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From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest)
To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com
Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #206
Reply-To: $SENDER
Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Precedence: bulk
buffyfic-digest Wednesday, May 27 1998 Volume 02 : Number 206
In this issue:
BUFFYFIC: OT: Tonight's ep?
Re: BUFFYFIC: OT: Tonight's ep?
BUFFYFIC: Admin: Majordomo Problems
Re: BUFFYFIC: OT: Tonight's ep?
BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (13/?)
BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (4/10) by Andrea
BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (5/10) by Andrea
See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 19:17:56 EDT
From: KylenRevik <KylenRevik@aol.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: OT: Tonight's ep?
Deathly sorry to clutter boxes, I'm *reallyreallysorry*, but I just read in
the paper the descripts of the two eps for tonight-- which were as follows:
"8 PM -- BtVS, Wereworlf"
9 PM -- BtVS, Torment"
Now I'm guessing the first one is Phases, but I can't think that I'd classify
BBB as "torment", so I can't figure out what the second one might be. I had
been thinking it might be a two parter repeat, but apparently not, so I'd
honestlyreally appreciate it if somebody could mail me back before 8 PM est if
they know what episodes will be aired this week, because I was planning on
taping them but if I've already got them then I won't bother with it.
Anyway, thank you, and I am *so* sorry to be posting this here but I don't
know where else to go for help.
Love y'all,
Rachel
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 20:58:52 -0400
From: nothoney@olg.com (slb)
Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: OT: Tonight's ep?
At 07:17 PM 5/26/98 -0400, KylenRevik wrote:
>Deathly sorry to clutter boxes, I'm *reallyreallysorry*, but I just read in
>the paper the descripts of the two eps for tonight-- which were as follows:
>"8 PM -- BtVS, Wereworlf"
>9 PM -- BtVS, Torment"
It's "Passion." My most humble apologies for this OT post, oh Listmoms of
Incredible Beauty and Wisdom <g>.
Sheryl
NotHoney@olg.com
Slayerette~Ravenette~Discoverer~BBFC
"The truth is, I like this world. You've got dog racing. Manchester United.
And you've got people. Billions of people, walking around like Happy Meals
with legs. It's all right here." Spike, BTVS
Moo: A Fan Fiction Zine
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/3063
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 20:16:33 -0500 (CDT)
From: Jill Kirby <jtkirby@popmail.mcs.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Admin: Majordomo Problems
Just so y'all know...
If you're trying to uns*b from any of the Xmission Buffy lists, be prepared
for a long delay before your request goes through. The Xmission majordomo
is apparently not feeling very well, and things are taking a very long time
to go through.
I'm also seeing some double posting, which is probably another glitch of the
server.
Please be patient. :) Thanks.
Jill
Jill Kirby ~~ jtkirby@mcs.com ~~ www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/4107
NatPack ~~ ABotCoS ~~ NP4 ~~ Dreamer/Minstrel
Conform, go crazy, or become a writer.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 20:58:52 -0400
From: nothoney@olg.com (slb)
Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: OT: Tonight's ep?
At 07:17 PM 5/26/98 -0400, KylenRevik wrote:
>Deathly sorry to clutter boxes, I'm *reallyreallysorry*, but I just read in
>the paper the descripts of the two eps for tonight-- which were as follows:
>"8 PM -- BtVS, Wereworlf"
>9 PM -- BtVS, Torment"
It's "Passion." My most humble apologies for this OT post, oh Listmoms of
Incredible Beauty and Wisdom <g>.
Sheryl
NotHoney@olg.com
Slayerette~Ravenette~Discoverer~BBFC
"The truth is, I like this world. You've got dog racing. Manchester United.
And you've got people. Billions of people, walking around like Happy Meals
with legs. It's all right here." Spike, BTVS
Moo: A Fan Fiction Zine
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/3063
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 27 May 1998 00:40:26 -0700
From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (13/?)
Name: The Chronicles of the White Knight #13 The Course of Fate
Author: Taygeta
Address: taygeta@juno.com
Feedback: Please!
