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1995-03-02
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■■■ Introduction-1
130
business as usual
cthulu
MiSTiGRiS NEWS DAMMIT!!!!:
Well, here's to another month of.. er.. cyberlife.
In any event... new members:
Well, there's that little thing called FiRE, but I'll let Hal talk about it,
simply 'cause, well, he knows all their names and I don't yet 8).
Mavrik, the swell guy, came back to us. Isn't that sweet? We knew he couldn't
stay away from us for long... reading all the kitschnet areas every morning
as the kitschnet whqz... and trying not to look in the member only bases...
the agony! (and now, as it turns out, the ecstasy.)
Helter, our spiffy kitschnet app gen writer person who asks for lots of art
constantly 8), in the span of 48 hours, managed to sign up 3 acid members
into mist to release their shiny happy fonts and small fun stuff with us.
You all remember Spirit of Illusion's ... er... thing 8) last month. Well,
the next day, he polled again with the news that Asian Knight and Morbius
had joined too. Helterrific! He even has the chat logs to prove it! Will
this result in bigger and better art? A new look for Mistigris? A paternity
suit? Or simply more of helter's ascii? Only time will tell...
Zoltar? Well, he's not out, and he's not in. He left initially 'cause his
school marks were dropping, and needed more attention than his fonts, which
were k-g0lly-sw3ll, but I got hounded by nitty for saying that he wasn't in,
when he wasn't, but was. Well, okay. He IS still a mist member, we love him
and all of that, you just won't be seeing much of him until his marks perk
up. Happy?
A real old puppy from the 604 art scene, Prince of Darkness, aka Amadeus,
has joined our illustrious ansi department as a fontist possibly the equal
of our departing Zoltar. Woo.
ts (no it doesn't stand for anything) of Teklordz also joins us. Ahoy, Capn'
ts!
He was the lit chairman of WBT... but we forgive him 8). Sauron, from NO
GROUP OF REAL IMPORTANCE 8) has joined us as a good rhyming lit writer.
Woo. Lit is good, I say.
Summoner has joined up with our VGA staff, to contribute some of his
battlemech-ish 3DS images. Neat-0.
Departing members:
Terminally Nothing, one of our splendiferous couriering group which did such
a nifty thrifty job last month, bought a truck. A real nice one. One that he,
apparently, couldn't really afford. 'Cause now he has no money to call long
distance, and he really isn't of much use to us like that 8). SO we just kinda
tossed him away like a withered old husk and walked away to find someone
better.. AHEM. Hey, don't look at me like that. As soon as he can perform his
duties again, he'll be back in our happy little family.
Also Mage left for Integrity. Was last heard mumbling something about
"damned tabbers..."
Well, he left Acid, he left Relic, so, well, there's not much of a chance
that he'd stay with us. Eerie has left everything to found a new group called
Spastic. More to come?
Illusionary Enigma has, after a measly.. er.. 4 months of inactivity? 8) left
us to pursue his musical interests in a new group called Defiance. Best of
luck to him, and you might be hearing more about these guys soon.
Zoltar UPDATE: Well, he IS out after all. Went to Spastic. Woo.
Tzeentch, due to undue amounts of spiritual growth and awakenings, and a
proportional loss in VGA drawing time, has departed to become a better
person. And works that he does produce in his quest of self-fufilment will
be featured in upcoming mist packs however.
Admiral Skuttlebutt moved somewhere without modems. However, his work lives
on. This month we feature one of his mods, a new one for the application
gen as well, AND, at some point in the future, we're making a rather...
special project involving his final masterpiece. More to come.
fUp and dj james joyce, have been dropped from our list. Not for inactivity,
nor for quality, as most of their works were excellent, but, because, well,
no one but me liked their stuff 8). It's such a comfort knowing that the
rest of the world has bad taste, isn't it though?
So that's 7 gained and 9 lost so far this month. Oh, and the former fire
members. We love them soooo much for merging with us. We just wanna give them
a big squishy hug. However, the distances involved make that both impractical
and just plain silly, so we'll just all bow our heads in thanks and then
stuff the ceremonial fish down their pants. (What? They didn't know about the
new member requirements? 8)
Oh, and wintermute quit. Why? ... well, this is what he said on kitschnet:
From : Wintermute
To : All
Title: me
Heres my status in Mist.... I am no more... The end... I am dropping mist...
for that matter the whole art shtuff... Its gotten overly lame... Just like
warez has... Ppl chagin for shit aint right.... trading and bartering is
coo... but charging aint for me... I guess im a true hacker down to the
bone... free flowin info... sorry cthulu and hal that i am doing this kinda
unannounced... But this shit has to go... Charging for ansis, group rivalry,
dual grouping, stupid grouping like pmt, and the lil fuqin awps warz on irc
and inet suck... Fuck all this shit... Immaturity has reached an all new high
point in the ansi field... Just like warez... warez were cool... then ppl
started charging.... whats the fuqin point of chargin to get pirated shit...
might as well buy the shit... Ansi.... why the fuck would anyone pay for
ansis??? I still find myself wanting to go back to da 80s when copyright meant
shit... This shit on inet has to go too.... thats whut really pissed me
off... Dr Death banned all of relic and tap and gawd knows who else from
#ansi... end then wont leave those of us alone who have gone off to new
frontiers.... that shit was not cool... the worst part for me is that I went
down to his level... At any rate... I would like to say fuck the art scene...
I miss the old days... mist has to find a new head coder... 33ri3 is
completely right... more than he knws it... and nivenh is right to... jst like
me he quit.... so.... bye ppl....
wm [1986-1995] R.I.P
I aint a kid any more, Cuz back in the day.....
Well... that's not good news. But hopefully the rest of fire will get along
with us enough to stay together, and not decide that the scene is evil and
irredeemable.
