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buffyfic-digest       Saturday, January 16 1999       Volume 03 : Number 022



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (9/18)
       BUFFYFIC: Torn (9/??)
       BUFFYFIC: My Moira (12/?)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 17:09:51 PST
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (9/18)

Title: Best Intentions
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two.
distribution: Sure, just let me know.
summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as
Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although
technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read
it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you.
Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything.
Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for
helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's
still more I could thank you for. :)

August 3, 2006

Cordelia put the finishing touches on her hair, satisfied that she
looked as good as she was going to. The dark circles under her eyes were
well hidden by make-up and the gauntness in her cheeks actually gave her
a more dramatic look. Her hand reached down to touch the slight swell of
her stomach as she spoke softly to her child. "When are you going to let
Mommy keep down something she eats?" Laughing at herself she walked out
into the kitchen, amazed again at how the baby had erased the loneliness
from her life. She looked around at the boxes cluttering her apartment
and felt a momentary pang of sorrow. She turned away, refusing to think
of anything but getting through the auction and then leaving this town
behind her. Her baby was going to have a happy life without all the
horrors Sunnydale had to offer. Grabbing her coat she headed out into
the cool evening.

She drove slowly towards Sunnydale High School, not wanting to get there
any sooner than she had to. But this would be her last chance to see
Xander, her last look at her old friends. She swallowed back the tears
that seemed to come over her all the time now. This is it, she told
herself as she pulled into the parking lot, it's almost done now. She
slid out of the car after taking a quick look around for any monsters
that might be lurking around. Nothing seemed to be there so she slammed
the door behind her, catching a quick glimpse of Buffy hidden in the
shadows before she disappeared again. Cordelia smiled softly before
walking towards the building; the Slayer was on the job.

Walking up to Harmony she quickly got to work on last minute details,
making sure everything was ready to go in the order the program showed.
She caught a quick glimpse of Xander laughing with a beautiful blonde
girl and her heart stopped for a moment. Turning away she ignored the
jealousy and tried to be happy that Xander was moving on. Her eyes
caught with Willow's for a moment and she almost thought she saw
sympathy in the red-head's eyes before she turned away.

She was just finishing up her work when a hand snaked around her
shoulders. Spinning around with a rude comment on her lips she stared
open mouthed into the cold eyes of her ex-husband.

"Hey honey, miss me?" His breath washed over her, the smell of alcohol
making her stomach roll.

She backed away slowly, her eyes roaming the room to see if anyone had
noticed them, but everyone was heading out to watch the auction.  Her
face hard, she spoke quietly, her voice angry. "Doug. What are you doing
here?"

He grinned at her; his eyes still cold. "What? I couldn't just want to
see my wife?"

"I'm not your wife." She spoke quickly, hearing the applause as the
auction started. Looking around she realized the room had emptied except
for them. She looked back to her ex-husband, at the cold rage in his
eyes and she began to be afraid.

"Well, there is that." He leered at her, his hands grabbing her arms.
"But we could fix that Cordelia."

She tried to pull her arms free, but he held her too tightly. "What do
you mean?" Her voice was shaky and she cursed herself for letting him
see her fear.

"Father's going to cut me off. So I need you back." The anger on his
face was frightening to see, a child's anger at being told what to do in
a grown man's body.

"I'm not coming back. Ever." Cordelia whispered the words, her voice
disgusted. "You're a drunk and a cheat and you don't love me."

"But I love money Cordelia." He spoke calmly now, his fingers digging
into her arms.

"I can give you money." She hated the fear in her voice, the placating
tone she was using. She wanted to hit him and scream at him, but the
gnawing in her stomach told her that wouldn't go over well. She just
needed to calm him down and get away. She would leave Sunnydale tonight,
leave everything behind and just run until he could never find her.
Silently she vowed to offer him whatever he wanted in order to get a
chance to escape.

"But not enough Cordelia. Not enough. Your little dress-making business
may satisfy you, but I want more. Besides, you owe me." His voice went
from angry to petulant as he spoke.

"I owe you?" Her voice wavered as she struggled to remain calm.

"Because you loved another man when you married me. And you never
stopped loving him." His voice was smooth as he tried to look hurt.

"You didn't care that I loved him then and you don't care now. You only
care about the money."

He glared at her, his fingers digging deeper into her arms before
relaxing a bit. Shrugging his shoulders he answered her. "Well, it was
worth a try. But you are coming back with me Cordelia. Tonight."

