcast.com/Yahoo, which is now streaming the video and has awarded it its highest rating, five stars!
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the bottom of the left hand side. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
********************
IF YOUR LINES AREN'T WRAPPINGà
Your browser and/or email client (why DO they call it that?) has a setting called "Wrap Long Lines." Select it!
[ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
[ movies" (without the quotes) to majordomo@xmission.com ]
overdid it with his "blood covered" body parts (i.e.
Die Hard character) I thought he did well in Armagedon
as well. He is a good actor but some of the macho
stuff..well it does not add to his oscar winning
hopes, if that counts at all.
--- Wez <wesday@saa.net> wrote:
> I had heard many good things about the Sixth Sense
> and decided to check
> it out. I was pleasently surprised by how much I
> enjoyed it. Bruce
> Willis played his character in a great way,
> especially considering he is
> more recognized for his action roles. I forget the
> child's name at the
> moment, but I thought his acting was spectacular
> too. Would have made a
> great Anakin. I've seen a lot of movies this year,
> and the Matrix and
> the Sixth Sense are my favorites so far. Anyone
> else care to share
> their opinions on it, or one of the other movies
> opening up this
> weekend?
>
>
> [ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message
> "unsubscribe ]
> [ movies" (without the quotes) to
> majordomo@xmission.com ]
>
===
Sandra Nelson
Cass Program
Index #33
sn_index33@yahoo.com
'And as we let our light shine, we subconciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.' Nelson Mandella
I AGREE THAT THE KID WOULD'VE BEEN A GREAT ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN STAR WARS--THAT
JAKE LLOYD KID BOTHERED ME.
HE'S NOT A VERY GOOD ACTOR IN MY BOOK.
------------------( Forwarded letter 1 follows )--------------------
Sender: owner-movies@lists.xmission.com.SMTP
Reply-To: movies@lists.xmission.com.SMTP
Yet another movie that Bruce has not wrecked or
overdid it with his "blood covered" body parts (i.e.
Die Hard character) I thought he did well in Armagedon
as well. He is a good actor but some of the macho
stuff..well it does not add to his oscar winning
hopes, if that counts at all.
--- Wez <wesday@saa.net> wrote:
> I had heard many good things about the Sixth Sense
> and decided to check
> it out. I was pleasently surprised by how much I
> enjoyed it. Bruce
> Willis played his character in a great way,
> especially considering he is
> more recognized for his action roles. I forget the
> child's name at the
> moment, but I thought his acting was spectacular
> too. Would have made a
> great Anakin. I've seen a lot of movies this year,
> and the Matrix and
> the Sixth Sense are my favorites so far. Anyone
> else care to share
> their opinions on it, or one of the other movies
> opening up this
> weekend?
>
>
> [ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message
> "unsubscribe ]
> [ movies" (without the quotes) to
> majordomo@xmission.com ]
>
===
Sandra Nelson
Cass Program
Index #33
sn_index33@yahoo.com
'And as we let our light shine, we subconciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.' Nelson Mandella
Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - MICKEY BLUE EYES - Mickey Mousy
Date: 22 Aug 1999 15:58:57 -0400 (EDT)
MICKEY BLUE EYES û Mickey Mousy
by Mark Ramsey
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/mickey.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/mickey.htm
August 22, 1999
Who says stars are shallow? Geena Davis, realizing that her next Premiere is likely to be the one on the newsstand between Time and People, has nearly qualified for the Olympic Archery Team. Apparently, she's damned good!
Just how does Geena do it? "I picture Renny Harlin's ass surrounded by concentric circles," says Davis, "and I hit the bullseye every time!"
Davis adds, "It also works for any sport where I have to kick balls or whack 'em into holes."
Mickey Blue Eyes stars Hugh Grant as a Brit auctioneer and guest stars Hugh's wavy hair as "Joey, the wonder-proteins."
With ballet-like precision, Joey moves with the wind, adding life to what's lifeless, motion to what's motionless, and more to what's less. And Mickey Blue Eyes is just plain less, folks.
From the moment Hugh enters, Joey seems to be waving "Hello," short for "get me the HELL Out of here." Or is Joey waving "goodbye" to the stunning opening weekend grosses that are almost always attached to a movie when the cast stars a gal named Julia?
Mickey is directed by Kelly Makin, who made the Kids in the Hall movie Brain Candy. "Brain Candy made me howl," remembers Hugh, who obviously forgot that more folks have flown the space shuttle than have seen Brain Candy, and they had more fun doing it, too.