Oh yeah, and pale went to spastic studios too.
THE END.
■■■ Introduction-2
30
fire/mist merger
halaster
The Fire integration and transition into Mistigris has not been
an easy one. Due to the temporary instability of KitschNET, the us members
had virtually no communication with the canadian team. Several disputes
over senior staff positions and other minor details of operation also caused
some problems, but it was nothing that cthulu and myself couldn't work out.
To the ansi department (which I head), Mist welcomes Killa Hertz as
a full member (he was in "Fire Trial.") :) I think you'll all see that he
has a great deal of potential and will be a valuable addition to the group.
This month also marks one of loss. Mist bids farewell to Eerie and
Pale. Both have moved over to Spastic and I wish them the best of luck, as
do we all. Veks (formerly of Void) joined for one week and produced one logo
before hopping on over to Ice. :) Finally, Wintermute, our former coding
head, left to develop his own group: Spectre Coding. I would like to
apologize to all of the Mist coders for WM's actions. He had expressed a
great deal of interest in Mist and had served Fire well in the past. His
departure took me completely unawares.
On to more complications. Prisoner#1 moved to Cali earlier this
month, shortly after the last Fire pack. He has just arrived, but did not
have any time to produce ansi. :) The Lite also damaged his keyboard and
was not able to complete his usual stunning assortement of RIP artwork.
Fear not, both will be back in action shortly.
In any event, the work from the US departement of Mistigris is rather
skimpy.. but I believe that you will enjoy it. :)
Halaster[Mistigris US/Ansi Coordinator]
BTW, Any ansi applicants should call my board, The Regency, and leave
me mail. It's my job. :) Oh yeah.. the number's 404-668-0412. No NUP.
■■■ Introduction-3
19
greets!
cthulu
Cthulu's Greets file:
All you IRC junkies: w00p
Sydex, Hiro Protagonist, Crisis, kxmode... i love you all.
neurotic... see you in #disco!
Group greets: Int, Spastic, Defiance, HFR <--- see? you finally got a greet
Icon, Reality, Revolt, Jihad, Ug, Psychosis
Cat: Well, here's your first (and probably last) lit. Woo!
Eerie: sheesh.. the way some people beg for spaztic sites
Niv: Seen the mist pack yet? 8)
ts: Ahoy, matey...
Fire: Hope we work well together...
The Jerky Boys: My bum foams
DF: To the downfall of ASiD!
Qur'An: Get ready for some pics of me for gravity...
Nitty: They played Queen!
■■■ Articles-I-2
133
are you a love monkey?
cthulu
ARE YOU A LOVE MONKEY?
Test your machismo/machima on the patented StUd-O-MeTeR!
1. Do members of the opposite sex come rushing at your every call and beckon?
a) No, they're too busy shining my shoes.
b) Yes, but only when I open a pack of Doritos...
c) No, actually they go running in the other direction in a blind fit of panic
and terror.
2. Do you find yourself being mobbed by crowds of screaming teenagers at the
mall?
a) I get even bigger crowds than Luke Perry!
b) I get even bigger crowds than the Power Rangers!
c) I get even bigger crowds than Barney!
3. How many Oreos can you stuff in your mouth at a time?
a) Only two, with dignity.
b) I fail to see the relevance of this question, but, while you're asking,
seven.
c) pi cubed (heh heh snort)
3. Which are better lovers; fish or lobsters?
a) Fish, definitely. Those flsh lips, ooh...
b) Lobsters. Though you have to rubber band those claws shut first. Owch.
c) Penguins. I don't care if they're on the list or not, they're the ultimate
mates. (from experience)
4. What do you smell most like?
a) Sensuous oils, raw power, wild horses, and oregano.
b) Rubber duckies, chrysanthemums in the spring, and the Colonel's special
sauce.
c) You know that stuff at the bottom of your locker? Worse.
5. What are you?
a) I am a stud-muffin, love monkey, or any variation thereof.
b) I am a composite of traits inherited from both my mother and my father.
c) I am no stud at all. I am, in fact, the Anti-stud. Nostradamus was right.
6. What is your favorite colour?
a) The passionate red of lust.
b) The calm blue of logic.
c) The embarrasing yellow of the small puddle at your feet.
7. If you could be any character at the circus, who would you be?
a) The trapeze people
b) The guy who gets shot out of the cannon
c) The bearded lady
8. Complete this phrase: A bird in the hand..
a) erhm... is worth two in the bush?
b) can be a terrible mess.
c) is a nice light snack.
9. What source of lighting is most romantic?
a) candles
b) flashlights
c) lava lamps
10. What kind of car attracts the most babes?
a) Kit, from Knight Rider
b) Herbie, the Love Bug
c) Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang
11. Your romantic success can be measured in...
a) how often you need to replace your bedsprings...
b) how often you go out for dinner...
c) how often you take a bath...
12. Ripped pants are...
a) A great chance to show off some skin!
b) Rather draughty...
c) An indication that you need to pay more attention when you use scissors.
13. What do you think of when you hear the word "lubricant"?
a) well now... (blush)
b) Automobiles. In what other context could such a great word be used?
c) Er.. my annual visit to the proctologist.
14. Parents are:
a) LAME...
b) Nifty. Groovy. Neat-o.
c) Real hep cats.
15. If I grew a second head from my neck I would:
a) use the opportunity to go double-dating.
b) enter a pie-eating contest.
c) try to pop it.
16. Unsightly body hair is:
a) unsightly
b) erhm... soft and fluffy?
c) uncommon on penguins.
17. What do you think of when you hear the word "penguin"?
a) Flightless waterfowl.
b) How much I love math class.
c) Sex. Constant, unrelenting sex.
