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buffyfic-digest      Wednesday, January 13 1999      Volume 03 : Number 014



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (4/18)
       BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (0/6) by Mace
       BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (5/18)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 17:53:19 PST
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (4/18)

Title: Best Intentions
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two.
distribution: Sure, just let me know.
rating: PG-13, there is some swearing in this part.
summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as
ChristineÆs amazing story, æThe Wildest Times in the WorldÆ although
technically this story takes place before that one. If you havenÆt read
it, e-mail me and IÆll send it to you although you can read this story
even if you havenÆt read hers.
Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything.
Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for
helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. Wow, and
thereÆs still more I could thank you for. :)



May 28, 2005

Cordelia wiped the tears from her face, the pain of losing them still
fresh after all this time. And the pain of losing them was nothing
compared to the pain she still felt without Xander.

She stood and walked over to her desk. Sitting down she opened a locked
drawer and pulled out Willow's letter, holding the tear-stained page in
her hand. Smoothing it open on the desk she began to read.

Cordelia,

I saw your wedding announcement in today's paper and I felt I had to
write. I once thought of you as a friend, and in memory of that I want
to wish you all of the best.

No, scratch that. I don't want to wish you anything good at all. You
almost destroyed Xander when you left, when you changed. He loved you so
much and you threw it away. I hope someday you regret what you did, but
I guess with no emotions it's hard to feel.

How could you do that to Xander, Cordelia? I would have bet my life on
the fact that you loved him. We all would have. He's going to be fine
though, finally. His first book will be out on the shelves next month.
Yes, that's right, the loser you were so embarrassed to be with is a
success. He'll be rich and famous and everything you ever wanted. Too
bad you didn't wait, you could have had everything without destroying
him.

I want to tell you of a night, soon after he heard of your engagement.
He walked into a pack of feeding vampires armed with only one stake. He
went to die because of you. Because he thought he wasn't worth anything.
Buffy saved him at the last minute. A vampire was biting him when she
arrived. He begged her to let him go, that without you nothing seemed
important, certainly not his life.

I hope you know what you gave up Cordelia, and I hope you live with it
for a long, long time.

Willow

Cordelia folded the letter again, carefully sliding it back into its
hiding place, remembering the horror she had felt after reading it the
first time. Cursing herself again for ever believing that Xander would
live happily ever after with Buffy once she was gone.

She stood shakily and walked over to the shelf that held all of Alex
Harris's books.  Pulling the very first one off the shelf, she opened it
to the dedication and traced her fingers over the words.

Dedicated to the girl who gave up everything for me. I hope you got it
all back.

Cordelia broke into loud choking sobs, pleading for understanding in an
empty room. "I didn't want it. I didn't want any of it. All I wanted was
you." Falling to her knees she cradled the book in her arms, holding the
only piece of Xander she had left.

Cordelia lay on the floor for hours after she had stopped crying, just
lying with her eyes closed and her mind empty. There was nothing left
for her in this life, she had lost everything that meant anything to her
and it hadn't done anyone any good. Buffy was still alone, and unhappy.
All she had done was to cause them more pain. She just wanted to sleep
forever, to forget everything about that time and the hope she had then.

"On the floor is where you belong my darling wife." The voice coming
from the doorway was filled with contempt.

Cordelia stiffened, realizing that she hadn't even heard him open the
door. Rolling up into a sitting position she looked at her husband, his
insult not even registering in her mind. She stared at the still
handsome face that only showed slight signs of the life he lived, the
drinking and partying. And all the women she reminded herself. The women
he never even bothered to lie about or try to hide. He stared back at
her, his eyes not angry for once, just sad.

Pulling herself to her feet she quickly put on her robe and a cheery
smile on her face. "Doug. Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"
Walking quickly towards the door she tried to slip past him.

"Do you hate me?" His voice was low, as he leaned against the doorframe
and blocked her escape.

Cordelia stopped, surprised at his question. "What? No, of course not.
You're my husband."

He smiled then, an evil smile that ran down her spine. "Then why do you
cry for him every night?"

She swallowed, not knowing the right answer to tell him. She just
continued staring at him, trying to keep her expression blank.

