linuxmafia.com 2016/linuxmafia.com.tar/linuxmafia.com/pub/humour/internal-modems

Internet Message Format | 2002-09-29 | 6KB

Date: Thu, 1 Apr 1999 19:23:39 -0800
From: Seth David Schoen <[e-mail]>
To: [e-mail]
Subject: [crackmonkey] Linux activist installs internal modem

Chris J. DiBona writes:

> HAr de har har. You'll use DG/UX when Rick uses an internal modem.

Linux activist installs internal modem:
Rick Moen says the time has come for change

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Noted Linux activist Rick Arthur Moen has installed an
internal modem.

"For many years, I insisted that internal modems were worse than worthless,"
say Moen, the widely-respected founder of the Bay Area Linux Events page.
"But I've come to realize that the $4 computer users can save by purchasing
such hardware is a significant savings, enough to offset all of the
disadvantages and make me recommend internal modems."

Moen, who previously maintained a web page criticizing internal modems on
various grounds, said he had altered his web page to remove his criticisms,
and announced that "the time has finally come" for Linux users to adopt
the controversial technology.  External modems, Moen now argues, "are bulky,
draw too much power, are aesthetically unappealing, and keep you awake at
night with their incessantly flashing lights."

Modem manufacturers congratulated Moen on the realization.  "We've long been
emphasizing to our customers that there was no difference between our
internal and external offerings," said Chip Sett, spokesman for the Modem
Vendors' Institute.  "America's modem vendors are committed to producing
modems of consistent, equal quality for all our customers, whether they choose
to use our internal or external models.  Those agents of division who try to
sow discord by setting one type of modem against each other are now being
defeated; public opinion is turning against them and in favor of a broad
recognition of the fundamental equality of all our modems."

Coffee manufacturers, however, expressed indignation that their supply of raw
materials might soon be depleted.  Protests by crowds of resellers of coffee
products were expected for San Francisco's Harrison Street.

"We've come to rely on discarded internal modems as a major component of our
supply of surprisingly strong espresso," commented Kay Fiend, spokeswoman
for the National Association of Bay Area Surprisingly Strong Espresso Dealers.
"On the advice of activists like Moen, computer users have routinely ground
up their useless internal modems and sold them at wholesale to the coffee
industry.  This is a major setback for us; despite Mr. Moen's unfortunate
change of heart, we remain convinced that internal modems are much better
used as beverages than as telecommunications devices."

Moen, however, argues that the Surprisingly Strong Espresso Dealers are
concerned only with their bottom line: "These people have a clear economic
interest in retaining their access to a plentiful supply of cheap ground
modems.  People ought to take their opinion with a grain of silicon."

Most members of the Linux community applauded Moen's decision to endorse
internal modems.  "This is a great step forward for our community," said
Theodore T'so, original author of many of the Linux serial drivers.  "I
hope Mr. Moen will now take the next step and set aside his personal vendetta
against so-called 'Winmodems'."  (Winmodems are modem devices which require
software control to function; some Linux advocates, including Moen, have
criticized their reliance on proprietary Windows-only software drivers in
order to function, a criticism T'so called "groundless".)

Not everyone was impressed by Moen's change of heart, however.  Some Bay Area
Linux users continued to insist that internal modems were inferior, due to
factors such as their lack of Light-Emitting Diodes (LEDs), commonly used as
a status or diagnostic tool.  And Dr. Seymour Conn, chief technical advisor
for the Electronics Industry Association, said that the ability to tell what
a modem was doing simply by looking at it was "a major advantage of more
sophisticated peripherals, which the public will not relinquish easily."

Ian Kluft, vice president of the Silicon Valley Linux Users Group, insisted
that Moen was on the right track: "Most of today's external modems are much
too complicated.  Our new Linux users are not rocket scientists.  They
can't be expected to search through complex technical manuals in order to
learn to read indicators on their modems.  Internal modems simplify life by
keeping that complexity and confusing display out of the user's view."

Late Thursday, Moen was putting his new advocacy to the test by replacing
all of his external modems with new internal models.  "I thought that, if
I'm going to tell other people they should be eliminating pricey and
distracting external modems from their lives, I ought to set a good example
by cutting them out of mine," Moen said, as he struggled to open a tiny
mini-tower case to install the circuit board, a top-of-the-line internal
Boca Modem.

At press time, Moen was unavailable for further comment on the results of his
undertaking.  A CABAL spokesman said that Moen was still in the process of
attempting to configure PPP, a widely used Internet protocol, and would be
finished "any minute now."

--
              Seth David Schoen / [e-mail]
He said, "This is what the king who will reign over you will do."  And they
said, "Nay, but we will have a king over us, that we also may be like all the
nations." (1 Sam 8)  http://ishmael.geecs.org/~sigma/   http://www.loyalty.org/
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