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buffyfic-digest       Wednesday, April 22 1998       Volume 02 : Number 144



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (3/3)
       BUFFYFIC: Just a Little Revenge  (1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (2/3)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 19:52:58 EDT
From: KylenRevik <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (3/3)

     The first thing she was aware of was that she was alone.
Completely, utterly alone. The warmth that had been curled around
her for the night was gone, the bed was empty. And Buffy felt a
tremor shiver through her body as she slowly sat up.
     The now-dry blood on the pillow told her the night before
hadn't been a dream. When she ran her fingers through her hair,
dark red dust fell and affixed themselves to her fingertips. She
felt tears welling up in her eyes, and stood, moving to the
window, touching the shades just enough to move them so she could
see the sunlight that slipped in beneath them. *Oh, God...* she
thought, sinking to the floor and holding herself tightly,
leaning against the wall. *Angel...*
     But he was gone. If he hadn't been lying, and she was sure
he hadn't been, then he was gone and she might never see him,
never have him, never be with him again, she'd be alone the rest
of her life because after Angel who else could compare, and...
She felt a sob coming before it manifested, and she buried her
face deep in her arms to smother the cries.
     *Angel...* she thought again, her voice softer in her mind.
     She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, trying not
to feel, not to think, and failing miserably. She slowly pushed
herself up from the floor, making her way back to her bed and
collapsing into the pillows and the blood that was again mixing
with her tears.
     She almost didn't see the folded sheets of paper that
someone-- Angel-- had laid on the pillow next to her. Fumbling,
she picked them up and ran her finger over the lettering. The
note read, simply,

"Buffy"

     Her fingers couldn't unfold the paper fast enough. She read
the note aloud, her voice trembling.

     My love,
          It's nearly morning. The sun is going to rise in
     an hour, maybe two, and I don't have much time-- barely
     enough to write you this. I'm sorry. I was selfish. I
     shouldn't have come to you, because I know all I've
     done is make things harder for you. Please forgive me.
     I had to see you again, though, and the demon that
     controls me was willing to strike a deal, for one
     night. That night is almost over now, and I don't think
     I'll be able to hold onto myself for much longer. He's
     restless, and I can feel him inside me already, and I
     have to leave here before he takes over-- because I
     don't know what I might do if I lose control of myself
     with you nearby.
          Be strong, Buffy. I love you. I always will.
     You'll win this crusade, somehow, and one day we _will_
     be together again.
          I'm staring at your closet now, where you keep
     your stakes. Wondering if it might not be easier for
     you to wake up with nothing but a pile of ash and wood
     on your floor, but I don't think I could do that,
     either. This way, at least you've still got hope. That
     some day we'll be together again. Because we will. I
     promise you that.
          Despite that, I want you to know...if it ever
     comes to a point where your only option is to kill me,
     do it. You don't know what kind of life this is, to
     live inside something and know what's going on and have
      no power to control it. I'm still not sure why I was
     allowed to come back for this one night, and I'm not
     entirely sure what the price for tonight will be. So if
     anything happens and you need to kill me to defend
     yourself or any of your friends, know now that I would
     never hold it against you, and I would rather die my
     Final Death than to see harm come to you.
          I wanted to keep you safe. To protect you. I never
     thought I would hurt you as badly as I know I have.
          Your love, always,
                         Angel.
     By the time she reached the end of the letter, tears were
streaming down Buffy's cheeks. It was all she could do to keep
from blurring the letters on the page.
     It was a long time before she was able to put the paper down
and go about the business of recursing her home so Angelus
wouldn't be able to enter it again.

                       //Down, down, down.
              Will the fall never come to an end?//
          -October Project, "Sunday Morning Yellow Sky"

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

*All lyrics are by October Project, from their CD "Falling
Farther In", from Epic Records. They are used without the group's
permission.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 16:52:27 PDT
From: "Sara Barton" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Just a Little Revenge  (1/1)

Author:  Sara B.  [e-mail]
Title:   Just a Little Revenge
Dsclmer: I don't own 'em!
Summary: This is just a little fic that takes place one
week after BB&B.
Feedback: Yes Please!

