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buffyfic-digest         Saturday, June 6 1998         Volume 02 : Number 222



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Sorrowful Regrets (2/?)
       BUFFYFIC: "Reunion" (24/?)
       BUFFYFIC: Repercussions (9/?) by Andrea

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

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Date: Fri, 5 Jun 1998 23:58:24 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sorrowful Regrets (2/?)

Title: Sorrowful Regrets (2/?)
Author: Michelle
Email Addy: [e-mail]
Rating: PG (buffy-like language and violence)
Warning: Just to be safe. Anyone who's seriously against the
concept that Angel made Spike might not want to read this story.
Spoiler: Oh, just Everything.
Feedback: First there is PBSD (Post Becoming Stress Disorder),
now I'm suffering from LOFD (lack of feedback disorder). Please
help?
Disclaimer: Buffy and the gang belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the
characters not part of the regular cast are mine!
Sumary: A look into Spike's past from re-birth as a vampire and
his future with Drusilla after Becoming.
OTHER STORIES: You can check it out as well as all my other
stories at: http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html < --- Changed
Address.
DEDICATIONS: Thanks to everyone who wrote back to me on
'Master' details.

***************

Spike snapped out of his daze as the body on his lap began to stir,
and he looked down at her. She rolled over onto her back until
her eyes connected with his.

"Spike?" she asked, her voice weak and innocent.  By contrast, her
deep brown eyes looked up at him with demonic curiosity.

"I'm here, baby."

The palm of her hand connected sharply with his face. She quickly
rose to look down on him.  Her fingers danced in the air as her
mind traveled through thoughts of the pain and sorrow.

"Dru! I don't want to start this with you again. I had my reasons for
what I did."  After all the time he had spent trying to prepare an
apology, he couldn't get the right words to come out.  Dru was too
difficult to please and he knew she wouldn't forgive him until she was
ready.

"You hurt Angel. You lied to me!"

"He deserved it! Princess, I'm sorry I lied to you, but I didn't have a
choice. Angel needed to be taught a lesson."

Dru dropped her head and began to pout.  Before Spike could reach
his feet and catch her, she was out the door and running away as
fast as she could.

~ ~ ~

Darkness. He was surrounded by nothing but a pitch-black darkness.
His eyes were open, but nothing could be seen.  Pain dragged him
into an epitome of nothingness. His chest ached with every breath he
tried to force in. It didn't seem necessary though. Even breathing
seemed a waste of time.


'Am I dead?' The thought raced through his mind repeatedly as he
contemplated where he was; what he was doing curled up on the
floor of what felt like a small cold room.

A point of light suddenly shone into the room, accompanied by the
creaking of rusty hinges.  It's starting point was unknown but the
intense pain made it impossible to focus on anything.   The room
slowly lit up, revealing black painted brick walls and a concrete floor.
The door, made of a hard steel was only a few feet from his face.

"How are we feeling?" Angelus asked as he entered. His shadowy
figure was outlined by a bright light behind him. The man on the floor
raised a hand to shield his eyes, and tried to look up at the monstrous
creature that stood by his head but he couldn't force his muscles into
action.

"I feel..." he croaked, stopping as his head began pounding like it
was going to explode.  His eyes rolled back into his head as he tried
to remain conscious. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't
get anything out; the pain was too intense.

<This damn room won't stop spinning!> he thought to himself. He
reached up and cradled his head; trying stop the pounding. As his
hands brushed against his face, he felt the strange texture that had
replaced his previously smooth complexion.

"I never did catch your name." Angelus said with a grin on his face.
He stepped over and pulled the prone figure into a sitting position,
propped him up against the wall.  "There you go, how's that?"
Angelus asked as he lightly slapped the man's face.

He gritted his teeth.  "Why should I tell you who I am?" The man
asked harshly.

"Cause I'm your new best friend," Angelus said cockily.  He leaned
up against the wall and watched the man struggle against the pain.

"Huh?"

"Don't worry. You'll understand soon enough. Now, what was your
name again?" Angelus knelt down by the man's weak body.

