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buffyfic-digest        Wednesday, May 13 1998        Volume 02 : Number 185



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Ten -- (1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (1/?)
       Re: BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (2/?)
       BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Eleven -- (1/1)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 16:31:55 EDT
From: KylenRevik <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Ten -- (1/1)

Please see the prologue for all disclaimers and notes. This is chapter ten of
thirteen. All comments, questions, or requests for missing pieces to
[e-mail], please.

~

               "Part Ten: Only The Good Die Young"

Place: Sunnydale Cemetery.
Time: Split Infinities.

     It was still dark.
     Standing at the gates, holding a stake in his hand-- the same
one he had killed Angelus with, though the thought barely
registered-- Xander was waiting. He didn't know why he thought he
should wait, and he didn't know why he had finally been able to
tear himself away from Buffy's body. He didn't know why the hurting
mass inside him had suddenly hardened. But he knew what he had to
do. He had to find Buffy.
     "Candle, guide ye the way for the soul's light to find, bridge
ye the gap betwixt the darkness and the beyond and the light that
shall lead his soul to its vessel..."
     She was coming. There was a woman entering the cemetery, and
she was alive. Xander swallowed the tears that began to threaten to
well up again, barely able to make out her features. Her skin was
smooth, there was no blood, no gaping hole slashed through her
throat. He braced himself, then walked forward, preparing himself
for the worst.
     She stopped when she saw him, staring as though surprised to
see someone there. For a brief moment, Xander thought perhaps she
recognized him. But then the moment passed and he realized all she
recognized was that there was someone here who might interfere with
her mission.
     He nodded at the candle. "What's that for?"
     "Nothing," she said, somewhat defensively.
     "You were chanting something," he said quietly, evenly. He
wondered at that for a moment. This experience was taking on the
air of a dream, and he wondered if she realized that he had already
seen her die twice. Except that she couldn't remember, he reminded
himself, because if she was able to remember then she wouldn't come
here to die again. But as he remembered the look in her eyes as she
had told him she didn't care if Angelus killed her, Xander suddenly
wondered if knowing her fate would change anything at all. It
certainly hadn't stopped her last time.
     She shook her head, but the look in her eyes said otherwise.
He took a breath. "Buffy," he said slowly, unsure of what words to
use.
     At the mention of her name, Buffy's eyes grew suspicious. "How
do you know my name?" she asked.
     He thought a moment, silent. "I--" He shook his head. "I'm
here to help you," he lied.
     "Why?" she asked, sounding confused. "I don't need your help--
"
     "I'm a watcher," he broke in. Every lie hurt him more than the
last, but he couldn't think of any way to do this than to follow
his instinct. And instinct was telling him that the last thing he
wanted to do at this point was tell Buffy he was one of her best
friends, from so many years in the future.
     "A _what_?!" she hissed, her expression darkening. She didn't
give him time to answer. "Get away from me. You're not _stopping_
me."
     He shook his head and grabbed her arm as she tried to go by.
"I won't try to stop you," he said. "Just tell me what you're going
to do with the candle."
     She shook her head. "Get him back," she snapped. "Now, would
you let me _go_?"
     Xander bit his lip. "Get him back, how?"
     Buffy stared at him for a moment, and Xander realized he
wasn't doing a very convincing job at playing his part. No watcher
he'd ever met had ever been quite as aggressive about talking about
something as he was being now. Of course, he rationalized, the only
watcher he had ever really met had been Giles, and Giles wasn't the
pushiest guy in the world, anyway. Finally, the Slayer shook her
head and jerked her arm away from him. But this time, she didn't
try to go past him. "Why does it matter to you?" she asked softly.
     "Because," he said. "It matters."
     She swallowed, staring into his eyes, and Xander wondered if
somewhere in there she could see that he honestly meant her no
harm, that he would do anything in his power to save her. No matter
how many times he had to see her die.
     "There's a curse," she finally whispered.
     Xander felt something inside him relax as he realized that,
for whatever reason, she was going to trust in him for now. She was
going to listen, and he might actually have a chance. "What kind of
curse?" he asked.
     She shook her head. "Doesn't matter," she said. "The candle
leads his soul back to his body. I have to go _now_ or I'll miss my
chance."