James Caan puts the final nail in the coffin of Sonny Corleone and the Godfather era as a made man and Hugh's father-in-law-to-be. Thank God Fredo never lived to see the day. Although Jimmy's a great comic actor, the plodding plotting is a rote moat of comedy potential unfulfilled.
Hey, I'd pull out my hair if it wasn't busy waving flirtatiously at Joey, the wonder-proteins.
I suppose the comic highpoint of this flick comes when Mafia so-so Jimmy attempts to teach the A-B-C's of wiseguy lingo to a hopelessly Earl-Grey-prim-and-proper Hugh. Hugh's Brooklyn dialect is so bad - I mean so over-the-top, intentionally bad - I had to cringe. "Get outta Heeeeeee!" says Hugh. "Heeeeeee"? Come on, Hugh. Any high-class Sotheby's wanna-be Brit auctioneer can imitate Brooklyn slang better than that - unless they fancy the "big laugh," that is. And just because you fancy the "big laugh," Hugh, doesn't mean you need to shag it to death!
Look for former Rocky brother-in-law Paulie who is virtually unrecognizable as the elder Uncle Vito. Good golly, Paulie has not aged well! Those beef-sides Rock's been slammin' in the freezer are fresher and warmer than ol' Paulie. Somewhere in the great beyond, Burgess Meredith is rollin' out the red carpet for you, Paulie.
Mickey Blue Eyes is the latest chapter in that hip new trend, the "Mob Comedy." Okay, it's not exactly a new genre, but it has never been so popular as it is now, what with HBO's The Sopranos sporting an insanely TomHanks-esque number of award nominations and Analyze This being video's "proposition you can't refuse."
No, the "Mob Comedy" may not be news, but the "British Auctioneer Comedy" - now that's a fresh trend. And long overdue, if you ask me. After all, there's nothing funnier to an American audience than an art-world comedy.
I mean funny "strange," not funny "ha-ha."
Hugh and his crew worked on this script for two years, proving that while Rome wasn't built in a day, it wasn't built in two years either. How many weeks were spent on the stuffed monkey saying "I have an opposable thumb"? Stuffed monkeys always add that extra punch to Brit Auctioneer Comedies, don't they? File it under "c" for "contrivance."
Forgive me, but after Hugh's winning performance in Notting Hill, it's hard to get excited about a run-of-the-mill Mob Comedy. For funny gangsters, watch HBO. For funny art, pray for another gift from Mike Myers - and soon!
Mickey Blue Eyes is enough to make Joey, the wavy wonder-proteins, stand on end.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT MISS ôTHE WALT WITCH PROJECTö
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/waltwitchproject.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
ItÆs the MovieJuice! Mini-movie spectacular everybodyÆs talking about. A young crew of filmmakers gets lostàin the ôhappiest place on Earth!ö
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the bottom of the left hand side. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
********************
IF YOUR LINES AREN'T WRAPPINGà
Your browser and/or email client (why DO they call it that?) has a setting called "Wrap Long Lines." Select it!
[ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
[ movies" (without the quotes) to majordomo@xmission.com ]
> [ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message
> "unsubscribe ]
> [ movies" (without the quotes) to
> majordomo@xmission.com ]
>
===
Sandra Nelson
Cass Program
Index #33
sn_index33@yahoo.com
'And as we let our light shine, we subconciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.' Nelson Mandella
Hi, this is Sandra. I will be seeing the 6th Sense
sometime this weekend. From what I have heard it is
really a well done suspense thriller.
Sandra
===
Sandra Nelson
Cass Program
Index #33
sn_index33@yahoo.com
'And as we let our light shine, we subconciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.' Nelson Mandella
Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - THE 13TH WARRIOR - Antonian The Barbarian
Date: 29 Aug 1999 21:03:21 -0400 (EDT)
THE MOVIEJUICE MOVIE STORE IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS
In case youÆve been asking yourself why thereÆs no place to buy movies on the web, MovieJuice.com has the answer û our new online store! Okay, you may not want to buy anything, but at least come by and browse û same as when you visit Neiman Marcus, but infinitely cheaper.
<a href="http://www. bmvs.com/sites/mramsey1/videos/index.asp ">Click here for the NEW MovieJuice.com Store!</a>
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/13thwarrior.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/13thwarrior.htm
August 29, 1999
Now that Keanu Reeves is having a baby, when will they announce the identity of the father?
Before the dawn of the second millennium, before personal grooming became common everywhere but France, before the invention of contractions, even before Cher, it was the age of the warrior, The 13th Warrior, that is.