"Do you want him Cordelia? Want him to touch the ice queen's body? Did
you move for him honey? Or did you just lie there like you always did
for me? Cordelia Chase is too good to enjoy fucking? And Chase, you were
too good to even take my name. Would you have taken his? Would he have
let you? Or was he smart enough to insist on sampling the goods before
signing on?"

He looked at her with such hatred that Cordelia wanted to close her eyes
to hide from it. Instead she hid behind the wall that had protected her
before. "Maybe if you hadn't slept with my maid of honor on the wedding
day I might enjoy being touched by you more."

"She certainly liked it. She did have quite a glow during the ceremony."
He laughed at the memory, before his face hardened once again. "I could
make you like it."

"No." The word flew from her mouth and she couldn't stop it. But there
was no way his hands were going to touch her ever again. She would spend
the rest of her life in this apartment as his wife, but if he touched
her with his filthy hands she would die. "Never again. You have your
whores and your booze. Live with that."

"And what if I want my wife?" He moved closer to her, his hand reaching
out to touch her face.

She backed up into the room, looking around for an escape. "Then you
find a new wife."

"But you'll never leave me Cordelia. You think this is your punishment
don't you? I'm your purgatory for a mistake you made with him." His hand
grabbed the book from her hand before she could stop him. Opening it to
the dedication he read it aloud. "To the girl who gave up everything for
me. I hope you got it all back. Well, he certainly sounds like a sap.
Maybe he actually felt something for you? Is that even possible? Can you
love an empty shell? Even if it is a very pretty shell." Her leered at
her as he dropped the book carelessly to the floor.

Cordelia wanted to run and pick it up, but she was frozen to the spot.
Standing in her room, with the man who had sworn to love, honor and
protect her forever she had never felt so alone. "Why did you marry me?"

"Because I had to." Her husband spoke casually, almost smiling.

"Why?" Her voice was haughty, and she kept her head high.

"My father threatened to cut off my trust fund if I didn't settle down
with an acceptable woman. He picked you out." Smiling openly now, her
husband walked over and sat on her bed, watching to see her reaction.

"Picked me out? What, did you give him a list of women you knew with the
right credentials?" She asked him, her mask firmly in place.

"Basically. He thought you would make good breeding material. And as
long as I'm married to you he doesn't care what I do."

Cordelia stared at him, finally understanding why he hadn't even tried
to pretend he felt anything for her after the wedding had taken place.
She had taken it for almost two years because she believed it was her
fault, something in her that turned him away. That her love for Xander
had hurt him in some way and made him into the person he was. She felt a
great weight lifting off her shoulders as she realized that she had done
nothing to make him the jerk he was. "So, I'm your ticket to a free
ride?"

"Yup." He leaned back on his elbows, grinning at her with hate.

Cordelia smiled back at him, feeling the first stirring of pleasure she
had known since she had walked away from Xander. This marriage wasn't
her punishment for losing faith, and she didn't have to stay. "Last stop
then Doug. This ticket's marked void."

He jumped to his feet, fear showing in his face. He stared at her, his
face showing his realization that he had pushed to far, and given too
much away. "Cordelia, honey, I didn't mean it. I love you, I really do.
We can make this work, go to counseling. I'll stop drinking. I promise.
We can be happy together."

Her smile grew even broader as he begged her. "No we can't. Because I
never meant any of it. When I promised to be with you forever I lied. I
was punishing myself and now I'm done."

"Cordelia.." His voice trailed off as his eyes pleaded with hers.

Turning away from him she walked into her dressing room and quickly shut
and locked the door behind her. Sitting down at her make-up table she
considered her reflection in the mirror. Slowly she began brushing her
hair, not responding to her husband's pleas from the other side of the
door.

"He won't take you back. This Alex Harris guy won't want you. No one
will. You'll be alone forever. He hates you now. He won't take you
back."

Cordelia answered his words, softly enough that he wouldn't be able to
hear her. Speaking sadly to the worn looking woman in the mirror.
"Probably not. But I can handle being alone, I've been alone for years
now."

