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buffyfic-digest         Friday, August 7 1998         Volume 02 : Number 291



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Love's Revival (20/?)
       BUFFYFIC:  Libidinous 11/?
       BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 9/?
       BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (8/13)
       BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" 9/13

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 6 Aug 1998 11:31:32 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Love's Revival (20/?)

Title: Love's Revival (19/?)
Author: Michelle
Email Addy: [e-mail]
Rating: PG
Spoiler: Nothing really...just a few spoiler hints...
Feedback: It would be nice to get some!
Distribution: Ask first, please.
Disclaimer: Savarah is mine! Buffy and the gang belong to Joss
Whedon, the WB, etc. The Story and the characters not part of the
regular cast are mine!
Sumary:  Buffy + Angel. Need I say more?
IMPORTANT: Sequal to The Dark One Series. This story is explained
as best as I could to fill in the blanks but you have to read
"The Dark One" to understand it. You can check it out as well as all
my other stories at: http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html

Yeah, I know it's been a while. I've been busy, okay?

*****

        A roundhouse kick connected with the side of Buffy's face,
sending her flying into a park bench. She quickly recovered and
lunged at her target again.  He swung at her but she dodged it and
planted her foot in his stomach.
        "Is it just me, or is she better than she was before?"
Xander watched with Willow from behind a large tree.
        "Um, you may be on to something there," Giles said as he
studied Buffy's every move.  He was stunned to see how flawless
her technique was.
        Buffy punched again, hitting his face several times.
Finally he blocked her and grabbed both her wrists. As she
struggled to break free he knocked her feet out from under her,
sending them both toppling to the ground.  Buffy pushed him off
of her and stood up. She waited patiently for him to get back to
his feet before kicking him in the face.  He stumbled backwards
a few steps before she kicked him again, in the groin.
        He fell to his knees and cried out in pain. "Come on, Buff,
did you have to do that?"
        "Oh, sorry. I just got caught up in the moment," she said
guiltily.
        "Don't worry about it. It's not like I can have children
anyway."
        "I said I was sorry. But at least I won."
        "Yes, you did. Good for you." Angel reached out and she
helped him to his feet. He leaned on her shoulder and they both
made their way over to the park bench. "You know, when I agreed
to be your tackling dummy, I didn't think it was going to be so brutal."
        "Oh, come on. You always love a good fight,"  Buffy
urged him on with her charming smile.
        After a few seconds he finally caved in. "Okay, okay."
        "Uh, well, that was very good," Giles said as he walked
over with Willow and Xander.
        "Very good? Is that all I get? I wailed on him. I would
have killed him if he wasn't Angel."
        "Why should that have stopped you?" Xander asked only
half-jokingly. He received glares from everyone. "Okay, no one
here has a sense of humor. Your loss."
        "Well, I better head home. It's almost sunrise."
        "I'll walk with you," Buffy said weaving her arms through
Angel's. "Goodnight guys."
        Willow, Xander and Giles headed off towards Giles' car
while Buffy and Angel walked to his apartment.

*****

        "You sure are improving.  I hardly stand a chance against
you anymore."
        "Well, I have a strong motive." Buffy smiled to cover
the anger that suddenly coursed through her body.  "Speaking of
the devil, you wouldn't happen to know how we contact her, would
you?"
        "No, but I know who would."
        "Who?"
        Angel smiled and looked down at her. The grin on his face
was all she needed to understand.
        "It's too late tonight. We'll head out first thing tomorrow
morning."
        "Sounds like a plan." Angel wrapped an arm around Buffy and
she rested her head against his chest as they walked in silence
the rest of the way to his apartment.

~~~~~
End Part 20. 21 coming soon. Send feedback, please?

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 6 Aug 1998 17:39:01 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:  Libidinous 11/?

Title~ Libidinous  11/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôTears In Heavenö belongs to Eric Clapton.  All
characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 11, Tears In Heaven

< Would you know my name
   if I saw you in heaven?