18. What would you do if you found that your lover was a penguin?
a) Go ahead and jump in the sack with 'em. Hey, that's cool...
b) Try to get an exchange at the zoo.
c) Buy a tuxedo and pretend you're twins.
19. If I could take back any response in this survey, I would re-answer:
a) number 3, and answer penguins this time.
b) number 16, and take the penguin answer this time.
c) ALL OF THEM! And answer penguins to EVERY SINGLE QUESTION! p-penguins...
PENGUINS I SAY! (twitch twitch)
20. This survey was:
a) StUdLy
b) semi-StUdLy
c) good, though it needed more penguins.
HOW TO MARK IT:
Give yourself a hefty 10 points for every a) answer... 5 points for every
b)... and a nice pat on the back for every c).
SCORE:
0 Straighten up, tighten those buns, and for god's sakes lose
the pocket protector!
5-50 I am StUdLiEr than Baby Bop.
55-100 I am StUdLiEr than Barney.
105-150 I am StUdLiEr than the Power Rangers.
155-195 I am StUdLiEr than Luke Perry.
200 I am Stud-os, the Greek god of StUdLiNeSs. Bow down and
worship me.
250 This is reserved for those who wrote this survey only.
Nothing can beat that for studliness.
300 Except this level, which is reserved for penguins.
■■■ Articles-I-3
432
ascii wars! part ii!
cthulu
Well, Young's back.
And, he's gone for smaller-scale, not as agressive doodles here.
Eerie and Mavrik have also contributed, on a smaller scale.
In no particular order, the new set of Ascii wars!
P> >my cousin and my mother were once walking near somebody's terrain when he
P> >rushed out of the door with his gun and started shooting at them.. my cousi
P> >got hit in the face but my mother didn't get shot.. people are crazy.
P>
P> thats how it is down here, if they are awake, or listening, if they dont har
P> you, you live.. =)
well mofo i'll remember to weahr my bp shit vest
next time i come by yer beetchy hood...
one triggah happy niggah
the gun goes klick the gun goes bang
pop pop another motherfucker drop drop
listen to my shit cause i got da phunk
yo! <||> \/
\ (oO) /(_>
_-- / /
/ dre /
| /
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
---
C>
C> plush, get dressed. [traduction d'une expression quebecoise]
woa.. on en apprends des maudites belles.. toi et.. plush? aah
|| woop
(oO) /
_--'_
/ gay \
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
---
Y> UNELITE PUNCH RIPPER
Y> fuq u
C>
C> i wrote this BEFoRE ya.
_
[||] \ \
(oO) / \\
~U-/ / '
kill/ oO|
| (o )
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
---
C> you want to carry kitschnet offa ST?
C> we could use somemore ascii around here...
<||>
(oO)
_--_
/ 33 \
\|__|/
| |
| |
|__|
(_||_)
!ghetto-wear!
From : Young
---
V> j't'écoeurer en criss que tu me chies dessus.
\||/
(oO)
--
\ \
\ \
---
( )
/ /|
/ / |
:
.
====
|oO|
( o )
|~~~|
V>
V> je t'emmerde criss de cave.
\||/ |
(oO) /'',
_~U / /
/ fuq /
| |
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
V> =) hehe. kewl deeyo. +)
<||> [::] /||\
(oO) (-O) (o0)
_--_ _--' _--_
/ yo \ / vz \ / 33 \
\____/ \____/ \____/
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
|__| |__| |__|
(_||_) (_||_) (_||_)
~intheghettosysopmofos~
(broughtoyabyghettowearTM)
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
---
Y> that's the cheap one. understand the whole message and THEN be furious.
M>
M> Parle en anglais then I'll understand the whole message :)
/||\
(oO)
_--_
/frug\
\|____|/
| |
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
---
Yo> Q> they? hmm.. i'd reckon they'd be around.. 5?
Q> Yo>
Yo> hehe.. or come over here this weekend. there's a lot of
Yo> attractions here (not)
Q>
Q> oh sure.. hang on.. i'm hopping into my lime green pinto.. i'll be there in.
Q> about 5 years.. :>
WOW!
i'd love to ride a couple of days to nowhere with muh bro niggaz in ze
green ford pinto with dah fucky dogg pound thing booming in mah gettho
blastah!!
__
<::>
(oO)
--
iN DAH HOOD MOFOS
__ __
yo! <::> \/ \/ |::| kewl
\ (oO) /(_> <_)\ (00) /
_-- / / \ \ --_
/ dre / \ dogg\
| / kick \ |
young questor
/|
_____/__|__/|____/\
/) ghettomobile \
=======================
(___) (____)
pINTO pOWER
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
(i LOVE ascii drewing)
---
V> HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! =) ahhaha.. really funny.
hehe
V> you're so dumB!
i know. i gotz dah phunk
<||>
(oO)
_--_.
/ /\ \
< (---\__\______
< \_>≡_____|(__≡
\___/ | ~~~
| || |
| || |
|_||_|
_(__||__)_
dEEy0 pREPARING tO pLAY tHE nEW aTROX sONG
deeyo.mulifeizawreck
V> hehe, i tought it was a gun! =) humm.. maybe it's a guitar, but when playe
V> by you, it sound like a gun! =) haha.
<||>
(oO) \||/
_--____.---------------------. [oO]
/ ____>|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ( o )
| | ~~
b00m
V> hehehe... imagination isn't your problem he?
.---.
<||> ( sex )
(oO) .o'`---'
_--_
/ yo \
deeyo thinks everyday about nice things
yo.spastique
---
From: Eerie
To: Young
C> charming...
Y>
Y> 13 year old stupid school kiddies who listen to slayer start buying cpus.
eh? no ascii?
SLAYER R00LZ MAN!
