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From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest)
To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com
Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #145
Reply-To: $SENDER
Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
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Precedence: bulk
buffyfic-digest Thursday, April 23 1998 Volume 02 : Number 145
In this issue:
BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (1/3)
BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (1/?)
BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (2/?)
See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 19:52:49 EDT
From: KylenRevik <KylenRevik@aol.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (1/3)
::evil grin:: Now...HERE's something more my speed. Mwahaha.
~
Acknowledgements: October Project, for their amazing songs. Sarah, for sitting
and letting me inflict the aforementioned amazing songs on her and then
putting up with me when I finished the story myself.
Notes: This is Angst fic. Evil-Angel-Fic (EAF) and Evil-Buffy-Fic (EBF) all in
one, neither of which acronyms has quite the same ring to it as "ELF", but ah
well, this isn't the seaQuest and I haven't seen a Lucas in Sunnydale, so
Buffy and Angel will have to suffice. There's a leetle bit've profanity. All
comments/crits please direct to me here (KylenRevik@aol.com), 'cause I thrive
on them. :)
Disclaimer: BlahblahblahStandardDisclaimerAppliesblahblahblah...
Story time!
~
"A Moment's Redemption"
//When the darkness falls like a curtain
And the night ahead is long and uncertain
Dream
Beyond the loss and the hope of redemption.//
-October Project, "Sunday Morning Yellow Sky"
"Willow."
"Isn't this great, I mean, Oz says he just _found_ this
music--"
"Willow," Buffy repeated, her voice shaking slightly.
"And then earlier, he was--"
"_Willow_!"
This time, her friend stopped talking, and looked over at
her. "What, Buffy?"
"Over there." The Slayer pointed toward the shadows, where a
tall, early-twenties young man had stepped out from the darkness
of the bar.
Willow followed her friend's finger until her eyes met with
the same sight. "Omigod, is that..."
Buffy nodded, standing and leaving her soda behind. "Yeah."
She stepped away from the table. "I'm gonna go figure out what's
going on."
Willow nodded. "No blood baths at the Bronze. Yeah. Good
idea. Should I, um, like maybe go tell Xander--"
Buffy glanced across the room to where Xander was flirting
with a couple of girls-- who looked utterly bored. "No."
"Cordelia?"
Cordelia was engaged in activities much the same as
Xander's, the difference being that the objects of her attentions
didn't look upset in the slightest. Buffy shook her head again.
"No, I'll be okay."
Willow noddd, and Buffy left, approaching the vampire who
stood in the corner, motionless, yet watching her as she moved
toward him. She stopped several feet away. "Angel, what are you
doing here."
She didn't know what he expected. Was this some sort of new
twist on the "let's hurt the Slayer" game he seemed to be playing
with more and more intensity these days?
He was silent for a long few moments, then he swallowed. "I
need to talk to you," he said. "But not here."
She almost laughed in his face at that. "What, you think I'm
just going to _leave_ with you?" She shook her head. "No." Then
her glare turned more dangerous. "And Angel, I have stakes with
me. So clear out. And don't hurt anybody."
She moved to turn around, walk back to Willow and forget
this had ever happened, when Angel grabbed her by the wrist.
"Buffy, _please_! You don't understand. I'm...me again."
She jerked around, tearing her arm away from him. "_What_?!
she snapped, her eyes turning hard to cover the wrenching
sensation she felt, deep within herself.
He shook his head. "It's too hard to explain. I...made a
deal. With the demon inside me." He took a quick breath. "Because
I couldn't stand not being with you." There was a long pause.
"But I'm only like this for tonight. At sunrise--"
"Shut up," she snapped. "Even for you, that's low."
Then she turned and stalked back to Willow, leaving Angelus
behind herself.
Willow had been watching the entire exchange, and Buffy
shook her head when it looked like her friend was going to
question her. "I can't talk about it," she said softly, feeling
her voice catch.
"Buffy--"
"No," she said. "Tell the guys I went home." She picked up
her jacket and pulled it on, then slipped out the door before
Willow could question her any further.
*
"Get away from me," Buffy snapped, hearing the door of the
Bronze open and shut again behind her.
