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buffyfic-digest        Friday, January 1 1999        Volume 02 : Number 401



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: We Really Shouldn't...(1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (1a/?)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 00:10:20 -0600
From: Samantha McCullah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: We Really Shouldn't...(1/1)

TITLE: We Really Shouldn't...(1/1)
AUTHOR: Samantha McCullah
EMAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Just keep my name attached and you can post it.
SPOILERS: Everything before and including Homecoming is fair game.
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT: Nothing that isn't on the show...WXR
SUMMARY: Xander's thoughts leading up to Willow kissage :)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xander or Willow; Joss does. I don't
own the song 'We Really Shouldn't Be Doing This' either; George
Strait does. Dialogue is from the 'Homecoming' ep.

Words in ** ** are song lyrics.
- ------------------------
We Really Shouldn't...(1/1)
by Samantha McCullah

This was a bad idea. After everything that's happened, after everything
I've started feeling, I should have known this was a bad idea. But do I
listen to my inner voices? Nope. I come here anyway.

Have I mentioned this is a bad idea? I mean, hello, teenage boy with
teenage hormones. I'm gonna go home right now and take a nice, long,
freezing shower for a bout an hour and...my God, she looks good.

This is definitely not a good thing. Cordy's gonna kill me!

**We really shouldn't be doin' this
  And we both know why
  Just being close enough to think like this
  Enough to make you need to lie**

"Uh, I know. 'Nice.'" She's talking. Must focus on words, must reply.

"I was gonna go with 'gorgeous'." That's it, Harris, open your mouth and
make a bad situation into worse.

"Really?" She's smiling at me. I love that smile. It makes her whole face
light up, and you can see the real Willow. "You, too. I-in a guy way."

"Oz is very lucky." Ah, the wonders of small talk; it's almost like old
times. Except not. I wonder if Willow knows what I'd give to be in his
place. To touch her, hold her...kiss her. Wake up, Harris! You got Cordy.
What more do you need?

**This kinda talk will lead us to somewhere
  We're gettin' way too close to going there
  The farther off the better to resist
  We really shouldn't be doin' this**

"I don't know if I can dance in this. I don't know if I can dance!" I
think I missed part of the conversation, but, hey, Xander Rule #102:
If it's not a demon, go with it.

"Come on. Piece of cake." Oh, and what am I gonna do? Embarrass myself
more?...alienate my best friend?...humiliate my girlfriend? Xander
Rule #2: Too many questions make brain hurt.

"Well, that seems to, um..." Yeah, that about sums it up. I'm going
straight to Hell. I need to get out of here...I need to go see
Cordy...I need to kiss Willow.

"Yeah. This shouldn't be a...problem." Not at the moment, no. But
later...later, I'd rather face a thousand Spikes than one pissed
off Cordy. And she is going to be pissed. If she finds out....

"No, no problem." That's it, Harris, lean in a little closer and
sign your heart away on the dotted line.

**Only an isolated incident
  But the acquaintance left me stunned
  The first attraction was the hardest hit
  I thought I'd ever overcome**

This is good...NO! This is bad...But she's a great kisser. Too great.
Exactly how much has Oz taught her?! Hmmm, this is nice...but, no,
bad...good kiss...oh, to Hell with it!

"That didn't just happen!" That's it, Harris, slip into denial. Yeah,
that'll make it all better, and when the fluffy pink bunnies start
talking to you, we'll call the men in white coats.

"No! I mean, it did, but it didn't!" She's cute when she's nervous.
STOP! Harris, think of Cordy. Think of anything but Willow's soft,
yielding lips...and there you go again.

**This kinda situation has to pass
  This chance encounter has to be the last
  To take it further we would be remiss
  We really shouldn't be doin' this**

"Because I respect you. And Oz. And I would never..." Yes, I would. I
just did, idiot. And I enjoyed it. Best kiss I've ever had, better than
Cordy.

"I would never, either! I-it must be the clothes. I-it's a fluke." Just
a fluke, a one time thing. Never happen again. Nope. Not ever. Uh-huh,
keep telling yourself that, Harris, and someday you'll believe it.

"It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no more fluking."
Right. No more. I'm quitting cold turkey. I'm never going to kiss her again.
No matter how much I want to kiss her, lick her earlobe...touch her.

"Not ever." Then why are we doing it again?! We both gotta stop for
this to work. 'Cuz, if she isn't gonna stop, them I'm not.

**We'd each be hurting somebody else
  If we don't say our good-byes real fast
  Won't even think about a farewell kiss
  We really shouldn't be a doin' this**

"We gotta get out of these clothes!" Oh, yeah, that's what I want. NO!
That's a bad Xander. No cookie.