/
/\/\ ______
|(oO)| | |
/|\/|\ | |
|-v|_= __|____|_
||\_/ ===_|_______|__
||____ /| |
####/ / | |
_|\__| |__________|
THIS IS REALLY SICK MAN
(this means war)
<||>
(oO)
_--_
/ _=|\_______ \\/
\<___|ooooooo) |oO
| | vrr (_o_)
| | >==|33!|==<
cHAINSAW pOWER
yo.spastique
.
| ____________
|/ /Oo\/ | <-- eerie
____/______\//___|
/ / \/|=__|
ouch ( ( /\ __| * * * *
<||>\ splotch\ __ )/_ \
#(oO)_########_\|_| (_)
/|\
|
d-yo's special sauce
---
From : Mavrik
To : Nitnatsnoc
Ct> Anyone here you think should be b000ted for inactivity?
N> Illusionary Enigma hasn't released any work for us.
._._
__ .\\. |(.).)
/\/\ \ / \ | ,__)
( oO ) \ \-. /
| -- | .-------\ iE! `\
__)__(__ / | |____ \ /\ \
/ \ / | \ `) \/ \/'\
/ |MisT| \ __ \_) / / \\'
< /| |> /( \ / / /
\/\|____|_/__| | / |\ /
\'| | | | |
| _____|___| \_)
| | /
| | /
|____|__
|_______)
---
From : Questor
To : Young
Yo> __
Yo> |::| \/
Yo> (00) /(_>
Yo> _--_/ /
Yo> /nkotb/
Yo> \|___/
Yo> | |
this is going a *BIT* too far.. hmm.. guess i'll hafta do an ascii.. lesse
now..
__
(__)
/ \
( Oo )
|\__/|
\__/
||
/||\
||
/\
there.. ascii.. shitty but it gets the job done.. thats a pencil necked young..
:>
---
From: Tzeentch
To: Fup
F> yay I'm no longer a teen ager boo-hoo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FUP!
woowoo!
i do believe, that this calls for an... <drum roll>... ASCii!
)
O )
(
o )o( ______
( ( )
\o *** ( SEX? )
) (oO)* (______)
/ |^/** O
:==- )* o
. \_|*
__ _\|*
__ l( / \
ll O // \ \
OO //. ._\ \ ___
... //| ( \ \ )
\ -\_____//_|___\ / ( /
\_/===oOo======/=oOo/<
~ |( ~ \
| \_---_____) fUP playing the guitar stark naked...
| | |
| | |
happy birthday! =)
(note: if you can look at it in 80,50 mode as it's drawn that way)
---
From: Mavrik
To: D'artagnan
D> Bah, any chance that they will be a 604 mist meet anytime soon... not to
D> discuss mist, per se just to see who's who... or a 604 art group meet,
D> int/mist/etc...?
__.__
/ D \
|___.---._|
|_\_.---._\
(_' o\ /o|)
| .|. |
| \_--_/
_|_ _|_
`-'
there ya go.. thats who I am :)
---
From : Tzeentch
i'm looking... and i see darkness... the kind that insites fear...
the kind that makes me want to run and hide... the kind that makes me believe
in monsters.
\__/
<oO> seemingly harmless you know? kinda cute in a weird
(||||) sort of way... smiling, ready for one of those really
oO \ / great hugs... you know those ones your favourite uncle
\\_||_ used to smother you with? the ones you always shy'd
\ DE.\ away from but secretly really enjoyed?
|AD||
such a calm, lovely scene.. but then, the darkness comes to lie on top of
me... like a black cloud that i can escape from... so, what can i do about it?
believe...
beliEVe... \|/
─(O)─
BELiEVE in the sun... /|\
doesn't look very pleasant
huh?
well, it is... gotta believe in those things that aren't so appealing...
gotta listen... gotta...
or else?
---
___________
/ \
/ \ deeyo
/_______________\ //
| ___ | //
/~~~\ | |_|_| |~~~~| | \||/ |\//
( . )| |_|_| | wt | | (oO) |__\
\ : / | | o| | --
\|/ | | | | =||=
___|___|_______|____|___|____||_
dEEYOwANTStOOeNTER!! yEEPEE!!
■■■ Articles-I-4
17
email addresses of the rich and famous
cthulu
EMAIL ADDRESSES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS:
cthulu@outb.wimsey.bc.ca Cthulu
dartgnan@haven.uniserve.com D'artagnan
kmitchel@freenet.vancouver.bc.ca " " "
mavrik@shoreline.ca Mavrik
helter@shoreline.ca Helter
drcpu@freenet.vancouver.bc.ca Dr. CPU
livewire@cafe.net Livewire
psylark@usis.com psychoskylark
ae261@rgfn.epcc.edu " "
etana@shoreline.ca Etana
questor@cafe.net Questor
renm8r@direct.ca Reanimator
matthewy@uhunix2.uhcc.Hawaii.Edu ts
■■■ Articles-I-1
161
604 group updates
cthulu
604 GROUP UPDATE
Well, every month has its crop of new groups and clubs...
And these past months have been no exception. E-mags, music groups, clubs,
couriering groups, you name it! With an area code with a population base as
big as ours, it stands to reason that there'd be all these spiffy clubs and
such. Well, here's the latest installment to our pinnacle of lameness...
■[ALE] Alien Legion
■Founder: Grateful Dead
■Duration: dead, been dead for a long time.
Rumor has been going around about an ALE revival. Hmm...
■[ANSD] The Anorexic Spoons Digest Zine
■Founder: Meija
■Duration: brand spanking new
a new text 'zine starting up. Absurdity based, looks like.
Actually, more punk/anarchy than absurdity. Yeah.
■[CON] Concrete E-mag
■Founder: Coyote
■Duration: New, starting.
