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buffyfic-digest        Saturday, June 20 1998        Volume 02 : Number 237



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Love's Revival (19/?)
       BUFFYFIC: "A Slip of the Tongue" (1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (18/?)
       BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (Part 36)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 18 Jun 1998 21:26:13 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Love's Revival (19/?)

Title: Love's Revival (19/?)
Author: Michelle
Email Addy: [e-mail]
Rating: PG
Spoiler: Nothing really...just a few spoiler hints...
Feedback: It would be nice every once in a while.
Distribution: Ask first, please.
Disclaimer: Savarah is mine! Buffy and the gang belong to Joss
Whedon, the WB, etc. The Story and the characters not part of the
regular cast are mine!
Sumary:  Buffy + Angel. Need I say more?
IMPORTANT: Sequal to The Dark One Series. This story is explained
as best as I could to fill in the blanks but you have to read
"The Dark One" to understand it. You can check it out as well as all
my other stories at: http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html

This part is just a little fun piece I wrote as Angel is trying to get used
to this whole being good again thing.

*****

       Everything was so cold, so dark.  Dust had clustered
on everything. The room was bare except for a few large objects
that he hadn't taken with him to the warehouse.
        "I'm not that hungry," he decided, turning his back to
the refrigerator that had been unplugged.  His supply of blood
had to be at least a month old. Not even a vampire would drink
that.
        The room felt so different.  As time passed, he still
couldn't forget.  He and Buffy had made a huge mistake that
night.  Then again, maybe it hadn't been a mistake. Maybe it had
been the best thing they could have done.  Nothing good could
ever come from their love; only pain, only death.  Maybe his
evil would have given her the motivation she needed to put
an end to his life.
        He glanced at his watch. 4:00AM. The sun would be up
soon, and he had to find something to eat.  Angel finally decided
to find Willy; even his supply would be better than what was in
the fridge.

~~~

        "Angel. I...uh...um...What are you doing here?"  He backed
slowly away until he hit a wall.  Willy was trying to be casual but he
couldn't hide his fear of Angel.
        "Relax Willy. I'm good again."
        "Oh, hey, that's great. Isn't that great?" He stumbled
over every word that came out of his mouth.  Willy had learned
to be careful around all vampires, especially Angel.
        "I don't know. Haven't decided yet." Angel enjoyed
playing with his head; Willy was just an easy target. "Give me
some of your best stuff."
        "Huh? Oh, yeah, sure." Willy walked to the end of the
bar and reached below for a box.
        "Nope, not that one." Angel took a seat on a bar
stool.  He smirked and pointed to the back room. "I said your
best stuff."
        "Hey sure, can't fool you. Be right back." Willy
cautiously walked to the back room to get his hidden supply.
Spike had told him to hold on to it till he could send
some men to pick it up.   Spike liked to keep a supply for when
there wasn't anyone good to eat around. Willy sure was going
to pay for it when Spike found out who got it instead.
        "Here you go friend. But, uh, this is supposed to be for
Spike."
        "Oh.  That's just too bad. But I got here first and I'm
really hungry."  Angel voice dripped with evil.  He knew that
Willy was afraid of him. Even though he wasn't Angelus, he
figured he had no reason to be kind to a guy who would betray
anyone for the right price.
        "Hey sure, take it. I can get some more." Willy cowered
behind the counter. "I think," he mumbled under his breath.
        "Huh?" Angel heard every word but he couldn't help
himself.
        "Oh, nothing. Is that all you need?"
        "Yeah, this will do for now." Angel got up and took the
entire box with him. "Oh, and tell Spike thanks for the blood."
        "Uh, sure. Will do."

End Part 19. Feedback? PLEASE?

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 09:21:36 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Slip of the Tongue" (1/1)

Notes: Takes place during "Becoming II", right before/during Xander popping
out of the bushes outside the mansion.
Disclaimers: Standard ones apply.
Feedback: YEA! To [e-mail], please.

~

                     "A Slip of the Tongue"
                         By Rachel Brody

     "'Tell her I'll save him.' Jeez. What's she think she is, some
kinda wizard?" Xander let fly a kick, striking a splintered, fallen
tree branch with his foot, then ignoring the branch as it skittered
away.