"Right now!" Hey, maybe she wants -- if we don't stop right now,
we're gonna end up....Maybe I should go there.

"Oh, I didn't mean..." Yes, I did. Need we go over this again?

"I didn't... me, either!" Oh, I need a shower. A cold one. Maybe
I'll just fill the bathtub up with ice. Yeah, that'll work.

**Well...We really shouldn't be doin' this!**

*Fin*
- ------------------

I know, I wrote something that wasn't Buffy/Spike ;) Feedback is
appreciated!

Sam -- Evil Spike
Lasciate Ogni Speranza Voi Ch'entrate
        -- Dante, The Inferno
http://welcome.to/unholyallies
ICQ: 19243944
"Evil exists to glorify the good. Evil is negative good. It
is a relative term. Evil can be transmuted into good. What
is evil to one at one time, becomes good at another time
to somebody else."
          -- Sivananda

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 1 Jan 1999 12:58:29 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (1a/?)

TITLE: Can't Hide the Past
*
AUTHOR: Shadows
*
DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on yo=
ur
own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at [e-mail]
*
DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last epi=
sode
that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then=
 my
mind will have it's own play.

 Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang
finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to=
 all
of them.

 Chapter 1: Basically getting aqquainted to where the characters are now,
really. And each of them is mysteriously attacked by something they had
thought they had all left behind in the past.
*
DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some major stuff to say that is not mine and what *=
is*
mine.

 Buffy Summers: Not mine. "Belongs to Joss Whedon, the WB, and ya know the
rest. i really hate repitition. It dulls the keys on the keyboard."
 Jonah Daly: Mine. Buffy's husband. I kinda took the name off of Carson Da=
ly
from MTV because I was totally lacking in creative inspiration there, for =
a
moment. Um, Jonah is bascially like the MTV dude. I'm gonna make him out t=
o be
like that.
 Elisabeth Sarah "Es" Summers-Daly: I own her. She's Buffy & Jonah's kid.

 Faith Moss: I don't own Faith. "" I made up the last name because so far,=
 she
is lacking in one.

 Xander Harris: I don't own him. ""
 Cordelia Chase: I don't own her. ""
 Jonathan Peters: I own him. Buffy's
 Nicholas Peters: I own him. The child of Jonathan and Cordelia.
 Julia "Julie" and Joshua "Josh" Harris: I own them. They are the product =
of
Xander and his marriage to his first wife, Emily Longston. Her disclaimer'=
ll
come later when I use her.
 Andrea "Annie" Harris: I own her. The child of Xander and Cordelia.

 Willow Rosenberg: I don't own her. "" I've also based her completely on
Alanis Morissette, because whenever I think of who I want Willow to be lik=
e
when she grows up, BOOM, I get the picture of Alanis Morissette. So be it.
 Jeremy "Oz" Osbourne: I don't own him. "" I made up the first name 'cause=
 I
doubt his parents were cool enough to actually name his "Oz", unless they =
were
one of 'em hippy people or something when they had him. Then he probably
would've been name something like Clover or another hippy name. ::insert
shudder here::
 Adriana "Echo" Ruben-Brown: I own her. She's Willow's friend from college=
,
and they are both members of a coven that they helped start. She is also t=
he
wife of:
 Devon Brown: I don't own him. "" He was an original mmeber of "Dingoes At=
e My
Baby." I made up his last name because I figure that he needs one. He is
married to Echo, and is part of the band:
 "Hellmouth": I own the name. Oh, c'mon, what would be a cooler and more
likely name for Oz's band, after "Dingoes Ate My Baby" got tired? My frien=
d
liked the name, anyway. All of their songs are someone elses, and likewise=
,
their disclaimer'll follow.

 Green Leaf Cafe: I hope I own it. It's a little cafe in Greenwich where B=
uffy
once worked a while back, before she was "discovered" by her husband.
 Jack Hansen: I own him. Xander's co-worker down where he works.
 The song that Willow is singing is the first part of Alanis Morissette's =
"All
I Really Want." I'm not a songwriter, folks. Forgive me for lack of
originality.
 White Rose Coven: I own it. Oh, I hope I'm making the name up. If their i=
s an
actual coven out there by that name, I did not use that name purposely. So=
rry.
 MoonRaven: I own her. I took he name from the lady witch who runs "A
Mystickal Grove", a popular Wiccan site on the Internet.
*
*
*
Can't Hide the Past
Chapter 1
Part A (Cause stupid AOL won't let me past the whole darn thing in one e-
mail!!!)



=09It was a dark and stormy night.