"Buffy--"
"Get _away_!" She was shaking with rage as she stalked away,
in the direction of her home. He had to hurry. Had to get there
as soon as she could. Why Angel hadn't attacked her already, she
didn't know-- but she was going to get away from him before she
had the chance to find out.
She heard him behind her, following her, and bit back the
tears that found their way to the corners of her eyes. She would
_not_ cry in front of that-- that _monster_.
She was walking quickly now, half-afraid he'd follow her.
Not wanting to have to look in his eyes if he tried to speak to
her again, because she knew all she'd be doing when she saw him
would be to search out the shred of him that might bit be lying
to her.
Caught up in her thoughts, Buffy didn't even see him when he
stepped onto the sidewalk in front of her and she'd have run into
him if he hadn't spoken aloud, in that horrible, wonderfully
smooth voice of his, the voice that had alternately soothed and
haunted her.
"Buffy, stop."
She froze, taking a split second t to realize where he was,
his proximity to her. Her heartbeat quickened slightly, and she
fought to get it to slow back to normal.
This was her Angel. Standing before her now, eyes locked
with hers. And she'd been right-- she was searching blindly and
stupidly for something, anything in his expression that would
tell her he had been sincere back at the Bronze, and he had his
soul back. But he was too good an actor for her to find the
chinks she knew had to be in his armor.
"Buffy," he said again softly, and she could have sworn
there was a tear in the corner of his eye.
She couldn't answer-- her throat had closed over and there
were no words she could find that would have expressed the sheer
depth of her fury and pain, the almost self-loathing she felt
when she saw him and realized how desperately she wished his
words were true.
He was a monster, she told herself. He'd threatened Willow.
Killed Ms. Calendar. Killed who knew how many other innocents.
He'd been tormenting her since the moment he'd lost his soul. She
hated him. She had to.
"I-- I need to talk to you," he whispered. He moved one hand
toward her cheek. "Buffy, you don't know how badly I need you..."
She slapped his hand away, and he recoiled as though she'd
shoved a stake through his heart. "Don't touch me, you son of a
bitch," she hissed.
"You don't understand!" he said. There was a brief, silent
moment before he spoke again. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt
you. I didn't know about the curse. That I'd lose my soul." A
pause. "Or you."
Feeling something twist hard inside her gut, Buffy didn't
answer.
So he kept talking. "There were a few minutes...I woke up
and realized...I couldn't understand what was going on and then
it was too late, and I had no way of telling you..."
He swallowed hard, then moved to touch her again. This time,
though, Buffy didn't stop at dodging his hand.
She delivered a quick kick to his throat, then followed with
a sharp blow to his stomach-- then she gasped in shock as he
didn't fight back and let her knock him to the ground. Now he was
staring up at her, motionless.
Buffy didn't know how long they stayed like that, staring
into each others eyes. Neither spoke until Buffy took a quick
breath and hissed, to keep her voice from shaking, "Just stay the
hell away from me, you manipulative, soulless _bastard_."
Then, before the tears in her eyes spilled over, and he
could see what he'd moved her to, she turned and ran away, as
quickly as she could.
~
(More to follow...)
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 23 Apr 1998 13:51:24 -0400 (EDT)
From: sarah <segordy@acsu.buffalo.edu>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (1/?)
Why, yes! I'd love your comments!
An Ode to Truth
By Sarah Liz Gordy
Disclaimer: Not mine. Props to Joss, cause he's the man with the
incredible imagination, and the Cranberries, for musical genius. Like I
said, if you recognize it, tis'nt mine. And Rachel, for listening to me
babble over pineapple and helping to flood my imagination with song.
Though, by the way, I found this one all on my own. Oh yea, it does
contain one or two swear words, so kiddies, close your eyes when you see
them.
I.
//Understand the things I say
Don't turn away from me...
Understand what I've become
It wasn't my design//
"Ode To My Family" - The Cranberries
"Buffy, come into the kitchen, please."
Closing the front door, she obligingly trekked to the back of the house
and settled into a chair. "You're home early, Mom."
"Buffy, we need to talk." Her mother turned from the sink and set down
her water glass. Buffy missed the sadness in her eyes.
'She's completely calm. It can't be that bad.'
"I'm not sure how to start this."