     Xander swallowed, then took a quick breath and gripped the
stake he'd used earlier even tighter. His gut twisted as the full
realization of what he was planning to do began to sink in. Not
waiting for him to speak, Buffy disappeared several seconds later,
and Xander stood, meditating on the stake in his hand.
     She was going to die, he already knew that. Die, or get Angel
back. But he had seen what had happened twice already, and knew she
would lose her grip on the candle. Now, at least, he knew why she
needed it so badly. But she hadn't told him how she was going to
use it. Which, he was slowly realizing, was where the stake came
in.
     He couldn't curse her to a lifetime without Angel, he
supposed. That would be as bad as, if not worse, than the ten years
he had spent missing her and wanting her. But that meant if he
saved her, he'd lose her. But she would be happy. And alive. And if
he truly loved her, wouldn't that be enough?
     He hoped so, as he began walking toward the west end monument.
     Again, as he neared the place, he could hear voices.
     "I've bound you. That means you can't fight me, Buffy. You
don't have a chance." There was a brief pause in Angelus' words,
sending a chill down Xander's spine. Then the demon spoke again.
"Isn't that lovely?"
     Xander couldn't quite make out Buffy's reply, and he was too
busy trying to decide on his timing to pay much attention to it.
Already, he had watched the scene twice. Angelus pinned her down,
taunted her, bit her, fed on her, then slit her throat and shoved
the knife into her stomach a split second before Buffy drove a
stake through his heart.
     Xander had to time things perfectly, then. If he was too soon,
Buffy would live and Angelus would die, and she would never forgive
the stranger who had saved her life but killed any chance of
happiness she might once have held. If he was too late, she'd die
before he could get the information he needed.
     Finally, he decided that the best time to kill Angelus would
be just as he moved to slit Buffy's throat. Xander swallowed,
hating himself for thinking like this, but realizing too well that
he had to save her. Every time she died, she was like that until he
left. If he could save her, then, it only made sense that he could
stay with her forever.
     "In your dreams," came the Slayer's hiss, jerking Xander from
his thoughts. He peeked past the bushes in front of him, parting
them just enough to ascertain that Angelus was far too absorbed
with his prey to notice one more human being walking up behind him.
But he still couldn't move, not just yet. So he waited.
     Angelus leaned down to drain Buffy, and it was all Xander
could do to keep from moving. Every muscle in his body tensed, all
his impulses telling him to move and save her. Even though, at this
point, that would mean she wouldn't die and he wouldn't be able to
save both of them the next time around.
     *Please, God,* he suddenly thought, *let there be a next time
around.*
     Angelus took out a knife, slitting his wrist and moving it
toward Buffy's lips. The Slayer finally grasped one of her stakes,
and Xander was already moving as Angelus took the knife and swept
it quickly across her throat.
     The blade stopped moving when Xander shoved the stake into
Angelus' back, through his heart, and the vampire vanished in a
cloud of dust.
     Xander threw the stake away from both himself and the wounded
Slayer. "Buffy," he said quietly, "are you alright?"
     She wasn't aware of him, he soon realized, and her lips were
moving in silent words that could only be one thing. He leaned his
head closer to her lips, trying to catch every breath.
     "Candle, guide ye the way for the soul's light to find, bridge
ye the gap betwixt the darkness and the beyond and the light that
shall lead his soul to its vessel and..."
     She trailed off, and Xander shook her slightly. "Buffy," he
whispered insistently, "the rest, what's the rest?"
     "And ex-- expel..." She coughed suddenly, blood spattering
past her lips and landing on his shirtfront.
     "Expel what?"
     "'pell the 'mon...from...body..."
     And suddenly she convulsed, and Xander had to hold her down to
keep her from hitting her head against one of the tombstones.
"Buffy! he shouted, shaking her slightly. "Keep it up, girl, come
on, what's the rest?"
     "Not..."
     "Not what?"
     "Angel...m'sorry..." she whispered. "'give me..."
     With that last breath, Xander again found himself with the
Slayer lying dead in his arms. He shook slightly, letting her go
and watching her roll back down onto the grass and out of his arms.
     Then he stood and began looking for the black candle,
repeating her words over and over in his mind, hoping in every way
he knew possible that he wouldn't forget them before the next time
events replayed. The possibility that they might not was a thought
banished from his mind, from the realm of possibilities.
     When he finally found the candle and the lighter, he scooped
them up and took them as he turned to walk back to the entrance to
the cemetery.