  Would you feel the same
  if I saw you in heaven?
  I must be strong and carry on
  'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...>

    Nikolas ran over to Buffy, lying on the floor.  Xander and Willow followed
him, with Giles and Stefan close behind.  Xander pushed Nikolas out of his way
and tried to find BuddyÆs pulse.
    ôShe has a pulse.ö  He said with relief.
    ôMagic is dangerous, I should not have allowed her to go through with it.ö
Mumbled Giles.
    ôAnd what would you have done?  Remember when you werenÆt going to let her
face the Master?ö  Xander asked.
    ôWell, well, yes...but she was going to die.  It was written...and she
did...ö  Giles spoke softly, almost to himself.  Nikolas, however was somewhat
confused, but remained silent.
    ôBut she still kicked your ass to keep you from going in her place.ö  Xander
pointed out.  Though Giles knew that he was trying to help, he was being
rather annoying.
    ôGiles, whatÆs happening?ö  Willow asked, suddenly sounding very afraid.

< Would you hold my hand
  if I saw you in heaven?
  Would you help me stand
  if I saw you in heaven?
  I'll find my way through night and day
  'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...>

    They all turned to her, but she was staring towards Buffy.  They followed her
gaze to Buffy and the cross.
    ôI, uh, I donÆt know...ö  Giles began.
    ôWe may not have time for you to consult your books.ö  Xander snapped
    Nikolas began to walk towards Buffy, but Stefan held him back.ôThis could be
dangerous.  Stay back.ö  He understood his concern, but was unwilling to put
Nikolas at any sort of risk.
    GilesÆ eyes were still locked on Buffy and the cross glowing brightly in the
center of the room.  Xander tried to touch her, but received an electric
shock.  ôEeeooww!!ö  Xander yelled.  GilesÆ concern only grew.

< Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
   Time can break your heart, have you begging please...
  Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
  And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...>

    They needed to think.  They needed to figure out what was happening.  They
needed to get Buffy out of there.  Someone needed to turnm away, but they
couldnÆt.  They were all captivated by the electrifying light containing their
friend.  Hearing a noise behind them, they tried to turn, but found themselves
unable.  They are frozen, just as she is in the center of the globe of light.
Finally, Giles slowly managed to move his head.  Then slowly, the others began
to snap out of it too.  Giles shiftedhis gaze to the doorway, where he heard a
noise.  A tall figure appeared.  Angel...or Arcanus?

< Would you know my name
   if I saw you in heaven?
  Would you feel the same
  if I saw you in heaven?
  I must be strong and carry on
  'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...>

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 7 Aug 1998 00:15:48 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 9/?

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR:  Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  I need it to live.  PLEASE MORE!!!!  If I don't get more feed =
back=0Asoon, I'll kill a main character off=85. HAHAH=85I'm out of my min=
d=85. So don't put=0Ait past me!!!!!!!!!!
RATING:  PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT:  Angst, Confusion, and the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story. It starts off the morning a=
fter=0Aher surprise party. What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out =
that all=0Athat happened from the time of her birthday to the time she se=
nt Angel to hell=0Awas just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named J=
oss=0AWhedon.
NOTE: I have no idea what on earth that I am doing, all I know is that th=
e=0Afanfic must go on!
Now that the people have spoken you'll now find out if Xander lives or di=
es.=0ARemember it all had to do with feedback whether he lived or became =
vamp food=0Ain this section.  Hell I was surprised when I was getting fee=
dback that wanted=0Ahim dead. O Ya, I want to thank end everybody that se=
nt feed back.

Part 9: Close your Eyes
Location:  Factory
Time:  Sunset

Annabel is sitting next to Drusilla, and is explaining to Spike why she c=
an't=0Afit in an ashtray.  The Judge is eyeing Xander like he is a piece =
of meat.

"Why the bloody hell would the slayer show mercy on you if you came at he=
r=0Afangs a blazing!?"   Spike was completely dumbfounded at what Annabel=
 had just=0Atold him.