'Uh oh.'
"Buffy, you know I love you very much," Joyce began.
'Oh shit.'
"And I never want to do anything to compromise that love."
"Mom," Buffy interrupted, "is this about last week?" She remembered that
fight. It was one of the larger ones. And Buffy was only through half of
her period of grounding for it.
"Not exactly. It's about everything, Buffy. I'm at my wits end."
'I can't believe she's this calm. It's like she's going to tear into me,
but silently. I think this is worse than last week.'
"Putting aside the fact that I never see you, and when I do you treat me
like an inconsequential fly on the wall, I'm worried. I Buffy," she
looked drained. "We've been around this same block so many times, I'm
beginning to think it's not you. That maybe, somewhere I messed up."
Overcome with guilt, but not sure how to comfort her, Buffy just listened.
"I've been thinking about last summer. Your father offered you a place to
stay, if every you wanted to. I'm considering taking him up on his offer.
But I wanted to talk to you about it first." Joyce put up a hand to stop
the flow of words she knew were coming. Before you say anything, I want
you to know that this isn't simply a scare tactic. I'm genuinely worried
about you here. Maybe Sunnydale isn't for you. Maybe I shouldn't have
taken you from your father, from LA."
"No Mom, I don't want to leave you, or Sunnydale. It's just...
complicated."
"Make it simple."
She looked at her mother and tried to find the words. Buffy had promised
her self long ago that she would never drag her mother down to her world.
At the time it was the perfect plan, but now? 'Kendra's parents knew who
she was,' she rationalized. But that was, admittedly, a completely
different situation. 'But what about Angel? Not telling Mom my real
nature would rank right up there with Angel not telling me about his. Of
course, it wasn't a very pleasant situation she I *did* find out, but it
went beyond the Vampire/Slayer thing. Oh, that was a big part, but there
was also the trust issue. At the time Angel didn't trust me enough to
make the right decision. He may have been right. Perhaps I was right
holding out on Mom at first. Neither of us was ready. But now...'
"Okay."
Astounded at the prospect of compromise, Joyce nearly choked on her words.
"Excuse me?"
Continuing on as if she hadn't heard her mother exclamation, "But I don't
think I can do it in 25 words or less. And it's probably a good thing
you're sitting down. On second thought, come upstairs with me. I have a
few things to show you."
Joyce followed her young daughter up the stairs, bewildered at not so much
her actions as the sudden confidence she'd not been privy to for years.
"Cop a squat. I want you to give me your word that you'll let me say what
I have to say before you do anything." Buffy waited expectantly until she
had her mother's response.
"Alright. Well... um" Buffy looked at her watch. Almost four hours till
sundown. "Damn," she muttered.
"What?"
"It would be a lot easier to show you, but I can't just yet, but in a few
hours, I promise to prove what I'm about to claim."
"Alright, so claim."
"Okay. Well, ya' know X-Files? Well, they have a bunch of really weird
things on that show. One of them is government conspiracy. Well, you
don't believe all of the conspiracies they go after, but it makes you
realize that A) the government can do pretty much what ever they want, and
B) people are disgustingly easy to manipulate if you spin it right. They
make you believe things that aren't true, and they cover up the truth with
convenience.
"You want to join the department of defense?
"You promised not to interrupt. But no, I don't what to join the DOD. I
want to stop covering up the truth with convenience. I think you are
ready for it."
Joyce raised her eyebrows.
"Mom, do you believed in angels?
She was caught slightly off guard from the rapid subject change. "Of
course, dear."
"Then I suppose you believe in devils as well."
"I suppose..."
"Jesus exorcised a man inhabited by demons."
"Alright, I believe in demons. Do you want to become a priest now?"
"No Mother," she replied patiently. "Either way, it's not a matter of
becoming. I am what I am. I had no choice and I cannot change. But
don't worry, I'm cool with that now."
Joyce looked at her child in askance.
Ignoring her mother's perception of the situation, she continued on. "So,
you're cool with demons inhabiting people. Okay. New line of
questioning. Do you believe that a person has a spirit, and that
something happens to that spirit after death?"
"Yes."
"Do you believe in ghosts?"
"Where is this leading to, please?"