She struggled vainly to get loose from his grip, her heart beating
wildly, but he just held her tighter. Cordelia finally stopped
struggling and just stared at him, unable to think. He took her silence
as submission and grabbing her by the waist, he pulled her to him, his
mouth covering hers. Her arms now free she pushed at him, desperate to
get his mouth off hers. His arms held her even tighter and she was
suddenly terrified that he would hurt the baby so when his tongue pushed
into her mouth she bit him as hard as she could. He pushed her away, his
fist shooting out and connecting solidly with her stomach.

She fell to the ground grasping her middle as the pain shot through her.
Tears falling down her face she looked up at him, her voice panicked.
"Please. Please, I'm pregnant. Please don't hurt my baby."

He froze; his face a mask of rage. Backing away from her he stared at
her. "Pregnant?"

Cordelia held her stomach, not caring about anything but keeping her
baby safe. She looked up at him and saw the rage growing. "Please. I'll
come with you. I'll marry you again, but just don't hurt my baby." Her
voice was choked with sobs.

He moved closer again, his voice louder. "Pregnant?"

Cordelia struggled to get to her feet, the pain in her stomach rolling
through her body in waves. She glanced towards the door and saw a flash
of red-hair moving away.  She prayed that it had been Willow and that
she would get help.

Her tormentor was growing more agitated by the second, the liquor
feeding his rage. He grabbed her by the throat, his eyes wild. "You're
pregnant. Cordelia the ice queen actually let someone fuck her?"

Cordelia felt his hands tightening around her neck and suddenly knew
that if someone didn't get there soon she was going to die. She
whispered softly, "Please. Please don't."

His hands tightened around her neck even more and the world started to
fade away. From somewhere in the darkness she thought she heard Xander's
voice and then she was suddenly free. Her ex-husband was swinging wildly
at Xander, who avoided his punches easily. She watched Xander fight her
ex-husband; easily subduing him with a solid punch to his stomach that
had him falling to the floor in agony.

Buffy ran into the room then, followed by a panting Willow.  Xander
turned to them, speaking quietly. "Not a demon Buffy, I got him. Can you
watch him while I go call the cops?"

Buffy nodded her head, going over to stand beside the moaning man.
Cordelia stared at all of them before her eyes fastened on Xander. He
met her eyes for a moment and she choked out a thank you. He looked at
her for another moment before he spoke, his voice icy. "Don't think I
did it for you.  I would stop someone from hitting a dog." Spinning
around Xander walked out of the room leaving Cordelia staring after him,
her heart shattered once again.

She pulled herself together as her husband started mumbling something.
Her heart slammed into her throat as she realized what he was about to
say a second before he said it.

"So dear wife, that was the infamous Alex Harris, the guy you spent
every night crying over. He doesn't seem to like you much." His voice
was full of pain, but also something very close to happiness.

Cordelia glanced quickly at Buffy and Willow, who were staring at her
ex-husband with identical expressions of disbelief. Cordelia prayed that
the police would arrive quickly, before he remembered about the baby.
She answered him slowly, her voice much calmer than she felt. "No, he
doesn't like me very much."

Her ex looked up at the blonde-haired girl who stood over him, looking
very much like he was thinking of making a break for it. Cordelia spoke
quickly, "I wouldn't move if I were you, she's much tougher than she
looks."

He glanced up at Buffy again and something in her expression must have
backed up Cordelia's words because he didn't move. He spoke to Buffy
then, his voice conversational, "She blamed the break-up on me, because
I drank a little and liked to party. But she was the one who loved
another man. She was my wife because she was punishing herself for
failing him. Isn't that nice? And when I come and tell her that I'll
give her another chance she tells me no."

Buffy and Willow were silent, their faces shocked. Cordelia spoke
quietly, trying to keep him from talking anymore, "You came to order me
to marry you again so your father wouldn't cut you off. The same reason
you married me in the first place."

He laughed harshly before shrugging his shoulders, "Oops. Forgot about
that." He looked back at Buffy, his face full of charm again. "And now I
find out she's pregnant. I'm must admit that I'm a little curious about
who would sleep with the frigid bitch." He turned to her, his face
bitter. "Whose is it Cordelia? The butcher, the baker, the candlestick
maker? Or did you convince Alex Harris to give it one more go? I take it
from his disgust that you weren't much better for him than you were for
me."

Cordelia stared horrified as Willow turned to her. The redhead's face
was uncertain, but then realization dawned. " Oh my God, Cordelia?"