"Go to hell!"

"Where did you think I was from, Heaven? Don't let the name fool
you, my friend."  Angelus reached out to a large cut on the man's
head but his hand was pushed away.

"What do you want?"  He was hungry. Craving for something but he
was too weak to focus on what it was.  The pain kept growing
stronger, each passing second making it worse.

"Right now, just your name." The man stared blankly into Angelus's
eyes, refusing to answer.  "Look, buddy, I can make this as easy
or as painful as you'd like." Angelus smiled as the man cringed.
The agony riveting through his body was growing more intense by
the second.  "That pain you feel?  It gets worse. And I'm the only one
who can make it stop."

"William," the man mumbled under his breath as a wave of pain
lashed against his stomach.

"Huh?"

"My name. William!"

"Good, you're catching on to this simple little game of mine."
Angelus smirked, satisfied with his findings.

William screamed as the pain in his head pounded heavily,
sending shivers down his spine.

"Hungry?" Angelus waved his hand and a another man dragged in a
beautiful young girl. She was thrown to the ground in front of him,
and his instincts to took over. William grabbed her body, and snarled
painfully as he brought her neck to his lips.

Angelus watched with a smile, anticipating his next move. "Go on," he
said, resting a hand beneath his chin.

He paused a second to look up at the vampire before gently biting into
the young girl's neck.  The girl whimpered but William was hungry and
finished her quickly.  He tossed her body to the ground and moved to
stand up.

"Now how do you feel?" Angelus asked from the doorway.

"Better." The young vampire wiped blood away from his lips with
the back of his hand and licked it off. Every drop of that sweet red
substance gave him more strength.

"William."  Angelus laughed, watching him make a mess.  "William
the bloody."

"Huh?"

"You'll see soon enough. Now, let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"That pain that still sits in the pit of your stomach. You want
it to go away, don't you?" Angelus chucked a bit at the sight
that stood before him; he was a bloody mess.

William rose to his feet and followed Angelus out of the room.

~ ~ ~

"Dammit Dru!" Spike raced down the stairs after her.  He had to
have her back, even if it meant groveling at her feet for decades.
The doors to the building slammed behind him as he ran out into the
pouring rain.

Her perfect figure could be seen for miles as she stood at the top of
a hill, head thrown back, her mouth wide open. Sharp drops
of rain poured down her throat. The rain mixed with the tears
falling from her eyes.

Spike just watched her. Unable to move or speak. Her beauty was
breathtaking.  Her dress was now soaking wet and clung to her body.

"I'm so sorry baby. I don't care what it takes. I just want you
back," Spike whispered to himself.  Suddenly, Dru froze, sensing
his presence.  She spun around and a smile formed on her lips.

~ ~ ~ ~

End Part 2 - What did ya think?

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 06 Jun 1998 13:53:45 EDT
From: [e-mail] (Ingrid E Stanton)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Reunion" (24/?)

DISCLAIMER: The characters are *not* mine.
Enough said.
SUMMARY: This takes place at the same time
as part 23 did, except for the last section. Hmm..
how can I explain this simply? Ah:

Section 1: What happens to Angel while Buffy
takes care of Spike and Angelus (part 23)
Section 2: What happens to Cordelia at the same
time
Section 4: What happens to Corin, Xander and
Giles.
Section 5: What happens to the Xander of the past
after the struggle scene at the tree.

(Let me know if this doesnÆt make sense.)

FEEDBACK: Send it.
REQUESTS FOR PARTS: IÆll be happy to send
you what ever you donÆt have, now that I have all
my parts back! ([e-mail])

NOTE: After those pathetic writing SAT IIÆs, I decided
to do something that it takes half a brain to writeà


*********
"Reunion," by Ingrid
Part Twenty-four: "Loose Ends"
*********

Angel was running behind her. He was close to catching up
when he felt a tearing in his ankle and slipped. He hit the
ground. Why he hadnÆt seen whatever it was?