Okay, if these warriors are so fearless and courageous, why are they petrified by contractions? Is it the apostrophe that strikes fear into their mortal hearts? Why does every Hollywood sword-pic treat ancient warriors like dim-witted foreign exchange students? It's contractions, people, it ain't rocket science! It ain't differential calculus! It's "isn't" and "aren't" and "don't" and "can't," for God's sake.
Even without those cleverly perplexing contractions, star Antonio Banderas needs a translator, manservant Omar Sharif, for whom the expression "the worse for wear" was invented. Crusty Omar's post-apocalyptic visage resembles Boris Karloff run through an Edgar Allan Poe meat-grinder. Even Omar's Grecian Formula is in roman numerals. Wouldn't Dr. Zhivago know his way around a contraction or two? Oops, I mean "would he not?"
But Antonio's got language troubles of his own. Confusion mounts when Tony asks for "Jello's" which, like most dessert treats, were invented somewhere between contractions and the Cotton Gin. Suddenly, Tony's warrior pals realize he is a Latin heartthrob and was trying to say "Jealous." Well, why did he not just say that! It is not as if contractions are required!
Antonio's posse includes warriors like Skeld the Superstitious, Edgtho the Silent, Herger the Joyous, Hugo the Hypertensive, Halga the High-Heeled, Bluto the Bulbous, Zeppo the Stubbornly Misanthropic, Puff Daddy the Multivariate, Hans the Hen-Pecked, Regis the Cloying, Dildo the Vibratory, and pulling up the rear with a rainbow pattern emblazoned on his powerful sword, Franco the Fastidious.
The 13th Warrior is the world of Sports stripped to its basic element: Big dumb guys who like to drink and fight. What else but sports-appeal could explain the almost total absence of women from the theater, save those whose men dragged them from their caves by their hair.
This movie marks a first: The first time I've seen an audience laugh at the THX robot in the opening promo! Yes, they laughed! Laughed, I tell you! What kind of audience is this, anyway, a circus audience? From the THX robot, it's only a short step to the Phantom Menace robots - no, not C3PO and R2D2, I mean Robo-Liam and Robo-Natalie. And from there, one step to Rob Schneider.
The 13th Warrior is adapted from a Michael Crichton book, although originally the characters were dinosaur-fighting ER doctors afflicted with a space virus turning them into comatose, gun-toting robots who sexually harass each other in a mysterious sphere.
The 13th Warrior is a Cowboy and Indians fable where the Indians are Darth Maul-style cannibal savages who wear bear-head masks and bear-claw gloves. "They think they're bears," says Antonio in a fit of clever deduction. Should our heroes track them in caves or watch them crawl over fake rocks at the zoo? Why not wait for the Winter when our evil enemy is hibernating? Let's distract them with honey or a suitable replacement, like Jennifer Love Hewitt.
The calling cards of these baddies are little female torso totems or, as we call them nowadays, "cheerleaders." The torso represents their queen mother, who turns out to be a deliciously savage dream-babe. Like Fairuza Balk but without all that talking. Why is the sexy babe always the root of evil?
Antonio and his warrior pals visit a crazy yet wise old lady who advises them how to win their battle. You know she's crazy because she's sloshing in her own filth. You know she's wise because she's fluent in Yoda-nese: "But why seek you me? Met you your match?" Heard all this before, I have. George Lucas thank, I must!
In the end, The 13th Warrior ain't bad at all. It's pro wrestling, but with better special effects. It's also a lusty, mythic poem of courage and perseverance against (what else) insurmountable odds.
Bring a cooler, a testosterone-spritzer, and your favorite Marine. These warriors are stone-cold.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
LAST CHANCE TO SEE ôTHE WALT WITCH PROJECTö
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/waltwitchproject.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
Now that everybody and their brother-in-law is spoofing Blair Witch, hereÆs your last chance to see one of the spoofs that (regrettably) started it all. ItÆs the MovieJuice! Mini-movie spectacular everybodyÆs talking about. A young crew of filmmakers gets lostàin the ôhappiest place on Earth!ö
Nowadays, most of the folks checking out this spoof are folks whoÆve made one of their own. If I never see another Blair spoof, itÆll be too soon.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the bottom of the left hand side. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
********************
IF YOUR LINES AREN'T WRAPPINGà
Your browser and/or email client (why DO they call it that?) has a setting called "Wrap Long Lines." Select it!
[ To leave the movies mailing list, send the message "unsubscribe ]
[ movies" (without the quotes) to majordomo@xmission.com ]
