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- Underground eXperts United
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- [ Alienated Relationships ] [ By The GNN ]
-
-
- ____________________________________________________________________
- ____________________________________________________________________
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-
- ALIENATED RELATIONSHIPS
- by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
-
-
- Interpersonal relations of the kind we refer to as 'love' are complex
- matters. If conducted the right way, they can offer happiness and a life
- filled with joy. Conducted the wrong way, misery and depression will be the
- case.
- In this file, I will present an outline of five different relationships
- that are essentially conducted the wrong way (Balance of Terror, Show-Off,
- Dominators, The Trapped and Everything is Wonderful). I am not claiming that
- these examples are the only ones available in our huge world, nor would I
- like to say that my descriptions of them are perfect. It is up to the reader
- if he or she will accept my statements, or draw other conclusions.
- What must be remembered, however, when studying these different
- relationships is that the persons involved actually fancy each other. But
- they are unable to enjoy their love to the fullest extent, due to their
- inability to cope with various problems.
-
-
- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-
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- (1) BALANCE OF TERROR
-
- In such a relationship, A (and perhaps even B too) suffers from certain
- personal problems. These problems are so deep that A refuse to cope with
- them - not even for the sake of the relation with B.
- There is a sense of selfishness in effect in this case. A believes that
- her/his problems are the most important factors in her/his life (i.e.,
- even more important than the relationship itself). To a certain extent,
- this is really true: the problems _are_ great, since they make A's life
- essentially fragmented and incoherent. But still, A refuse to really deal
- with them (since it is a somewhat difficult task). Instead, A will fall
- into depression, self-destructive behavior (like suicide attempts) and so
- on. B will notice the destructive behavior of A, and this is naturally
- very distressing for B. Since B cares for A, he or she does not want A to
- behave like that.
- So what will B do? Do he/she help A to get to the real problems and
- deal with them? Unfortunately not. Instead, B offers a 'balance of
- terror'. When A becomes depressed, B will become even more depressed. If
- the A tries to commit suicide with a knife, B will try to kill
- himself/herself with a gun.
- For short: whatever A tries to do, B will do the same, but with more
- energy and force. In the end, A will not dare to do anything at all, since
- he or she is afraid that B will do something even worse. But even though
- the self-destructive behavior might not be that obvious anymore, after the
- balance of terror has worked out, it is still there. Why that is the case
- is simple: the balance of terror solves no real problems, only their
- symptoms.
-
-
- (2) SHOW-OFF
-
- The show-off couple suffers from an inability to discuss their problems
- with each other. Their only way to be able to do so is with other people
- around them, people that they can use as 'help' when the discussion
- becomes too painful.
- Talking about personal matters are not all that easy, that is a fact.
- Sometimes, it is even harder to talk about personal problems with a person
- that is clearly involved as a part of the problems. And this is something
- that the 'show-off' couple suffers from.
- In the privacy of their own home, the couple will hardly discuss
- anything at all, except for daily matters. But when other people that they
- know well come into the picture, the show begins. It usually starts with a
- simple quarrel over something less important, but as the hours pass by, it
- increases into screams concerning deeply felt emotions (no positive ones
- though) concerning the other part.
- Just as the couple are on their way to reach the real problem with
- their relationship, they run away from each other, and seeks cover at a
- friend. Then, with the friend, they discuss the real problem. When
- finished, they return to each other to continue arguing. But they never
- ever come to the real problems when discussing with each other, since they
- dare not to. They are afraid that their relationship may come to an end if
- they talk about such matters, and it is because of this they flee to
- friends.
- (If you are going to throw a party, be sure to not invite a couple that
- are alienated from each other in this way. They will ruin the whole
- evening by constantly demanding the people to pay attention to the
- couple's private problems.)
-
-
- (3) DOMINATORS
-
- A dominator is a person that needs to be in control. One dominator in a
- relationship could cause problems if the other part does not fancy being
- dominated. But in such cases, they often fall into the (1) or (2)
- category. If both of the persons are dominators, the effects will be
- rather different.
