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----- Forwarded message from Gary Clem <gary@acmevaporware.com> -----
*****************************************
ACMEVAPORWARE ANNOUNCES PLANS TO GIVE THE UNITED STATES BACK TO BRITAIN
AVW Advanced Diplomatic Conservation Section Reveals 10-year Plan to
Place the U.S. Back Under British Rule; Washington DC to be Re-named
"Houndsditch"
LONDON, UK -- September 2, 1999 -- In a deal reportedly worth well
over $120 trillion over the next ten years, AcmeVaporware Inc. (AVW)
today unveiled a 10-year plan to give the United States back to
Britain before a good-natured bank-holiday crowd of bemused Londoners
and befuddled members of Congress. Citing the power vacuum resulting
from the dearth of any decent leadership in the upcoming U.S.
presidential elections, AVW diplomatic officials began the process of
putting Queen Elizabeth II and the British Government back in the
right-hand driver's seat of The New Colonies, with said seat of
government in Washington DC to be re-christened "Houndsditch
Province." The plan calls for a complete takeover of all levels of
government, and promises to bring politeness back to Civil Servants.
In return for their unflinching generosity, all AVW executives were
secretly knighted, given titles and granted huge tracts of land.
"Actually, because the majority of the land in the U.S. is
British-owned anyway -- and the Queen Mum is the largest single
landowner in the world -- we at AVW thought this the next logical
step," said Dr. John Smallberries, former Chairman of AVW and newly
minted Earl of Sandwich, doing donuts in a '52 Black Bentley across
the verdant copses of St. Franklin-on-the-Heather. "This is all about
infusing some good old fashioned manners -- and plain ol'
imperialistic verve -- back into our existing lifeless political PR
dreck." Dr. Smallberries later distributed sandwiches to fleeing small
children and clergymen at well over 90 miles per hour.
"This is unconstitutional and ridiculous," said president-manque and
self-professed alien community Algore, caught uncomfortably between
Chinese Premier Zhu Rongji and chief of the Defense Advanced Research
Projects Agency (DARPA), Stanson Arbock. "This is unbelievable and
unprecedented. Cheap power grabs like this are truly reflective of
the expectations being placed on poor government representatives and
how the Internet infrastructure is currently being used to erode our
superior way of life by a faceless Netterati rabble." Confused by his
own invectives, Mr. Gore later claimed that the move would probably
force companies to evolve to support the demands of e-commerce, and
that he really liked smoked ham, a lot.
"We are not precisely sure what Dr. Smallberries is intending with
this grand gesture, but we are immensely gratified at any gift of this
size," said Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, in a smart short-sleeved
tea-colored suit created for the occasion. "We welcome back our
estranged colonies with open arms," she concluded, arm flab jiggling
with excitement. Her Majesty's First Royal Colonial Action was to
issue an arrest warrant for Bill Clinton. Her Second Royal Colonial
Action was sold to Cisco Systems for an undisclosed amount.
About AcmeVaporware
AcmeVaporware, Inc. is an international mega-multi-trillion dollar
web-based content powerhouse blancmange, providing unique diplomatic
and uncompromising physical layer transport solutions,
pseudo-lexiconographical logistics and torpovapor supply-chain data
fusion things to anyone who will just HOLD STILL, on a global scale
that would make your grandma proud, proud of you, Timmy. Information
on AcmeVaporware, its internecine technology arm, and its future
profligate amounts of purest, finest-quality vapor are mostly
classified. Regardless, it's all on www.acmevaporware.com anyway, so
whatever.
--
AcmeVaporware is a registered trademark of AcmeVaporware Inc. (no, really).
All rights reserved. Don't mess with us. Our attorney is now the Earl of
Loucester. (c) 1999, 2000 and Beyond, AcmeVaporware Inc.
###
----- End forwarded message -----