"I couldn't believe it myself.  I thought it was a trick, but when I left=
 she=0Adidn't try to stop or stake me."  It seemed that she was just as a=
mazed as=0ASpike was, but Drusilla just sat there with a smile of victory=
 on her face.

"See Spike, I told you that she was coming to join us.  The stars told me=
 so."=0ADrusilla soon turned her attention back to the doll in her arms, =
and continued=0Ato comb its' hair.  Spike seemed to be getting a little b=
it tired of Dru's=0Acryptic talk, but would not dare raise his voice to h=
er.

"Dru, luv, I know you think that the slayer is going to join us, but if s=
he=0Ais, where is she?"  Dru barely looked up from her doll, and pointed =
to the=0Arafters.

"She's already here, pet."  Dru seemingly unfazed continued with her acti=
ons.=0AEveryone else in the room turned to the rafters, and saw both Ange=
l and what=0Aseemed to be Buffy climbing in the rafters.  Spike was a bit=
 pissed that his=0Aouter perimeter were so easily penetrated.  But the he=
 still was unfazed, for=0Athe fact that he was the one who sent for this =
battle.  The Judge on the other=0Ahand had a look of fear in his eyes, he=
 knew that this was not Buffy.

With one raise of Spike's arm, he waved the other vampires in the room to=
=0Aattack.  Even though Dru said the slayer was here to join them he was =
not=0Aabout to take any chances.  "Get them!"  He screamed.

Zeal and Angel both jumped from the rafters into the circle of vampires.=
=0ABefore anyone made a move Zeal pulled her blade out ready for combat. =
 Then=0Awith one quick movement Zeal had managed to behead every attachin=
g vampire.=0ASpike and Dru both fled at the site of their men being murde=
red.  They both=0Aknew if they didn't leave soon, they would be next.  Th=
e only other vampire=0Aleft in the room besides Angel was Annabel.  It se=
emed that watching all of=0Aher kinsmen being beheaded, and turned to dus=
t made her freeze.  She=0Aunconsciously inched her self back into the sha=
dows.  Even in her shock state=0Ashe knew if they saw her, she would be d=
ust.

 Zeal now turned her blade to the Judge, who was inches away from Xander.=
  She=0Ahad a murderous look in her eyes; she looked ready to attack at a=
ny moment.

"You!"  The Judge seemed so amazed at her presence, he did not see her as=
 Buff=0Ay, but who she really was, Zeal.  "Move any closer and the boy di=
es!"

"Ha, do you think I really care what you do to that boy.  To me he is jus=
t=0Aanother lamb, being lead to its' death.  He is an innocent, and you k=
now what=0AI did to those who I thought were innocent.  Go ahead, kill hi=
m."

The Judge thought for a moment at what his next move would be.  <It would=
 not=0Adistract Zeal if I killed this boy, > But in that one moment of he=
sitation=0AZeal made her advance.  In an even quicker move then before, t=
he Judge was=0Abeheaded, and the rest of him just seem to fall apart.  Ze=
al walked over to=0Ahis head, and picked it up.  His eyes still open star=
ing up into hers.  Taking=0Aher other hand she placed her palm over his e=
yes, and spoke.  "Close your=0Aeyes."

Flashes came before her eyes as she dropped his head to the floor, and fe=
ll to=0Aher knees.  Angel rushed to her side; he realized what was happen=
ing.  Zeal=0Afelt herself being pushed out of Buffy's body.  "NOOOOO!  I =
will not be casted=0Aout!  This is my body now!"  Zeal tried to fight wit=
h Buffy's soul, but in the=0Aend Zeal was exiled.  The room flashed with =
blue light, and Buffy became lip=0Ain Angel's arms.  He knew that Zeal wa=
s no longer inside of Buffy, but for=0Asome reason he could still feel he=
r presence.