A new e-mag, looking for positions of every kind to be filled. Looks
promising.
■[DEFiANCE] Defiance
■Founder: Illusionary Enigma aka Indigo Dreamer.
■Duration: Just started
Intense Agression re-named, with actual work starting to be seen. Members
include former mist members Illusionary Enigma and Onyx.
■[DOPE]
■Founder: Vanquish
■Duration: Just started
A new... get this... essay group. For extremely lazy people who don't like
putting effort into school?
■[FNG] Frynge E-Mag
■Founder: FROST ANGEL, NOT FoB
■[INXS] ?
■Founder: Vision Courier, Lord High Fixer
■Duration: Dead and buried for a long long loooong time.
CPU: This was a long long time ago.. couriering group setup by Vision Courier,
LHF, and a few other couriers. Is it stll around? (No.)
■[LuXor] Luxor
■Founder: ?
■Duration: New
Welp... ANOTHER starting up couriering group. Don't expect anything big.
■[ME] Merry Elves
■Founder: Zinc
■Duration: New
A new ANSI/music group. Wouldn't say much about it.
■[MOP] /\/\.().P.
■Founder: Rancid
■Duration: new
Hmm... "ansi packs, music disks, cracks, cheats, and couriering."
Suuuuuuure......
■[NDFABEC] : Naked Dogs for a Better Existance
■Founder : Magik Elvis
■Duration: old old old OLD
ME: I'm a member of the Naked Dogs for a Better Existance club, or NDFABEC. We
enjoy teaching people about the dangers that naked dogs face in today's harsh
society. We all know that however true Darwinism is, dogs cannot adapt fast
enough to face the dangers created by logging and anti-enviromentalist
movements. I ask you to join DNFABEC in order to save these freezing dogs from
a horror not unlike those of the Auswitz Gas Chambers. Freezing to death
because you cannot adapt fast enough.. a fate worse than death.
■[PAE] Philosophical Anal Excrement
■Founder: Spirit of Illusion
■Duration: blah
Darkforce's reference to Spirit of Illusion's and Pure Voltage's lits on
RMS. A new club? SURE!
■[PL] Psychotic Lit
■Founder: Lizard Mon
■Duration: one issue, in november (new issue coming out real soon)
A text mag written by the readers of PsychoNet... mostly same content as
Confinement, with more comments and less coding 8).
UPDATE: Well, it's a GOOD mag now, and solely because Mav decided to lend
his hand coding it and doing Asciis.
■[SPD] Speed
■Founder: ? Dragon Knight
■Duration: ?
Couriering group... just merged with Youn Chie. Mysterious... ooo.
■[SJ] Sabotage Junkies
■Founder: Speedo Man
■Duration: New
ANOTHER new couriering group. DOn't expect much.
■[TAAC] The Atlantis Affil Club
■Founder: The Edge
■Duration: blah
A generic affil for members of all the clubs/groups started by Atlantis.
(Which include: CARB, CARB/AB, LAWAJ!, TASK, TACC, CAPiO, MoatSGCoA, Gameo,
Recoil, PWFOV, and many many more. AN interesting note: Atlantis has gone
down for an indeterminate amount of time. Recoil has moved to Daemon's Gate,
but it looks like the other affils are just going to blow away in the wind.
Thus endeth a great board's legacy.)
■[TJBI] The Jerky Boys, Inc.
■Founder: Rizzo
■Duration: A few weeks so far, at least.
A "e-mail posse" founded on my school's network. Annoying enough to be given
mention here.
■[TL] the Transient Lunacy 'Zine
■Founder: 'Voi
■Duration: 2 issues so far...
A l'il text zine put out by the users of the board Transient Lunacy.
Pretty new.
■[TUC] The Undergrownd Compendium
■Founder: Coyote
■Duration: Started last august, died
The precursor to Concrete.
■[URP] Union of the Republic of Poland... or the Utopian Revolt Posse
■Founder: no idea...
■Duration: beats me.
This might just be a guess, but, people who call Utopian Revolt? 8)
■[VANTARI] The Vancouver Atari User's Group
■Founder: Nezgar?
■Duration: Ever since people actually BOUGHT Amigas and such. Not that long
ago actually.
A support group for all those schmucks whose hardware is irreplacable.
■■■ Articles-II-1
83
macpherson fair
minus
MacPherson Computer Fair/Swap Meet
by minus/Mistigris
looks like another MacPherson Swap Meet has passed us by this last
18th of February. i got the day off to check out what's what in the
used computer equipment business.
as usual it was raining but it didn't hurt attendance from what i could
tell when i arrived around 10:40 am. i payed my entrance fee and got
the back of my hand stamped as usual. heck i even got a $1 discount
on admission with the coupon i had. i was even more surprised that
they took a $1 off my admission and my brothers when the couplon stated
it could only be used for one person but who's complaining.
i toured the tables starting on my left going in circles, first checking
the outter tables and then the inner tables, and finally the centre.
after that i just walked in a random pattern taking a second, a third,
and a fourth look to make sure i didn't miss anything. apparently i
didn't miss much because i saw nothing of value to me. you go to these
things with a list of what you want and my list only had one thing and
that one thing could not be had at the price i envisioned.
i think the key word during this swap meet was CD-ROM. i even overheard
some East Indian guys speaking in their native tongue when it came to
the word CD-ROM it was plain English. lots of people selling CD-ROMs, i
especially get a kick out of those people selling shareware versions of
CDR games. like i'm going to pay $x bucks for something i can download
from a local bulletin board. there must of been 5-8 tables with people
trying to sell CDRs. some of them were games, entertainment and BBS
specific CDs with shareware files. i was almost tempted to buy a CD with
a bunch of MODs on it for $15, but i resisted. SimCity 2000 could be had
for as little as $29 (yeah i'm a Sim-fan). i was even surprised to see
some guys trying to sell adult Chinese CD's. geeze... you'd think the
organizers would of thrown them out for selling such material when people
of all ages were able to get to it.
there was even a bunch of guys selling assorted pc boards, no guarantees
if they worked or not. if you know what you were looking for you could
of gotten away with some good stuff. they had assorted power supplies as
well. i'm kind of wary of that kind of stuff. i guess they're good to
rip certain components off of.
there was some pretty good deals on books. this one guy had some tables
in the back corner with assorted books. unix, c, pascal, and general
productivity books. i saw a C++ beginners book for only $4.99. this
was all new stuff too because they had several copies of every book.
i saw a copy of the Sound Blaster Book too, i'm sure someone got that
one.