Uses in anything: Sure, but tell me first.
Spoiler: Not really, might have mentioned a past episode.
Disclaimer: The Buffy characters portrayed in this story and any other
references to Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of its creator
Joss Whedon, and its owners Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions,
Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox.
Rating: PG
***************************
The Chronicles of the White Knight
#13 The Course of Fate
By: Taygeta
The hushed voices of her students mingled with the clacking of
keyboard keys and the loud printing of paper. Willow stopped typing long
enough to glance over at her students to make sure that not too much
talking was going on. Before turning back to her computer, she was able
to pick up the words, Buffy and Xander, from the various conversations
scattered around the room. Not since word of Xander and Cordelia going
out had spread across the school, and the fact that it was he that broke
up with her, did such a commotion arise from the students.
Willow had to admit that although she hadn't reacted like most
students, the news that her best friends were dating had surprised her
just as much. Initially, she hadn't been very happy when such
information reached her. It wasn't as if she had been longing for him
because she didn't and hadn't for awhile, it was just that when he and
Cordy broke up the idea that *they* might have been possible lingered in
her mind. Although, Oz made all the lingering go away to the extent that
she no longer thought, let alone want, such ideas, they all came back,
momentarily, when Buffy told her about them.
She had wanted to talk to her about something else, but as it
occurred, Buffy's news came first, and it made her feel that what she had
to say would not help matters much at allà
à "Willow," the slayer said as she tapped her best friend's
shoulder to gain her attention, "Hey."
"OhàBuffyàI was just looking for you," the redhead replied with a
grin as she turned around to see the familiar face, "I have to tell you
something."
"Umàso do I," she said and then chewing on her lower lip, she
looked around the campus and continued, "Why don't we sit down?"
They walked towards a nearby bench and sat in silence for awhile,
before Willow finally said, "Why don't you go ahead? You look like it's
pretty good news."
"I'd like to think it is," she said with a smile as she fiddled
with a pen in her hand, "I'm not sure how to tell you this, Will, umà
butàuhàXander and I are going out."
Willow blinked in surprised and found herself rendered
speechless, "UhàumàGod, Buffyàuhàumà that'sàwonderful."
"Really?" she said with raised eyebrows, "Cause well, y'knowàI
was kind of worried that since you used toà"
"That was a long time ago, Buffy," she replied with a weak smile,
"And you two are my best friends, and if you guys are happy, then I'm
happy for you. Besides, he's a great guyàwhen he's notà"
She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief, "No need to explainàI
know all too well the mind and mannerisms of Alexander 'Xander' Harris."
"I just hope you do," Willow joked and this time she really
smiled, as she got over her shock, and was beginning to see that perhaps,
they're dating wasn't that bad of an idea, after all. Still, she
couldn't help but recall the last time Buffy had met with such feelings,
"But what about Angel?"
"What about him?" she replied with a sad, half-hearted shrug, "I
mean, of course I loved him, butàI don't knowàit just doesn't seem real
to me anymoreànow that he's gone. Maybe things happen for a reason,
Will, maybe all of these things were meant to beàlike I was destined to
be the slayer."
"So, does that mean that you think you and Xander are foretold?"
her friend couldn't help but point out.
Buffy smiled slightly, "Well, I don't know about thatàdid destiny
bring us together? Sure, things happened that brought us closer, but
whether it was through the hands of fateàthat's kind of hard to say. All
I know is what I'm feeling for Xander right nowàit's different from all
the crushes, relationships, and flings I've had in the past. This is not
some weak-in-the-knees, I'm-falling-apart concept were talking about
here. It's more than thatàit's like every time he holds me, kisses
meàeven when he just talks to me I get this wonderful feeling that never
really goes away. I even get that way when I'm just thinking about him.
I mean, at first I had to say to myself that I was crazy and this was
Xanderàmy friend, but later, it just made me think about him more, and
the more I thoughtàthe more I felt, and the feltàthe more Ià"
As her obviously fallen friend trailed off, Willow said, "I know
what you mean Buffy, you don't have to bother explaining it to meàit's
all right. I better goàI have to get my lesson plans ready for
tomorrow."
