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buffyfic-digest       Tuesday, December 29 1998       Volume 02 : Number 400



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Christmas in Aspen (1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: "Snowball's Chance"  (4/?)  by Chase DeKota

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1998 10:25:59 PST
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Christmas in Aspen (1/1)

Title: Christmas in Aspen
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
spoilers: Everything up to Amends.
summary: Cordelia's Christmas.
feedback: Sure. Please.



"Merry Christmas", Cordelia muttered bitterly to the empty room, pulling
the covers over her head as her parents pounded on her door. She ignored
them for another few minutes before finally crawling to her feet,
grabbing her robe on the way to the door.

"Can't this wait?" Cordelia asked, avoiding her Mother's eyes. No sense
in facing the disapproving looks this early in the morning.

"Cordeliaàdarling, it is Christmas and your Father and I would like to
spend it with you." Her Mother looked at her, her eyes widening with
hurt.

Her Mother was the queen of guilt trips; she knew just how to lay it on,
never too thick, just thin layers covering every word she spoke. Like a
spider web, Cordelia thought to herself, and I'm the fly. Smiling
reluctantly at her Mother she nodded. "Give me an hour."

"I'll give you two." Her Mother answered, staring pointedly at the dark
circles under Cordelia's eyes.

Ignoring her Mother, she turned to her Father standing on tiptoe to give
him a quick kiss on the cheek. He smiled distractedly at her as his cell
phone rang. Answering it, he headed down the hallway, his wife and
daughter already forgotten.

 Smiling brightly if not honestly at her Mother, Cordelia spun around
and headed back into her room, pulling the door shut behind her. She
fastened the lock slowly, her head braced against the cool wood. This
had to go on record as the worst Christmas she had ever spent. She had
known as they had driven towards the lodge that life had played another
one of its tricks on her. No snow. Late December in Aspen and the ground
was bare. Only two runs open, and they were barely covered in man made
snow. She had been lucky yesterday to get one run in before it had
started to rain. Although, she was getting better, the rain hadn't
surprised her. Nope, she was getting used to being fate's plaything.

Shaking her head in disgust she walked into the bathroom, deciding that
a nice hot bath would help make this very un-merry Christmas better. If,
of course, the water was hot. She wasn't counting on it though. Staring
at her reflection in the mirror she questioned herself. "What exactly
have I done that's so horrible?"

Dropping her robe, she averted her eyes from herself as she slipped into
the hot water. No need to stare at the ugly scar that was going to
prevent her from ever wearing a bikini again. She leaned her head back
against the tub, relaxing in the simple pleasure of being allowed to
soak in a bath again.

"This is good." She murmured softly, closing her eyes as the room filled
with steam. This was better than the Christmas she had planned, before.
She would have been so bored spending Christmas in Sunnydale. It was
better this way, better that she had found out what a slime Xander was.
Imagine the thought of Cordelia Chase, actually considering spending
Christmas at home, just so Xander wouldn't have to sleep outside. Of
course, he probably wasn't outside, she thought grudgingly, the Slayer
and Willow would never let Xander sleep outside. Especially not in
Sunnydale. You were asking for it just walking around alone at night.
Sleep outside and you were begging the vampires to view you as an all
you can suck buffet.

Cursing herself under her breath Cordelia climbed from the tub, telling
herself for the hundredth time that Xander Harris and his merry bunch of
freaks were old news. She was not spending any more time worrying about
him, or feeling bad every time she remembered his face when she made
that crack about his family.
And she was definitely not spending one more minute feeling like her
heart was shattered. Cordelia Chase does not get her heart broken, and
certainly not by the king of the losers.

Then exactly why am I so sad? She asked herself, allowing a rare moment
of rationality into her thoughts. She sat down heavily on the edge of
the tub, holding her head in her hands. This was not how it was supposed
to be, a little voice in her head whispered. Her eyes welled with tears
that she struggled to hold back; there was no way she was crying over
him again. Not ever.

