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1994-06-02
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From The Mage's Workshop
Copyright (c) 1994, Joe DeRouen
All rights reserved
[The following article originally appeared in Texas Talk BBS's weekly
newsletter. The entire contents of the article are copyright (c) 1994,
Joe DeRouen, all rights reserved.
You can reach Texas Talk, a Dallas Texas based multi-line chat system,
by calling (214) 497-9100]
From the Mage's Workshop
by Mage
Last week, I talked about different varieties of the famed (and feared!)
BBS weasel. There was barely enough space to cover the male of the
species let alone touch on the female counterpart. That's what I'm
going to talk about today.
The female BBS weasel, by no means as far spread and numerous as the
male of the species, if nevertheless just as deadly. More so, in some
cases. After all, the female BBS weasel has what the male BBS user
(both weasel and not) wants: sex.
The female weasel comes in several varieties but all use this fact
decidedly to their advantage. The most common of this altogether more
rare species is the PT. (What is a PT? It's a spoonerism for "Trick
Pease". If you don't know what a spoonerism is, ask someone who's
smarter than you.) The PT weasel enjoys drawing in BBS males (and, oft
times, females - but we won't get into that!) to her web of deceit using
her charms and allurements, then tossing them aside like yesterdays
garbage before the relationship can be consumated.
How does she do this, you might ask? Weasel bait. She lays her traps
with the skill of a seasoned veteran, using flirtatious comments,
"dropped slashes", and innuendoes to draw the unsuspecting (but
occasionally deserving) BBS male to her, then releases special BBS
phermones (through the strange ritual of "hot chatting") to entice the
male into believing that he's in lust/love with her.
Much like the black widow of the spider world, the PT then casually and
skillfully cuts out the male's heart. She then swallows it in one large
gulp, and walks away satisfied and full without once ever having to
resort to the culmination of her teases and innuendoes. Of course, this
fullness doesn't last long. PT's view men much as they do Lays(tm)
potato chips; the first is very satisfying, but they can't have just
one. Before long, the remains of her last conquest barely in the
ground, she'll be off again looking for a new pease to trick.
Why does the female BBS weasel do these nefarious things? Much like her
male counterpart, the female needs to feel desired. She needs to gain
power through manipulation. In other words, she needs to be needed,
wants to be wanted, but isn't willing to give the same affection and
attention in return.
How do you deal with *this* type of BBS weasel? If you remember last
week, the best way to deal with the male of the species was through
public embarrassment and humiliation. It isn't so easy with the female
BBS weasel. Males, be they weasels or not, will instinctively jump to
the defense of female BBSers despite the fact that they may be weasels.
Although the jury is still out as to the reason why, the general
consensus seems to be that the males have this almost lemming-like need
to be the next victim in line. Thus, they seek to flap their wings in
the general direction of the female and the most effective way is to
defend her against other "challengers" for her affections.
In other words, if you DO choose to use public humiliation and
embarrassment to rid yourself of the female weasel (or PT) be
completely prepared for unwarranted attacks from your own kind. It
ain't pretty, but that's life in the BBS animal kingdom.
What, then, *can* you do? Hide. Run. Get the hell out of there, as
fast as you can. Once you realize that the female in question is of the
weasel race, turn the other way and run fast and furiously into the
hills. Truly, avoidance is the only surefire way.
If that doesn't seem to do the trick - if you can't seem to avoid the PT
weasel - there *is* another way. It's risky, but the results are even
more satisfying than the avoidance technique. The solution is simple:
Find another PT weasel and tell her what the first one's doing. This
goes against everythings a man holds dear and true to his heart, but,
yes, you need to let this woman fight your battle for you. If it's come
to this, believe me, there's no other way.
Weasels are very territorial, especially the PT variety. Odds are,
she'll go after the "offending" weasel fangs bared and claws out. With
any luck, they'll weasel each other to death.
Next week: Dealing with the Weasel Addiction.