COOPNet, that's something i had never heard of before. the first time i
passed their table i thought it was pretty dumb of someone trying to sell
people an echomail network. heh... the next time i came around i stopped
to read one of the pamphlets and it wasn't about an echomail network.
they were trying to get people to buy shares into their co-op Internet
connection service. i didn't think such a service would fly with so many
people providing internet services throughout the lower mainland.
those are the more prominent highlights of my couple of hours there. some
other things i got a laught out of was someone selling a huge box full of
9-pin joysticks (Atari/Commodore). i saw the usual guy selling Gravis
Ultrasounds there, $!50. lots of hard drives, i would never trust buying
a used hard drive from one of these places.
i notice there are always a bunch of overweight old guys with beards who
go to these events. perhaps one day i will fall into this class? i hope
not. another detail i've noticed about these meets is that they should
have more ventilation. the air is dead and the tempurature seems to
increase every hour. there was ample walking space unlike some of the
other meets which try to pack so many tables that people are pushing one
another to the side to get a look at what's for sale.
$4 for a couple of hours of browsing ain't bad. it's a shame i didn't
get what i came for, a working C64 power supply (someone want to donate
one to me?). however, Soul Blazer tells me that he came away with some
good deals for a mere $5. Hats off to you SB. if you plan on going
to MacPherson the next time around, consider going in the afternoon when
vendors will mark items down just to unload them. if you're looking for
new stuff or CDs it's a good idea to get their early rather than late.
well that's my day at the MacPherson Computer Fair/Swap Meet. maybe
i'll see you there next time!
■■■ Articles-II-3
71
under a killing moon
minus
CD-ROM: Under A Killing Moon by Access Software Inc.
Review by minus/Mistigris
"Enter the Virtual World of Under a Killing Moon, where it is December,
2042, and you, as Tex Murphy, must stop the forces of evil before they
destroy mankind and rob you of your next unemployment check. This
thrilling and hilarious adventure is unlike anything you've seen before."
that's taken directly off the back of the box. sounds rather catchy
as anything on the outside of a box should. the game is put onto 4
CDs and requires a minimum of a 386/25, SVGA, 4 MB, mouse, sound board,
and a CD-ROM drive. of course a quad-speed CD-ROM drive and a Pentium
with 16 MB of RAM wouldn't hurt. :)
in UKM you play the role of Tex Murphy, a lowly detective who wakes up
to a bottle every morning. the objective in the game is to solve cases
taking you to your final grand-slam case. each case brings you in
contact with different individuals who you must interact with in order
to obtain information about your current case. you must travel to
various locations in post-apocalyptic San Francisco to meet these
single dimension personalities.
first of all, i haven't finished the game yet and i'm not sure if i'm
even going to finish it (hints of things to come?).
installation would have been quick and easy if i wanted to use my
Sound Blaster Pro but i decided i wanted to use my Gravis Ultrasound
as the sound device. i had a few unknown problems here, all of the
samples would play back at twice the speed it should have so every
thing came out in high pitched voices. i opened up my case and
shuffled the cards inside and then everything worked fine. i'm sure
their installation software would of been a snap to run for any
sound card, just that my setup was screwed up a bit.
the sound & graphics were excellent as any CD game should be given
all of that space to work with. a card with 2 pictures from was
included in the box showing the same screen from different systems,
one with 4 MB and another with 16 MB. apparently those endowed with
more memory get higher detailed graphics than those with less. the
graphics are the same, just that the lower memory systems get blurry
vision. one thing i did notice about the graphics is that even
though movement is seen as a 3-dimensional world, some of the objects
were only 2-dimensional! one of the garbage cans was as thin as a
piece of paper when viewed from a side angle.
the game interface is a bit awkward because you have to switch between
two different modes, movement and interactive modes. the movement
mode gives you an adjustable sized screen where you see everything in
the first person view like in a virtual world. you can adjust the speed
of movement to what you like so you get a nice fluid motion. the thing
i didn't like about the movement was that once you moved the mouse in
any direction you would keep moving in that direction until you moved
the mouse back to the original position before you started moving.
this reminded me a joystick-style control where you have to move the
stick back to the centre to stop. the interactive mode freezes the last
frame from the movement mode and then allows you to point and click on
various items on the screen. the screen layout of the icons was quick
and simple since there were only a few icons to use.
i've no real complaints other than the story line and characters. it is
because of those two aspects of the game that made me feel like i was
watching a 1/2 star B movie combined with a choose your own adventure
story book. the acting was bad and the dialog was corny, elements of
every B movie. Brian Keith (Judge Hardcastle, Hardcastle & McCormick)
and Margot Kidder (Lois Lane, Superman) must of been really hard up for
a job to take on these parts.
if someone came up to me and asked me how i liked Under a Killing Moon
i'd tell them the truth, "it's an over-rated B-movie turned into a CD".