The pavement sparkled in the rich purples and whites that
cement seemed to always get in the twilight, when everyone
had abandoned the commercial district of the town. The
points of light
were strangely hypnotizing, and he had to tear his eyes away
to remember what was going on; how important this was.

He stood up. There wasnÆt any pain. He was surprised. But
the pavement was sparkling still more, and when he raised
his head to look around, it was all gone, and the glittering
whites and purples became golden, swallowing the scene. He
was floating, not standing. ThatÆs why his ankle didnÆt hurt.

It was like the sunlight, this dazzling light surrounding him,
and he was tired. There was something to be done, his mind
insisted, but his bodyÆs urge was stronger. He closed his eyes
and slept in the warmth.

***

Cordelia was pretty far behind. She didnÆt think sheÆd even get
there in time at all. She shouldnÆt have hesitated. Damn, she had
to catch up. She couldnÆt even see Buffy ahead. She must have
turned around one of those corners, Cordelia concluded, and
proceeded to round the old building, looking for the slayer.

For a second, she thought she saw her. There was a distinct
something for a flash, and then it was gone.

The buildings were so tall. She felt like she was running a maze,
and somebody far away was laughing at her. She turned another
corner. This shouldnÆt be so hard! The town wasnÆt all that large,
and sheÆd been here many times as a teenager before she left, but
as she ran, things only got more and more unfamiliar. She was
lost. Dammit!

She shrieked as she ran into a wall and looked up. It stretched
endlessly into the sky. It was laughing. It was the *building itself*
that had been laughing.

And now it was spinning. The whole world was spinning.

She screamed.

The warm light and sleep finally stopped the noise.

***

Xander and Corin were stood by the sidewalk while
the EMTÆs were loading young Buffy into an ambulance.
Anyone whoÆd heard  her whining fit would have thought
she was dying. Her foot would be fine, they said, and
Xander and Corin had slipped away cautiously in the
midst of the confusion.

That was when Giles came running up to them from the
other way.

"Xander!" He grabbed the manÆs shoulder and came to a
stop. "Xander, have you seen Willow? What happened?
I entered the portal with her, and ended up in the middle of
no where. I couldnÆt find her anywhere!"

"I havenÆt seen her," he answered nervously. They each
knew what was on the otherÆs mind. Betrayal. They
loved her. But they couldnÆt trust her completely. SheÆd
helped them. Or had she? This whole thing could have
been some sort of a setup, and theyÆd never know.

Instantaneously, as if someone had unplugged a television,
there was darkness. Silence. He couldnÆt speak to answer, and
his reaching hands met only nothingness. Then came the
gentle yellow light, and all thought fled.

***

XanderÆs momÆs car squealed into a the Sunnydale Park. Ending
up barely missing a tree. He threw open the door and took off,
not really caring what happened to the car, although his mom
would kill him if she ever found out. She wasnÆt the only one
He was late, and Willow was going to strangle him. It wasnÆt
that he wasnÆt anxious as hell to do the curse with her or anyt-

He rounded the tree.

Willow was lying on the ground, two distinct puncture wounds
on her neck oozing blood. Her face was red where sheÆd
obviously been punched a few times.

He didnÆt have to approach her to realize she was dead.

He was late.

Angelus had killed her.

The whole park was empty, and the sky had become
horrendously black. Wind was whistling far away. He dropped
to his knees.

Something cracked in the sky, and before he knew it, he
was being pelted with the rain. He didnÆt know whether
the roar in his ears was the lightning or his own scream.

He got up and ran.

***
END, 24.
I got my research paper back! "A" for content, "A" for
mechanics, and an "A-" for format (I committed the
grievous sin of numbering my first outline pg!)

_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 06 Jun 1998 20:38:38 PDT
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions (9/?) by Andrea

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. They are all the property
of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc.
Feedback: Please.

Thanks to Rachel and Christine for taking the time to help me with this.
I really appreciate it. :)

Chapter nine.

Buffy's house
August 21,1998
4:00 p.m.