Just a little Revenge

ôOh, God...that was so sad,ö Willow Rosenburg sobbed, trying to control
her trembles as she walked down the dark road.

ôAll those people,ö Cordelia bawled, ôThey all died...*snif*...it was
all so...so tragic.ö  She wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve, not
caring if her makeup ran down her face.

ôThat was the most beautiful and horrible thing I have ever seen,ö Buffy
wailed beside her two friends.  ôThat should never have happened, he
should never have died and left her!ö  She sniffled loudly and Willow
handed her a tissue from her pocket.  ôThanks,ö she cried, accepting it
gladly.

ôOh come on!ö  Xander Harris said, his annoyance more than obvious.
ôItÆs just a movie!ö

ôHow can you say that?ö  Willow scratchy voice said.  ôIt is not _just_
a movie!ö

Xander cocked his head.  ôIt is too _just_ a movie.  And not only that,
itÆs a movie that you have all seen four times, and yet you still sob
and wail and cry at the end!ö

ôHow could you not cry?  He died!ö  Buffy exclaimed through her tears.

ôSo?  How can you want to watch all that mushy stuff?ö  Xander said.

ôUgh, Xander, you are such a man,ö Cordelia said with disgust, while
clutching onto his arm as they walked down Rovello Drive.

ôGee, really?  I hadnÆt checked lately,ö he replied sarcastically.

ôBut how can you not go back and see it?  It is the best movie!  The
romance of Jack and Rose is so intense!ö  Buffy exclaimed, dreamy eyed
through her tears.  ôAnd Leonardo DiCaprio is so cute!ö

Willow sighed.  ôIsnÆt he?  And what about Billy Zane?  He has a
certain, Billyosity.ö

ôBillyosity?  Come on, Willow!  The guys a putz!  And that DiCaprio guy
is a pansy!ö  Xander exclaimed, disgusted.

ôA pansy?  He is NOT a pansy!ö  Cordelia fumed, slightly jabbing her
boyfriend in the ribs.

ôIs too!ö  He retorted.

ôYouÆre just jealous!ö  Buffy said defensively of the actor.

ôOh yeah?  Well what about Kate Winslet?  She is HOT!  And that nude
scene, whoa boy!  I could watch that over and over.  Ah, hell, just give
me the drawing!ö  Xander said, with a grin.

ôXander!  You are such a perv!ö  Willow said, and blew her nose on a
tissue.  ôThat was such a  romantic scene and your acting like all it
was--was a free chance to see a girl naked!ö

ôAnd is there anything wrong with that?ö  He asked.

ôOh yeah?  Well what if Leo had done a nude scene?ö  Buffy asked, her
face still damp from tears.

The look of disgust on XanderÆs face gave Buffy her answer.  ôThat would
NOT have been okay.ö

ôWhy not?ö  Willow questioned.

ôWell...well...just...um....just because!!!ö  He exclaimed.

ôOh, great answer,ö Cordelia said sarcastically.

ôWell anyway, the only cool part about the movie was when the ship went
down.  I mean, I laughed so hard when that guy fell and hit the
propeller--ö

ôXANDER!ö  All three girls yelled in unison.

ôAre you saying that æTitanicÆ had no emotional effect on you at all?ö
Buffy questioned.  ôYou didnÆt feel one thing when you watched fifteen
hundred people die?ö

ôWell, it had a little effect.  It..it was a little sad,ö he mumbled,
shoving his hands into his pockets.

ôOnly a little?ö  Cordelia asked.

ôOkay, it was really said.  But nothing to cry over!ö  Xander said
quickly.

ôSo youÆre telling us that you didnÆt once shed one little tear through
out the whole movie?ö  Willow asked, staring at him intently.

