Someone please stop Rosie O'Donnell before she raps again.

It's bad enough that America has had to listen to the talk show host's insufferable moaning about Tom Cruise, and even worse, that some of us have seen her films. But O'Donnell's latest K-Mart commercial, in which she does an uninspired rap about children's clothing, makes even Exit to Eden seem like a masterpiece.

Rosie makes Pat Buchanan look like Malcolm X, and seeing her rap is like watching Busta Rhymes star in a Woody Allen movie. Middle-aged white talk-show hosts who count Laverne and Elmo as close friends have a surprising lack of hip-hop credibility. Rosie may very well favor the children's clothes sold by the discount retailer, but only Al Gore, Walter Cronkite and maybe that old woman from Titanic would look less sincere doing this commercial.

Seeing Rosie strike pseudo gangster poses while she raps about cheap pants makes her seem someone's grandmother who has gotten her eyebrow pierced and started hanging out where "Leo" does to relate to the kids. Like a 50-year-old accountant who asks you for "the 411" or a midwestern housewife who greets you with a hearty "What the dilly-o?", Rosie looks as uncomfortable selling this stuff as we feel watching her.

Even if O'Donnell were Run DMC, Puff Daddy, DMX and Mase all rolled into one, it seems unlikely that her ad would succeed in making K-Mart seem hip. Despite its new identity as the "Big K," K-Mart remains the place parents go to buy inexpensive back-to-school clothes.

Give the store a nose ring, tattoos and a motorcycle and nothing changes what it is. There's nothing inherently wrong with that (the store offers some fine values) but putting Barry Manilow in a white leather jumpsuit does not make him Elvis.

Only the latest celebrity to borrow hip-hop for commercial reasons, Rosie's ad puts her on a list with Colonel Sanders and the Pillsbury Doughboy. While I forgive the Doughboy (I have a hard time staying mad at a pitchman who's both adorable and delicious), Sanders' schtick borders on racism.

Of course, the Colonel, a Confederate-era plantation owner who hawks "finger-lickin' good" fried chicken to the masses, has always been a pretty racist image. His new ads, which feature an animated Sanders rapping and dancing like a puppet on strings, do everything short of putting the man in black face.

Unlike Sanders and the Doughboy, however, Rosie is a real person. An actual human who hosts a television program watched by millions has considerably more influence than a cartoon and a puppet made of uncooked dough. So O'Donnell's ads, while less blatantly racist, are more offensive.

Rosie should leave rapping to the rappers. She wouldn't want to see Nas,Ice-T, Ice Cube, or Dr. Dre warbling out show tunes any more than they would want to see her maiming their art form.