Only one was left standing, but no one seemed to notice her.  It was Anna=
bel.=0AAnnabel slowly started to walk over to Xander, with an amused look=
 on her=0Aface.  The same one Zeal had when she had gotten Angel angered.=
  Then she=0Astarted to whisper something into his ear.  "Sorry about tha=
t, my goal was not=0Ato save you."

Xander could not believe what he was hearing, and reacted to her words in=
=0Aanger.  "What the hell are you talking about!?  You were the one with =
that=0Apsycho bitch Drusilla tormenting me!"  Xander was even more shocke=
d when she=0Areleased him.

Angel helped Buffy to her feet, and just watched in amazement as she free=
d=0AXander.  Annabel started to walk over to Angel and Buffy.  "Who are y=
ou?"  Was=0Aall Angel could say as she peered into his dark eyes, telling=
 him all he=0Aneeded to know.

Annabel walked directly in front of Angel, with an amused grin.  "Who do =
you=0Athink?"  With that she leaded up and kissed him on the cheek.  "It'=
s been=0Afun."  Then ran in the same direction that Spike and Drusilla ha=
d gone.

Angel could not help, but laugh aloud.

"What's so funny?"  Xander said as her stumbled over.  He really did not =
know=0Awhat had been going since his capture.

Angel just looked in the direction that Annabel had ran, and continued to=
=0Alaugh.  "I'll be damn, Zeal."

End of part 9

Hehehehehehehehehehehhe. ;-)

Personal Note:

When you what someone dead, just take a poll.
Azziel Savament



------------------------------

Date: Fri, 7 Aug 1998 08:58:30 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (8/13)

"Starting Over" (8/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***

=09How could he not tell me that Willow was doing the curse? Buffy though=
t as=0Ashe opened the door to her house.
=09As she went into her room, she noticed that nothing had been change. E=
ven the=0Anote was still there.
=09Slowly, Buffy started to unpack her bag, hoping her mother wouldn=92t =
be home=0Afor a while. She was definitely not ready to explain everything=
 to her mother.
=09"I see you=92re home," Mrs. Summers appeared in the doorway.
=09"Mom!" Mrs. Summer=92s hugged her daughter. "I=92ve missed you so much=
."
=09"Buffy, where=92ve you been?" she cried. "How could you just run away =
with=0Atelling me? I was so worried."
=09"I=92m sorry, Mom, but I didn=92t run away. You kicked me out."
=09"Oh, Buffy, I was just very upset that you wouldn=92t make time to exp=
lain. I=0Atalked to Mr. Giles, like you told me to in the note, so I know=
 what=92s going=0Aon. It=92s very hard to believe, though."
=09"I know."
=09"We need to have a talk."
=09"We do?"
=09"Yes, Buffy, we do. First off, I want you to know that no matter what=
=0Ahappens, no matter what you do, you can always come home. Second, Buff=
y, you=0Acan tell me anything. I=92ll try to be supporting and understand=
ing, no matter=0Awhat. I made a mistake by kicking you out. I thought I w=
as doing what was=0Aright for you, that you=92d come back. What I didn=92=
t know was why you had to=0Aleave. I still wish that you had stayed and t=
alked to me about being the=0ASlayer sooner. There=92s no excuse for not =
telling me-"
=09"Mom, do you know how many times I=92ve wanted to tell you? I couldn=
=92t, though,=0Afor your safety. I didn=92t tell because I was protecting=
 me. I was protecting=0Ayou. That=92s all I=92ve been doing for the past =
five months; protecting you,=0Aprotecting Giles, protecting my friends. I=
 wanted to tell you so much when I=0Atold you about Angel, but I couldn=
=92t. I wasn=92t allowed."
=09"Angel. He=92s another story. Why didn=92t you tell me what he was?"
=09"You think you would=92ve understood? =91Hi, Mom, I slept with Angel. =
Oh, yeah,=0Aand he=92s vampire=92? You can=92t know everything about my p=
ersonal life."
=09"Buffy, I care about you. I love you. That=92s the only reason that I =
want to=0Aknow what=92s going on in your life."