■■■ Articles-II-4
173
valentines story pt. ii
cthulu
When we left our hero, last month, he'd had his hopes of proposing to
his fiance on valentine's day shattered by an uncouth posse of penguins. Not
only that, but his every attempt to dispose of the disagreeable little birds
had failed. He was an the verge of making the ultimate sacrifice, giving it
all up, when somebody hit him in the head. (How's THAT for plot, eh?)
And now... the thrilling conclusion...
-----
Clark awoke to a bright light and loud noises. And quite a lot of
blood. As his eyes refocused, he made out the shapes of a flock of
concerned-looking penguins and a pair of grungy looking youths looking down
at him.
"Heeey, Stu!," one of them hollered to the other, "I guess I owe ya
five bucks! The old dude isn't dead!"
Stu looked more concerned, whether for Clark's well-being or about
the blood stains on his skateboard. "Hey, old dude, are you all right?"
Clark sat up, and blacked out again.
He awoke several minutes later, and said, "How much would you sell
that skateboard for?
Stu looked confused, then his eyes lit up with the fires of greed.
"What ya got?"
Clark carefully probed inside his pocket, drawing a single thin
piece of plastic with the measured ease of a motion often performed. "It's
platinum. No limits."
Stu looked at his friend in awe, eyes bugging out, and bellowed,
"Radical!" They performed a surprisingly uncoordinated hi-five, and ran off
towards the nearest Westbeach. Reading his watch, Clark noted that he had a
mere two hours and 53 minutes left, and decided that it was time to take
charge. He carefully tourniquetted his gaping head wound with one of the
rubber bands, and tested his balance on his new possession. Finding it
easier than it looked, he took off his belt. No, this is not the eagerly
anticipated sex scene. Getting a good grip on the penguin harnesses, a good
balance on the board, and a good final whiff of that wholesome zoo air, he
cracked his belt at the penguins. And they were off!
-----
Clark, having watched one too many arctic sagas on late night TV,
navigated his way through the wilds of downtown, being forced to move onto
the road after an unfortunate accident involving a glass window being moved,
a carton of watermelons and a shipment of chickens, and doing 85 in a 30 zone.
Fortunately, the traffic cops could see what a hurry he was in, and he
arrived at the restaurant exactly two hours and fourty-eight minutes later,
with a windblown hairdo and a troupe of tired penguins. Stepping off the
board, he noticed that their irregular route had inextricably entwined his
hand in the loop end of the leash. He'd have to do something about that in
the gent's room. But first, to confirm the reservations. He casually
strolled into the entrance of the restaurant, pretending that he didn't have
a horde of birds attatched to his hand.
"Table for two for Clark Ingledew, " he exclaimed nonchalantly.
"M'sieur, zee table ees redy, but zere are NO pets allowed in zees
restaurant! Revovez zem at once, s'il-vous-plait!"
"Can I just.."
"No, M'sieur! No penguins in zee building! Can't you see zee sign?
Now get zem OUT!"
Clark, unwilling to withstand any more of that incredibly bad accent,
stormed out of the building, and re-entered, bird-free, but with a
suspiciously lumpy and noisy jacket. He also noted the peculiar sign on his
way in the second time: No Penguins Allowed in Building, by order of the
Minister of Food Services.
"Ah, M'sieur as returned! Weethout hees penguins. Bon."
<SQUAWK!> went the jacket. The maitre 'd eyeballed Clark
suspiciously.
"Squawk, squawk. Ahem. I'm just getting over a cold... people tell me
that my cough sounds like a penguin squawking. SQUAWK. Excuse me."
He then doubled over in a faked coughing fit, throwing some squawks
in here and there to add validity to his story. The maitre 'd looked
unconvinced, but, doubtlessly impressed by Clark's formidable improvisational
skills, led him to the table. Where Heather was waiting for him.
Clark gulped, and grimaced as a sharp beak gave retribution for the
sudden movement. She was gorgeous. He was, well, lumpy.
"Clark, you're here on time, for once. I've been waiting to see you
for a long time, you know." She smiled, revealing a glittering full set of
teeth. In Clark's eyes, the most perfect teeth in the world. Clark would
have smiled, but he was in too much pain. One of the penguins had started to
slide down his pant leg.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I really have to... er... go to the
bathroom. I hope you understand. I'll be right out." Clark, making this
social faux pas, ran off to the men's room and tried to take off his jacket.
But it wouldn't go. The penguins had settled in there and had gotten nice
and comfy, and, after that deal with the skateboard, weren't going to move
for ANYBODY. Buttoning the thing back up, puffing and panting from the
exertion of his attempt, he re-entered the restaurant. He nearly spitted
himself as he passed a waiter bearing a trayful of shishkabob skewers, but
narrowly avoided disaster, and instead just landed heavily on his chair and
spilled his water.
"Clark, why don't you take your jacket off? You must be getting
awefully hot in there...?"
"No, I'm fine, really, I am." Clark seemed rather insincere, panting
like that and the way he kept loosening his collar.
"Listen, Clark, I've been thinking a lot lately, and I think that I
made the wrong decision when we stopped seeing each other... I overreacted,
and..."
"No, YOU listen, Heather. I was a lovestruck fool with a bad memory,
and still am. Will you... er... will you... just a sec..." Searching his
pockets frantically, he couldn't find the box holding the ring. Remembering
that it was in his THIGH pocket, he relievedly took the box out of his
pocket. To his astonished horror, the ring was no longer in it! This was just
too much.
"Clark? Were you going to say something?"
"Where is it, goddammit? Answer me!"
Clark was ripping his shirt off, talking to the lumps in his jacket.