"Waitàwhat was it that you wanted to tell me?" Buffy asked when
she stood up to leave, but she met upon another pause from her friend.
"Y'know, never mindàit's not important right now," she said while
shaking her head with a nervous smileà
àNever had Willow felt more surprise than in those ten minutes of
conversation. Her mind had been full of contemplation about Xander,
Buffy, Xander and Buffy as a couple, and than the thought of almost
telling her about- RING! RING!
She jerked when she heard the bell ringing loudly and stood up,
"Class, make sure that you finish your spreadsheet by Friday and I'll
need it on disk, as well as, a printed copy."
A few groans could be heard from her pupils, but she just gave
them a smile and a look that made them laugh. As she saved her document
and shut down her computer, she looked up to see that Xander had walked
into the room.
"Hey," he said with a grin as he walked towards her, "Is the
teach too busy to talk to an old friend?"
"Hi, Xander," Willow said as she turned off her monitor and sat
down in her chair, "What's up?"
"Just the usual," he replied casually, but despite his breezy
tone, a broad grin lay apparent on his face.
"OhàI don't know about that," she retorted eyeing him carefully
as she stood up from her chair and walked towards him, "I've been hearing
some pretty interesting things about your usual. Soàhow's all of this
seeming for you?"
"God, Willow, it feels likeàlike àoh, I don't knowàlike I'm
walking on air," Xander said with a sigh, "As if I'm on top of the world
and nothing can bring me down. I wake up, I think of her and go to
sleep, and I think of her. I mean, I did that before, but all that time
in between waking and sleeping and dreaming that's all I was
doingàthinkingàdreaming. But now when I wake up and smile because she's
on my mind, that smile doesn't fade, Willow, because for some miraculous,
wonderful, phenomenal reasonàshe loves me."
Her smiled widened at his happiness, "I'm sure she doesàand I'm happy for
you, Xanderàboth of you."
When she walked back to her desk and continued to clean up, he
turned and said, "Aren't you going to lunch?"
"Yeahàin a few minutes," she replied as she placed a stack of
papers into her backpack, "You go on ahead, and I'll meet you, Buffy, and
Oz, there."
When he left, closing the door behind him, Willow sat down taking
in the silence of the empty room. She sighed as she thought about her
friends' descriptions on how they felt for each otheràas if they were at
a lost for words for it all. She understood. It was often like that
between her and Oz and she hoped that nothing was going to ruin what her
friends had.
Her eyes fell to her cloth handbag and she lifted it up from the
desk drawer as she bit her lower lip. She opened it carefully and pulled
out the object that was plaguing her constantly. She sat there, just
staring at it, and wondered what were the hands of fate doing now to
them. Were they going to further deplete their lives of love and replace
it with sorrow and pain as they had done so in the past? She didn't know
what path destiny was to take them, all she knew was no matter how much
she didn't want toànow matter what problems it might lead toàshe had to
show Buffy thisàthis yellow disk.
_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 27 May 1998 05:36:35 PDT
From: "Andrea Newbery" <anewbery@hotmail.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (4/10) by Andrea
disclaimers in part one.
Sunnydale High School Library
August 19, 1998
Xander picked up the phone on the seventh ring. Silently praying that
they had found her he cautiously said hello. A range of emotions played
across his face as he listened to the caller. Worry, relief and guilt
played out in his eyes. Covering the phone he mouthed to Cordelia that
they had found Buffy. He listened to the caller for a few minutes more
and then hung up. He just stood there, not speaking until Cordelia
motioned for him to talk.
"Giles. They found her. In a graveyard, slaying. They took her to the
motel. She's sleeping now. Giles said she was so filthy, she didn't seem
like herself at all. But that once the got her to stop screaming and
took her to the motel she seemed more herself. Giles feels hopeful that
seeing them will bring the world in focus to her once more."
"Well, that's good. Right? I mean Buffy will be fine. She can deal with
this."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. She will be okay. Everything will be fine. Just give it some
time."