 She stood up slowly checking the time, if she was late the guilt trip
 from her Mother would be unbearable. No need to add being late to the
list of unpardonable sins she had committed lately. Her poor Mother was
barely holding up under the strain of the whole thing as it was. The
thought of her daughter being an outcast from the country club set as
well as being marred for life was still keeping her up nights. Throwing
on her clothes, she brushed her hair quickly, pulling it back into a
plain ponytail. Glancing in the mirror she grimaced, stopping in her
tracks and putting make-up on. If she walked into the dining room with
her face bare, her mother would probably faint.

 She entered the dining room exactly two hours after her parents had
woken her, a cheery smile pasted on her face. Sitting down she looked
questioningly toward her Father's empty chair. Her Mother shrugged,
pointing to the bar, where her Father sat, his cell phone plastered to
his ear. She turned back to her Mother, rolling her eyes. "Is it even
possible for him to go one day without doing business?"

Her Mother ignored her remark, concentrating instead on her drink, which
was disappearing quickly. Crossing her legs Cordelia leaned back in her
chair, another happy Chase holiday was well under way.
Her Father came back to the table, laughing as he walked towards them.
Cordelia looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain the joke.

"I just got off the phone with your Grandmother." Her Father said, still
chuckling under his breath. "And Sunnydale is in the midst of a
 snowstorm."

"What?" Cordelia said carefully, sure that she had misunderstood him.

"It's snowing in Sunnydale." He repeated. "Maybe we should have stayed
home."

"This is good." Cordelia said bitterly, standing up. Shaking her head in
disbelief she spoke to no one in particular. "Is this some sort of
contest? To see exactly how bad you can make my life?" Throwing her
hands in the air she stalked away from the table, her voice carrying
through the dining room. "Are you playing some strange game of cosmic
one-upmanship?

She walked rapidly towards her room, deciding that she wasn't actually
going to leave it again for the rest of her vacation. Fate, the cosmos,
whoever, they were going to have to play this game without her. She was
done. They had all the fun they were going to have.
Struggling with the door, she dropped the key twice before finally
getting into the room.

Swallowing back tears she slumped to the floor. How perfect. She got to
spend two weeks in freezing, yet snowless Aspen, while back in Sunnydale
everyone was enjoying the first White Christmas ever. How much more
proof did she need that life was against her? Maybe it's a spell, she
thought almost hopefully, leaning her head back against the bed. No, not
a spell, more likely it was because of Buffy, some snow demon that had
decided to attack. And, of course, everyone except Cordelia would be
benefiting from it.

If it weren't for the Slayer, she wouldn't have a variety of near death
experiences nor been a witness to the mouth of Hell almost opening.
Ignoring the voice in the back of her head that told her she wasn't
being fair, that if it wasn't for Buffy, she's be long dead, or at the
very least horribly disfigured, she climbed to her feet. Pacing around
the room she wondered why she had ever let herself get involved with
Buffy's world. It wasn't like any of them even appreciated her presence.
And all she had to show for it now were extremely vivid nightmares, a
hole in her side and her new status as a social pariah. And a broken
heart, she added silently, her anger fading. No sense forgetting the
best part, she had fallen in love with Xander Harris. And she had been
cheated on by Xander Harris. Her stomach tightened at the thought of it,
of seeing Xander and Willow together on that bed.

A tear slipping down her cheek brought her out of her thoughts. Wiping
it away angrily she walked over to the closet. She was done thinking
about this. Pulling outfit after outfit from her closet she considered
each one carefully before tossing it onto the floor. She needed
something sexy, something that said 'Come and get it.'
It was Christmas and she wasn't spending it crying over a loser who
couldn't even be faithful. Who cared if Sunnydale was experiencing the
best Christmas ever? Who cared if Xander was probably having tons of fun
with Willow and Buffy? Who cared about any of them? Her face was cold as
she muttered out loud. "I hope he slept outside. I hope he froze."