She stood up and began throwing stuff into her suitcases, only taking a
fraction of her clothes. In less than an hour she had collected
everything that she wanted to take. Everything except the letter from
Willow, the reminder of the horrible mistake she had made that she
wanted to keep with her always. She walked into her bedroom, expecting
him to be waiting for her, to beg her to stay, but the room was empty.
Quickly getting the letter and all of Xander's books she walked out of
her bedroom for the last time.

Her husband sat in a chair by the door, an open bottle of whiskey in his
hand. "You'll be back. There is nothing for you out there."

Cordelia turned to look at him one last time. "There's nothing for me
anywhere. I'm a shell, remember?"

"What are you going to do?"

She stopped with her hand on the doorknob, suddenly realizing she hadn't
even considered anything beyond leaving the apartment. "I'm going home."
The words were out of her mouth before she could stop to think. But she
knew that she would go home. She would go home and she would apologize
for the pain she had caused.
******

Feedback, please?


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 21:15:32 -0000
From: "mace" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (0/6) by Mace

TITLE: The Game Played
AUTHOR: Mace
DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem=
y,
the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the
Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities.
All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would
appreciate it and so will you.
SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place
after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by
one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they
wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own
problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h=
er
daughter.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet
write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali=
ze
that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I
think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s=
ome
substance.
FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as
much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin=
k
*everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak=
e
my biggest fans ruin their families' holidays (and yours) by making them
come after you.  Send it to [e-mail]

*****

PROLOGUE

*****
Angel sat in the large manor with a frown marring his angelic visage.  Hi=
s
eyes were slightly moist with tears he would *not* allow himself the grac=
e
to shed.  It wasn't bad enough that he'd lost his soul, spent months as
Angelus, went to *Hell*, fought with another Slayer, and nearly got kille=
d,
but now, his one reason for . . . existing wanted nothing to do with him.
And, for a brief moment, Angel recalled, he wasn't even existing.  Lying
with the Slayer, he *had* been alive.

Alive.  It caused more heartache that he thought a demon could cause.  In
the beginning, when Angelus was in charge of his body, it had been a
heartless killer killing.  Somehow, it was different, him knowing and, in
time, becoming friends with his victims.  It had driven the demon insane,
spending one-hundred-years trapped with a tortured soul.  Lump living wit=
h
Angel brooding and in love << Madly, passionately, and completely lost in
love . . . >>, Angelus was driven completely nuts.

Now, she didn't even want to be friends.  Not that he could blame her.  H=
e'd
treated her like trash when he was Angelus, killed Jenny Calendar, stalke=
d
her and her friends.  It's not as if he would have settled for being =91j=
ust
friends,' anyway.

Spike.  Spike knew.  He knew there wasn't anyway they could be just frien=
ds.
Angelus suspected, Angel knew that Spike was aware of just how much Angel
really *was* in love with Buffy the vampire Slayer.  He recalled the fain=
t
dust of . . . flushing . . . coloring Buffy's face when Spike was relatin=
g
to them exactly what he knew about immortal love.  And that's what it was=
. .
. .

"Um=97 Angel?" came a female voice from the door.

Angel was dismayed to think he hadn't heard her.  It had been like that
since he got out of Hell.  He'd been able to *sense* Buffy, but not hear
her.  He hadn't been able to *sense* Spike or the other Slayer. . . .

"Wh=97 yes?" Angel asked.

It was the *other* Slayer.  The one that resulted from Buffy's death.  It
was always the *other* Slayer after him.  First Kendra.  Now . . . whoeve=
r
she was.

"I'm Faith," she said without preamble.

"Faith," Angel said aloud.  "Here to kill me?"

"That was harsh," Faith said as she stepped into the room.

<< What'd you expect?  Roses? >>

"Last time I saw you, your Watcher was trying to destroy the world, you w=
ere
trying to ram a stake through my chest, and fighting Buffy.  What do you
want?" Angel asked.

"To=97 uh=97 apologize.  Xander Harris decided to use me as his
personal-vendetta-seeking-weapon. I've been avoiding him, so I won't . . .
drive a stake through his heart when I see him," Faith replied.

