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buffyfic-digest         Tuesday, May 26 1998         Volume 02 : Number 205



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: missing things...
       BUFFYFIC:"Hell" Prolouge
       BUFFYFIC:"Hell"(1/?)
       BUFFYFIC: Discuss: Oz
       BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (2/10) by Andrea
       BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (3/10) by Andrea

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 15:27:41 EDT
From: "C H" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: missing things...

My computer did something wierd while I was away and I've gotten no
buffyfic since last wednesday. if anyone who sent out fic scince then
please re-send it to me i would be eternally greatful...

                    ___________________
                   |                   |
                   |      C            |
                   |         B         |
                   |            H      |
                   |___________________|

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 17:48:16 EDT
From: Jaclyn Amy <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:"Hell" Prolouge

"Hell" Prologue
by Jaclyn Amy

TITLE: Hell
AUTHOR: Jaclyn [e-mail]
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
They belong to Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, etc.
RATING: PG-13
WARNING: Some of the scenes have some gory violence. If you donÆt like that
sort of thing, donÆt read this.
SPOILERS: None.
SUMMARY: This takes place immediately after Becoming Parts 1 and 2. ItÆs
pretty much my own episode after this. Enjoy!
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Please!
AUTHORÆS NOTE: I have finals to study for, so these will probably come out
spiratically.
*****
    "Buffy? What's going on? Where are we? I, I don't remember."
She just stood there, sword in hand. "Angel?"
     "You're hurt." Angel touched BuffyÆs arm. She hugged him. "I feel like I
haven't seen you in months. Everything's so muddled." The vortex started to
open in front of her eyes. Tears drip down her cheeks as she realized what she
must do. "What's happening?"
      She pushed away. "Shhh. Don't worry about it." She kissed him
passionately. "I love you."
      "I love you."
      "Close your eyes."
    He did as he was told. Buffy struggled to hold back tears as she placed her
last kiss on AngelÆs lips. She drew her sword and stuck it through AngelÆs
body. He looked at her in shock and sadness as the vortex sucked him into
Hell.
    "Buffyà"
    And in a second, he was gone. Everything she had ever know, everything she
had ever loved, everything that had kept her living. //No,// the word ran
through her mind. //No, please, give him back to me. IÆm not ready to give him
upà//
    Buffy jolted awake. It was a nightmare. A nightmare that played in her
dreams, when she was awake, as long as she was alive. A moment she could never
forget.
"Park Avenue," the bus driver called out.
    After looking at the paper in her hand, Buffy picked up her bag and got off
the bus. It was dark out now, and she could feel vampires all around her. But
she couldnÆt fight, not now. Step by step, she walked to her destination,
praying that she wouldnÆt be attacked. As she got in front of the building, a
vampire grabbed her arm.
    "IÆve had a hard day, so letÆs make this quick," she said. With that, she
twisted his arm and kicked him in the stomach. As he leaned over in pain, she
kicked him in the face. Another vampire came up from behind her and tripped
her. She threw her legs around and got up. Two more vampires arrived, and all
circled her. //I canÆt take on this many,// she thought.
    From out of nowhere, the first vampire turned to dust. Catching him off his
guard, Buffy was able to stake the second. As number three grabbed her, a man
kicked him. The vamp got up, unfazed, and kicked him to the ground. Before she
knew it, the fourth vampire had his fangs in his neck. As soon as she could,
she kicked him off of the man and staked him.
    Only one remained. With all her might, she grabbed a stake and threw it at
his heart. Luckily, it hit the target.
    As fast as she could, she ran to the injured man. "Pike?" she whispered. Her
hand covered his wound.
"Buffy," he said opening his eyes, "youÆre back."
*****
End Prologue


------------------------------

Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 17:49:48 EDT
From: Jaclyn Amy <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:"Hell"(1/?)

