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1995-06-12
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166 lines
* 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
* Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
* A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
* For peoples who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
* I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
* The beatings will continue until morale improves.
* There cannot be a crisis today: my schedule is already full.
* I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
* I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
* Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
* If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
* Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock.
* If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
* If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
* If I want your opinion, I'll ask to you to fill out the necessary forms.
* Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
* It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
* Budget: a method for going broke methodically.
* Car service: if it ain't broke, we'll break it.
* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark
* Do witches run spell checkers?
* Copywight 1995 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
* Dain bramaged.
* Department of Redundancy Department.
* What has four legs and an arm? Happy pit bull.
* Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
* COFFEE.COM Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key...
* Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
* Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
* Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression!
* The definition of an Upgrade: take old bugs out, put new ones in.
* BREAKFAST.COM halted... Cereal port not responding...
* The name is Baud...... James Baud.
* BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
* Access denied--hah hah hah hah hah!
* C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
* Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
* Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" ?
* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
* Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
* ....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
* A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
* CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N) ?
* A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
* 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
* Windows: just another pane in the glass.
* SENILE.COM found . . . Out of memory . . .
* Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
* Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
* Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
* All computers wait at the same speed.
* DEFINITION: Computer - a device designed to speed and automate errors.
* Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue......
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
* ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
* E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
* Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
* Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
* "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981.
* Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS.
* Press any key... no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
* Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
* REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q),
* Speed up my XT: run it on 220v! Works gre0?_|"
* Hit any user to continue.
* 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
* I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
* Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
* Disk full - press F1 to belch.
* Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
* (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
* (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
* If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
* Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
* Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.