"I don't think I'd stop you.  He's never done anything except cause
problems.  You've apologized. Anything else?" Angel asked quickly.

"From what little I've heard from B, you were kinda . . . reserved.  What
happened?" Faith asked.

"B=97?  Buffy.  Oh, yeah.  I guess you haven't heard about everything tha=
t
happened.  Spike came back looking for a spell to get Drusilla back.  He
kidnaped Willow and Xander.  Looking for Buffy for . . . something, he en=
ded
up in Buffy's house having coffee with Misses Summers.  Buffy, Spike, and=
 I
went to look for a book, and we got ambushed by a bunch of vamps.  Xander
and Willow were caught kissing.  Oz, Willow, Xander, and Cordelia all bro=
ke
up =91cause they couldn't keep their hormones in check.  Oh, and Cordelia=
 was
nearly killed," Angel said.

"I missed a lot, huh?" Faith asked with a grin.

"You can't *not* be around and expect to keep up with everything.  Things
change *so* quickly," Angel said.

"So, what's wrong with you?" Faith asked.

"Nothing's wrong with me," Angel lied.  "You should go.  Spend too much t=
ime
around me, and you're likely to make enemies."

"S'okay.  I brought my own to Sunnydale.  And you're lying, by the way.  =
I'd
say it has something to do with Buffy, from the expression on your face.
What happened, Ang?"

"Don't call me Ang.  It's worse than Deadboy.  And, no, nothing's wrong w=
ith
me," Angel said.
Faith nodded.

"I guess I should let you get on with your mopping.  I do wanna warn you,
though.  If you don't take care of your problems, someone messes with you=
r
business and does it for you," and, with that parting shot, Faith exited =
the
mansion.

*****

Willow Rosenberg was absorbed in her own thoughts.  It wasn't bad enough
that Buffy and Angel were having serious trouble, that Miss Calendar was
dead, and there was obviously *something* wrong between Misses Summers an=
d
Giles, but now she'd messed up Oz's, Xander's, Cordelia's and her own lif=
e.

"Hey, Willow," Faith said.

"Oh, Faith, hi," Willow said as she was startled out of her reverie.

"All's not happy in romance-land, is it?" Faith asked.

"So, Buffy told you?" Willow asked softly.

"No, Ang, but he didn't give me details," Faith replied.

"Angel?  When did you see Angel?" Willow asked, frowning.

"Went to apologize for trying to stake him.  I thought it was only fair.
He's not happy.  What happened?" Faith asked.

"Buffy told me that they . . . she ended their friendship.  Spike started
talking about how they could never be *just friends*, and it kinda hit Bu=
ffy
close to home.  So, they aren't friends anymore," Willow said. << Poor
Buffy. >>

The two girls continued to stroll down the sidewalk, conversing casually
about Buffy's ex.

"Oh=97?" Faith asked, purposely in a strange tone.  "It shouldn't take hi=
m too
long to find another girlfriend.  He is *seriously* hot." << Take it,
Willow, C'mon, defend your friend's territory. >>

Willow gave Faith an odd look.

"I don't think he's gonna want anyone but Buffy.  Girls came onto him a l=
ot
in the Bronze, and he only wanted and fell for Buffy," Willow said with a=
n
edge of warning.

"Skipping over to other things.  What happened with you and Xander.  I'm =
not
trying to pry, or anything, just wondering," Faith said, quickly changing
the subject.

"It's okay.  Well, I've always had this thing for Xander, that is, until =
a
few months ago. . . ."

*****

Faith walked in the library to witness Buffy knocking the stuffing=97 or
stuffy=97 ((**HE-HE-HE**)) out of Giles.  Her face was tightened,
concentrating, not on Giles, but on something . . . or someone else.

"Ah=97 good=97 Faith," Giles said as he barely ducked a kick at
full-Slayer-strength.  "I have some research to do.  Why don't you and Bu=
ffy
train together? =97Good." He never waited for a response as he fled to hi=
s
office.

"What's his problem?" Faith asked as she eyed Giles's path, like she didn=
't
know.

"I think I scared him away," Buffy admitted as she took a swig of her wat=
er.