"No. No time. We have to do the spell now. Before they get back."
"What? Why? They can help us. We shouldn't mess with this on our own."
"What if it doesn't work? Buffy comes back, we tell her we found a way
to rescue Angel from hell, but we fail. Even more torture for her. We
can't risk it."
"Xander, we can't risk =doing= it. It's too dangerous."
"I'll say it's dangerous." A new voice entered the conversation. Xander
and Cordelia spun around, Cordelia grabbing a cross from the table. A
small man stood there wearing a hat.
"And you are?" Cordelia was at her very haughtiest.
"Whistler. I'm here to help."
"No thanks. We're fine." Turning his back on the newcomer Xander picked
up a book from the table.
"Really? You've done this spell before? Opened a door to Hell and gone
through it? Brought someone back? Do it often?"
"How?" Spinning back around Xander stared at the man. "How do you know
what we're planning?"
"I figured someone would be doing it eventually. I thought it would be
Buffy who would figure it out. But, well I guess sending Angel into hell
was harder on her than we expected it to be."
"WHO, or should I say, WHAT are you? Who is we?" Xander had moved so he
was standing directly in front of Whistler, shielding Cordelia from him
with his body.
"I'm a demon. But not a bad one. I guess you could say I was Angel's
mentor. I trained him so he could help the slayer."
"You mean Angel being here wasn't a coincidence?" Cordelia questioned
him.
"No. Not exactly. Buffy found out so late about her destiny. She wasn't
trained like other slayers were. We sent Angel in to level out the
playing field. While she got caught up." Whistler wandered around the
room while he spoke. "Who exactly did you think Angel was getting all
his inside information from...vampires?"
"Actually, yes." Xander seemed somewhat stunned by the news that Angel
had a purpose.
"No, we were his source. We were trying to help him keep Buffy alive
long enough for her to come into her own. Which she has."
"So, Angel was her guardian Angel." Cordelia spoke with only the
faintest hint of sarcasm.
"Technically, yes. So, why do you want to get him out?"
Xander and Cordelia looked at each other for a moment then Cordelia
spoke.
"Cause Xander didn't tell Buffy Willow was trying to re-curse Angel and
now Angel's in hell, Buffy's crazy, and Xander feels bad."
"Gee, thanks Cordy." Xander spit out but didn't contradict her words.
Whistler stared at Xander for a moment, shook his head and picked up the
book containing the spell. Looking it over for a few minutes, then
speaking.
"That's rough. You were working good odds though. Tough luck you got the
worst possible outcome."
"Huh?"
"Well, Angel dies before the curse, no one knows or cares. Or Angel is
re-cursed before he awakens Acothla. No vortex into hell and everyone is
more forgiving. It all worked out and so on. Unluckily for you, Buffy
had to send Angel to hell after he got his soul. I'm not sure that
telling her would have changed the outcome but I can pretty much
guarantee she won't see it that way. So, now you look like the
betrayer."
"I did it because I was afraid she wouldn't kill him. You know, if she
thought there was any way her Angel could return."
"Well, looks like you were wrong. Ouch. She is going to be pretty ticked
at you. I don't blame you for wanting to go to hell."
"How do you know that's what happened anyway?" Cordelia spoke up, trying
to defend her boyfriend.
"I've been talking to Angel."
"Oh. You've been to hell. Great. Here's a thought, why don't you just
bring him back then?"
"Can't. Rules. A human has to rescue him."
"And that human is me. So how can you help?" Xander's face had hardened,
he was determined to make this okay for Buffy.
"Don't you need someone to be bound to? A link to this dimension? That
would be me. I may not look strong, but keep in mind I'm a demon. I'll
make sure you don't get stuck. Things have gotten messed up enough
without you being trapped in hell."
"Things? Messed up? What is going on? Some sort of Demon plan for the
future?"
"Cordelia." Xander's voice was warning her to be quiet.
"No, it's okay. Let me just say this. There is more at stake than just
getting Angel out of hell. We need him." Whistler's face was deadly
serious.
"Why?"
