Last week, when America's attention centered on weighty issues such as Diana Ross's airport frisking and Monica Lewinsky's handbag enterprise, the President quietly killed a $792-billion tax cut. The bill vetoed by the Commander in Chief included reductions for every tax bracket, lower capital gains taxes and a phase-out of estate taxes.

Instead of being dispersed to various Americans who would have pumped it back into the economy (likely through the purchase of Pok┌mon cards and frozen coffee drinks), the money remains a political hostage. Clinton believes that $792 billion overestimates the surplus that would fund the tax reduction, while the Republicans consider that number conservative.

The executive and legislative branches also have different ideas on how to spend the money. As usual, these things fall on party lines, with the Democrats wanting to put every welfare recipient in a limousine and the Republicans preferring tax rebates on top hats and monocles. Either way, your share of the booty-whether it be enough for a Porsche, a PlayStation or a Pepsi-has moved no closer to your pocket.

Clinton vetoed the Republican bill in favor of his own smaller plan to spend $250 billion dollars on government subsidies. Instead of directly giving everyone the money, the President would have it spent on hammocks for the homeless, desserts for the downtrodden and perhaps underwear for the underprivileged. Of course, the executive branch has no budget-making power, so his proposal has no chance of reaching Congress.

While the Commander in Chief offers no feasible solutions and our billions of dollars lie stuffed under the National Mattress at the Smithsonian Bed and Breakfast, our legislative branch has abandoned us as well. The Republican majority in the House and Senate plan no further action involving tax cuts during this session.

Apparently, doing nothing and leaving this issue on the table make the Democrats look bad, which might help George W. Bush become president. Never mind that Al Gore has provided all the help W. needs; the Republicans intend to err on the side of caution.

One party hates the other. The President hates Congress. And Pat Buchanan hates all of the above, plus a few ethnic groups for good measure. This makes for wonderful fodder for those Sunday talk shows, but besides TV enjoyment, what do the American people get?

Put simply: We all get screwed.

Neither side in this battle cares a whit about the public. The American electorate merely foot the bill for the giant frat party that calls itself the Federal government.

No matter what side you fall on politically, no citizen considers leaving billions lying around the right solution. Argue the merits of one plan over another. Do something we disagree with. Spend all the money on gumballs for impoverished patients who chew gum-just make a decision.

Individuals never leave billions of dollars unspent. Hand the guy next to you even half a billion dollars, and whether he buys the Oakland As, a convoy of BMWs or the world's highest-class call girl, he finds a way to spend the money. Only American politicians-people more intent on remaining in office than doing anything while there-ignore billions of dollars in favor of petty catfights.