ôN..n..no!ö  He yelled, feeling his cheeks turn red.

ôOh really?  So who was that sniffling next to me, then?ö  Cordelia
questioned, arching an eyebrow.

ôI..I..uh...ö he stammered.  The three girls looked at him with knowing
expressions.  He sighed.  ôAll right!  So I did cry!  But only a
little!ö

ôSo the big macho guy admits it.  Alexander Harris cried during
æTitanicÆ,ö Buffy laughed, amused.

ôIÆm warning you, Slayer!  DonÆt tell anybody!ö  He growled.

ôOr what?  YouÆll hurt me?ö  She asked, pretending to be scared.  ôDonÆt
worry, Xander.  I wonÆt tell a single soul!  WouldnÆt want to bruise
your fragile male ego.ö

ôGood.  æCause you know, I have a rep to protect!ö  Xander said
defensively.

Cordelia snorted.  ôWhat rep?ö

ôDuh!  My rep as a stud,ö he said.

The three girls couldnÆt help but laugh.  ôThe only rep you have,
Harris, is being a geek!ö  Cordelia giggled.

Xander sported a hurt look.  ôThat was harsh!ö

ôOh, IÆm sorry,ö she apologized, giving him a pouty look.  ôCan you
forgive me?ö

ôYeah, I guess,ö he grumbled, his girlfriend squeezing his arm tighter
with a big grin on her face.  ôBut the movie is still nothing to get
worked up over.ö

ôWell I donÆt care what you think.  It was a tragic movie, and I love
it.  I think I could go back and see it again!ö  Buffy exclaimed, her
eyes twinkling.

ôYeah!  We should go tomorrow!ö  Willow squealed, a broad smile on her
face.

Xander groaned loudly.  ôNot again!ö

ôWell no one said _you_ had to go with us,ö Buffy said.  ôIÆll just ask
Angel if he wants to go.ö

ôAnd IÆll ask Oz,ö Willow said, her cheek growing slightly red at the
thought of asking him to go with her.

Cordelia gave her two friends a mischievous grin.  ôAnd I can ask Devon
if he wants to go.ö

XanderÆs eyes opened wide at the mention of her ex-boyfriend.  ôExcuse
me!  You are NOT going to go see _that_ movie with...with HIM!ö
Cordelia stifled her laugh.  ôI forbid it!ö

ôYou canÆt forbid me to do anything.  Besides, you wonÆt go with me, so
who is?ö  She questioned.

ôI...I donÆt know!  Ask...ask Giles or something!ö

ôGiles?ö  Buffy burst out laughing.  ôLike old stuffy Giles would go to
the movies with us!  Let alone go see æTitanic!Æö

ôBut--but----ö  Xander stuttered, knowing he was losing the battle.  ôOH
Fine!  IÆll go see æTitanicÆ again with you.ö

ôThank you,ö Cordelia said, kissing him on the cheek.

ôYeah, yeah,ö he muttered, annoyed at himself for giving in so easily.
ôBut it will be the _last_ time, you hear me?  The LAST.ö

ôFine, fine.  That last time.  Just as long as you go with me,ö Cordelia
grinned.

ôGee, Xander.  YouÆre such a nice guy!  Going to see a chick flick and
all,ö Willow teased.

ôYeah?  Well IÆd like too see you try to get Oz and Angel to go!  TheyÆd
rather be dead than go see that movie.ö

ôWell Angel doesnÆt have to worry about that cause heÆs already dead,
and Oz wouldnÆt mind,ö Buffy said, using one of XanderÆs jokes against
him.

ôDo you three like to gang up on me?  Do you get your jollies out of
it?ö  Xander asked.

ôItÆs just so easy to do,ö Buffy laughed as they reached her house.

ôAww...donÆt get so defensive!  We are just getting you back for that
little stunt you pulled last week,ö Willow said.  ôItÆs the perfect
punishment.