"Look, there's no time. Why don't you two just go home and get some
rest. We'll meet here tomorrow. No, wait, we'll meet at Angel's
apartment. Tomorrow at 6:00 pm. I'll have everything ready."
"Fine." Xander responded, "But, this goes against my better judgement."
"I'd say that's a promising sign then."
"Great. Another sarcastic demon. What's with you guys?"
"It's not that I'm not mesmerized by your witty observations on demon
nature, but you had better go home and prepare. Hell is =not= a pretty
place and it's going to be hard to convince Angel to come back with you.
He's sunk so far into recrimination and self-torture. He thinks he
deserves to rot in hell."
"Doesn't he?" The words slipped out before Xander could hold them back.
"No. He doesn't." Whistler spoke in clipped tones. "Look Xander, let me
spell this out to you. In simple terms you may be able to understand.
Angel lost his soul when he was made a vampire. Then he got it back when
he was cursed the first time. He lost it again when, well you know when.
Now he has it back again. Are you noticing a pattern? Angel doesn't kill
ever. The demon kills, Angel doesn't. Do you get it? Did Angel ever kill
anyone before he lost his soul this time? Huh? No, he didn't. In fact,
time and time again he risked his existence to save you guys. He
wouldn't hurt Buffy or any of you for any reason. You'd better think
this through tonight. See if you can figure out the difference between
Angel and the demon that wears his face. You head into hell thinking
Angel deserves his fate, well, then we'll be lucky if we even get you
out."
Turning quickly, Whistler disappeared through the door. Cordelia and
Xander stood there for a moment, silently letting Whistler's words wash
over them. Xander reached out and grabbed her hand. Together they left
the library. Heading home to prepare for the day ahead.
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 27 May 1998 14:10:33 PDT
From: "Andrea Newbery" <anewbery@hotmail.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (5/10) by Andrea
disclaimers in part one.
Willow's motel room
August 19, 1998
Willow watched Buffy sleep. She felt a little better that at least Buffy
looked like Buffy again. Her hair was clean and her face washed. She
couldn't sleep, she just watched, waiting for her to wake. Praying that
things would be okay. Hearing a knock at the door she smiled. She knew
they wouldn't be able to sleep either. Letting them in she put her
finger to her mouth to signal them to be quiet. Giles pulled a chair
next to Buffy's bed and sat down. Oz climbed into Willow's bed beside
her, grabbing her hand. Willow's mind was racing, how would she explain
what she had done to Buffy. She had restored Angel's soul and forced
Buffy to go through this torture. How could you apologize for that. They
sat through the night, not speaking, just watching. Buffy woke just
after midnight, screaming for Angel. She didn't realize where she was or
who was with her. She just sobbed for Angel. She curled up into a little
ball and rocked back and forth for what felt like hours to the three
watching her. When Buffy slept calmly they all relaxed somewhat, Giles
and Oz both drifted off to sleep. Willow had just closed her eyes and
started to doze when she heard someone stir. Opening her eyes she saw
Buffy sitting up in bed. Pulling herself up to a sitting position she
watched her, waiting for her to speak.
"I knew you would come. I knew the whole time I was writing the truth to
you. I needed to have you guys with me, but I couldn't come home."
Willow just smiled at her, afraid to say anything, not knowing anything
to say except sorry. And she wasn't bringing Angel up, Buffy would have
to do that. Buffy looked at Oz sleeping next to Willow and then at Giles
asleep in the chair. She smiled sadly at them.
"Where's Xander?"
"With Cordelia, watching things." Swallowing her anger towards Xander
she smiled brightly at her.
"Good." Buffy sounded relieved, "I couldn't bear to hear him say that
Angel deserved what I did. Or how he had always hated him. Did you hate
him Willow?"
"No. Buffy, before Angel lost his soul I really liked him, I trusted
him. Buffy...I'm so sorry for what I did. That I forced you to kill
Angel. I mean =good= Angel." She looked at Buffy, her eyes pleading for
forgiveness.
