The Hacker's Encyclopedia 1998

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### ### ### ### ### #### ### ### ### #### ### ### ##### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ##### ### ### ########## ### ### ########## ### ### ### ### Underground eXperts United Presents... ####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### ## ## ## ## ## ## ##### # ## # ## ## ## #### ## ## #### # # #### #### ####### ## ## ## ## ##### # ## # ## ## ## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### ## [ Bleed III ] [ By The GNN ] ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ BLEED III by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu 1) 'DECONSTRUCTING HUMOR ONCE AGAIN.' Released in 1988 and 1989, Bleed I and Bleed II quickly divided the game players on the Commodore Amiga into two groups; those who liked the game and, not very surprising, those who hated it. One reason to hate the Bleed games was because they were said to be 'racist' games; The hero in the game, police officer Brad Nixon, did not fancy black people, jews, asians nor children. A short debate on this subject emerged on UseNet (see UXU-106, 'What Do You Think About Bleed' for slightly more details.) But what some people could not understand was the fact that it is a difference between what a fictitious person thinks, and what the game itself is supposed to be. None of the Bleed games was supposed to be racist. On the contrary, they are meant to make fun out of such people. But instead of saying how stupid it is to be a brain-dead xenophobic, BLEED just let the mad hero say whatever he felt for saying, or think what he wanted to think. Surely, this was more funny. We thought it was meaningless to include disclaimers all over the game, since no one could possibly take this whole thing serious. But some people could, and we pity those people. They have not understood that humor is meant to be deconstructed. What is accepted by some people (such as the KKK, or WAR,) more open-minded people laugh at. If you want to destroy an organization, that is sick all the way into the bone, it is just a waste of time to use sound arguments. Crazy people will never listen to you, since they are too misguided in their beliefs. It is much better to laugh at everything they say; because the things they say are pretty funny when you think about it. If you had a belief, and every time you openly stated it people began to laugh - what would you think? Of course, you would become rather pissed. We love to piss off racists, nazis and other twisted people. Therefore, we (me and Dual Crew) made the Bleed series. Bleed I and Bleed II are available as adventure games for the Amiga. Bleed III, however, is still not released. But the text has been finished for over five years now. Due to this delay, the text is pretty lousy when it comes to spelling, and it is filled to the limit with grammatical errors. But I hope that will not spoil your reading. Probably you will find this 'game' to be the worst shit you have ever seen, but, then, who cares? 2) 'HOW THE GAME WORKS.' In the beginning of every text you will find a '; <text>' After every choice you will also find a '; <text>' Like this: '1 - Open the door.' ; door Just go to the text that begins with '; door' to continue. Or just read the whole shit through, without 'playing.' Note: 'The Slut' means 'The End'. (Internal joke, nothing to worry about.) 3) 'BLEED III.' `"Freedom is based upon respect, and` `respect must be earned by spilling` `of blood."` ` ` ` -William Powell` ; text1 `In 1985 Brad Nixon, a Real American Man` `hunted and killed an unknown criminal` `in New York.` ` ` `Five days later the same man was out` `again killing innocent people and Brad` `Nixon must once again take on this task` `which he successfully completes.` ` ` `Another five days have passed...` ; game `BLEED PART III - CAN YOU TAKE ANY MORE?` ` ` `This is unbelievable...even though you` `ONCE AGAIN hunted and destroyed The Man` `you still didn't get any promotion!` `You can't blame your boss anyway, he's` `dead, killed by a heart attack` `during your tries to explain why you` `crashed your car by driving into a` `7-11 shop some days ago (You didn't` `get so far in Bleed 2, did you?). Ok,` `let's cut the crap and enter your` `current position. You are once again` `in your famous car, parked by the` `famous sidewalk.` `The sun is still shining on you...which` `makes you a bit poetical...even if this` `is a cruel work there's always time` `for poetry. You lean back and think: ` ` ` `"Oh, even If mah throat is sore` `I still got mah magnum forty-four` `which i place to a niggers head` `and blows him dead"` ` ` `(Please rise for the American Anthem)` ` ` `Hold it! What's this? Poetry? Get back` `to work!