ôOh come on, guys!  I didnÆt know the spell wouldnÆt work!ö  He
exclaimed.

ôYeah, but you were stupid enough to do it!  And donÆt think that
watching æTitanicÆ over and over again is all the punishment you will
get,ö Cordelia said, walking into BuffyÆs house.

ôWhat do you mean by that?ö  Xander asked suspiciously.

ôOh just a little revenge,ö Willow said, and Cordelia led him up the
stairs with Buffy and Willow close behind.

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

ôI am NOT going out like this!ö  Xander shouted, staring at his
reflection in the mirror.

ôYou are too!ö  Willow exclaimed, her laugher ringing through out the
house.

ôYou canÆt make me!ö  He yelled.

ôMaybe we canÆt, but we can get proof,ö  Buffy snickered, pulling out
her Polaroid camera.

ôNO!  NO!  YOU CANÆT DO THIS TO ME!ö  He screeched, running out of her
room.

ôQuick!  Grab him!ö  Willow shouted, pulling on his skirt.  Buffy
grabbed his arm and pulled him back into her room.  Xander struggled but
Buffy was too strong and held him in place while Cordelia snapped the
thirty-six roll exposure film.

ôNoooooooo!ö  He wailed, but it was too late.  They had their evidence.

**NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL**

ôHow could you have done this to me?ö  Xander groaned, hiding behind the
large desk in the library.

ôHow could you ask Amy to cast a spell making every woman fall in love
with you?ö  Cordelia asked.

ôIT WAS AN ACCIDENT!ö  He yelled.  ôThe spell was only meant for you!!!ö

ôYeah, yeah,ö  Cordelia said, filing her nails.

Giles came bursting into the library.  ôMy God!  Have you seen those
pictures?  They are posted all around the school!ö

ôWHAT?!!ö  Xander screamed, and jumped up, banging his head on the desk.
ôTell me that isnÆt true!ö

Giles started to laugh.  ôSo that was you?ö

ôCordy!  You told me they would only be put on the library doors!ö

She smiled evily.  ôI did, didnÆt I?  Whoops!ö

ôI canÆt believe you did this to me!ö  He groaned, and went back to
hiding under the desk.

Giles walked over the Cordy.  ôIt worked,ö he whispered, and she grinned
widely at him.

ôI told you so,ö she said.

**IN THE HALLWAY**

In the hallway, a mob of students crowded around the 12x14 picture that
was taped to the trophy case.

ôCan you believe that?ö

ôI knew that guy was a pansy!ö

ôI thought he was rather cute, until now.ö

ôMan, whoever did this was definitely seeking the ultimate revenge.ö

ôI never knew he liked to wear womenÆs clothing!ö

ôLook at all that makeup on his face!ö

ôAnd that wig!ö

ôWhat a dork!ö

In the middle of the mob stood Buffy and Willow, admiring their handy
work.  The picture of was Xander, wearing JoyceÆs bright pink dress.
His curly, yellow wig contrasted the electric blue eye shadow and cherry
red lipstick that had been so carefully applied to his face.

ôLike I said,ö Willow grinned, ôjust a little revenge.ö


THE END








______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 19:52:54 EDT
From: KylenRevik <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Moment's Redemption" (2/3)

See Part 1/3 for all the other stuff, this is the story!