"No apology needed. You tried to save him. I will be forever grateful
that you tried to give me that. And, if the spell had kicked in soon
enough Angel would never have pulled the sword. I just wasn't fast
enough."
Willow watched Buffy, her stomach sinking at how calm Buffy was being.
She had felt more hope when Buffy was screaming. At least then she
seemed alive. Now she just seemed to trot out the correct phrases, but
her eyes were frightening. They were frozen, no emotion shone through.
She felt panicky, she had to make sure she said the right thing to her.
"Angel wouldn't agree with you. He would tell you that it was okay. He
would have felt horrible about what the demon did while he was gone."
"Willow...he didn't know. He didn't remember. When I stabbed
him...he...he had no idea why. His face, he was so shocked. I sent him
to Hell. How do I live with that?" Buffy looked to Willow, her mask
shattering. The tears streaming down her face, her eyes pleading with
Willow to fix it.
"You had no choice. The whole world would have gone to Hell. There were
no other options." This was Buffy talking now. If she could just share
what had happened, realize it wasn't her fault. Willow looked over to
Giles, silently praying for him to wake up.
"Then. I had options before. I wish I had known you were trying the
spell again. I know there was no way I could have. It's just...Willow,
oh god. I let him pull the sword. Well, not exactly let. I just waited,
thinking when I had no choice it would be easier to kill him. See?"
"Buffy, you didn't know. You did the right thing. Don't second guess
yourself now." Willow climbed over into bed beside Buffy, silently
vowing to make Xander pay. "You didn't know. We can't know everything."
Buffy's breath caught on a sob, "That's what I said to Angel, before we
slept together. That's how I justified what we were doing. I destroyed
him twice Willow. First I took his soul, then when he got it back I sent
him to hell."
"Buffy. Listen to me. You cannot blame yourself. You did the best you
could. You always do the best you can. It is =all= anyone could expect.
Angel wouldn't want you to feel bad about what you did."
"I know. Angel would want to take all the responsibility for what
happened. He would have wanted me to kill him as soon as he lost his
soul. Another failure."
"Buffy, you're only 17. We all make mistakes, I do, Xander does... even
Giles does." You did everything you did out of love."
"Right, and Ms. Calendar died because of my love., I destroyed Giles
life because I couldn't do the right thing. And, how's this for irony,
when I can do the right thing I do it to the wrong one. Willow, I really
don't think I can deal with this."
"Yes. You can." Giles''s voice, strong and sure. "You saved the world.
Angel would be proud of you."
"ANGEL IS IN HELL." Buffy's eyes were taking on the wild look they had
held earlier in the graveyard. Willow held her breath, waiting.
"Buffy," Faltering at the pain in her voice Giles continued, "What
happened?"
"I sent him to hell. Sentenced him to worse torture than even he could
come up with."
"No. I mean how did you find out how to stop Acathla?"
"Oh... some demon in your apartment. Whistler. He's a good demon or
something. He said this was supposed to be Angel's big day, but with
the..well...with Angel losing his soul things had gotten messed up.
Thanks to me again."
"Buffy." Giles voice held a warning for her to stop blaming herself.
"Right, okay so I told the demon, Whistler guy to fix it himself and
took off to try and find you. That's when I almost got arrested and
Spike saved me."
"SPIKE? As in William the bloody?" Giles voice was incredulous.
"I know. Turns out Angel had stolen Dru from him and he wanted to help
me kill Angel so he could get Dru back. Giles, I never could have
succeeded without him. Never. I let him go, him and Dru. That was the
deal I made. I went back to your apartment, Whistler told me that
Angel's blood would open the vortex and also close it. So, I got the
sword and went to kill Angel at daybreak. You know the rest. Xander
saved you Giles. I fought Angel. Well, actually I fought the other
vampires while Spike beat on Angel. I ignored what was happening with
Spike and Angel. Half hoping Spike would kill him so I wouldn't be
forced to. Half hoping Angel would pull the sword so I would have no
choice left. Isn't that pathetic? I need my demonic ex-boyfriend to open
a vortex to hell before I could kill him?" Her voice cracking again,
Buffy's eyes wildly roamed the room.