~

All comments to [e-mail], please.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 13:34:29 PDT
From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (1/?)

Title: Mazes of the Mind
Author: Black Fire
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: If you wish.
Summary: Angelus is having some rough times.
Warnings: PG13 I hope.  I haven't finished it yet.  There may be some
violence and hard language as this goes on.
Disclaimer:  I do not own Angel or any of the other Buffy characters
that may show up in this story.
Spoilers: At least up through IOHEFY, but may include Becoming as I see
what happens with the last episode.

                        Mazes of the Mind - Part 1

Angelus woke up in a cold sweat.  He had had the strangest dream:

In it, he was watching in the mirror (as odd as it was, he saw his
reflection) as his face went from human to vampire to something worse.
All the while, he was consumed by a terrible pain that was tearing
through his body.

As he sat up in bed, he could still feel the pain coursing through his
head like some warped river of nails.  As he regained control of his
senses, he looked around.

Something was strange.  He was in the loft.  Why was he in the loft?  He
hadn't been there for months.  And now he suddenly wakes up there.  How
did he get here in the first place?

That's when he heard it.  The cold, evil laugh coming from across the
room.  He found himself looking into an approaching face.  Even without
the ability to look in a mirror, he knew that mocking look to be his
own.  But how?

"Problems?" his double asked.

"What do you want?" was Angelus' reply.

"I'm hurt," the other exlaimed, feining the pain of insult.  "You don't
recognize me?"

"Yeah, I recognize you," Angelus answered, rising from the bed.  "You're
that weaking I got rid of months ago.  What do you want?"

"Well, if you don't know the answer to that," Angel said, "then I should
spell it out for you...  I want my body back."

"Not a chance," Angelus laughed.  "You don't live here any more."

"Really?" was the reply.  "Then what am I doing here?  Oh... yeah...
you don't know the answer to that one.  Do yah?"

"I'm getting out of here," Angelus said, moving for the door.

"Be my guest," Angel returned.  "The door's right there."

Angelus pushed passed Angel and through the door.  But as he left the
room, everything changed and Angelus found himself falling into
oblivion.

- --

End part 1



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 15:07:00 PDT
From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (2/?)

Title: Mazes of the Mind
Author: Black Fire
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: If you wish.
Summary: Angelus is having a series of unending nightmares that would
make the ones Buffy has had seem like a picnic.
Warnings: PG13 I hope.  I haven't finished it yet.  There may be some
violence and hard language as this goes on.
Disclaimer:  I do not own Angel or any of the other Buffy characters
that may show up in this story.  I also make no claims to any of the
Literary, Film or Theatrical references I may make in this story.
Spoilers: At least up through IOHEFY, but may include Becoming as I see
what happens with the last episode.

                        Mazes of the Mind - Part 2

Angelus awoke to the strangest feeling of confusion.  He was sitting in
a well-furnished, underground room, at an old pipe organ, which he was
playing.  This was even odder because he didn't know how to play the
pipe organ, or even the piano, for that matter.  Even so, he sat there
playing and the music he produced was so enrapturing that he didn't give
these notions much of a second thought.

he didn't even think to queston why he saw his human face reflected in
the tarnished brass of the pipes, nor the figure of woman stealing up
behind him.  Angelus simply continued to play, enthralled by the sounds
coming out of the organ.

Then the moment was gone.  A slender hand reached from behind him and
tore his face off.  As he caught a flash of his vampiric features now
revealed, a wave of anger raised him up from his seat and he spun around
to face the one who had violated him.