~

     At home, curled up in her bed, Buffy let the tears come.
Sobs wracked her body as she tried again and again to tell
herself it hadn't mattered, that when the sun rose she would be
able to forget what had taken place tonight, and it wouldn't hurt
her anymore. She was shivering hard, her pillow already soaked
with tears and a pile of tissues slowly growing in her
wastebasket.
     That bastard. She had thought there might have been some
chance, however small, that Angel's soul would have been
reachable...but if it was, she knew he never would have let the
demon that controlled him say those things, make him feel this
way. And his performance had been so _convincing_. Not even
fighting back. The way he had just stared up at her, his eyes
wide and showing such pain and betrayal, had made her falter for
barely a second. She'd held herself together so she wouldn't show
him how badly he'd hurt her, but now all she could do was wish
she had been stupid and gullible enough to take him at his word.
To let him touch her, to let herself feel him close to her again.
     She was still crying when there was a light scratching sound
at her window.
     Taking a breath, she blew her nose and swiped at her tears,
then forced the emotion down and moved, as if enchanted, toward
the window. The spell broke itself the moment she laid eyes on
him. "No," she whispered softly.
     His eyes sought her out, burning through the glass, and he
motioned her to open the window.
     She did, putting her coldest glare. "Get--"
     "Buffy," he cut her off, and the way his voice sounded
wasn't quite natural-- wasn't what she'd have expected him to
sound like. "Let me talk. Please. Just...five minutes. If I can't
convince you in five minutes that _I'm not lying to you_...I'll
go."
     The part of her that was screaming at her to be a Slayer and
not a sniveling, lovesick child was buried beneath the rest, and
she nodded. "Five minutes."
     He took a deep breath, then swallowed and looked at her. His
voice shook when he spoke. "And now I don't even know where to
start," he said softly. Then he sighed. "I just...I want you to
know how sorry I am. How much I care for you."
     "You're not making any impressions," she snapped, wishing it
were the truth.
     "I'm not surprised. I've seen what he-- I've done to you, in
the memories... Buffy, I swear, one day I'll make sure the demon
is destroyed. I just don't know how, yet. Don't know how to make
it up to you." He took a quick breath. "I just want you to be
safe. And to remember that no matter what I may say, tomorrow or
afterward, I love you. Whatever part of me he can't control,
loves you. More than anything, than any_one_, I've known in over
two centuries. You're the first good thing that's happened to me.
You're the only person who ever made me feel human." He looked at
her unchanging expression for a long moment, taking another short
breath as red tears began to form in the corners of his eyes,
threatening to spill over. "You don't believe me, and I don't
blame you, but...I wish there was some way I could find to prove
it to you."
     As Buffy listened, she felt her own throat constricting,
even as she heard Angel's voice getting more and more shaky. She
looked at him, and was amazed to see the blood tears that were
slowly trickling down, across the smooth landscape of his skin.
She bit back the words that rose to her lips, knowing if she
spoke the Slayer in her would be buried once and for all
underneath the torn young woman who only wanted her love back,
and nothing else. She'd lose the battle that had begun the moment
she had realized the Angel she loved was gone.
     Angel's eyes left her, falling to the branches he was
balanced in so precariously. They lingered there a moment before
returning to her face. "You don't know how many nights I spent
sitting here, watching you sleep," he said softly. "Wishing I
could be in there, with you. Protecting you."
     Almost before she realized it had happened, something inside
Buffy broke. She didn't have the strength to resist anymore, and
the tears she'd been holding back till that moment flooded her
eyes and blurred her vision.
     It was in that moment that Angel leaned forward and kissed
her gently, then pulled away and whispered. "I won't ask to come
in. I know you don't want to have to re-curse your house so I
can't once I go back to being who I was, at sunrise." He
swallowed. "But...the porch. Please."
     Her lips still feeling the touch of his, Buffy nodded and
moved away from the window, then turned and ran down the steps,
glad her mother had gone out of town for the weekend. She
couldn't explain this to herself-- certainly, then, she couldn't
explain it to her mother.
     She fumbled with the lock for a few seconds before the door
let her push it open, then she stepped out into the night.
     From the shadows, stepped Angel. He stood in front of her
for a long moment, as though afraid that if he tried to touch