"Don't." Giles spoke with conviction, "You and Angel shared something
special. I understand how hard it would be to let go of the hope that he
would come back."
"Giles...he killed Jenny and I still faltered."
"Angel didn't kill Jenny. The demon did. I understand Buffy. It is not
your fault. It happened and you have to let it go."
Buffy reached over and grabbing on to Giles, she held him tightly as she
sobbed. Giles felt the tears streaming down his face as he realized the
truth in his words. It just happened. In their lives horrible things
would always happen. They all had to accept this so that they could do
what they were meant to do.
Buffy eventually sat back on the bed, her face calmer from the tears.
She took a deep breath and began again.
"The end. Well, Angel pulled the sword. We had a good old-fashioned
sword fight." Buffy spoke in a monotone, trying to remove herself from
the horror she felt. "He collapsed, his eyes glowed for a second and
then he looked at me. I knew it was different immediately, but I wasn't
sure why. He spoke, asked me where we were. Giles, he didn't remember
any of it. He was so confused. We hugged, kissed and I saw the demon's
mouth opening. And I knew. It was to late. I had no options left. So I
kissed him, told him I loved him, got to hear him tell me one last time.
Then...then I told him to close his eyes and I ran the sword through
him. Willow...he was so shocked. He reached out for me, his eyes asking
why. He whispered my name and I just stood there. I didn't say anything.
I just watched him go."
She stopped, kneading the bedspread with her fingers.Her whole demeanor
was collapsed, beaten. She seemed so tiny sitting in the bed, so
helpless. They were all silent, each trying to figure out how to make
this easier for her to handle. Oz cleared his throat and spoke for the
first time.
"The way I see it, and admittedly I was out of the loop for most of it,
is that the guy I met at your surprise party, he really loved you. Then
the next night, he's helping that Judge guy attempt a superkill at the
mall. So, I'm thinking, these are two distinct guys with one body.
Right?"
"Close enough."
"Well, I kinda got the 'two distinct personalities thing' also. And the
bad one is totally not under my control. Now, what I get from you is
that your boyfriend had the same problem. Even down to the fact that he
had no memory of what he had done. So, again, similar. My point being,
if I ever got loose and tried to kill someone or worse, did, I would
never blame Willow if she couldn't kill me. If I had to deal with the
guilt of having killed that would be my responsibility, never hers. On
the other hand if she killed me, to stop me, I would go to my grave
still loving her. No blame. Ever. If she did or she didn't, the ultimate
responsibility is mine. I'm not saying Angel is responsible for what he
did, it's just that by virtue of what he is, the possibility exists. If
he decided to exist, he understood the risk."
"Oz is right Buffy, he would never hold you to blame. You held onto hope
and love. You held onto it until hope was gone. Angel would understand
that. He obviously held onto hope or he would never have loved you."
"Thanks Oz, Willow. I believe he wouldn't blame me. It's just
that...he's in hell. His soul doesn't deserve hell. I wish I could go
back in time and try harder to keep him from pulling the sword. Willow,
quick question, and I am not blaming you, why did you tell Xander to
tell me to kick Angel's ass if you were going to try the curse again?
Nevermind, you probably didn't tell him because of how much he hated
Angel. Sorry. What happened to Angel is my fault, everyone else did the
best they could."
"Breakfast." Giles broke in, trying to make sure she didn't continue in
her present line of thought. "Let's order some room service."
Willow and Oz jumped up and started moving around the room. Trying to
focus Buffy's mind on other things. They all felt really hopeful after
talking to her this morning and didn't want Xander's actions to send her
backwards.
"Xander will be proud of me at least." Buffy spoke off hand as she got
up from the bed, "I mean, he doubted I could kill Angel when he had no
soul. And I killed the Angel that I loved." Laughing bitterly she went
into the bathroom. The all looked at each other fearing what would
happen when they finally told her. No matter if Xander's reason's were
pure or not, he was definitely going to be in for some hard times when
Buffy found out he had known.
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