Cordelia's head swam as her lie was uncovered. She suddenly couldn't
handle one more word, or look of hate so she turned and ran from the
room, leaving Buffy and Willow to clean up her mess.
*******


______________________________________________________
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------------------------------

Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 00:16:18 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (9/??)

TITLE: Torn (9/??)
AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin aka XandersGirl
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Always welcome
DISTRIBUTION: If I said you could archive it already, go right ahead.
Otherwise, please ask. I'll say yes, I just like to know where my work goes.
SUMMARY: Willow's stuck between Xander and Oz
SPOILERS: through "Lover's Walk"
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: Willow & Co are Evil Joss's & Co. Not mine. Although I sure wish
Xander was. Don't sue.

I'll be getting this story up on my website as soon as I can. If you're
missing earlier parts, just e-mail me and I'll be glad to send them to you.

Torn - Part 9

Oz was alone in his room, idly staring at the clock, watching the numbers
click by. It was well after midnight. But he couldn't sleep. He couldn't even
pick up his guitar and play, which was an action which always soothed his
frazzled nerves and helped him work out whatever he was feeling. But he
couldn't do it right now. All he could do was sit. And think.

About Willow. Very little else was on his mind these days. He could only think
about two things. Her, and her and Xander.

He wanted so badly to simply take her words at face value and believe her when
she said it was over between them. He knew Willow loved him. But he also knew
Xander had such a huge part of Willow. A bigger part than he could ever hope
for. It was hard for Willow to let Xander, and therefore that piece of her,
go. It was never going to be over between the two of them. He could see that.
It wasn't something he liked seeing.

Oz knew he should be the noble one, the good guy. Step aside. Tell Willow to
be with Xander. Let her be happy. Because all he wanted was for Willow to be
happy.

But Oz was letting the selfish part of him rule his thoughts right now. He
wanted Willow to be happy with *him*. Not Xander. He loved her so much. All he
wanted was her love in return. But maybe it was too much to ask for. She said,
she promised she was his. That all her "stuff" was for him and him only. And
Oz knew Willow really meant those words when she said them. She hadn't been
lying. But Oz knew that Willow didn't know what she was saying. Well, she knew
what she was *saying* saying, but she didn't know she couldn't do it. Oz could
see it. Willow could never give up Xander. And it was unfair of him to ask her
to.

And he wasn't asking her to, per se. He didn't want to destroy the years-old
friendship between her and Xander. They had a special thing going. Oz could
see that. But what he didn't want was Willow doing the smoochie thing with
Xander while she was still calling herself his girlfriend. But even Oz could
see it. He didn't know quite what was going on, but recently, the connection
between Willow and Xander . . it was more than just teenage hormones. He could
tell. This could be the real thing. And the only thing in the way . . was him.
Oz sighed and closed his eyes. He couldn't see any way around it. He could
either continue his relationship with Willow and always be unsure of her love
or feeling like he never had all of her, or he could let her go.

But letting her go was going to hurt so much. He loved her. Willow was so
different. But it was different good. She was warm and she was sweet and she
was intelligent and she was sensitive and she was all those good things rolled
up into one pretty red-headed package. She was the kind of girl Oz always
dreamed he'd meet. And he had. He wished he'd never seen Willow at the
Cultural dance last year. No he didn't. He really didn't wish that. He
couldn't imagine his life without Willow in it. She made it all so much
better. Everything he felt, he felt it twice as much because Willow shared it
with him.

But now everything felt wrong, uncertain. He didn't want to always doubt
Willow, to
wonder if she was thinking of him or of Xander. He also didn't want Willow to
play the
'what if' game with herself. If she was always asking herself what if I'd been
with Xander, she'd never be completely happy with Oz.

He knew what he had to do. But god, he loved her so much. This was going to
hurt.

He picked up the phone and dialed.

*****

Willow picked up the phone on the second ring. "Hello?" she asked, hoping it
would be Oz.

"Hey." It was. "Hope I didn't wake you up."

"You didn't. I was awake, on the computer. What's up?" Willow asked.

There was a few seconds of silence, and those few seconds immediately alerted
Willow to the fact that Oz had something on his mind. "Oz?" Willow asked
again.

"Willow?"

"Oz? What is it?" Oz's demeanor had her worried.

"I think I have to break up with you," Oz said.

Willow audibly gasped. "Oz? Why?" she said, tears rising in her eyes.

"It's . . hard to explain."

"Was it me? Was it something I did?" Willow asked. Then it occurred to her.
"Is it
Xander?"

Oz's hesitation told her she'd hit the nail right on the head.

"It's over with me and Xander!" Willow said. "Please believe me."