Throwing her clothes around with even more determination, she tried to
bury the part of her that still worried about him. The part of her that
actually felt bad for throwing his post make-out confidence in his face.
He deserved it, she told herself, not sure who she was trying to
convince.

She stopped her search suddenly, her eyes filling with tears as she
stared at the green dress hanging in the back of her closet. The dress
that even her mother had thought was too expensive. Cordelia had come
very close to swallowing her pride and begging before her mother had
relented and bought it for her.

Her fingers reached out, touching the dress as she remembered how she
had planned to wear it on New Year's Eve. How she had planned to dazzle
Xander with her beauty and then maybe tell him that she loved him.

"Idiot." She hissed to herself, pulling the dress roughly from the
hanger and flinging it on the bed. Peeling her clothes off she slipped
it over her head, not caring if she ripped the fragile material.
Standing in the front of the mirror she glared at her reflection.
Grabbing a brush she set to work styling her hair. "If Xander thinks I'm
going to sit around crying over him, he's got another thing coming."
Muttering to herself, she finished her hair and darkened her make-up.
Trying desperately not to think of the fact that Xander probably wasn't
thinking about her at all.

She found the highest heels she had brought and slipped them on before
stalking out the door. Cordelia Chase was on the hunt, and she would
have Xander replaced in no time at all. She held her head high as she
walked into the lounge, her parents smiling with pleasure at her
appearance.

"Cordelia, you look beautiful." Her Mother offered, her voice slightly
slurred.

"Thanks." Cordelia murmured. And you look trashed, she thought turning
away from her parents to scan the room. She spotted her prey almost
immediately, sitting in a dark corner in the room. His expression was
knowing as he watched her move towards him.

Sitting down in the chair behind him, she smiled faintly, hoping to
appear mysterious. Right Cordy, she told herself, it's a little hard to
look mysterious when you make a beeline to him. Desperate maybe. Her
smile faded slightly as she leaned back in her chair.

He laughed softly, sending chills down her back. Holding out his hand to
her he spoke, his voice accented. "Karl Edstrom. And you are?"

"Cordelia Chase." She whispered, taking his hand. He gently lifted her
hand to his mouth, his lips brushing against it.

Releasing her, he spoke again. "Did you enjoy the slopes today?"

"I didn't see the point." She answered him, her hand still hovering in
the air. "There was only one run open."

"Ahhh." Picking up his drink, he motioned towards the waiter. "I'm
afraid that I spent the entire day waiting in line for that run."

"Oh." She breathed, before falling into an awkward silence. She was just
out of practice, but she could do this. She had to move on, get over
Xander. Forcing a smile on her face, she watched the waiter move towards
them.

"May I buy you a drink?" He offered, motioning to his cup. "I'm drinking
coffee to warm up, but maybe you would like something stronger?"

"Scotch, neat." She blurted out, falling back on her Mother's drink of
choice. The waiter looked at her for a moment, before nodding his head.
He brought their drinks quickly, and Cordelia swallowed it in one gulp,
stopping herself from choking by pure will. She smiled at Karl as the
liquor warmed her stomach.

"Dance?" He questioned her a few minutes later, his green eyes almost
glowing.

"Why not?" Cordelia said, climbing to her feet. He led her to the dance
floor, his arms holding her tightly as they moved. She closed her eyes
and let herself pretend that it was Xander's arms encircling her,
Xander's lips that were kissing her neck.

They danced for hours, only stopping for Cordelia to get another drink.
By the time the lounge was closing, she was encased in a rosy glow, and
positive that Karl was the perfect person to help her forget Xander.

He walked her back to her room, pausing outside of her door to kiss her,
his lips cold against hers. She stiffened, feeling the difference
between his lips and Xander's, before forcing herself to kiss him back.