***
=09"Willow, slow down," Oz called after his girlfriend.
=09"He didn=92t even care what Buffy wanted or what I wanted. Just about =
himself.=0AHe was too blind to see this would make Buffy happy. He was al=
ways like this."=0ATears started streaming down her face. "He doesn=92t r=
ealized that he already=0Ahas a girlfriend that loves him."
=09"Willow, this all makes the kind of sense that=92s, well, not. What do=
es Cordy=0Ahave to do with any of this?"
=09"I=92m just really upset with him, that=92s all. He betrayed me. He be=
trayed our=0Afriendship. We used to be best friends; called each other up=
 every night, I=0Ahelped him pass trig, we listened to each other=92s rel=
ationship problems. But=0Atonight we lost all that."
=09"It appears that not telling Buffy is what=92s not bothering you, but =
him=0Aloving Buffy is. Do you still love him?"
=09"No," she answered quickly. "I don=92t." She thought for a moment and =
smiled.=0A"I don=92t love him anymore. I just want what=92s best for Buff=
y. I=92m completely=0Aover Xander Harris."
=09"Willow, I have something to give you."
=09"What?"
=09He took a little jewlery case out of his pocket. Opening it, she saw a=
=0Abeautiful saphire necklace. "I love you."
=09Willow smiled at him, tears of joy filling her eyes, as he placed the=
=0Anecklace around her neck. "I love you, too." She hugged him tightly. "=
I love=0Ayou." They stood there, kissing, in the moonlight.
***
=09Xander stood in the mansion on Crawford St. just staring at the statue=
. I=0Amust be crazy, he thought to himself. He had the urge to leave the =
mansion and=0Arun like Hell away from it, but he thought of how upset Buf=
fy had been and=0Awould be if he returned without Angel.
=09He took out the knife and opened the book. Nervously, he started to re=
ad.=0A"Acathla, I am cleansed here before you. My blood flowing before yo=
u makes me=0Aworthy as I demonstrate. Acathla, mundatus sum pro te necavi=
. Sanguinem meum=0Apro te effundam quo me dignum esse demonstrem." Taking=
 the knife, he sliced=0Ahis hand. After wincing in pain, he put the knife=
 into his pants pocket. "Now,=0Ayou will be free."
=09When close to the statue, he grabbed the sword. After waiting a few mo=
ments,=0Athe vortex started to open. Thinking of Buffy, he lifted the swo=
rd in the air.=0A"I love you, Buffy," he whispered before he stuck the sw=
ord through his=0Astomach. Pain shot throughout his entire body as he let=
 out a blood-curtling=0Ascream. Withing seconds, the vortex closed, and t=
he room was empty and silent.
***
End Part 8

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead."  -A=
ngel, Passion

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 7 Aug 1998 09:00:33 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" 9/13

"Starting Over" (9/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***

=09"Thanks, Giles. It=92s so kind of you to let me stay at your house," S=
hy said=0Aas she and Giles walked into the library.
=09"It=92s really my pleasure. I don=92t have guests very often," he repl=
ied. "Where=0Adid everybody go?" he asked. "When I dropped Buffy off, eve=
ryone was here."
=09"I=92m not sure," Shy said.
=09Willow and Oz came into the door. "Have either of you two seen Xander?=
" she=0Aasked nervously. "Oh, hi." She looked at the young Slayer.
=09"No, I, I haven=92t," replied Giles. "Oh, Willow, I have someone you s=
hould=0Ameet. This is Shy, Kendra=92s replacement."
=09"Hi," she said quickly. "I tried to call Xander, but his mom said that=
 he=0Awasn=92t home." Looking at the table and seeing the book and knife =
gone, she=0Aturned pale. "Oh my God," she whispered, almost in tears.
=09"What, Willow? What is it?"
=09"Xander. He, he=92s doing the ritual."
=09"We have to go," Giles said starting to leave the library.
=09They all went to the mansion as quickly as Giles little car could take=
 them.