He was confronted by the form of a strange woman with dark hair that
fell in loose curls over her shoulders.  She stared at him in horror.
As she did, he noticed, in his anger, that her features were a strange
amalgamation of Drusilla's and Buffy's.  That realization killed the
rage inside him and replaced it with even more confusion.

They just stared at each other for what seemed like ages; he with a look
of confusion and she with one of terror.  The rubber-like mask that had
been Angelus' other face fell to the ground unnoticed.

He made a move towards her, but she turned and ran away.  He chased
after her, but she managed to stay ahead of him.  They eventually came
to the edge of an underground lake.  The girl, not slowing down, dove in
and started swimming her way across.  Angelus followed suit, but as he
hit the water, he became paralyzed and sank into darkness...

- --
End part 2
More to come.  (Soon, I hope)



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 21:09:15 EDT
From: KylenRevik <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Eleven -- (1/1)

This is chapter eleven of thirteen. See prologue for disclaimers and notes.
Please e-mail [e-mail] if you've lost any pieces and they need
replacing.

~

                   "Part Eleven: Streamlining"

Place: Sunnydale Cemetery.
Time: Split Infinities.

     The night was cold, but Xander didn't feel the temperature as
he stood and waited for Buffy to come walking up the hill and into
the cemetery. Every moment that passed without her appearance was
another moment in which he asked himself if he should go back and
look for her by the west monument, and another moment in which he
had to remind himself that she was dead back there, and would be
alive here, if only he could have patience.
     After what felt like an eternity, he saw her coming. He turned
the lighter over in his right hand, his palms sweating so badly he
could barely keep his grip on the metal casing. The wax candle in
his left hand was slipping so badly that he finally gave up and put
it in a pocket, then wiped his hands off on his jacket.
     When he saw her coming, some small part of himself wanted to
move forward, intercept her. Stop her and make her _wait_. Try
again. Maybe he could save her.
     The rest of him pushed that small voice back where it
belonged, which was buried beneath all the other small, petty
protests that had been trying to voice themselves since the
beginning of the night.
     This time, he made no effort to step into Buffy's way as she
passed him.
     Not noticing him, the young Slayer made her way up the walk,
away from him. He shook his head. *Buffy,* he thought silently,
almost passionlessly, *forgive me.* If this didn't work. If she
died again. If anything he could have prevented, happened. Like a
stone, he stayed where he was, rooted to the spot while she walked
by. Like a stone, he didn't let himself care or think, this time.
He simply watched, as she made her way to western end of the
cemetery, and the monument by which she would meet Angelus.
     Instead of waiting once she was out of sight, instead of
getting caught up in his thoughts and wondering if there were a
possibility that he might fail again, Xander took off in a sprint
after her-- staying back just far enough so she wouldn't hear him.
He arrived at the monument a few moments after she did. He watched
her arranging her things. The stakes were placed carefully behind
the same tombstone she'd put them behind the last time, and the
time before.
     Something rustled in the bushes behind him. He shivered and
nearly gasped as Angelus leapt from the shadows, striking Buffy to
the ground.
     "_Buffy_," the demon snarled.
     Xander heard Buffy give off a small gasp as she lost her hold
on the lighter and the candle, and he reached back into his pocket
to reassure himself that his own were still there. Then he
swallowed, entranced, watching the scene before him play out again.
Yet again. He would have nightmares of this forever. If this wasn't
forever enough, if he wasn't already living in the nightmare that
was life.
     He watched as Angelus pinned Buffy down, straddling her waist
and holding her wrists to the ground. Xander felt something akin to
fury boiling up inside him, and he had to remind himself that this
time, he wasn't going to kill Angelus. He was going to rescue
Angel. For Buffy.
     So he'd save her, then--
     Except he couldn't. He wasn't close enough to them, and he
couldn't risk getting any closer until there was no chance that
Angelus would be alerted to his presence. If Angelus wasn't
completely absorbed in the Slayer, if there was any possibility
that something nearby might attract his attention, then he might
leave Buffy for later and Xander would wind up dead-- unable to do