=09Outside, the rain pounded against the window in sheets, causing the pan=
es to
shake and rattle whenever the strong wind came a-wuthering around the hous=
e.
Three o'clock in the morning, and the rain so clouded the street lamplight=
 and
the radiance of the stars that it was pitch-black outside for yards and ya=
rds,
lightning providing the only luminance. Thunder was it's companion, boomin=
g
all around the house, showing off that nature did have a damn good stereo
system. Outside, trees and garbage cans were knocked over without much cau=
tion
from the wind, and anybody stuck out in this storm was not to fare well.

=09She was not outside. She was inside, staring outside the fogged-up wall
window in the living room, watching the torrents of rain that pounded agai=
nst
her house with unseeing eyes. She was dressed in a ratty old shirt that sa=
id
"I work for the Green Leaf Caf=E9" in big, bold green letters, and as she =
sat on
the armrest of a rather expensive-looking leather couch, a pair of decorat=
ive
purple panties were visible, along with luxuriously long legs. In her thin=
,
lithe, trembling little hands was a warm mug of cocoa, quite a comfort to =
her
throughout the night.

=09Upstairs, in the master bedroom, her husband Jonah was fast asleep, pro=
bably
shivering from the cold because he always kicked the bedsheets to the bott=
om
of the bed, and he refused to wear anything else besides an amusing pair o=
f
flannel boxers. Down the hall, past the bathroom, the guest bedroom, and t=
he
utility closet, her daughter Elisabeth Sarah slept like the little angel t=
hat
she was in the nursery. They still called it the nursery, she thought with=
 a
trace of humor, although "Es" had just turned six years old a month ago. I=
t
was still decorated like a child's room, also, and Jonah groaned the other=
 day
about Es reaching the age where *she* would want to decorate her own room.=
 His
wife shared his same fear.

=09And, downstairs was her, she who could never get a decent night's sleep=
. Yet,
"you never get baggy eyes!", as one of her co-stars had once told her. She=
 had
just smiled at them and gave them her little secret-cucumbers, a hot bath,
relaxing incense, and most importantly, "tons and tons of foundation!"
Foundation, of course, was every actress's necessary tool in her line of w=
ork.

=09Still, while that made it looked like she got plenty of sleep, her body=
 still
dragged miles behind. Or at least, it used to. Her body had been condition=
ed
over the years to function without a lot of sleep. It came with both field=
s of
work . . . both of them indeed, she thought with a sigh.

=09There was a flash of lightning, and much to soon for comfort, a rumble =
of
thunder pierced through the night. She jumped, and then made sure that non=
e of
the cocoa spilled out of the mud and into the ankle-deep, beige carpeting =
of
the sunken living room. Tired of nature and tired of the world in general,=
 she
cradled the cup of cocoa to her chest and quickly and carefully made her w=
ay
back to the kitchen.

=09When she entered the large, modern-age kitchen, the first thing she did=
 was
flip on the light switch. She blinked as her eyes became conditioned to th=
e
sudden change in lighting. Then, with a toss of her waist-length, wavy, di=
rty-
blond hair, she made her way to the refrigerator.

=09Binge-fest, in the middle of the night, and still she kept a good figur=
e.
Exercise, plently of exercise, both officially with her personal trainer a=
nd
unofficially chasing after her six-year-old, her brother-in-law, and the
family dog. Not even counting her rigerous shooting schedule. It seemed th=
at
she never had an ounce of free time . . . never time to be herself. She wa=
s
always either mother, wife, or actress.

=09She was never Buffy.

=09But now, during the late hours of the night and the wee hours of the mo=
rning,
she could be herself. So, settling down at the kitchen table with her cup =
of
cocoa, a slice of apple pie, and the latest issue of In Style, Buffy was
content with being Buffy.

=09On page 52 there was, not surprisingly, yet another article about her. =
It
began with the usual line: "At only 32, Buffy Summers-Daly has become
Hollywood's favorite darling" or some rot like that. Whenever one of those
horrible reporter-persons came around, Buffy just usually rolled her eyes =
and
made the few quotes and told some funny stories, just wanting to get the d=
amn
interview thing over with. In fact, she could only remember one article sh=
e
had actually enjoyed doing. It was for one of those parenting magazines, a=
nd
both she and Es were featured. That had been entertaining for the both of
them, especially Es, who got to show off her collection of Beanie Babies t=
o
all of America.

=09Her eyes were widening in shock as she read a certain paragraph that wa=
s not
particularly flattering to a certain part of her body when she first heard=
 the
rapping. It was very soft: if not for her Slayer-strengthened hearing, she
would never noticed it until five minutes later or so, when it became
gradually louder until it was a thumping noise.