Opening her door, she invited him in, determined that she would exorcise
Xander from her mind and her body once and for all. Karl followed her
silently, sitting on her bed while she took of her shoes.
She sat down next to him, curling her arms around his neck as she kissed
him. His lips met hers, harder than before as he pushed her backward
onto the bed.

"I can't." She said suddenly, pushing him off her as she sat up. "I'm
sorry, I know I invited you in, but I just broke up with my boyfriend
and..." Her voice trailed off as she stared miserably at the floor.

"I can." He answered her, his voice low and harsh. She turned to look at
him in surprise, a scream following as his eyes glowed in the dark room.

"Oh God." She jumped up from the bed, heading to the door, but he caught
up with her before she had taken two steps. Spinning her around she
looked up into his face. Into a vampire's face. Cordelia choked back a
sob, wishing that Buffy was here. And why wasn't Buffy here, it was her
job to kill vampires. Cordelia whimpered as his lips brushed over her
neck. She was going to die.

What would Buffy do? Think Cordy, think. There has to be a way out of
this. Her knee came up before she formed the thought, catching him
solidly between the legs. He moved back, growling loudly. Cordelia took
the opportunity and ran towards the bathroom.

Throwing the door closed behind her she locked it frantically, looking
around for a weapon. If the vampires in Sunnydale were anything to go
by, the door wouldn't be holding him long. Cordelia looked around in a
panic, wishing that she was in Sunnydale right now. Spotting her
hairbrush she picked it up as his hand broke through the door. His hand
was peeling away the door as she realized that the hairbrush wasn't
going to do her any good. She needed something sharp, like a stake. "Or
like a towel rack." She whispered to herself, pulling the towels off and
using every bit of strength she had to break it. Holding the thin piece
of wood behind her she backed into the corner as he entered the room.

"Come on Cordelia." He spoke calmly, his face returned to it's human
form. "We were having such fun."

"It's a shame it's over." She shot back.

"Not for me." He laughed as he morphed once again, standing over her
before she could react.

"You vampires are all the same. No variety, no wit." Struggling to look
confident, she was rewarded when he paused.

 "You're weak, you never could have faced a vampire and lived." He was
on her again before she knew it, his lips curling back as he bent to her
neck. She moved her hand around as fast as she could, knowing she had
only one chance to live. If she missed his heart, she was dead. Using
everything she had she pushed the towel rack into his chest, holding her
breath until he moved back, his face surprised as he exploded into dust.

Cordelia didn't move as the dust settled in her hair, and on her dress.
Leaning her head back onto the wall she closed her eyes, her breath
coming in huge gasps. She was alive, she had faced a vampire alone and
survived. Slipping down to the floor she started to cry, rocking slowly
back and forth. She wasn't aware of how long she sat there, wasn't aware
of anything except that she was still alive. The sun slowly lit the
bathroom, coming in from the tiny window above the bath.

Standing slowly, she glanced at the ruin of her dress, covered with
tears and dust. Pulling it over her head she threw it in the trash can
as she stepped into the shower. Letting the hot water rush over her, she
laughed to herself. "I won."

She thought of Buffy as she got out of the shower; this was the Slayer's
life all of the time. It wasn't a freak occurrence or a mistake in
judgment. Buffy faced death every night, and Cordelia had never given
her any credit for it. No, instead she had blamed her for every bad
thing that happened to her. She had even blamed Buffy for Xander,
something that Buffy had nothing to do with.

She dressed slowly, lost in her thoughts. When she got back to
Sunnydale, she was going to talk to Buffy. Apologize to Buffy, and maybe
even thank her for everything she did. Cordelia sat down on her bed,
picturing Buffy, Willow and Xander. They weren't bad people, no matter
how much she wished they were. If she was honest with herself she knew
that a very big part of Xander had always belonged to Willow, and to
Buffy. He had called her after she had seen him with Willow, begging for
another chance and she had ignored him, letting her hurt feelings and
her pride keep her from the person that she loved.