"Mom, can you admit that, like government conspiracies, there's stuff out
there that not only can we not explain, but neither do we even realize
exist?"
"I suppose that makes sense." Joyce paused to consider. "You're not
trying to tell me that you are a werewolf or something, are you?"
Laughing, "No Mom, I'm not even a vampire."
"Oh good. That's one career choice I wouldn't approve of."
"You may still not approve - give yourself time."
"What are you trying to tell me, Buffy?"
"Mom... Okay. Throughout time, there have been demons. Along side of the
demons, have been those who choose to fight them. And for every
generation there has also been one girl who's had no choice - who was born
into a legacy that she kinda has to live. I'm one of those girls."
"You fight demons," she said, her voice low and disbelieving."
"Yes."
"Any demons in particular?" she said smiling, thinking how strange her
daughter's sense of humor was.
Buffy opened her closet, but blocked the view with her body. She brought
out a hand full of hewn stakes and tossed them on the bed next to her
mother. "Vampires."
***
I know you all are *dying* to tell me what you think. Come on, this is
the first fic I've ever posted! You don't want to scar me for life, do
you? Nah, I didn't think so. And Rach... you *gotta* hear these songs...
Until the next part,
Sarah Liz
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
x x X-Phile, x
x sarah x FoLC, x
x x and adamant believer in Angel's humanity x
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x(it's just taken a leave of absence) x x x x x
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 23 Apr 1998 14:04:40 -0400 (EDT)
From: sarah <segordy@acsu.buffalo.edu>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: An Ode To Truth (2/?)
I'm back! I still want your comments!
for disclaimer, see first part.
An Ode to Truth
By Sarah Liz Gordy
II.
//All the things you said to me today
Changed my perspective in every way
Those things come to mean
So much to me//
"Dreaming My Dreams" - The Cranberries
She couldn't believe she was here. A cemetery. At night. Besides the
outstanding legal issues, it gave her the creeps in a way she did not want
to contemplate. If she did, she might have had to admit that maybe it's
not just the wind at night. Admit that her daughter wasn't just a really
accomplished lair. Admit to Bela Lugosi and Boris Karlof that the only
reason she could watch them all those years ago, was because her mother
assured her that there were no such things as vampires.
Buffy had told her what would happen after dark. Not exactly
every gory detail, mind you, but enough so she'd get the gist. Of course
even this little foray, assuming for a moment that Buffy was indeed a
Slayer (it still sounded strange to Joyce), did not explain everything.
Oh, the late nights, low grades, trouble with the principal, and missing
clothes (that she realized now where all at one point torn, shredded, or
caked with gore) were all covered. However, it did not explain things
like her new boyfriend Angel. Well, to a point it did If Joyce were in
Buffy's place, she could see that a boy her own age might be rather
immature. And though Joyce didn't know the extent of Buffy's physical
prowess, if she fought off vampires, a single overzealous twenty-year-old
shouldn't be difficult.
And then there was the whole mortality issue that Joyce didn't
particularly want to face at all. Buffy hadn't said anything about it,
but if she'd been completely immune to vampires *that* would have been
mentioned. Knowing that you may not live until the ripe old age of
thirty, well, it may not make you rush things, but Joyce understood why
Buffy lived everyday as if that day counted, really counted. Considering
it, she understood so much more - she was so proud of her daughter. At
the same time, pondering these things ripped her heart in two. Knowing
that your daughter risks her life every single night, instead of doing
"normal" teenage things. Knowing that one of these days, she won't come
home. Or that after Buffy moves out on her own, that the phone will ring
one day, and you'll hear of her demise - a brutal death, to be sure. And
that somewhere, there will be a monster with your daughter's blood, her
power, and her very essence coursing through his veins. Or the worst
scenario of all. That you simply will never hear from her again. That
somewhere, there will be a demon with your daughter's stolen body, her
lilting voice, her grace, her mind, her memories, everything but her soul.