"Willow, I do believe you. But I also know you're not going to be able to stop
loving
him."

"I love *you*" Willow protested.

"I know you do. I love you too. But I can't be with you with the ghost of
Xander always in my head . . and maybe yours. I don't want you to always
wonder 'what if''?" Oz explained.

"But there won't be what if . . I already know who I want to be with. I want
to be with
*you*, Oz. I love you."

"I can't do it, Will," Oz said sadly.

"Oz, please?" Willow said, desperate. She couldn't lose him. Not after
everything she'd gone through to get him back. "I'll do whatever you need,
I'll stop hanging around with Xander."

"I won't ask you to do that," Oz said. "It'd be unfair to you. And I guess to
him too."

"Oz . .don't do this," Willow begged.

"I have to. Goodbye Willow. I'll see you tomorrow."

Before Willow had a chance to respond, the dial tone buzzed softly in her ear.
She slowly replaced the receiver.

She looked around her room, trying to catch her breath, which had shortened.
It was all she could do to keep from breaking down in sobs. She felt frozen. I
lost him. I lost him.

She was overwhelmed with that feeling of lonliness she'd woken up to after the
haunting dream the other night. The gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach
was the same. It had come true. She was alone.

Willow let out a stifled sob. There was only one thing she wanted to do. When
she waslittle, whenever she was upset or scared or just lonely, she'd climb
out her balcony window and run the block and a half to Xander's house. He'd
kept a ladder outside his bedroom window and Willow had used to to climb up
and sneak into Xander's bedroom in the pitch blackness of the night. And she'd
climb into bed with him and they'd sleep like that for the rest of the night,
the two of them in Xander's

She hadn't done that in years though. And looking back at it, she realized it
was a miracle she hadn't been killed by vampires. Willow thought about it only
two seconds longer, and then she was out the balcony door.

*****

Willow stepped through the place in the chain-link fence at the edge of the
Harris
property where the fence had come apart from the post. Years ago, she and
Xander had tugged the opening wider so that they could squeeze through it. She
quickly made her way through the backyard and around to the side of the house.
She looked up at Xander's bedroom. A faint glow was coming from the window. He
probably had the TV on. She tore her gaze away from the window and looked
around on the ground. Yes, it was still there. A few feet away, slightly
covered with weeds, was the ladder. As quietly as she could she lifted the
ladder and leaned it against the house. The ladder seemed to creak loudly as
she made her way up. She came to Xander's window and looked in.

Xander was on his bed, his back to her. She couldn't see his face. The TV was
on an
infomercial on some sort of instant spaghetti maker. He had probably fallen
asleep.
Willow reached for the sash of the window and pushed up. The window opened
easily. A few moments later, Willow dropped softly to the rug of Xander's
room.

Wait a second . . rug? Willow hadn't even known Xander had a rug. She looked
around the room incredulously. It was clean. He'd cleaned his room. She
managed to stifle a laugh.

She crept over to Xander's bed. He was asleep. His chest rose and fell
silently in time with his deep, even breathing. His dark hair fell from his
forehead into his eyes. He looked so peaceful.

Willow noticed he had something clasped in one hand. A picture. She gently
pried it out of his grasp, taking care not to wake him. It was a picture of
her. Her and Xander. Right before Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale. They were
sitting on the front stoop of Willow's house. Xander had his arm slung around
Willow's shoulder and Willow had leaned her head against his chest,
comfortably settled in the crook of his arm. Both were grinning. Willow smiled
at the memory. She looked over at Xander. Still sleeping.

She stepped out of her shoes and lifted the corner of the covers. Wordlessly,
she slipped into bed beside him, curling up against his warm body. Xander
didn't move. She reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his.
Within minutes, she was sound asleep.

*****

Xander opened his eyes. Something had awakened him from his sleep. It was
still dark and the clock on his nightstand read 2:43 a.m. He started to roll
over.

There was somebody in bed with him. He froze.

Then he caught a glimpse of fiery red hair and relaxed. Willow. He smiled down
at his sleeping friend, remembering how she used to always come over late at
night like this. Willow's hair had fallen into her face, and she had a slight
smile on her lips. Xander reached down and tucked the stray strands of hair
behind her ear. Slowly, he settled himself back under the covers, taking
Willow into his arms. She faced away from him, and he could bury his face in
her hair. Letting out a long sigh, Xander gently kissed the top of Willow's
head.

"I love you, Willow," he whispered, before closing his eyes and drifting back
to sleep.