Taking a salad fork, with a wild gleam in his eyes, he savagely jabbed his
poor coat several times. Squeaks emitted, and he peeled back the coat
revealing a huddled mass of penguins! From across the room, the maitre 'd
gaped in horror, and Clark began alternately throttling and tossing aside
penguin after penguin, demanding where "it" was. Various shocked cries of,
"My eyes! My eyes!", "Waiter, there is a penguin in my soup!", and "To
dishonor the flag in such a manner. Disgraceful!" echoed across the room,
and customers began leaving in droves. Finally, Clark reached the bottom of
the heap, where a miserable looking snivelling penguin huddled, face turned
away, thrusting a simple ring towards Clark.
"THANK YOU. Now, where was I... oh yes. Heather, will you marry me?"
Heather looked shocked, then startled, then sick. "You BRUTE! You
PERVERT! I don't even want to know what were you doing with penguins in your
suit. You must have seen the sign in front, you knew it was against the
rules. Now you've ruined this dinner for everyone here. Clark Ingledew, I
never want to speak to you again!" With that, she walked out of the
restaurant, and out of his life, forever.
Clark looked surprised, mouth gaping, ring outstretched limply. Then
he closed his eyes and bawled like a baby. Alone in the building, his tragic
cries echoed throughout the hallowed walls. Remembering the shishkabob
skewers, he contemplated putting an end to it all, all the pain, all the
suffering. But he was brought back to reality by a nudge on his foot. The
last penguin had gotten up and was trying to eat his shoelaces.
With a new look of hope and determination in his eyes, Clark picked
up the flightless bird, and said passionately, through tear-streaked eyes,
"At least we still have each other."
And they walked, hand in wing, into the sunset, of a NEW future,
together.
This story will now end before it breaches the boundaries of good
taste any more than it does already.
FIN
...Starring Bruce Campbell as Clark Ingledew
(Guest appearance by Grateful Dead as skater number two)...
■■■ List-1
69
mistigris member list
mistigris
█ Mistigris
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
"Letting the inmates run the asylum"
█ Ansi
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
Nitnatsnoc, Minus, The Naughty Tycoon, Diamond Traveller, The Extremist
Mavrik, ts, Prince of Darkness, Asian Knight, Spirit of Illusion, Morbius
Donut Hole, Halaster, Prisoner#1, Epitaph, Silence
Killa Hertz, Crisis, Midgit Farmer
█ RIP
▀▀▀▀▀▀
CoolWhip, Shaolin, The Lite, Prisoner#1
█ VGA
▀▀▀▀▀▀
Smokescreen, Etana, Summonner, Sir Freaksalot, Prisoner#1, Shaolin
█ Lit
▀▀▀▀▀▀
Cthulu, D'Artagnan, Livewire, Eoanya, Etana, Reanimator, Psychoskylark
Coyote, Sauron
█ Music
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
Professor Pukoid, Reanimator, Shrapnel, King Arthur, Epitaph, Silence
█ Coding
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
Mavrik, Dr. CPU, Minus, Helter, Questor, Eto, Maxwell, Vendetta
Midget Farmer, Agent Orange
█ Couriers
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
Defective Mind, Remorse
■■■ List-2
29
mistigris site list
mistigris
█ Mistigris
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
The Screaming Tomato (604) 430-8805 Nitty/Cthulu WHQ/Net
The Regency (404) 668-0412 Halaster USHQ/Net
Sarcastic Toaster (418) 849-8121 Eerie CHQ/Net
Daemon's Gate (604) 948-0363 Mavrik KiTSCHNet WHQ/Net
Harvest Moon (216) 951-7059 Qur'An Twingle HQ
Abyssimal Dissimulation 1-800-349-4591 psychoskylark App HQ/Net
Infinite Dreams (604) 733-6432 minus Member/Net
Al's House of Meat (604) 241-8165 James Joyce Member
Salem's Lot (604) 599-9269 Helter Member/Net
The Undiscovered Point (604) PRI-VATE Dr. CPU Member/Net
Shades of a Shade (604) 540-7968 Ghost Writer Member/Net
C1ty iZ Burning (418) 841-3410 The Extremist Member/Net
The Chaos Laboratories (418) UP-SOON Diamond Traveller Member/Net
Cybertron (604) 277-0783 Smokescreen Member
Black Sunshine (516) 621-0908 Defective Mind Member/Net
The Flying Donuts (404) 578-8558 Donut Hole Member/Net
Pecked to Death by Ducks (604) 581-6019 Coyote Member/Net
Waking Nightmare (604) UP-SOON Prince of Darkness Member
The Pelvis of Elvis (604) 732-TPOE DJ Moses Risin' Net
Virtual Delusions (604) - Summonner Member/Net
Sands of Time (604) - Sauron Member/Net
■■■ Articles-II-2
39
ode to a penguin
cthulu & zamfir worshipper
Ode to a Penguin
I think that I shall never see,
A being with such grace as thee;
Thy useless wings, out on your sides,
Aid to navigate the tides.
My love goes beyond the boundaries of lust,
Our passion is great, possess you I must;
I love to watch you, you waddling fool,
Then dive in the water, refreshing and cool.
Your plumage is so soft, subtle and refined,
It fills my heart with joy, knowing that you're mine;
But now it seems I must go away,
But, fear not, for I'll be back some day.
So sit tight, with memories of sharing,
Your favorite treat, a jellied herring;
So avoid that hold in the ozone layer,
And I'll remember your feathered face so fair.
We'll go swimming, in the water, and with a towel,
We'll dry ourselves off, my little waterfowl;
So farewell, I say, good-bye, my love,
The penguin, not an owl, nor a heron, nor a dove.
The icefloes may crack, the glaciers may melt,
But nature can't compare to that which we felt;
Man and bird, eternally together,
Hand in hand, and hand in feather.
Zamfir Worshipper
and
Cthulu