=09More upset than spooked, Buffy got to her feet and marched out of the
kitchen, up the winding marble steps that she had so loved when Jonah and =
she
had first bought the mansion, and the into the hallway. There was a slight
prickling at the back of her neck, a sensation that was associated with
something that she *definitely* did not want it to be associated with.

=09Tenser now, Buffy stopped in front of the bookcase and pulled several b=
ooks
off the third shelf, where it was easiest to reach. Behind them, hidden in=
 the
dust and darkness, were the standard issue supplies of a Slayer, or at lea=
st
the barest minimums. Grabbing a stake and a tiny bottle of holy water, she
pushed the books back into place and continued down the hall. She also ask=
ed
God to keep Jonah in the bedroom, least he pop out to check out the racket
during a critical moment. Thank God that he was such a deep sleeper; if he
could sleep through that earthquake three or so years ago, he could damn w=
ell
fall asleep through whatever she was gonna do.

=09Buffy was certain that the rapping was coming from somewhere on the sec=
ond
floor, yet she couldn't place it. She stopped, toes digging into the hall =
rug,
closing her eyes and concentrating heard, trying to place the location of =
the
intruder. Vampire alright. She could sense the animalistic hunger, the lus=
t,
the need . . . she tried not to get caught up in the moment as she tried t=
o
pinpoint where the feelings were coming from.

=09Suddenly her eyes flashed open. The feeling were coming from the last r=
oom
down the hall . . . her daughters room! As the Slayer, Buffy felt no fear,=
 no
sense of panic or terror. But the mother inside her was feeling all those
horribly twisted feelings and more, and the two halves of her conflicted
sharply as Buffy hurried down the hall, bursting into her daughter's room.

=09The room was such a sweet room. It was decorated in a soft lavender, Bu=
ffy's
favorite color and not coincidentally, it had grown to be Es's also. There
were stuffed animals, rocking chairs, toys, and a tiny television seat str=
ewn
around the room and all around the center of the room, where the tall, lar=
ge
canopy bed lay in a place where a tiny crib had once been located. Buffy
remembered shopping for the bed: Jonah and she had looked at their daughte=
r as
though she were insane, but Es had kept politely asking for the bed that s=
he
wanted. "She's having that bed 'till she moves out of the house," Jonah ha=
d
said with all conviction as they had set it up together, marveling how the
tiny the nursery had grown afterwards.

=09Now, the curtains were pulled away from each other and tied to the bedp=
ost,
and she could see the tiny form of her daughter cuddled under the silk
lavender covers, head buried in a pillow, and long brown hair spread all o=
ver
like a halo. In her arms she clutched a raggedy stuffed pig: Mr. Gordo, wh=
ich
had once been Buffy's. And, as Buffy could tell and acknowledge with a gre=
at
amount of relief, she was still breathing deeply; in fact, she was breathi=
ng
and making soft snoring noises. The mother in Buffy reminded herself that =
she
needed to take Es to the doctor and find out what the little girl was alle=
rgic
to.

=09Then the thumping sound came again. Elisabeth Sarah snorted and rolled =
over
in her sleep, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer looked past the canopy bed and =
at
the large window that had a wonderful view of acres of forest that were pa=
rt
of the Daly land.

=09The only problem was that the breathtaking view was blocked by the larg=
e,
burly form of a vampire, who was desperately trying to punch in the thick
glass door. Buffy chuckled to herself.

=09"Nine inches of glass, idiot. How are you going to get in?" she asked t=
he
moronic vampire, who of course had not noticed her yet. Feeling a little
humorous and still with a slight high from the earlier shock of nerves, Bu=
ffy
carefully creeped up to window, staying tucked away in the shadows.

=09When she was right underneath the window, Buffy reached up to grasp the
window ledge with the hand that held the stake. The vampire still did not
notice her. Good.

=09Inside her head, Buffy gave a yelp. She quickly rose up, filling the wi=
ndow
with her form. The surprised look on the vampire's face was to die for, ba=
d a
pun as that was. The vampire, shocked, let go of the hold that he had on t=
he
window, and for a moment he just crouched there on the ledge, hands spinni=
ng
and trying to keep his balance. Then, it's mouth twisted into an "O", the
vampire lost balance and fell down two stories, landing on the grass with =
a
*thump* that rang true in Buffy's mind.

=09She allowed herself a little laugh. What is just her, or were vampires
getting stupider and stupider as the years progressed? She turned around,
holding the stake and the vial of holy water loosely in her hand, shaking =
her
head with disgust. Really, it just was worth it most of the time . . .

=09"Mommy? What's going on?"

