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buffyfic-digest        Thursday, April 16 1998        Volume 02 : Number 132



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: "Reunion" Interlude #4 by Ingrid
       BUFFYFIC: Fallen (3/3)

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Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 00:15:00 -0400
From: [e-mail] (Ingrid E Stanton)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Reunion" Interlude #4 by Ingrid

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Buffy, Giles, Cordelia,
Spike, Drusilla, Willow, Angel & co. are the property
of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions,
and The Warner Brothers Network, and are used without
permission. The author claims no rights to these characters.

SUMMARY: IÆve decided to help explain the past through
a series of interludes that will be interspersed throughout
the story as it goes on. This series is obviously meant as
a companion to the aforementioned "Reunion." These
flashbacks take place about 9 years before "Reunion,"
give or take a few months. Needless to say, if you havenÆt
read "Reunion," this wonÆt make much sense to you. If
you donÆt have parts 1-12 of it, you can write to me and
request them. My address is [e-mail]. Oh!
BTW, I love to get feedback, except when my mailbox
explodes, which is often, but send it anyway!


"Reunion" Interlude # 3:
"Comfort"
by Ingrid

His back slid down the side of the counter, the notches of
the cabinet handles poking his back. The floor was cold. He
slumped against the wall and curled up against the world.

Nice to know that he could do one final disservice to his
friend by showing up late on the night of her death. It was
just like him.

He was the taker, and she was the giver, and not once had she
complained.

Rain poured through the open window, soaking the muffins
on the counter top. He got up and closed it.

There was a knock at the door. He crossed the room and
opened it.

It took a few moments before he was able to identify her as
Cordelia. She was soaked, the mascara dripping at the corners
of her eyes, her hair limp and falling across her face. She was
shivering.

He stood there without moving.

"I just heard." She was practically convulsing now.

He let her inside and closed the door, taking one last look
into the blackness of the night and turned around.

"IÆm so sorry. God, I donÆt know what to say, Xander."

He kept walking towards the corner of the kitchen and
sat down again by the corner of the cabinet.

"I let it happen. I was late to our meeting,
and when I got there, she was alreadyà"

"Oh my God. You were there whenà"

"I couldnÆt have been there on time. I figured, ItÆs Will-
you know, sheÆll wait for me. I guess she couldnÆt wait
for me this time."

Cordelia approached his retreat nervously. "Xander."
She really didnÆt know what to say at all. So she settled
for something trite. "ItÆs not your fault. You know that."

"Maybe it isnÆt. Maybe I couldnÆt have stopped it anyway.
No, I couldnÆt have stopped it. But I could have at least
been there for her when he was draining her life away. I
could have screamed goodbye." The last words came out
choked and dry.

A sob, she realized. *Oh my God. Oh my God.*

He didnÆt say anything more, but the sobs grew louder.
She was standing in the middle of the kitchen shaking
and dripping wet, and she didnÆt know what to do.

So she crossed over to him, more afraid of rejection than
anything else.

His crying increased as she wrapped her numb arms
around him and began to cry with him. There was nothing
to say.

She couldnÆt bring herself to say that it would be
okay. It wouldnÆt.

She couldnÆt say she understood. She didnÆt.

She couldnÆt say that he suddenly mattered so much more
to her now, sitting here in his kitchen than anyone else.

But he did.

She couldnÆt tell him that she looked terrible, and it didnÆt
matter one bit.

But it didnÆt.

She couldnÆt tell him that her heart was beginning to ache in
a place she didnÆt know existed- a place that was reserved
just for him.

But she could feel the pain tearing at it.

So she cried, mourning the loss of Willow and the loss of
innocence.
***
End Interlude # 3

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------------------------------

Date: Thu, 16 Apr 1998 02:09:04 -0400
From: "Kirstin" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fallen (3/3)

title: Fallen (3/3)
author: Kirstin
e-mail: [e-mail]
rating: strictly G or PG here.  nothing anybody can't read.
disclaimer: these characters are joss's, the wb's, mutant enemy's, anyone
else who has a valid claim that i don't know about's property.  they aren't
mine.  neither is the stuff from Gone . . ., Anya's story, which this is a
sequel to.  the song is by the lovin' spoonful, so i guess they own that.
the ideas here, however, are mine. please don't steal them.
distribution: ask and ye shall receive.
feedback: pretty please with a cherry on top.  i'm not so sure how i feel
about this part . . .