anything at all.
     "See this?" Angelus asked, his tone a patronizing, self-
satisfied one. "Know what it means?"
     Xander knew. He winced inwardly as the vampire taunted his
prey, as Buffy continued to try to struggle and break free of the
grip that held her. As she failed.
     He wouldn't fail, Xander reassured himself. *Not this time,
not this time, not this time.*  He knew, he supposed in an only
half-conscious way, that if he failed this time there would
probably be another chance. And another. And another. Until he
saved her. He wasn't sure of how he knew that, but he did, and he
knew it with all his mind, body, and soul.
     Waiting, still waiting.
     "I've bound you."
     *"We're all bound by something. It's only a matter of what it
is that binds us, what keeps us where we are. I can't let this
place bind me anymore, Cordelia. I love you, and I thought that was
enough. But love can't overcome memories. And there are too many
painful ones, here."*
     He swallowed as the perfectly-remembered lines from the letter
he'd left for Cordelia flashed across his mind.
     *"I hope you don't wind up hating me for this. Though I'll
understand if you do."*
     His hand closed around the lighter, drawing it from his
pocket. Angelus was focusing on Buffy now, an maybe action would
banish the memories. Make him forget what a coward he'd been when
he had let everything he'd ever cared about drift away. He should
have faced the memories back then, when they weren't so strong. Now
they were too strong, too much.
     "See, Buffy?" he heard Angelus hiss, somewhere outside the
world his mind was fast erecting around him.
     *"You're losing your mind, Alex. I won't stand by and watch."*
Anna-Marie. The night before she'd gone.
     Xander pulled the candle from his pocket, and his thumb moved
over the switch on the lighter that would spark the flame.
     "Candle," he began, whispering so softly he could barely hear
his own voice, "guide ye the way for the soul's light to find."
     *Candle,* he thought, as memories began to assail him faster
than he'd have cared to go through them. *Guide me to some sort of
solace.*
     "Bridge ye the gap betwixt the darkness and the beyond."
     *Bridge the gap from my past to my future.*
     He felt something wet hit his cheek, and ignored the tear as
it continued its journey. He was broken, too broken. He had no
business doing this, trying to fix things in an elsewhere he'd
removed himself from.
     *Be strong, coward,* he thought, his mental voice harsh and
cold. *Save her.*
     He moved the flame to ignite the candle, then sheltered the
wick with a cupped hand to keep the sudden gust of wind from
blowing it out. "And the light that shall lead his soul to its
vessel," he finished.
     *Lead me to some sort of sanity,* echoed the prayer in his own
mind. *Lead me to something I can live with. Lead me to some sort
of peace.*
     In front of him, Angelus had frozen with his lips against
Buffy's neck, and Xander could see no sign that the vampire was
moving at all. Buffy lay motionless, pinned beneath Angelus' body,
and Xander could barely breathe to finish the curse:
     "And expel," he finally continued, "the demon from the body."
     *Expel this inability to deal with my own demons.*
     As the wind began to pick up, Xander kept his hands around the
flame of the candle, pushing it into the ground across from where
Angelus was still on top of Buffy but no longer a threat.
     A moment passed before Buffy shoved the vampire off her, and
when she did Angelus doubled over, howling in pain. Xander took a
few steps away, watching as wind blew Buffy's hair in her face and
she moved toward the vampire she had been trying to save for so
long.
     Angelus was writhing on the ground, his arms wrapped tight
around his midsection, and the wind was picking up. By the time the
howls had become so similar Xander could no longer tell them apart,
a fine mist was descending over the cemetery, and Buffy had moved
to where Angelus lay. Xander could barely hear her whispering more
words over him, words she hadn't told him earlier but which it was
quickly becoming clear were the end of the curse.
     The wind kept picking up, louder and harder, crashing in
around him until Xander could barely keep on his feet. He glanced
toward the candle, and realized that the flame wasn't even
flickering.
     He took a sharp breath, his gaze turning back to the Slayer
and her vampire, as she pinned him down and held him there while he
howled along with the wind in pain.
     Xander took a step toward them.
     *Candle, bring me hope.*
     Then the world descended into blackness.

~

Please send all comments to [e-mail].

------------------------------

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