=09It was Buffy's turn to be startled now, so startled that she jumped jus=
t the
tiniest bit before she realized that silky, young-sounding voice was comin=
g
from her daughter, who was now sitting up in bed with a sleepy demeanor ab=
out
her. Buffy looked down at her hands, saw the weapons, and then quickly tuc=
ked
them behind her, dropping them behind a large stuffed rabbit, hoping that =
she
could get them in the morning before Es found them.

=09"Nothing going on, sweetheart," Buffy soothed, walking over to her baby=
 girl.
She sat down next to her, pulling Es into her lap and holding her to her
chest, smoothing her long, tangled brown hair that was the same length as =
her
mother's. "Mommy was just looking out the window, that's all." She gave he=
r a
comforting kiss on the forehead and pulled back to look her daughter in th=
e
eye. "Now go back to sleep."

=09"But I'm not tired," Es protested sleepily, opening her mouth in a litt=
le
yawn. Then both mother and daughter giggled. "I guess I am," Es admitted,
laying back down into her pillow. Buffy just smiled and tucked the covers
tight around Es' body, then smoothing back her hair from her forehead.

=09"Sweet dreams," Buffy whispered, slowly getting up. "I love you."

=09"Love you too," Es breathed, already half asleep. In a few seconds, she=
 was
back to her steady breathing/wheezing. Buffy sighed tiredly and then walke=
d
out of the nursery, closing the door softly behind her. She stood in the h=
all
for a moment, searching for the vampire's presence. He was still out there=
,
somewhere in front of the house. Should she just go to sleep and pray that=
 the
vampire didn't harm somebody else? Or should she grab another stake from t=
he
false-bottom drawer in the master bedroom, the one that Jonah had no knowl=
edge
of?

=09As good as dropping into bed besides her husband sounded right about no=
w,
Buffy could not ignore her duty. Sure, she could run away from being the
Slayer, but it follow her until the day she died. At least things weren't =
too
bad, and she should be grateful for that. Besides, if she didn't do someth=
ing
about that vampire . . . someone might get killed. Although many deaths we=
re
on her pretty little head already, Buffy didn't care to have one more adde=
d to
the list. Dejectedly, Buffy reached for the hidden stash in her bookcase,
pulling out just a stake this time. Swift and quick was the plan du jour.

=09Just as she was placing the books back in place was when something stra=
nge
happened. Well, it was not strange as in the sense of it happening-it was
perfectly natural, mind you-but why would it choose to happen at that prec=
ise
moment? Buffy's body went rigid as she felt the vampire suddenly *not be
there*. He was totally gone-from this world at least. He had been slayed. =
But
by whom?

=09Buffy felt a slight bit of terror grip her heart again, but curiosity w=
as the
ruling emotion here. Hurrying down the stairs, Buffy ran to the door, inte=
nt
on finding out what had happened to vampire, not at all afraid to fling th=
e
door open, because she had never invited a single vampire into this house.

=09She was still stunned, though, at the figure that stood in her doorway,=
 with
the shiny black slicker, and completely drenched it rain, leather, and
metallic jewelry. The shock must have been evident on her face, because he=
r
surprise visitor noticed and laughed.

=09"That's not happy to see me," Faith Moss, the Vampire Slayer said as a =
bolt
of lightning hit somewhere in the next street, raising the hair on the two
women's necks and also illuminating her face eerily. "Afraid of the
competition, eh?"

=09Buffy's mouth suddenly did not work. Why, in fifteen years, did Faith
suddenly appear on her doorstep. "What . . . ?" she asked, her mouth hangi=
ng
ajar at the not-so-quite end of the sentence.

=09Faith smiled, her thin, very red lips parting just for a moment, then
settling back into a thin line. "My last Watcher gave me an important bit =
of
information. One of those pesky prophecies." She shook her arms, sending
droplets of rain flying off from her coat. "You gonna let me in, or an I g=
onna
catch pneumonia or what?"

=09"Oh," Buffy said, somewhat sheepishly. Then she held the door open, and=
 Faith
marched past her as though she owned the place. "Make yourself at home," B=
uffy
whispered softly as Faith hung her coat on the coat rack and then walked i=
nto
the living room, plopping onto the coat and lifted her feet off the floor.

=09Before closing the door, Buffy took one last look out the window, in ca=
se
anymore surprise visitors popped up. Then, assured that there was to be no
more, Buffy closed behind the door behind her. Surely, this was going to b=
e
one interesting night.



//*\\ End of Part A //*\\

Feedback is *so* wanted. Tell me what you like! Tell me what you hate! (:
~Shadows~

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #401
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