Xander hadn't wanted to stay with Willow, he had wanted to be with her.
"But for how long?" She whispered sadly, her eyes bright with tears. She
wanted all of Xander, wanted him to love her completely and she could
never have that. He had a connection to Willow that she could never
touch. Oz could probably accept that, she thought, he could love Willow
completely even if she never felt exactly the same. Cordelia felt very
small inside as she realized she couldn't. She didn't have the strength
to be able to handle it. For her, it had to be all or nothing.

Climbing into her bed, she pulled the covers up around her neck, staring
at the ceiling while tears slipped down her face.

It was nothing.

~end.


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1998 06:37:12 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Snowball's Chance"  (4/?)  by Chase DeKota

TITLE:  Snowball's Chance
AUTHOR:  Chase DeKota
EMAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Please.  Don't make me beg, 'cause I will.
DISTRIBUTION: Just let me know.
RATING:  PG-14
SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself.  Haven't seen
"Amends" yet, but I'm pretty sure this is just prior.  Or maybe just after=
.
Spoilers all the way through "The Wish" just to be safe.
SUMMARY:  Thus far - Benefit concert at the museum.  The Scooby Gang has b=
een
'volunteered' to help with it.  While chasing a strange girl she met durin=
g
patrols, Buffy discovers that Ethan Rayne is back in town.
DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo=
ss
Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it.  'Mac' and her magick appears
courtesy of J.J. Benike.  Many thanks to my beta readers.  To those who've
offered feedback on previous parts:  Thank you!!  Thank you!!  Thank you!!
And please, keep it coming.  It inspires me.

=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Snowball's Chance
By:  Chase DeKota
Part: 4/?
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D

=93Well, it isn=92t here now.=94  His tone was matter-of-fact.  Case close=
d, end of
story.
=93I=92ve checked every book in here and---=94  Ethan paused, looked indig=
nant,
muttered something impolite, and cast a glare to the unseen, unheard other
half of the conversation.

=93What isn=92t here?=94

He froze.

A very annoyed-looking Vampire Slayer was standing in the doorway, arms
crossed.
=93Why are you up to this time?=94

While waiting for an answer, Buffy quickly glanced around the cramped litt=
le
office.
Books were scattered about the room and stacked on every level surface.
Probably all belonging to the =91Dr. Adams=92 whose name was stenciled on =
the
door.

While she was quite sure Ethan had been talking to someone else, there was=
 no
one but the two of them in the room that she could see.  Unless the missin=
g
party was simply hiding, but that seemed unlikely.  There simply wasn=92t =
any
place to hide.

The reason Buffy couldn=92t see anyone besides Ethan and herself was becau=
se
they were indeed the only two in the room  At that time, anyway.

Meanwhile, Ethan was silently weighing his options and finding them very
limited.  He removed the glasses he was wearing, as if expecting to be hit=
 in
the face in the near future.  It was a smart move because he would be.

His first thought was to just run for it.  That was his usual reaction in
situations such as this, anyway.  Today that choice was, of course,
implausible.  The only exit was blocked and the small room didn=92t even o=
ffer
space in which one could safely hide.  Besides, he had to find....

=93You know, you still haven=92t answered my questions,=94  the Slayer rem=
inded him.
=93I=92m getting impatient, and when I get impatient, I start get violent.=
=94

To show she meant business, Buffy took a couple of steps forward, putting
herself within striking distance.

=93Let me try this again,=94 she said, =93what are you doing here.=94

Ethan responded with smooth, characteristic confidence.  =93I decided it w=
as
time
for a career change,=94 he said, smiling in a way that said he was lying t=
hrough
his teeth.

There was very little movement from Buffy and no way he could=92ve seen it
coming, other than the fact every meeting with the Slayer held a predeterm=
ined
punch to the face.  Or so it seemed.

The force behind the blow was slight, just enough to send Ethan back again=
st
the wall.  It, like so many others, was only meant to solicit straight
information.