     What was Willow's deal, he wondered. He loved her to death,
always had and always would, but...this was going ever-so-slightly
too far, as far as being a good friend went. Yeah, he realized
Willow had a fixation on helping Angel regain his soul, but what
Xander couldn't understand was...why? Angel had never been
particularly close to Willow, at least, not that Xander knew of--
not that he was always a million percent up to speed with Willow's
personal life, he reminded himself-- and she had been the first one
he'd attacked when he'd changed. Not counting his verbal assault on
Buffy, of course.
     "But really," Xander sighed, letting rip another monologue to
the trees he was wandering through, "this is nuts. I mean, what's
she doing, having me tell Buffy? Wouldn't that mean that Buff'll
just try to _stall_ him, instead of giving it the old Sunnydale
fight? And what good will that do anybody in the end?" He shook his
head. "Really, Will," he said to the forest, "you should think
these things through a little bett-- Ow!"
     He cast a rueful glance downward, his eyes falling on a large
sized rock. Stooping, he picked it up and held it in front of him
as he continued his journey to the mansion. "You know," he said,
turning his discourse on the inanimate object, "of all the people
who would have thought about that angle of things, that telling
Buffy that Will wanted to save her ex-_boyfriend_ might not help
save the world any...well, I don't know. It seems like it would be
fairly obvious, and Willow usually notices the obvious. Before me,
I mean. Because I'm just Xander, I'm not..."
     He sighed, trailed off, and shook his head. "Sorry," he
apologized, "rambling."
     The rock didn't voice any objections.
     "Anyway," Xander continued, talking more and more to himself
as opposed to the rock as time passed, "you know, I'm just sort of
wondering if telling Buffy this is really the best thing. For her.
Because this has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that, well,
I'm insanely jealous that she still cares about _Angel_ these days.
The guy's been a bastard since she and he-- well-- since they did,
and you'd think a smart, pretty girl like Buff would realize
there're other fish in the sea! Other stars in the sky! I mean, not
me, `cause I have Cordelia...but even watching Willow and Oz is--"
He swallowed, suddenly remembering how Willow had thought he was
Oz, just prior to really regaining consciousness, and reminded
himself that this wasn't about him and Willow, him and Buffy,
Willow and Oz, or himself and Cordelia. This, like so much else,
was about _Buffy_, and what was best for her. "--is better than
thinking about how Buff is still all upset about Angel."
     He shook his head, grinning slightly. "'Course," he said
suddenly, "as the messenger, I do have ultimate responsibility for
what Buffy finds out. Sort of. She'll find out later, I know, but
I could always mix things up a little, you know, mess around
with them some and hope things work out better. `Cause you know,
who knows. Maybe Willow's brain _did_ get a little mushed up in
that hit. And maybe she's not competent to make decisions like
this. I know she didn't _look_ too competent, but maybe that's just
me." Considering that possibility for a few seconds, Xander shook
his head. "Nah," he sighed, shaking his head at the rock, then
letting it drop to his side. "Willow wouldn't make that kinda
mistake. I mean, we're talking about the girl who got me through
chem class this year. And biology last year...and just about every
non-English class I've ever taken."
     He sighed, resigning himself to the fact that yes, it was
true, Willow probably _had_ considered things from all angles, and
had most likely made the best choice. Because this was Willow, who
was the most unselfish person Xander had ever known. Always the one
who made sure he knew what was going on in class, always the one
who saved him treats when her mom made them after school, always
the one who cared about how he was doing and what he was going to
do with himself when nobody else seemed to give a damn.
     But...
     "God _damn_ it!" Xander yelled suddenly, surprising himself
with the force of his voice. "Will, why couldn't you be just a
_little_ selfish?! Just _this_ time?!" For a few seconds, Xander
contemplated hurling the rock through the air, releasing some
aggression that way. Then he decided against it. If he met up with
any baddies before he got to Buffy, he might need some sort of
weapon. Not that a rock was really any kind of defense against
a vampire, but it would be, well, nice if he could at least pretend
to put up a fight.
     That'd be sweet, though. If Willow had been selfish, just this
once. Xander almost smiled at the idea of Willow telling him
something like, "Tell Buffy to kick Angel's pathetic little _ass_,
Xander."
     "Yeah. That'd be _real_ Willow-ey," he said, shaking his head
slightly. "Dream _on_." It'd never happen. He knew it would never
happen. And yet, the idea of Willow going on a mega-vindictive
spree was so appealing, Xander couldn't keep himself from imagining
the rest, as it might happen. Will going all ballistic and
screaming, shoving Angel up against a wall, maybe cursing him out
a few times with something a little less pleasant than, "here, you
have a conscience now, go brood and fool around with Buffy." Xander
snorted. Some curse.