Faith examined Buffy's eyes and face.  It was obvious to anyone with half=
 a
brain Buffy had been crying.  A plan had been forming in the back of her
mind since she left the mansion.  Upon seeing Buffy, she got the rest of
plan in her mind.  And, it just might work.

"So, B, who were fighting?" Faith asked.

"Giles," Buffy said as if Faith was insane.

"Not from what I saw.  You were totally not focused on Giles.  So, who we=
re
you fighting?  Angel?" Faith asked.

"=97Angel?  Uh=97 no!" Buffy said, her voice a pitch or so higher.  "Why =
would I
be fighting Angel?"

"Just an observation.  Sorry, Buff, not tryin' to pry.  What's his proble=
m?
He seemed, I dunno, upset. What happened this week?" Faith asked
nonchalantly.

"You=97 you saw him?" Buffy asked, slightly surprised.

"Well, yeah, I tried to kill him.  Doesn't exactly make for the closest o=
f
relationships.  I apologized. You don't mind that I saw him, do you?" Fai=
th
asked.

"No.  Why would I?  You=97 you're just friends, right?" Buffy added quick=
ly.

<< Bingo! >> Faith thought.

"I wouldn't call us friends just yet, or anything," Faith said.  ". . .We=
ll,
I gotta go, Buff.  Kinda wanna get some vamp-dusting done. See ya later."

"Want some company?" Buffy asked as she slid off the table.

"S'okay.  Don't worry =91bout it," Faith said as she left the library.

She could barely hold her smirk back as she strolled out of the library.

*****

END PROLOGUE

*****

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 13 Jan 1999 07:39:01 PST
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (5/18)

Title: Best Intentions
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two.
distribution: Sure, just let me know.
summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as
Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although
technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read
it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you although technically this story
takes place before hers so you can read this story even if you haven't
read hers.
Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything.
Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for
helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's
still more I could thank you for. :)






Sunnydale
August 21, 2005

Cordelia leaned in the window of her car, trying unsuccessfully to grab
the mannequin that she had left sitting on the passenger side. Shifting
her weight she tried to keep a grip on the armful of stuff she was
already carrying, but failed miserably. She pulled the mannequin out of
the car and stood staring at the mess in front of her. Pushing the hair
that had escaped from her ponytail off her face she bent down to start
picking things up.

Struggling into her little shop Cordelia dropped everything just inside
the door. Shaking her head she looked down at her wrinkled shirt and the
stain on her newly dry-cleaned skirt. Noticing a long run up the front
of her nylons she sighed, wondering where all her poise had escaped to.
Her first client was coming in this morning to pick up her order, and
Cordelia needed to look like she was in control.

Walking into the little dressing room she quickly peeled off her nylons,
dumping them into the trash can.  Looking around at the clothes hanging
all around the room she pulled a simple dress off a hanger and quickly
changed.  Pulling a brush through her hair she peeked in a mirror and
decided that it was the best she could do, dropping the brush she went
back out front to straighten up before her client's arrival.

Nervously tapping her fingers along a table she checked her watch one
more time, ten minutes late now. She cursed herself for not insisting on
payment up front. But her old pride had kept her from doing anything
that might imply that she needed any money to keep this shop going. She
pictured herself having to ask her father for help, seeing the
condescending look on his face as her wrote her a check. Blocking the
thought from her head she took a deep breath and calmed herself.

Twenty minutes later Mrs. Brooks walked in through the door, her
daughter trailing behind her. Cordelia hid the relief she felt as she
showed them the dresses, helped them try them on and took the check Mrs.
Brooks held out to her. She saw them to the door and once it closed
behind them she turned around, walking shakily over to her chair and
sitting down. She looked at the check in her hand, quickly subtracting
the money she had spent on material and the money she needed to pay her
rent. It would cover everything and then some. She smiled, Mrs. Brooks
would tell all her friends at the country club and soon she would have
more business than she could handle. As long as she kept the illusion
alive that was, if anyone actually thought that Cordelia Chase needed
their money she wouldn't get one more penny of it. But if they thought
that she was just another socialite with too much time on her hands she
was set. They didn't need to know her father wouldn't give her a cent
unless she moved back into his home, or that she would rather die than
do that.