*****

Willow worked to keep her face perfectly motionless and her breathing even,
continuing to let Xander think she was asleep. He'd woken her up when he
touched her hair, but she hadn't opened her eyes, waiting to see what he would
do.

Her heart had started pounding when she heard his whispered words. After a few
moments, when it seemed Xander had gone back to sleep, without even thinking
about what she was saying, Willow whispered back to him. "I love you, too."

End Part Nine

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 21:10:11 -0800
From: [e-mail] (C. Catherine)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: My Moira (12/?)

TITLE: My Moira #12
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Future.  Semi-Buffy/Xander fanfic, but more Future Slayer.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.
FUTURE INSTALLMENTS: Since the list is closing down, I'd just like to
mention that any future installments will definitely be found at the "My
Moira" poriton of my site:
http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/network/1038/MM.html
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
My Moira #12
By: Taygeta

"So youngàso beautifulàso like her motherà" whispered Angelus in the
shadows of the cemetery.

The dust rose and fell when Moira stumbled and inadvertently staked the
vampire in the heart.

"Wow," said Moira to Cordelia, who had been following her from a
distance, "I wasn't even aiming for that."

Her Watcher folded her arms across her chest, "You can't always depend on
lucky breaks to help you through your vampire troubles and what if next
time, it's not a vampire?"

"ThenàIàfall over with a machete," the slayer said with her smile that
was a strange essence of her mother and her father.

"Moiraà" Cordelia said with a sigh, "and I thought your Dad was bad when
it came to making jokes."

"Well, Mom always said that I had Dad's humor."

"And that's a good thing?" a voice said questioningly from the shadows.

They armed themselves with their stakes and crosses and the slayer said
cautiously, "Who's there?"

Cordelia stopped her protΘgΘ from preceding further, recognizing the
voice with an almost nauseating wave of remembrance, "No, Moiraàstand
back."

"You better do as your watcher says, Slayeràyou don't wanna mess with
meà" Angelus replied as he came from behind the tree in full vampirical
form.

"Who are you?"

The demonic eyes of the long-immortal vampire met the watcher's eyes and
grinned with the realization that Moira still did not know who he was in
her future and who he had been in her mother's past.

Laughing softly as he turned back to the slayer, "Myàmyàaren't we the
innocent.  Really, CordeliaàI would have at least thought Buffy would
have used me as a pinnacle example for abstinence."

"Angel, this is neither the time nor the placeà" Cordelia replied
stiffly.

"And I was never one to defy prophecy, was I?" he chuckled, "200 some odd
years in this body, and I never once defied prophecyàmaybe it's time I
started?"

"Prophecy?"  Moira asked in a confused tone to her watcher.

But Angelus answered in her name, "Prophecy Girlà vampire
slayeràheadstrongàso much like your mother, you wouldn't believeà"

The wrinkle on her forehead deepened, "Who are you?"

"Your destinyà" he said, and with that, he disappeared back into the
cloak of darkness.

"Cordelia?" the slayer questioned her watcher again.

She gazed at her slayer for a moment and sighed, "Let's go home, Moira."

*~*~*

"I still don't understand why you can't tell me," she said exasperatingly
when Cordelia stopped in front of the Summers-Harris home.

"I can't tell you because it's not my place to tell you.  I have to tell
you what he represents to you as a slayer, but before I can do that, you
have to know what he represented to your mom and only she can tell you
that."

"So, what do you expect me to do?" she said, "What am I suppose to say?
'  Hi, Momàwho's Angel?'"

"Moiraà" sighed Cordelia.

The slayer followed her sigh and replied, "FineàI'll ask her.  Good
night, Cordelia."

"Good night," she replied and as she saw her slayer walk towards the
house, "and good luckà"

*~*~*

"Mom?"  Moira asked looking up from her books on her bed.

"Some late night studying?"  Buffy said with surprise as she walked into
her daughter's room.

"A little history homework to finish, that's all," she replied.

"Well, I'm glad that you're keeping with your school work, in spite of
all thisàstuff," her mom said.  She kissed her on the cheek and perchance
a glance at the latest copy of 21st Era Teen on top of her history book.
She took it up and continued, "School work?"

"It strengthens my education," Moira justified.

Buffy skimmed the cover, "18 ways to tell if he loves you."  Her daughter
smiled sheepishly as she handed her back to the magazine, "Finish your
work and get sleep, huh?"

"Yes, Mom.  Good night," she said as her mother walked out the room.
Contemplating for a moment, she called out, "Mom?"

Buffy turned around, "Yeah, honey?"

"Who's Angel?"


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