"Hell" Prologue
by Jaclyn Amy

TITLE: Hell
AUTHOR: Jaclyn [e-mail]
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
They belong to Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, etc.
RATING: PG-13
WARNING: Some of the scenes have some gory violence. If you donÆt like that
sort of thing, donÆt read this.
SPOILERS: None.
SUMMARY: This takes place immediately after Becoming Parts 1 and 2. ItÆs
pretty much my own episode after this. Enjoy!
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Please!
AUTHORÆS NOTE: I have finals to study for, so these will probably come out
spiratically.
*****
    "Buffy? What's going on? Where are we? I, I don't remember."
She just stood there, sword in hand. "Angel?"
"You're hurt." Angel touched BuffyÆs arm. She hugged him. "I feel like I
haven't seen you in months. Everything's so muddled." The vortex started to
open in front of her eyes. Tears drip down her cheeks as she realized what she
must do. "What's happening?"
She pushed away. "Shhh. Don't worry about it." She kissed him passionately. "I
love you."
"I love you."
"Close your eyes."
    He did as he was told. Buffy struggled to hold back tears as she placed her
last kiss on AngelÆs lips. She drew her sword and stuck it through AngelÆs
body. He looked at her in shock and sadness as the vortex sucked him into
Hell.
    "Buffyà"
    And in a second, he was gone. Everything she had ever know, everything she
had ever loved, everything that had kept her living. //No,// the word ran
through her mind. //No, please, give him back to me. IÆm not ready to give him
upà//
    Buffy jolted awake. It was a nightmare. A nightmare that played in her
dreams, when she was awake, as long as she was alive. A moment she could never
forget.
"Park Avenue," the bus driver called out.
    After looking at the paper in her hand, Buffy picked up her bag and got off
the bus. It was dark out now, and she could feel vampires all around her. But
she couldnÆt fight, not now. Step by step, she walked to her destination,
praying that she wouldnÆt be attacked. As she got in front of the building, a
vampire grabbed her arm.
    "IÆve had a hard day, so letÆs make this quick," she said. With that, she
twisted his arm and kicked him in the stomach. As he leaned over in pain, she
kicked him in the face. Another vampire came up from behind her and tripped
her. She threw her legs around and got up. Two more vampires arrived, and all
circled her. //I canÆt take on this many,// she thought.
    From out of nowhere, the first vampire turned to dust. Catching him off his
guard, Buffy was able to stake the second. As number three grabbed her, a man
kicked him. The vamp got up, unfazed, and kicked him to the ground. Before she
knew it, the fourth vampire had his fangs in his neck. As soon as she could,
she kicked him off of the man and staked him.
    Only one remained. With all her might, she grabbed a stake and threw it at
his heart. Luckily, it hit the target.
    As fast as she could, she ran to the injured man. "Pike?" she whispered. Her
hand covered his wound.
"Buffy," he said opening his eyes, "youÆre back."
*****
"Hell" 1/?
by Jaclyn Amy