her, she'd crumble to dust in his hands. Finally, just when Buffy
felt there was no way she could stand it any longer, he reached
up and took her face in his hands, leaning down to affix his lips
to her own.
     They stood like that for too long for Buffy to keep track of
time. She was lost in him the moment they touched, as soon as
their lips closed on each other's and their tongues began to
cautiously, slowly move into each others' mouths. Nothing between
them was touching, except their lips, and Buffy's eyes fell shut
of their own accord as soon as he had touched her. Previously
separated, now they were one, together, two parts of one whole
and now joined for a few brief seconds that somehow stretched
into an eternity.
     There was something warm on her face-- and his was stained
with the blood from his tears. The tears themselves had mingled
with her own when they had been kissing, and now both were
stained with blood and salt and water.
     When she finally felt the slight sensation of him pulling
away, Buffy knew there was nothing she could doubt about his
story, now. He had been telling her the truth. And she hadn't
believed him.
     "Angel, I..."
     "Shh, love," he whispered, kissing her gently again. This
one didn't last nearly as long as the last, but it meant no less
than the one that had come before it. "I know."
     Feeling a sudden sob wrack her body, Buffy collapsed against
him, tears streaming down her face as they began to flow anew.
She couldn't let him go, couldn't let herself lose him again...
     "Shh, shhh," he said soothingly, his arms around her and his
hands stroking her back and hair gently. His cheek rested against
the top of her head, drinking in the scent of her hair, as she
cried in his arms. By the time she pulled away, there were stains
in her hair from Angel's tears.
     "I'm sorry," she whispered. Then she gave him a slight tug,
toward the doorway.
     "I can't," he said softly. "You can't invite me in or I'll--
"
     "I'll recurse it," she said, her voice still quiet and
shaking, tight from the tears that wouldn't cease. "Please. I'm
inviting you in."
                                *
     Angel swallowed, meeting her eyes-- and saw there only the
hard determination and longing he himself felt. Buffy gave his
arm another light pull, and he nodded, kissing her softly again.
"I love you," he said. "Always."
     She nodded, and they moved into the living room, up the
stairway, into her room. The door had barely shut when she kissed
him again. This time, there was more of a desperation in it than
before, and when he returned the kiss he felt the hunger both of
them were feeling, for one another. It had been weeks since they
had been able to be close to each other like this, and neither
knew when it would happen again-- and soon his hands were moving
under her shirt, and her fingers were working on the buttons of
his, and their lips seemed locked together.
     A sudden, crystal clear thought sprang into his mind. He
would hurt her if he did this. Worse than he had when he'd gone
back to being a vampire. Going to the Bronze, needing to see her-
- - he'd been so selfish.
     He pulled away from her, suddenly. "Stop," he whispered.
     She drew back, staring at him in shock. He winced, feeling
his stomach twist and wondering if she was thinking again that it
all might have been a ruse-- Angelus doing his best to hurt her
in the guide of her lover.
     "What?" she asked. Only now her tone was guarded, cautious--
and completely incapable of hiding the fear and betrayal he must
have been instilling, deep in her heart.
     "I...don't want to hurt you," he whispered. "I don't know
what he'll do to you tomorrow if we do anything now."
     "He can't hurt me," she whispered, moving back toward him.
     It was all Angel could do not to give in. But he summoned
every piece of himself he could and hoped it would be enough.
Then he placed his hands on her shoulders and shook his head.
"No," he said. "That's not true. And he's hurt you too much
already." He leaned forward and kissed her lips softly, for just
a moment. Then he pulled away, but only enough so he could speak.
"I only want to be with you tonight. It may be the last few hours
we have together-- for a long time-- and I want to make sure
neither of us regrets a moment."
     She nodded, ever so slightly, and he smoothed her hair away
from her face. Then he drew her to him, and held her close,
trying to memorize every detail of her.
     The next hours were a blur of touching, kissing, being, on
both their parts-- and it wasn't until they finally curled around
each other on Buffy's bed that the Slayer fell fast asleep in
Angel's arms. He was left with only his thoughts to keep him
company, at that point, but by then the only thing he was aware
of was the weight of the woman he loved in his arms.

~

(More to come, comments and critiques appreciated.)

------------------------------

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