=09"I just don=92t understand it," Ox said. "Why would Xander want to per=
form the=0Aritual by himself?"
=09"He loves her." She looked down at the floor of the car. "He still lov=
es her.=0AHe felt guilty about not telling her I was doing the curse. And=
 now he wants=0Aher to be happy. He really loves her."
=09"But still," Giles added, "even if he wanted to, he wouldn=92t be able=
 to=0Aperforn the ritual. He has no knowledge of the black arts."
=09"I told him. I showed him what he needed to perform the ritual. Smart =
of me,=0Ahuh?"
=09"You couldn=92t of known," Shy said. "You can=92t know what=92s going =
to happen."
When they got there, Willow saw the book on the ground and almost fainted=
.
=09"Willow?" Giles asked. "Are you all right? What is the matter?"
=09"Giles," she cried, "He did the ritual. He=92s gone, maybe forever." M=
y best=0Afriend is gone, she said silently. Tears started streaming down =
her cheeks.=0A"Xander is in Hell."
***
=09After the vortex closed, Xander hadn=92t felt an ounce of pain. Now, h=
e was=0Aconcentrating on passing the tests more that anything. Feeling wo=
rn out, he=0Aclosed his eyes. When opening them a moment later, he found =
himself in Buffy=92s=0Aroom, on her bed.
=09He heard Buffy behind the closet door. "Hey, Buffy, what am I doing he=
re?"
=09"You crashed about an hour ago on my bed after we were patrolling. Don=
=92t you=0Aremember? I killed Angelus."
=09"Oh," he said. It must have been a dream. But it felt so real.
=09After a few minutes, Buffy came out from behind the closet wearing her=
 black=0Araincoat and black spiked heels. All he could do was stare.
=09"What?" she asked, teasingly. "Don=92t cha like?"
=09"Buffy, why are you-"
=09"C=92mon, Xander, you can=92t tell me you=92ve never wanted this," she=
 giggled,=0Awalking towards him while kicking off her shoes.
=09"Buffy, I may have wanted it, even fanticized about it in the past, bu=
t I=0Adon=92t want it now."
=09She looked so disappointed. "Am I undesirable?"
=09"No, you=92re very, um," looking her up and down, "desirable, it=92s j=
ust that I=0Ahave Cordelia, now. And what about Angel?"
=09"Don=92t worry about Cordelia," she said, starting to undo her belt.
"Buffy, for the love of God=85"
"She doesn=92t love you the way I do. And Angel, well, he=92s gone. I don=
=92t love=0Ahim; I love you."
=09"No, you don=92t. You can=92t. You still love Angel; you have to. And,=
 therefore,=0AI can=92t do this."
=09"I thought you would be more of a man about this. That you would be ab=
le to=0Alove me.. " As Buffy moved even closer, he backed up on the bed. =
"Love me,=0AXander."
=09"Even if I did sleep with you, we wouldn=92t be making love. We=92d be=
 having=0Asex. =91Cause I don=92t belong with you." He knew this was a li=
e. He thought that=0Ahe and Buffy did belong together. "Angel is yours, C=
ordelia is mine." God, he=0Athought, she=92s so beautiful. If this feels =
so right, why won=92t I do anything?=0AI still love her. I still want to =
be with her. But I can=92t hurt Cordy.
=09She quickly crawled on the bed and started to pull off Xander=92s flan=
nel=0Ashirt. "I love you," she whispered in his ear. Three words he had w=
aited so=0Along to here from her.
=09I love you, too, he wanted to say back, but the words wouldn=92t want =
to come=0Aout. "I love Cordelia." He grabbed a robe and wrapped it around=
 her. "I can=92t=0Ahurt her; I can=92t hurt you. I=92m not doing this."
=09"Please, Xander, I need you. I want you. I can=92t live without your l=
ove. If=0Ayou have any feelings at all you=92ll make me happy."
=09"No," he said, getting off the bed. "No, Buffy."
=09Suddenly, he was back in Hell.
***
End Part 9

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion.

------------------------------

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