TITLE: Hell
AUTHOR: Jaclyn [e-mail]
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
They belong to Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, etc.
RATING: PG-13
WARNING: Some of the scenes have some gory violence. If you donÆt like that
sort of thing, donÆt read this.
SPOILERS: None.
SUMMARY: This takes place immediately after Becoming Parts 1 and 2. ItÆs
pretty much my own episode after this. Enjoy!
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Please!
AUTHORÆS NOTE: I have finals to study for, so these will probably come out
sparatically.
*****
    "Pike!" Buffy cried in joy as she threw her arms around him.
    "Buffy, oh God, do you know how long IÆve wanted to feel your body against
mine. ItÆs been forever." He leaned down to kiss her, but she stepped away.
"Why donÆt we go inside?"
    Pike had a small apartment. It had a bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen/living
room. On the wall was a picture of Buffy with her arms around Pike. As she
helped him in, she noticed the picture and smiled. //Those were the days,//
she thought, //when love was simple. You knew exactly how to act and what to
say. You never had to think about killing your boyfriend because heÆs a
vampire. You never had to send your boyfriend to Hell after his soul was
restored.//
    He turned on the light to notice BuffyÆs beauty. Even though her hair was
messy and she wasnÆt wearing the nicest clothes, she still sparkled. "You are
more beautiful than I remember." A sad smile crossed her face. "But you look
older, sadder. What happened to the carefree Buffy I used to know? Here, IÆll
cheer you up." He kissed her cheek and started to move to her lips.
    "No," she said. "I, I canÆt. I justà" Tears formed in her eyes as she saw her
Angel die in front of her.
    "WhatÆs wrong?"
    "Angel."
    "What?"
    "He was a vampire with a soul. We loved each other very much. One night we
made a big mistake. Little did we know, if he experienced one minute of true
happiness, his soul would be take from him. When I awoke the next morning, he
was the demon Angelus again.
    "He planned to awake a demon by pulling a sword out of him. It would suck the
whole earth into Hell. The only way I could stop this is if I stuck a special
sword into Angel. I got there before he performed the ritual, but when I was
fighting, he took the sword out. We fought for a while, and the demon started
to wake. But something strange happened: his soul was restored." Tears started
pouring down her cheeks.
      "Buffy, are you-"
      "It was too late," she laughed bitterly. "It was too late. I told him to
close his eyes. Then, just before the vortex sucked us up, I stuck the sword
into his stomach. And so," she concluded, "now heÆs in Hell."
*****
    "Buffyà" he whispered as the vortex closed. He was utterly confused and hurt,
but then he started to remember. //Oh God, no, no. Buffy! IÆm sorry,// he
wanted to shout, but the words wouldnÆt come out.
    "Angel," a voice whispered.
    "Buffy?" he asked. He turned around to find Buffy standing right in front of
him. "Buffy, why are you here?"
    "IÆm not really Buffy, only her heart. You see, the second she stabbed you,
her heart was in Hell. She really loved you. She still does."
    "Let me go back, please," he begged as he fell on his knees.
    "ThatÆs not the way it works. You have no control over what happens. Hell is
to punish you. For all eternity, you will watch yourself killing Jenny
Calendar. You will see how you tortured Buffy and her friends. You will watch
her kill you over and over again. You will feel her pain and watch her
continue to hold that pain the rest of your life. Welcome," she whispered, "to
Hell."
*****
    Giles walked into the library the next day before class and saw everything:
the broken glass, the outlined chalking of Kendra, the bag. All he could do is
stand there and stare.
    "Amazing, isnÆt it," Principal Snyder came up behind him, "that only one
student can cause this much havoc."
    "You know it wasnÆt her."
    "You know that, and I know that, but the police donÆt. And they wonÆt figure
it out."
    "Why were they going through my bag?"
    "They werenÆt. I found Buffy Summers here the night of the murder after she
assaulted the police officer. SheÆd taken a sword out of here." He chuckled.
"We wonÆt have to worry about that happening again?"
    "Explain yourself." He had to restrain himself from hurting Snyder.
    "SheÆs expelled."
    Giles ran out of the library as fast as he could. He jumped into his car and
drove to BuffyÆs house. It took almost ten minutes of knocking before Mrs.
Summers answered. Her face was red with tears.
    "Mrs. Summers," he barged in the house, "I must speak with your daughter."
    "SheÆs not here," she whispered. "SheÆll never be here again."
    "Excuse me?"
    "I kicked her out. A vampire attacked me, and she and a friend of hers saved
me. She told me she was a Vampire Slayer but wouldnÆt make time to explain to
me. She said she had to go save the world. I grabbed her and said I wouldnÆt
let her go, but she pushed me away. I told her, æIf you walk out that door
donÆt ever think of coming back.Æ But she didnÆt listenà"
    "She, she told you?"
    Mrs. Summers looked off into the distance, "I shouldnÆt have done that. Now,
now sheÆs taken off." She handed him the paper.

Dear Mom,
    IÆm sorry I walked out on you yesterday, but I had to. I donÆt regret making
that decision, only that you couldnÆt understand it. Last night I killed
Angel. I loved him, and it was hard on both of us. Even if you didnÆt mean
what you said about not being able to come home, IÆm not. There are too many
painful memories here. And I canÆt put you in danger. If you want to know
more, talk to Mr. Giles. HeÆll tell you. HeÆs always been there for me, and I
know heÆll be there for you. IÆll miss you, and I love you very much. ItÆs
better this way.
Buffy
*****
End Part 1

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 18:37:05 EDT
From: KylenRevik <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Discuss: Oz

This post sparked by "An Invitation To DInner", which on the whole,  was a
good concept. However, it made me think about a couple things...most
prominantly, Oz's characterization. I know I've been having nightmares about
Oz's speech patterns lately, given that he's in about four of the current fics
I'm working on, and after reading this fic I realized I'm not the only one who
has probs making Oz sound like, well, Oz. Not so much in thought and general
ideas, as in the actual words he uses.

When I write dialogue for Oz, usually what I do is write what I want him to
_mean_, first. Then I go back and re-word it so it sounds more...Ozzish. Like,
he tends to use very few words, as well as mixing up the order. Comes across
as semi-stoned, out of it, as far as his actual words are...but when you look
at it you realize wait, he's actually saying something intelligent. Yeah,
realizing and having to work this way has made me totally self-conscious about
writing Oz's dialogue, but I find it works better than just writing and hoping
to get things right on the first go.

So anyway, the question I wanted to ask was, how many other people think Oz is
one of the hardest BtVS characters to write for? 'Cause I know he's darn close
to having my vote.