` ` ` `Ok, ok, ok, you are once again in your` `worthless police car, parked by a sunny` `sidewalk (but still worthless) in the` `middle of NY.` ` ` `Go ahead and make your day.` ` ` ; start `So how will you continue your day now` `then?` ` ` ` 1 - Inventory.` ; invent ` 2 - Go for a ride.` ; ride ` 3 - Go for a FUCKING COOL ride!` ; coolride ` 4 - Turn your police radio ON/OFF.` ; radio ; invent `Ahh...your body is filled by a mental ` `orgasm as you watch your shiny Magnum.` `A text engraved on the left side of the ` `stock says "I kill criminals...". And` `with smaller text underneath "...with` `big bangs and mucho macho blood!` `At first you wanted it to say "I kill` `niggers..." but the jerk in the shop` `refused to engrave it! Bah! Lamer!` ` ` ; start ; ride `Roar! Ah, the car starts without` `problem! Very unusual indeed! You` `slowly begin to patrol the streets of` `N.Y this wonderful day, looking for` `crime (action) and criminals (targets).` `Unfortunately everyone walking around` `seems to be rather harmless this day.` `No robberies, violence or rapists in` `progress where you drive. Sigh...` ` ` `But when you drive through one of the` `slum districts you see three children` `who are showing you The finger while` `screaming "Pig! Pig!" and laughing.` `Maybe time to teach the younger` `generation some good manners?!` ` ` ` 1 - Step out and explain so called` ` good manners.` ; explotown ` 2 - Use your fists pedagogically.` ; fist ` 3 - Drive away - fast.` ; fastdrive ; coolride `Mouahahahaha! The car... I mean, THE` `WHEELS hit the road with an advanced` `speed and roars down the street. Get` `outta my fucking way! you scream while` `you crash some bicycles that some kids` `has parked by the road.` `I could describe hundreds of people who` `get nervous problems after this, during` `the four minutes you drive, but that` `would take time.` `But you are lucky this day. No fool` `cross your path and gets his body` `squashed.` ` ` `(I.e nothing interesting happens)` ` ` `Disappointed you return to your sunny` `sidewalk again.` ` ` ; start ; fastdrive `Damn kids! I really hate them! They` `think they own this city! God, why did` `you invent children? A bullet in their` `little heads is what they really` `deserve! Yeah, that's right!` `Suddenly you realize that you have had` `your mind somewhere else the last` `seconds! You look up and discover a` `horrifying sight!` `You are on collision-course with a group` `of children from a play school who are` `walking across the road! They have seen` `you too and are screaming in shock. But` `they are not moving of course!` `Man! Not even you wanna be responsible` `for any accident?!` ` ` ` 1 - Light a cigarette and drive on.` ; ciggdrive ` 2 - Laugh and drive on.` ; laughdrive ` 3 - BRAKE!` ; brakedrive ; radio `Bsst..fff..yeah, yeah, yeah, so ya saw` `this negro blow the head of an old` `lady? Why didn't you blast him? Ok...` `"...bzzt...Robbery on Park Avenue? Who` `gives a shit? I'm eating. FFRRSSS...` `BLAM BLAM I NEED BACKUP MOTHERFUCKING` `FAST FOR CHRIST SAKE" yeah, yeah hold` `on we can send you a car in about an` `hour or two that will be fine yes have` `a nice day.` ` ` `It seems like there's just an ordinary` `street talk between policemen and HQ` `on the air right now.` ` ` ; start ; brakedrive `SCREECH! BLAM, BOM! Shit! It seems your` `heroic act was a bit too late! You car` `is plunged into the children and you can` `hear them scream as they are thrown over` `the street in fountains of blood. You` `know, children are quite small so they` `fly very easily! (hehe! Shut up!) You` `rush out and stare in horror at the` `bloody corpses.` ` ` `Oh my god... one of the few children` `alive lifts his arm and points at you.` `"Sir, please help me..." he says with a` `weak voice. Well...the problem is you` `don't know a shit about first aid so ` `you'll have to improvise.` ` ` ` 1 - Try first aid anyway.` ; aid ` 2 - Try to locate the mother of the` ` child. (She must know!)` ; mother ` 3 - Tie the child to your bumper and` ` drive around the block. ` ; bumper ; aid `Ehm...well...let's see now. As you begin` `to examine the little boy you suddenly` `feel how exited you are...could it be?` `No...you continue to search for wounds` `but after a while you just CAN'T hold` `back your feelings!` `You rip off all your clothes and begins` `a disgusting rape in the ass of the` `little child. (Yuck! I knew you were` `gay!)` ` ` `Ahh...when you are satisfied you kick` `away the little bastard (dead by now` `actually) with your boot. What now?` `Ah..lunch time!` `You are just on your way to step into` `your car when a big man grabs your arm` `and pulls you close to his chest.` `He seems very angry by some reason.` ` ` `"WHAT have you done to my son!?"` ` ` `(Son? Better be careful now!)` ` ` `"As you could see, I gave your son` `perfect first aid!