- A double-dominator couple will constantly argue with each other, but
- their discussions will not be about something important. They argue with
- each other, not because they want to solve problems, but because they need
- to control the other part. Since both of the persons want to have the last
- word, they will keep on arguing forever.
- Needless to say, this means that their life together will consist of
- nothing more than eternal discussions without a point. Eventually,
- however, one of the two persons might give up and become a pseudo-
- dominated person. 'Pseudo', since the person is in fact, still a
- dominator. He or she will not accept this position. Due to this, adultery
- is very common among dominators, since they constantly look for another
- person to dominate.
-
- (There is a subgroup to this relationship that acts exactly like raging
- dominators, but is different in the aspect that they actually want the
- other person to dominate too. The reason for this is sexual. They spend
- their days dominating each other in public, arguing and fighting, just for
- the sake of the sexual act that will follow later: a so-called
- 'reconciliation-fuck'. They 'hate' each other now and then, so they will
- be able to show their affection by 'forgiving' each other later.)
-
-
- (4) THE TRAPPED
-
- A couple that is trapped are unable to break up, even though they ought
- to. The reason for this could be various. For example, A dare not leave B
- since A believes that B will break down completely if their relationship
- ends. But on the other hand, B is also aware that he/she would in fact
- break down if the relation came to an end; so, in a sense, both are
- trapped.
- Unlike the dominators, the trapped couple will not argue with each
- other. On the contrary, they will hardly even talk to each other. They
- spend their time with each other in silence, thinking about their annoying
- situation. It is possible for the trapped couple to stay with each other
- all their life, experiencing a constant feeling of anxiety. They want to
- talk to each other, they want to tell the other part about how they feel,
- but they dare not.
- A trapped couple could _look_ like a category (5) couple, but they do
- not belong to that category. If they do not stick to each other their
- whole life, however, it is possible that _the result_ will be equal to the
- end that awaits the category (5) couple. But that is not always the case.
-
-
- (5) EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL
-
- This is a relationship that will come to a horrible end. The couple do
- suffer from fundamental problems, but they deny this fact not only in
- front of others, but also in front of themselves. They try to live their
- life like if their relationship actually were wonderful, but they are more
- or less aware of the truth that it is built upon a lie. Even though the
- problems might be rather simple, they never deal with them. Instead, they
- suppress them, and this will slowly increase the simple problems into
- giant ones.
- Unlike the category (4) couple, these persons talk to each other. But
- their discussions will be far away from the real problems. They look like
- they are happy together, while in fact they are not. It is often quite
- easy to detect if a couple are like this, because their false behavior
- will shine through. If you discover that a couple among your friends are
- an EIW-couple, take cover. The way this relationship will end is not a
- funny sight.
- Since it is a hard and tiresome work to constantly try to look happy,
- the couple will sooner or later become worn out. When this happens, they
- will suddenly turn into two persons that behave as if they came directly
- from hell. Through the years, they have suppressed their feelings to that
- extent that simple annoyance will turn into anger and hate. If they do not
- kill each other, they will spend the rest of their lives in something that
- is not wonderful, but terrible.
- Due to the monstrous and uncontrollable rage they experience when they
- have reached this point, it is common that they bring other people
- (friends, relatives, etc.) with them into the terrible life that awaits
- them.
-
- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-
-
- It should be mentioned that the above examples are not relationships that are
- beyond help. The remedy for all such problems is not psychological games,
- alienation or self-deception, but intimacy, honesty, and the most important
- factor of all: real communication, in time.
- One cannot, however, teach someone what 'real communication' really is.
- This is something that everyone knows what it is, but often denies, since it
- is sometimes a very painful thing to bring forward. But suppressed pain will
- not stay suppressed forever. It will, sooner or later, come to the surface.
- And the pain that then will be the case is far more hellish than the pain one
- would experience if the problems were discussed the very moment they came up.
- You better understand those simple facts, not only for your own sake but
- also for mine. I am sick and tired of spending time with alienated, narrow-
- minded and self-occupied couples. Okay?
-
-
-
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