R

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 12:05:55 PDT
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (2/10) by Andrea

Disclaimers in part one. Feedback to [e-mail]



Sunnydale high school library
August 18, 1998



Xander and Cordelia were still sitting quietly in the library. Not a
word had passed between them for the six hours since the others had
left. Xander was waiting for Cordelia to ask the question. To accuse him
of wanting Buffy. She never asked. He fell in love with her over those
hours. When he had lost everything and she stood beside him. He felt the
need to explain to her why he had done it. As if he could.  "Cordelia, I
was afraid.  I did it because I thought if I told her she would falter
and we would all die.  I lost faith in her, because of Angel. I hate him
yes, but not enough to trick her into killing him."

"I know. It's okay. We'll get through this." Smiling shyly she ran her
hands through his hair.

"But how? Willow hates me, Buffy will too. If she ever is sane again.
God, Cordy, did I cause this? Was it the shock of getting Angel back
that snapped her. If she had been prepared would it have helped?"

"Xander, no. Don't do this. You can't know...ever. I think that whatever
you did the pain of killing Angel, of giving up her last hope for him
was too much for her. And to kill him when he had his soul. I can't
imagine what that was like."

"Kill him, she never said she killed him." Xander was quiet for a few
minutes then spoke with growing excitement, 'She sent him to hell.
Cordelia, she sent him to hell!"

"So?"

"So, if he didn't turn to dust then maybe we can get him back.  If we
can get him back then he can save her." Xander jumped up from his chair.
"Research, we've got to do lots of research."

"Can you even bring someone back from hell?"

"I don't know. I never used to even believe in hell.  But, I think just
about everything is possible. I mean, vampires exist."

"Good point. Let's get to work."

They spent the night looking through book after book, finding nothing
yet refusing to give up. This was Buffy's only hope. The guilt of
killing Angel would destroy her. Only Angel could release her from it.

Cordelia and Xander finally fell asleep on the floor in the library just
as dawn was breaking. They slept exhausted as the day passed, waking
just as the sun was setting. Xander got up quickly, cursing himself for
wasting a whole day he started looking through Giles books again.
Cordelia stared at him, her worry for him shining in her eyes.
"Xander, shouldn't we take a break. You haven't eaten since yesterday.
Or showered."

"Cordy, I can't. You can go. I understand. But this may be Buffy's only
hope.  She won't be able to forgive herself knowing he's in hell. Or to
forgive me."

"It's okay.  I'll help. Let's get to work. But maybe we could order a
pizza?" She picked up the book on top of the pile and opened it.

"Cordelia." Xander stopped looking at his book and stared at her, " I
love you."

She stared back at him, surprise and happiness showing in her eyes, " I
love you too. "

"It wasn't about wanting Buffy." He had to say the words. They had been
choking him since Willow first said them.

"I know. But thanks for saying it." Smiling at him she returned to the
books.

They worked in silence for over three hours. Then Xander stopped, put
down the book and looked at her.
"I think I found it."

"Oh...."

Hours later they were still working fevourishly. Trying to find out all
they could about the spell.  It took them most of the evening  to
translate it from the original Latin, but when they finished it Xander
realized they had it. Cordelia, on the other hand, wasn't so sure.
"Xander, this sounds fairly risky. I mean you actually have to go to
hell." She reread the spell, making sure she was right.

"But I can bring Angel back with me."

"If you find him, or don't go insane. You do realize this is HELL we are
talking about. Historically it is not a very nice place."

"I have to do this Cordelia. For Buffy."

"Xander you don't have to sacrifice your life because you didn't tell
her. She would tell you that. "

"I won't get trapped.  I'm in, I get Angel, I'm out."

"Xander, nothing is ever that simple. Do you want me to end up like
Buffy? All crazy cause my boyfriend's in hell?"

"Cordelia. Please. This is serious."

"I'm serious. And this binding to another person to keep yourself
attached to this world. I mean there is only two of us. What if
something goes wrong. I won't be able to do anything."

"It will be okay. I trust you to bring me back. You can do it."

"Fine. Maybe I can. But we still need help. Xander, this is not a two
person job. We are not doing this until Giles returns. We have more than
enough problems with people striking out on their own."

"How about we wait two days? If they aren't back by then I'm going."

"Deal. Now can we go get something to eat and get changed? I'm feeling
distinctly less than clean."

Leaving the library they held hands. Feeling hope for the future once
again. Deciding without words that the next two days were for them. They
would pretend to be two normal teenagers in love.  Pushing all thoughts
of Buffy's problems, that Xander was planning to go to hell, and of
Willow's hatred and condemnation aside. They would take long walks and
go to dinner and maybe even see a movie. Stepping outside the library
they heard the phone ring. They stared at each other and slowly turned
and walked back into the room.


- ---------
feedback...please.