Buffy sat on the verandah trying to collect the courage to go inside.
She had been sitting there for over an hour, ever since Giles had
dropped her off. They had all wanted to come in with her, to support
her, but she had refused. She had to face her mother on her own. Face
yet another person whose life had been destroyed by her. Swallowing, she
leaned back on the bench, letting the late afternoon sun warm her. She
could feel her mother inside anxiously waiting, knew Willow had called
her, told her they were on the way, but she couldn't make herself move.
Once her home had been a haven from who she was, her mother lectures
about being more responsible, to study more, to take things seriously
giving her moments in which to believe she was a normal teenager. She
watched the people walking on the road, children playing on bikes,
Mothers pushing strollers. It all fit so perfectly in this neighborhood,
the only thing that didn't fit was her.

Her eyes wandered over the front lawn, noticing it hadn't been mowed in
weeks, and her mother's jeep was filthy. She looked around, suddenly
noticing the rundown look of the entire house, the plants dying, the
paint chipped. Feeling her stomach clench as a slight sweat broke out on
her brow. Her mother never let stuff like this happen, well at least not
before she found out her daughter killed vampires. And then her daughter
had run away, unable to give her any peace of mind. Her head swam as new
guilt was added on. She had pictured her mother living just as they
always had, not worrying, just being. Shaking her head at her folly she
stood up, realizing it was time to face her.

Taking a deep breath she put her hand on the doorknob. Turning it slowly
she told herself to be calm, this wasn't a big deal. The thought tumbled
around in her head for a moment until she looked at it and realized its
truth. Nothing was very important in the face of her duty. In her life,
for the rest of her life, everything else would come second. She had run
from this truth, railed against it, even betrayed it. Now she would
accept it. She could take the horror she felt at what had become of her
life, at the things she had done and hone it into a weapon against evil.

Pulling open the door, she ignored the rolling of her stomach. She
stepped into the cool comfort of her home. Looking around, she felt a
strange sense of surprise. Everything looked exactly as it had...before.
Somehow, she thought the changes in her would be reflected in the house.
That the walls would be painted black and the furniture broken, the
destruction she had brought to everyone around her mirrored in the
house, instead it was cool and quiet, everything bright, clean and in
its place. Letting the door fall shut behind her she walked towards the
living room. Her mother was sitting on the couch, cautiously watching
her. Buffy just stood there, rooted to the ground. Her head flashed with
images of the last night she had been in this house.  Of the words
between her and her mother. Remembering that the last time she had
touched her mother had been to push her. She swallowed, her eyes begging
her mother to forgive her.

"Buffy" Her mother spoke cautiously, her face tense, "Willow called.
H-How are you?"

"Fine." She could speak these words, pretend everything was normal, like
she was returning from her father's, just another summer with him in LA.
"I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you worry. I sh..should have
called."

Her mother stood, walked towards her. Buffy found herself stepping back,
keeping the distance between them, unable to stop herself. Watching her
mother's face fall she closed her eyes. Trying to stay on top of the
mound of guilt in her mind she spoke, "I'm....you talked to Willow?"

Her mother frowned, took a step away from her, "Yes. Buffy, I'm so
sorry. They told me. I don't understand it. I believe you but I don't
understand it."

Buffy smiled bitterly at her, understanding the confusion she felt, she
had felt it to, in the beginning, "Don't try. It just is. You have to
accept it. I have...finally."  She wandered further into the livingroom,
struggling to keep her movements casual. She could feel her mother's
questions, begging to be answered without her having to ask. Buffy
swallowed, turning to face her mother once more.

Her mother looked so bewildered as she looked at her daughter, her eyes
afraid, yet determined. "W-We should talk. I....Willow told me about
that boy,  your boyfriend,  Angel.  Do you want to talk?"

Buffy looked at her mother, her heart screaming yes, I want to. She
wanted to throw herself into her mother's arms like she was five again
and her mother could fix everything. When her words meant something and
a hug could put right what was wrong. Her eyes filled with tears and she
swallowed them back, understanding that the time for them was past.
"No." Her voice coming out sharper than she had intended it to, lowering
her voice she continued, "Thanks."  She paused, trying to keep her voice
from shaking, "I...I, can I...I need to be alone. Do you mind? I'm
sorry, I just..."