     That'd be _rich_. Tell Buffy to kick Angel's ass.
     "Tell Buffy," Xander said to himself in the best imitation of
Willow's voice he could achieve after seventeen years of exposure,
"that for all I care, Angel can _kiss my ass_. Tell him he and his
whole vampire _crew_ to watch out, `cause I'm on the _warpath_ and
he's gonna get it."
     Immediately feeling guilty for the imitation, which admittedly
sounded more like something out of a Schwartzenegger movie than
something from his bookish best bud, Xander felt a blush creeping
into his neck as he saw the mansion Buffy had spoken of rising up
over the treetops ahead. She'd be over there, he thought, and it
was now only a matter of moments before he would have to deliver
his message.
     That thought was enough to sober him. "Angel's gonna be all
better," he sniped to himself, in the most mocking tone he could.
"Angel's gonna be just fine, so no worries, happy happy happy-
friggin'-happy."
     He sighed, and kicked another rock. Dammit, this was so not
the fair thing. Everything else aside, what if the curse didn't
work? Then what? "She'll get her hopes up for nothin', that's
what," Xander sighed to himself. "Then she'll get all upset again.
And we'll have that whole, `I am completely rejecting every feeling
I am experiencing, not an emotive bone in _this_ body' routine, and
it'll take her forever to get out of it, and in the meantime we'll
all have to worry, and..."
     And there she was, marching up the road with a huge sword in
her hand and the most determined look on her face Xander had ever
seen. No exceptions. Whatsoever. A chill ran down his spine, and he
wondered what it was about the way she was walking that screamed
anybody who got in her way was going to _get it_.
     "Hey!" he called, jumping out of the bushes as she passed him
by. Immediately, he realized how stupid it was to jump at her
without warning when she had _that look_ on her face, and took a
few steps back, laughing nervously.
     She turned to him. "Xander!"
     He gave her a wan smile. "Cavalry's here," he said. Then he
held up the rock. "Cavalry is a scared guy with a rock, but it's
here." She didn't smile, passing him a stake instead. "That's
better," he said, casting the rock down.
     Buffy's reaction was a humorless one. "You're not here to
fight. You get Giles and run." She shook her head. "I can't protect
you. I'll be too busy killing."
     *Shit,* Xander thought, staring at her. His eyes traveled from
her face, an emotionless mask, to the sword she clasped in her
hand. "That's a new look for you," he offered by way of a pathetic
attempt at conversation.
     "It's a present for Angel," she said quietly.
     The look on her face remained impassive, and Xander swallowed,
realizing how far they had all misjudged events. They knew Buffy
had been hurt, knew she was in pain, and knew she wanted like all
hell to get some sort of revenge on Angel for what he had done to
them-- but none of them, not him, or Cordie, or Willow...maybe not
even Giles, he thought-- had understood just how deep the need for
closure ran through her.
     "Willow--" he began, then he cut himself off. Not knowing how
to tell her, when she was like this, when she seemed to be hurting
so badly and having so much trouble damping it down.
     "What about her?" Buffy asked, turning her gaze, which
suddenly sprang to life at the mention of their injured friend,
upon him.
     "Willow said..." Xander swallowed, suddenly losing all
capability to speak clearly as he looked into Buffy's eyes. They
were full of all the nightmares, all the pain,
everything...suddenly, almost before Xander realized it, the words
he had spoken to himself in the woods, playing the old game, `what
if Willow had a spine', came back to him.
     "She told me to tell you to kick his ass."
     Xander heard the words coming from his lips, scarcely
believing what he had just said. Time seemed to slow, and he heard
them echoing, and in the same moment screamed at himself, what had
he just done? Said?
     *Stupid, stupid!* he yelled, over and over in his mind. This
wasn't a time for _jokes_! He had a _message_ for Buffy! And he had
to give it to her! He couldn't just make some stupid crack like
that, not at a time like _this_.
     Suddenly, he realized he hadn't corrected himself yet.
     But glancing upward, he realized that Buffy had already moved
on past him, her gait even more determined than it had been before.
Everything about her, hardened and set upon a course of action.
     And as he stared at her in horror, a single thought rose to
the top of his mind.