The strength of that vampire would be great. The next Slayer might not be
able to exorcise the demon in time for the mass destruction that would
inevitable follow the christening of the curse'd one's new host. She
dreaded the thought of having to bury her only child, but welcomed it far
more than the other option given. So, she steeled herself to that
knowledge. One day, she'll have to bury Buffy. Unless she was buried
first. But no, she wouldn't think of that right now. Now she had to
concentrate on Buffy. Even so, there were circumstances, two in fact,
which would necessitate someone else taking care of the body her daughter
would leave behind. Who could she talk to? What record was permanent
enough? Permanent enough, that if the worst ever happened, someone might
know what to do with her ashes? That is, if anyone paused enough to care
for a vampire demon that was once a young girl, loved by those around her.
Born into something not of her own choosing, she fulfilled her duties the
best that she could for as long as she could, protecting for as long as
her body would last, as long as her body did not betray her, for her will,
Joyce realized, never would. Would a Slayer care that once, the vampire
she'd just slew was smart and caring and just a beautiful young girl?
Someone who loved and hated, laughed and cried, and tried to enjoy life
while she could, painfully aware of her own mortality, unlike the other
innocents of her age. Would she stop, after all the vampire's history of
carnage, to say a prayer for a soul long departed? Would she let her
Watcher advise her that once, long ago, there was someone who loved this
now vampire enough to wish a prayer said while her ashes scattered to the
fates, mixed with the dust an dirt and trod upon by immortal and mortal
alike? Would they know that someone remembered, that someone cared?
Would she just slay the immortal body, forgetting that she herself could
end with such a fate - going out with neither a whisper nor a bang, but
just letting the candle burn?
Joyce was snapped from her musings by Buffy's head whipping around. She
could see a dim outline of a large, probably male, form. It slowly
approached from the shadows. Her distant hope that there were no
monsters, no vampires, and no vampire slayers, faded. Everything Buffy
said was true. Who else would be walking in a graveyard at night? Then
she heard the stranger speak.
"Buffy?" The stranger, so intent on his subject and being wary in
general, he completely missed the other mortal standing aside, in the
shadows of a mausoleum.
Buffy, simply happy her mother was taking this all so well, and happy she
was out of the house, ran into the open arms of Angel.
He held on to her, stroking her hair. "Buffy, you know you shouldn't be
out here. If your mother catches you sneaking back in, you'll be in even
worse trouble."
Joyce smiled from her vantage point, hidden away. 'Maybe he's not *all*
bad.'
"I know, but..."
He didn't let her finish. "I told you I would hunt for you. I know how
much it means to you, but Sweetheart, I *am* capable of doing it."
"I know, but..."
A different, less cultured voice interrupted from somewhere across the
graveyard. "There are no exceptions tonight, Slayer," he spat out, the
last word an insult. "Our master bids us bring you this message of
greeting."
"Jeez," she did her best to sound disgusted. "What epoch are you from?
Speak American!" She did so love to get on their nerves. A pissed
vampire was one who left himself vulnerable at some point. For his part,
the herald just glared.
"Yea, well, we're waiting," said Angel, standing behind and to the side of
Buffy.
"Since you feel that way, *turncoat*, you can have the message too.
Boys!" Three lanky vampires with beyond ugly game faces emerged from
behind the speaker, across from Joyce.
Buffy and Angel each brought out a stake. The vampires were standing
still one moment, and were almost flying the next - towards her. Towards
Buffy and Angel, at any rate. Her daughter seemed to ready herself,
calmly shifting into a fighting stance. Angel, however, looked like a
tightly coiled spring. A moment before the group of undead demons were
before the two, he sprung up with what sounded to Joyce like an inhuman
growl of anger. 'How is it,' she thought, 'that a kid like him is able to
fight these creatures. Is he special like Buffy? She had mentioned
something about those who hunted by choice. Perhaps he is one of those.
That would certainly explain the attraction between the two.' Joyce was
satisfied with the explanation and continued to watch as Buffy quickly
dispatched the three attacking her with the same stake. She was quite
comfortable and assured with her logic regarding Angel until after he
finished off the single vampire that had attacked him. Angel lounged on a
tombstone, waiting for Buffy, but not quite calm enough to erase his game
face. It was then that Joyce screamed.
***
Well?
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
x x X-Phile, x
x sarah x FoLC, x
x x and adamant believer in Angel's humanity x
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x(it's just taken a leave of absence) x x x x x
------------------------------
End of buffyfic-digest V2 #145
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