**************************

"Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Pick up on one and leave the other behind,
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Did you ever have to finally decide?
Say yes to one and let the other one ride,
There's so many changes and tears you must hide.
Did you ever have to finally decide?"

    This song has been running through my mind for days.  Maybe it's some sort
of Slayer thing.  You know, there can be only one, and that one will
be forever plagued by cheesy, yet prophetic, song lyrics.  It's probably in
the Slayer handbook or something.  Or maybe it's another prophecy  Giles
forgot to tell me about, like the one that said I would die.  Either way,
it's happening.  Because I do have to make up my mind.  I have to choose
between something I could never have, and something I never used to think I
wanted.  So what can I do?
    Should I hold out for Angel?  Exactly how long do I have to wait for him?
I've been home for weeks, without so much as a word.  He couldn't drop a
dime to tell me that he isn't dead?  Scratch that, he's been dead as long
as I have known him.  At first it really bothered me.  The whole not
calling, not writing, not saying good-bye thing.  But as time goes on, it
bothers me less.  I guess some of the memories are fading.  All that I'm
left with is cryptic boy's leather jacket and a cross.  And while they say
a lot, they don't say everything.  I didn't even really know how he felt
about me when he was around.  How could I possibly know what he's thinking
when he is away?  There is so much he never told me; so much we could have
shared.  But we made the decision to cool off.  I guess it gave him the
wiggins too, the whole Vampire/Slayer thing.  Maybe nothing would have
happened even if he had stayed.  Maybe I really didn't love him.
    Sometimes I felt like I loved him.  He was so romantic.  He was the
perfect tall, dark, and handsome prince.  Sure, there was the thing where
he drinks blood, but I could have looked past that.  Or I at least would
have tried.  When it didn't work out, then he could run away.  But to leave
me when things were so fuzzy gray area?  Did he expect me to wait?  Did he
want me to wait?  I don't think I will.  I don't want to wait until my life
is over for some guy who may never be coming back.  I'm not going to spend
eternity pining over him, when I don't even know how he feels.  I want to
know right now exactly how it's going to be.  If he can't tell me, I'll
find someone who will.
    But is that person Xander?  Is he just my Xander-shaped friend, or could
he be my love?  How will I know either way?  Sometimes, I think there
might be something there, especially lately.  Since Willow and Angel split
town, we've spent a lot of time together.  And after I was finally able to
see through my haze of Angel-induced depression, I had fun.  He had fun
too.  Together, we were able to forget about all of the bad things that
have happened lately.  Together, we were able to get past the sadness.  And
sometimes, it felt like maybe he was more than just a friend.  Like maybe
someday I could really care about him, in that way.
    I know that's how he feels about me.  I could tell even before he asked
me to the Spring Fling.  I think that he might love me.  Or at least he
thinks he does.  I think he might have loved me for a while now.  But I'm
just not sure how I feel.  Part of it is Angel.  Xander doesn't really
measure up in some areas.  He's not as tall, or breath-taking, or
dangerously mysterious, or exhilarating.  But he is cute.  I love his
smile.  And he's funny.  He can always make me laugh.  And dangerous and
mysterious are overrated.  Sometimes, it's nice to have reliable.  And he's
brave, so brave.  He has saved more times than I like to think.  He brought
me back from the dead.  It's like we have a bond between us.  I like that I
know what he's thinking, and that he knows how I feel.  I like that we can
talk about anything.  Angel and I never talked.  Things
are different with Xander.  I like it.  I like him.  I think I'm going to
give it a shot.  I'm going to see what will happen. Maybe there is a deeper
bond between us.  Maybe I'll fall in love.


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------------------------------

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