She needed to prove to herself that she could do something on her own,
maybe even be good at it. And that she could be alone, with no one to
protect her and still she could survive. She didn't understand exactly
why it was so important to her that she be totally self-sufficient, but
it was.  If she ever saw Xander again, ever got a chance to explain to
him , she didn't want him to think that she was the shallow person she
once had been.

She laughed bitterly to herself at her thought that she may see Xander
again. She had been in town for almost three months and hadn't seen any
of the old gang. She wasn't even sure if he still lived here, if any of
them did. She assumed that Buffy and Giles were around, because of the
Hellmouth.  But it was probably better if they weren't here anyway, they
would never forgive her, Xander would never forgive her and it would be
hell to see him living his life with someone else.

Her life continued much the same over the next few weeks. After Mrs.
Brooks she had more clients than she could handle; and everyone wanted a
Cordelia Chase original. She worked until late every night, careful to
always carry a cross and a squirt gun full of holy water. She worked
every day, never taking a  day off, using the work to block out the
choking loneliness and the urge that grew stronger every day to seek
Xander out, to try and make him forgive her.  She worked even later on
the nights when the feeling was strong, hoping that one day it would
fade, or that one day she would have the courage to actually do it. To
go and find him and try to explain and apologize for the pain she caused
him. She couldn't do it though, the thought of seeing hate in his eyes
freezing her.  It was one of the nights when the pain was almost
unbearable that she saw one of them again.

"Cordelia Chase doing manual labor. Now I have seen it all." Buffy's
voice dripped sarcasm as Cordelia dropped the piece of material she had
been pinning together to the floor.

Putting on her best Cordelia face, the one she usually reserved for her
haughtiest clients she considered the Slayer. She felt her stomach lurch
at the coldness in the Slayer's eyes, and the expression of distaste on
her face. Cordelia stood and waited for the Slayer to continue, not
knowing what to say to her.

"I heard a nasty rumor that you were back in town and I had to check it
out. I guess Giles was right when he said that Sunnydale attracts all
sorts of bad guys." Buffy spoke harshly.

Cordelia watched Buffy speak, unable to understand the words over the
roar in her ears. She knew she would cry later, feel the pain of the
words, but she was unable to do anything more than stare mutely at
Buffy.

"What, no witty comeback. No insult on my outfit, or hair? Are you
slipping Cordy?" Buffy walked around the shop, examining the dresses
that hung on racks all along the walls. Turning back to Cordelia she
looked her up and down before speaking again. "Did hubby not have enough
money to satisfy you? Or was it that you didn't satisfy him?" Arching
one eyebrow the Slayer looked at her.

Cordelia could only stare in shock as the girl she had given up
everything for threw insults at her. She moved forward then, her mouth
opening to speak, to scream at the Slayer. To tell her of everything she
had given up for her. To tell her that she had seen her kiss Xander and
instead of hating her, she had given him up so that the pain in Buffy's
eyes would go away. That she had left town believing Xander would be
blissfully happy with the Slayer and that they would feel no guilt over
betraying her because she had made it easy for them. She wanted to tell
Buffy everything and watch as the self-righteous look faded from her
eyes. But she couldn't make herself do it, because behind the anger and
hate in the Slayer's eyes the pain was still there. The loneliness that
Cordelia now understood. Telling the Slayer wouldn't take her pain away
and it would only make the Buffy's worse.

Smiling sadly at Buffy she replied, "Something like that." Turning back
to the mannequin she picked up the material she had dropped on the floor
and returned to her work. She kept her eyes glued to the work in front
of her until she heard Buffy walk out of the room and leave the shop.

Leaning her head into her hands Cordelia let the tears slip down her
cheeks. She had been surprised by the level of animosity the Slayer had
towards her. Wiping the tears off her face she sat rubbing her forehead
for a minute, speaking softly into the empty room. "Well, let it never
be said that I don't leave a lasting impression."

Taking a deep breath she picked up her pins and began working again.
*******


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