=93One more time:  why are you here?=94  Buffy held her fist up.  Another =
snide
remark and she wouldn=92t go so easy.

=93If you *must* know...I=92m looking for a book.=94

The girl rolled her eyes and shook her head, disappointed.  =93I  at least
expected a better excuse than that, especially from you.=94  She started t=
o pull
her arm back to put momentum behind the blow and Ethan tried to retreat,
slightly panicky.  It was quite a move, considering his back was already t=
o
the wall.

=93No, really!=94  He motioned to the numerous volumes piled on the desk, =
the
table, the
floor.  =93Just a book.  As soon as I find it, I=92m gone.  I promise.=94

Buffy feigned consideration.  =93Why don=92t I believe you?  Couldn=92t be=
 because
of our track record, could it?=94  But what was she going to do?

For all she knew, Ethan was impersonating someone - given the uncustomary-=
for-
him tweed suit and all.  How would it look if she was caught assaulting a
=93visiting resident=94 to the museum?  Mentally, she listed her alternati=
ves,
from tying him up (with what?) to alerting the museum authorities (and the=
y=92d
believe her, *Buffy Summers, ex-murder suspect* right?).

She frowned and hated the decision she made.  It was too much like giving =
him
the benefit of the doubt.  Or at least trusting he didn=92t high-tail it a=
s soon
as she left.

For the record, that was precisely what Ethan planned to do.

She needed to confer with her Watcher.  There was no sign of a telephone i=
n
the office but she could find one in the lobby.  The bus back to school di=
dn=92t
leave for another -- 5 minutes!!  Buffy checked her watch again, just to b=
e
sure.  She must=92ve lost track of the time somewhere.  She had to go.

They=92d take attendance, no doubt.  Principal Snyder would look at his
clipboard and call out =93Buffy Summers?=94 and be met with silence.  Snyd=
er would
know she had left the auditorium ( a definite no-no - volunteers for the
concert were supposed to be working, not wandering through the museum at
will).  She was already on the =93most wanted=94 list of Sunnydale=92s tro=
ll-
principal.  Missing the bus would not help.

Buffy glanced at the man watching her carefully as he ever-so-slowly made =
his
way
towards the door.  She raised an eyebrow and he froze, trying to look
innocent.

=93Just get out of town,=94 Buffy said.  Ethan gave her a look that was a =
mixture
of surprise and confusion, but nodded compliantly.  Probably hadn=92t expe=
cted
to get off so easily.

Buffy didn=92t have time to say anything else.  She turned and hurried to =
catch
her bus.

The door swung shut behind the departing Slayer.  A girl dressed in black =
was
leaning against it.  She didn=92t fade in or appear with a flash of light;=
 she
simply was there.  =93Do you have any idea what she=92s going to do to you=
 when
she finds out you=92re lying?=94  She grinned, gleefully imagining all sor=
ts of
unpleasantness.

=93I wasn=92t lying...completely.=94  Ethan straightened his tie and rando=
mly
selected a book off the desk.  He opened it, thumbed through a few pages, =
then
tossed in back into the stack. =93It=92s not here.=94

Mac agreed.  =93No, it=92s not.  As I was trying to say before we were
interrupted, I found
it---=94  She stopped, tilted her head, and frowned.  =93Hold that thought=
.  We
gotta move.
Now.  She=92s coming back.=94

Ethan was out the door within seconds.  He headed for the exit and his car=
.
=93What were you saying?  You found what?=94

Mac glanced around the room and the lights clicked off.  She caught up wit=
h
Ethan and finished her earlier account.  =93I said I found the third book.=
  It
*is* here in Sunnydale.  I knew it was.=94  She smiled, obviously pleased =
with
herself.

=93Well?=94

=93It=92s not far from here, actually.  We could even swing by Sunnydale H=
igh and
pick it up today.  It=92s in the library.=94

=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #400
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