     *My God,* Xander thought, somehow knowing it was too late to
take back what had been said in error, *What have I _done_?*

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

Comments to [e-mail], please.

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 10:20:14 -0700
From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (18/?)

Name: Chronicles of the White Knight #18 Acceptance
Author: Taygeta
Address: [e-mail]
Feedback: Please!
Uses in anything: Sure, but tell me first.
Spoiler: Not really, might have mentioned a past episode.
Disclaimer: The Buffy characters portrayed in this story and any other
references to Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of its creater
Joss Whedon, and its owners Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions,
Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox.
Rating: PG

*****************************
Chronicles of the White Knight
#18 Acceptance
By: Taygeta

    Calmly, Xander closed the bedroom door behind him, dropping his
bag on a nearby, cluttered chair.  He fell down on his bed and in his
mind, he heard the pounding of his heartàgoing faster and faster every
second.  Thumpàthumpàthumpàthump, thump, thump, thump, thump,
thump-thump-thump-thump-thumpàuntil finally, the echoing sounds of his
mind grew too intense and he couldn't take it anymore.

    In his frustration, he stood up and slammed his fist against a
wall, but the pain that reverted from that angry blow caused him to start
jumping around like mad while clutching his hand, "Owwwww!"

    The physical pain receded, but his wounded heart and pride had to
heal as he recalled the earlier eventsà

    "àI want to bring him back," Buffy said walking towards him as
she looked at the back of his head, "It was because of me that he became
Angelus.  This spellàit'll let me stop him from doing all of these
horrible things *without* killing him."

    "But he - I mean, Angelus, killed Ms. Calendar!  He practically
killed all of us, and I would be dead right now, if we hadn't beaten him
at his own game and if you turn him back, it'll be like all is forgiven.
I can't accept him after all that he's done to us, even though it wasn't
exactly in his control.  A-and how I can I accept you wanting to do this
when he - " he said as his voice drew to a soft tone as he met her eyes,
" -he'll still loves you?"

    "I can't accept the things that happened through Angelus, but I
can forgive Angel for being the person that demon carried all of those
things through," she said.  Then with a deep breath, she continued
gently, "And when he returns he might love me as he did before, but more
likely he'll be hating himself for all the things that occurred.  Even if
he did love me, the way that we loved before the - y'know - it wouldn't
matter to me.  Angel and I - that was before, but you and I are now, and
right now, I love you, Xander Harris."

    "And I love you, too, but Buffy, there's always going to be a
chance that Angel will turn back into Angelus and start killing and
hurting all that we care about. Still, if you think that this is the best
wayàif you think that this will bring less harm," he said, "Then, do what
you have to doàI won't stop youàwhat am I saying?  How can I stop you?"

    "You're the best, you know that, don't you?" she said kissing him
lightly on the lips as her arms encircled his neck, "Are you sure you're
okay with all of this?"

    "I'm fineà"

    à  He had lied terribly; he wasn't the least bit fine about any
of this.  A more accurate response would have been to shout out "NO!"
Not only was he not comfortable with this decision, he was also mad and
frustrated to an immeasurable extent.

    Xander could feel the green-eyed monster of jealousy rear its
ugly head, as he thought about all of his years against Angel.  He had to
admit, though, that Angel was a good guy when he had a soul, except for
the part of being Buffy's boyfriend.  He had even come to trust him
somewhat, but that friction that had been there from day one continued to
be there and never went away.

    "àlet your feelings flow through your fingertipsà" the familiar
voice of Mrs. Roslyn echoed in his mind as his eyes fell to his Creative
Writing composition book.

    With a deep and thoughtful breath, Xander picked up the badly
weathered notebook and turned to a clean page.  He rummaged in his bag
for a pencil and then leaned against the headboard of his bed.  He then
scribbled a few words, which turned to sentences, which turned to this:

    I hate him.  I've always have and perhaps always will.  He took
her away before I even had the chance to speak my heart.  He took her
away before I even had a chance to give him a piece of my mind.  She
loved him, but I can't even like him.  Trustàdistrustà a hazy barrier
between him and me, that and loving her.  Resentment?  Jealously?  It's
all there, with it's permanent place among angered encounters and forced
alliances for the sake of the girl we both lovedà

    Finally after about a few pages of writing, he tapped the eraser
of the pencil on the last page, and sighed thoughtfully.  He re-read his
work slowly, as if analyzing each sentence, and he realized that they all
seeped with the anger and the hate that he had always felt about Angel.