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------------------------------

Date: Tue, 26 May 1998 12:06:42 PDT
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (3/10) by Andrea

disclaimers in part one


Motel in Los Angeles
August 18, 1998
9:00 pm



They had met one hour after leaving the library. Giles had rented a
mini-van for there trip. Climbing in they headed off to save their
friend.  They didn't talk much. To caught up in their private fears.
Willow finally had to speak, "What if we can't help her?" It was the
worst fear she had. That they would find her and still not be able to
save her. Willow silently cursed Xander again. Now that her anger had
cooled she realized that his choice probably didn't change anything. But
the fact that he made that choice altered forever her perception of who
he was. She had lost one best friend on this day. They had to be able to
save Buffy.  Four hours later they hit the city limits. Los Angeles.  It
was late so they checked into a motel. Planning to wait for morning
before going searching for Buffy. Willow had brought her laptop so she
could search LA's police reports and hospital admissions. Just in case.
There was no sign of her. They would have to look on foot.
Early the next morning they were out and searching. Giles took off to
look for Buffy in the van while Willow and Oz headed out on foot.
Searching alley's and run-down buildings. She couldn't be staying in a
motel, she had no money. Her father hadn't heard from her so she wasn't
there. They searched all day, but ended up back at the motel at
suppertime empty hearted. They all sat around dejected until Oz spoke:
"Didn't Buffy used to slay here?"

"Yes, Why?"

"Well, did she ever say where the highest number of vampires were. Cause
I see her as still slaying even if she's not thinking anymore."

"Oz, of course. Giles, she would be slaying. She wouldn't be able not
to. Do you know where she used to patrol?"

"Yes. Yes. Right. Let's go. I think I can find it."

They headed out to visit the graveyard, making a few quick stops to buy
some crosses and a couple pieces of wood. Oz turned out to be a very
quick study in the art of stake making.  They felt so hopeful as they
drove towards the cemetery. Maybe Buffy would be with them tonight.
Darkness found Giles, Willow and Oz creeping in the shadows of the
graveyard. They heard her scream long before they saw her. They ran
quickly in the direction of the scream, fearing for her life. She was
fighting three vampires. Her technique was flawless, her moves graceful
and fluid. It should have been a picture of a textbook slaying. But it
was wrong, she was wrong.  Her hair hung limply like it hadn't been
washed since she left Sunnydale. Her clothes were torn and filthy. Her
face was blank, no emotion, she just kicked, punched, staked. Her
expression never changed, but the most frightening thing was the sound
of her scream. It streamed from her mouth continually, seeming as if it
was actually tearing her soul as she fought. They watched. Waited.
Prayed.


Willow understood then how bad this was. How far gone Buffy was. And for
the first time she understood the kind of guilt Buffy lived with every
day. The horror of making one mistake that cost so much. If she had
never cursed Angel again, Buffy wouldn't have killed the man she loved.
She would have killed the demon who wore his face. As much as she wanted
to blame Xander, it was really her fault. She was the one who performed
the curse. She did this to Buffy. Giles grabbed her hand then as if he
knew her thoughts. He whispered to her, "Guilt won't help her Willow."
He was right. They had to concentrate on Buffy, on helping her deal with
her guilt. Everything else could wait.  They watched as Buffy dispatched
the last vampire and sunk to the ground, empty. They watched her cry,
not knowing how to approach her. She spoke then, to herself, to Angel,
"Three more Angel. We got three more. No Buffy, Angel is in hell.
Remember you sent him there. Sorry, I'm so sorry."

Giles looked at Willow. She stood there crying. Buffy's pain was so raw,
so undiluted by the months that had past. She seemed so small collapsed
on a fresh grave. Oz stepped forward, wanting to go get her. Willow
stopped him, "Let me go first." She walked over to Buffy slowly,
standing over her waiting for Buffy to look up. After a few minutes with
no response she whispered her name, "Buffy."
Buffy looked up slowly at that. She stared blankly into Willow's face
and then slowly recognition dawned. She reached her arms up to Willow,
and Willow hugged her sinking to the ground with her. Both of them
sobbing. Buffy kept repeating over and over, "He didn't know Willow, He
didn't know."
Willow just rocked her, telling her wordlessly that everything would be
okay now. Giles came over then, disengaging Buffy from Willow he picked
her up. She was totally limp then. She let him carry her to the van. Oz
held Willows hand as they walked behind them. They found her. What would
happen next seemed even more frightening now.  They took her back to the
hotel. Willow helped her shower then giving her a pair of her pajama's
tucked her into bed. And sat up watching her.


______________________________________________________
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------------------------------

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