She stood there praying her mother would let it go, not push it. She
wasn't sure she could tell the story again and keep hold of her sanity.
She watched her mother, seeing the myriad of emotions passing through
her face. Finally her mother smiled sadly at her, "I love you Buffy,
always."

Closing her eyes against the sudden rush of pain Buffy nodded, turning
quickly she headed for the stairs, for escape. Feeling both relieved and
disappointed with the reunion she began to climb the stairs. As her foot
landed on the second step her mother grabbed her arm, pulling her back
to her, wrapping her arms around her, holding her tightly. After a
moment Buffy returned the hug, holding on to her mother like a lifeline.
Speaking into her mother's shoulder, "I love you too." She broke the hug
and turned back to the stairs, nothing fixed or solved, but maybe just a
bit less painful.

Walking into her room she gasped for air, unprepared for the assault of
memories that hit her as she entered the room. Every inch of her room
was covered in memories of Angel.  Picturing him sleeping on her floor
before she had even known what he was, the first kiss by the window when
she found out. His cryptic guy visits through her window. The time she
had caught him holding Mr. Gordo. Sinking to the floor she sat there,
her eyes searching out every spot he had stood, remembering every word
he had spoken.  Seeing his leather jacket still hanging in her closet
she flinched. Remembering all the times she had worn it, the feel of the
leather against her arms, imagining it was him.  Shuddering she crawled
along the floor towards her bed. The tears falling unnoticed as she
realized that not only would Angel suffer the torments of hell she would
never see him again, never kiss him through her window, never sit with
him on her bed. She sat quietly, slowly rocking back and forth, the pain
still a huge void inside her. He was gone, she was responsible for it.
There was no way to ever make it up to him, to tell him she was sorry,
to tell him she still loved him. There were so many things that were now
gone forever. And not lost into the nostalgia of a past love but
condemned forever to live on, an open wound. Pulling herself up onto her
bed she sat, looking at the ring he had given her sitting in plan sight
on her dresser. Standing she walked over and picked it up, staring it at
for a long moment then slowly slipping it back onto its rightful place
on her finger. Straightening up, her face becoming determined once
again. He was gone forever, but her love wasnÆt and neither was her
duty.  Walking slowly she went to her closet, taking the leather jacket
off its hanger. She lay it on the bed as she quickly changed, letting
her tears dry on her face, refusing to let any more fall. Leaving
Angel's cross hanging around her neck where she had worn it since the
day she had sent him to hell. She slipped his jacket on and after
glancing at her closed bedroom door, she walked over to the window and
quietly slipped out.

She headed quickly away from her house, determined to head to the
library. Wanting  to talk with Giles about the vampire activity in the
area, and then head out on patrol. Her duty would not wait one night for
her to adjust to being here again. She walked quickly, purposefully
toward the library, not noticing when her path changed and she started
heading towards Angel's apartment. It started to mist slightly as she
walked, her head down she watched the drops landing on the pavement.
Feeling the wind pick up she pulled AngelÆs jacket tighter, her arms
crossed, holding it together. The town changed, houses giving way to
storefronts and run-down buildings. She slowed, then stopped, realizing
were she was heading, the route her feet had taken. Standing there,
planning on changing her path back to the library, but unable to take
the steps.  She stood frozen for a moment, the wind blowing through her
mist dampened hair, her heart aching for what had been lost. Things she
could never change, never take back. She tried to walk away, to ignore
the pain she knew waited for her in AngelÆs apartment. But she couldnÆt
walk away, his voice was in her head, telling her to come, telling her
not to worry. His voice telling her he loved her. Shuddering, she
swallowed, struggling with the memories.  Taking a deep breath she
decided she had to go, had to say good-bye to Angel in the place were
all his things were. To sit on his bed and remember only the good. To
come to terms with what she had done, and how she would go on.
Determined she began walking again, the rain another reminder of what
she had lost.


______________________________________________________
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