Yet, no matter how much he disliked him, he would not stop Buffy from
executing the curse to alter Angelus into Angel.  This was a way for her
to heal past wounds still open, bleeding, and he would do anything to
make her sorrows go awayàmake the hurt go away, simply because he loved
her.

    <Besides, > thought Xander with a light chuckle as he placed his
composition book back in his bag, <knowing Buffy, she'd do it anyway.  >

_____________________________________________________________________
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------------------------------

Date: Sat, 20 Jun 1998 02:14:02 -0700
From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (Part 36)

Charlotte Sometimes (Part 36)

((VIOLENCE))


    Drusilla's shaking hands gently lifted the heavy blanket. Movements so
slow, she could have been preternatural. Her body lightly shook as she
tried to hold in her screams and her cries, moving the covers with a
gradual grace of will.
    But the main objective was clear. Don't Wake The Demon!
    He didn't stir once as she managed to move the covers from most of her
upper body. But she was far to frightened to stand up. Inches from tears
she laid back down on the bed slowly yet again, unable to grasp the
concept of life, of getting away from this man... This thing!

    Her legs moved out from the blankets slowly - and didn't actually know
she'd moved until the cold floor shivered beneath her feet.

    She could however feel her heart pounding in her head. It was getting
louder with the passing seconds... Could he hear? Could he hear her
heart? Her thoughts? Did he know she was moving? That she was going
against him to escape?
    Drusilla began to take deeper breaths. Her chest heaving in
exasperation. She had to calm. She *had* to get out!
    She moved slowly to stand, her body aching, screaming at her to run.
    But she wasted precious seconds to take another look at him. To look
once more upon the face of her love.
    Her head lied to her. She could hear the argument begin.
    He might be Angelus still.. Be her loving Angel!
    Though he was a monster! Bent to kill her! He'd destroyed and murdered
already! How many lives had he taken? How many more?
    Could he be cured? She could help him.
    Unless he killed her first...

    Worth her life she couldn't get her body to move outside the door,
barely 3 feet from where she stood.
    She needed to see him. To know he was evil. And to be reminded that
this WASN'T a dream, that reality and hell had combined against her.

    So her fingers gently moved away from her waist.
    But these weren't her actions. How could they be? Fingers that no
longer shook? How could she suddenly be so sure that he wasn't going to
hurt her?
    How she managed to move that one hand across the bed and to the covers
concealing his face she didn't know, or could she remember.
    How could she move like this? When it took so much strength and will to
get up away? Away from the thing she wanted most...

~

    His mind snapped open at the feel of warm fingers on his skin. Not even
fully awake he immediately darted out, grabbing the wrist that was
touching his face and sent his victim flying next to him on the bed.
    He held the mortals arm, ready to break it, and kill, until he realized
that this was Drusilla. Not some slayer or hunter.
    And she was crying, her mouth opened as though to scream but no sound
issued forth.
    He smiled, jumping over to kneel above her. His cold fingers tracing
the outline of her lips.
    "Forgive me, Drusilla" he asked demeaning her by using his voice. By
using Angels voice!

~

    Drusilla's fists clenched, her nails digging into her skin, ready to
break it.
    Her mind screamed at her to get out. This was the demon! He *was* evil.
And she was in real danger. Now was the time to panic, and now was the
time to react.
 She hit him as hard as she could, it didn't phase him at first, until
she hit his head, screaming and crying as loud as she could.

He grabbed her shoulders, shoving her into the soft mattress. Her
continuous shrieks nagging in his head. He wanted to snap the neck of
this new noise machine, but instead of using pain he went towards a new
approach.

Drusilla felt a small victory when he left her go. She was free and
stepping away from her opponent, she ran to the door as fast as her
shaking body could take her.

Not bothering to look back even once she slammed into the door -
pounding on the hinges as it  didn't open.

    Drusilla let few tears fall over this door as she turned to run the
other way, to find another exist.

    But he was there. As always, and she slammed right into him. But he
didn't waist a second to hurt her and she felt her body flying towards
the other end of the small room.


- --
_-SuN-_

SD - Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html

    Daylight licked me into shape, I must have been asleep for
days. And moving lips to breathe her name, I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone, Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved, And drowned her deep inside
of me (The Cure)

_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #237
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