"It's good to be the king." At least, that's the way Mel Brooks saw it in a great line from one of his more forgettable movies. However, if Mel had been able to play Castles II Siege and Conquest, a CD-ROM strategy game from Interplay, he no doubt would have changed that to, "It's good trying to be the king."
Since this game features a medieval motif, we begin by learning that the King of Brittany has just died, and you're one of the pretenders to his vacant throne. This certainly isn't unique - if we used games of this ilk as a reference, you would have to believe that the average life expectancy of monarchs in the Middle Ages was somewhere in the neighborhood of two weeks. However, Castles II serves notice immediately that because of the CD format, this isn't just another dead king game.
The opening of Castles II is a very impressive mix of animation and sound that grabs your attention and establishes a definite Middle Ages motif, complete with brave knights and towering castles. Once you're gotten past that and find your way into the main menu you discover a pleasant surprise - a thorough game tutorial that features six different categories that include game features and a narration, pointing out hints and tips. This is something that any company that designs CD games should take a look at, because it's an innovation that makes a great deal of sense.
The opening menu also includes a section devoted to the castles you'll be building over the course of the game, but unless you're a serious historian or you're suffering from a severe case insomnia, you'll want to avoid this portion. The quality of the film clips describing the castles is marginal at best, and the audio accompanying the video clips is horrible. It's so choppy, it sounds as though the narrator has hiccups. A cynic would say this was included to fill up space on the CD. Call me a cynic.
Once you're into the game itself, you're vying with four other local lords, with the Pope looming as a very large presence. In Castles II, the Pope is much more than a very important spiritual advisor - he's the person who eventually decides who ascend to the throne. Given that fact, it's very important to stay on his good side. That's not a very easy task, since running the church is apparently a very expensive proposition. You know this because the Pope comes after you for money more often than an angry ex-wife seeking late alimony payments.
You can bargain with the Pontiff - to a point. If you refuse him too often, you suddenly find that you've been excommunicated, which certainly won't help your cause if you ever get to the point where you wish to make a bid for the throne. You also must deal with a varied crew of characters who wander into your castle with tales of rumor and intrigue. Some of them seem serious while others seem deranged, but you must deal with all of them, since aid often comes from very strange sources.
Your four competitors are the usual collection of scheming medieval princes. Since you can't fight a war on four fronts and expect to get anywhere, your best bet is to remain on good terms with two or three of your opponents while you work to lay waste to the others. Always keep in mind that an alliance based on a handshake is about as good as the paper it's printed on.
You'll also be hearing from your new-found friends and bitter enemies on a regular basis, and your response can range from bribing them to remain on good terms, to literally killing the messenger. While beheading the emissary may make you feel better, it quickly leads to a sharp downturn in diplomatic relations.
The amount of time you spend dealing with these messages from your opponents is one of the annoying parts of this game. Castles II features a limited set of black and white film clips that look as though they were lifted from a very bad "B" movie, circa 1940 or so. These clips run whenever you're bargaining, and becoming boring very quickly. You can speed up the process by clicking on the OK button, but you can't get rid of them entirely.
Within your own lands, it's important to take care of business. You're constant performing three tasks in this game - gathering commodities, raising and leading your armies, and negotiating and spying on your opponents. At the beginning of the game you have one "task bar" in each area. That amount will double if you stay in the game long enough. You should take advantage of the added capacity as it becomes available and remain as busy as you can.
At the same time that you're surrounded by treachery from your opponents, you have to establish order on the home front. Since your peasants will revolt if they become unhappy, a good way to remind them who's in charge is to build castles in your territories. If you've always believed that a man's home is his castle, you can design your own place, from the moat up. If castle contracting isn't in your blood, you can choose from a list of designs of real castles. If you're interested, or if you just can't fall asleep, you can listen and read about their history - in numbing detail.
Once you're secure in your own territory, you can concentrate on those other bastards who think they would look better than you carrying a scepter. Generally, these battles work on a pretty basic level - if you have more firepower than your opponent, you win. Your knights are more powerful than infantry, and your archers are in serious trouble if the battle reaches the hand-to-hand combat stage. The superior firepower equation is skewed somewhat if the territory you're attacking has a huge castle. Also, as time goes on, you can build a ballista, a catapult and a siege tower to bolster your armies.
If you do well in the game by winning your battles, pleasing your peasants and staying off the Pope's shit list, your score increases. Once you hit 7,000 points, you can ask the Pope to make you King. If you can remain above that point level for 4-5 computer months, the Pope will grant your request and you'll win the game. However, keep in mind that asking to be King is the next best thing to painting a target on your back, and the other pretenders are going to do your level best to wipe you entirely off the map.
This game is easy to play, and has some pretty amusing elements. While the old film clips become boring in a hurry, some of them were actually pretty funny. For instance, a woeful knight, with most of his face covered by his helmet, distresses the king when he reports that one of his saboteurs failed on a mission because he was eaten by a bear. And, the narrator's British delivery is the closest thing I've heard to an Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips commercial in a long time.
Virtually all of your commands are easily executed by pointing and clicking with your mouse. And, recognizing the fact that many of us have the patience of 5-year-olds, the designers allow you to literally speed up time. The game begins on Jan. 1, 1312, and runs from that point at a relatively slow pace - unless you hold down the right mouse button, which speeds up the game until you've completed a task, or you receive a message from an opponent.
If you've always dreamed of being King, Castles II: Siege and Conquest is a pretty good place to try for the throne. The game's planning elements are logical, and including the Pope as one of the players in the game is an interesting innovation. Most strategy games are Us vs. Them, but having the Pontiff as a neutral party who isn't afraid to throw his weight around is a nice touch.