` ` ` `"YOU FUCKED MY DEAD SON IN THE ASS` `THAT'S WHAT YOU DID YOU SON OF A BITCH!"` ` ` `(He didn't buy it)` ` ` `"Yes, but..."` ` ` `"Shut up! But I'm ready to forgive you` `for a small favor...` ` ` `(Another idiot who wants to get rid of` `some stupid fine!)` ` ` `You are not even able to answer before` `he place you on the hood of your car` `and begins a disgusting rape in your` `tight ass.` ` ` `What's the last thing who pass through` `the mind of a policeman who's being` `raped to death?` ` ` `"A dick."` ; The Slut ; mother `You turn to the crowd and speak with a` `loud voice.` ` ` `"Hello? Does this bloody piece belong to` `any of you around here?"` ` ` `(No one seems to answer)` ` ` `"I said, is there any mother or father` `to this hamburger here?"` ` ` `(Very funny indeed)` ` ` `A voice suddenly answers "Here..."` `Ah! Finally! You turn around and` `discover a woman who is pointing at you` `with a little 38-special ladies gun.` `"I'm the mother of that child you ` `brutally have slaughtered." she says` `with a calm voice.` ` ` `You are just going to explain the` `situation when she pulls the trigger.` `Six times. At you of course. She aims` `bad and hits you in the legs and stomach` `two times each before she "finally" hits` `you in the head, ending your suffering.` `You will not notice that she reloads` `her gun and ends her own life too.` ` ` `Then her husbands commits suicide` `when the news reach him!` ` ` `And the neighbors too!` ` ` `And the president of the United States!` ` ` `What a tragedy!` ` ` `(Or is it Dallas?) ; The slut ; bumper `You open the glove-compartment in your` `car and find a little rope which you` `carefully tie to the hand of the` `child and your rear bumper.` `"Trust me, my little friend, this won't` `hurt.", you say before you roar away in` `100 mph. The child is thrown from one` `side to another, into lamp-posts,` `garbage cans, mailboxes and, of course,` `people who are walking around.` `After a couple of minutes you stop but` `discover that the child hasn't gone any` `better.` `In fact...you don't even know where he` `is. The only ting left is the hand,` `still tied to the rope. In panic you` `begin to search the way you came from.` ` ` `Some minutes later you found the body` `together with five other policemen and` `two fellows from the local mad-house.` ` ` `Uncomfortable straight-jackets they` `have here!` ; the Slut ; explotown `You stop the car, step out and begin to` `talk: (slowly)` ` ` `"My dear friends. As you might have` `noticed I have come in peace to give` `you a calm lesson in how you should` `behave to not offend any living human` `around here with so called "bad" habits` `like showing certain parts of your body` `to innocent people. With certain parts` `I mean A. Fingers B. Arses C. misc.` `By doing so ya directly address a human` `by offending his life and friends which` `could lead to psychological wounds and ` `later this day, lunch. Everyone know` `that if all people in China farts at` `the same time an earthquake will occur.` `But that is not certain since we can't` `discuss anything without bass! What I` `mean is that if everyone around the` `world JUST ONCE played bowling there` `could be free drinks all over place! On` `the floor! On the roof! You understand` `don't you? The same thing would happen` `if you drove nine mazdas up in the` `tower of babel and later fell asleep.` `In that case no one would understand` `because everyone on this planet hasn't` `read the book "Vad Fan?". You see what` `I mean? You must learn to speak for` `yourself and not from any shitty (sorry)` `boutique who are selling cheap tear-gas` `to small ladies with big bags.` `You understand? The reason why we can't` `hold back our feelings is simple: Green` `mailboxes on red squares! Bah!` `Humiliating! Do you really think that` `Satan would eat fish when he was` `watching Tipsextra? No! Of course not!` `And that's what the whole point is on` `the left surf-board in the middle of` `Explotown (sic; ya=you).` `Isn'titfuntohavenospacesbetwee?` `But let's see it from another point of` `view! There's always two points of view` `you know! In the old days of running and` `hiding no one would be quite sure what` `would happen if someone decided to.` `Or what would happen if?` `Could he.` `Or should he maybe take on his pants` `again and. Give me a big.` `Is it you, is it me? Why don't we live` `in ecstasy? Ok, but welcome to my` `playground. It's a violent playground,` `such a violent playground. My gift is` `of no use. However...` `And what on earth happened to normal` `mice in the pit of destiny? Do you` `have the slightest idea how much work` `it takes? I bought the radio from Yves` `Rocher and translated it into a radio.` `This is the final solution. Open the` `chambers and let the Zyklon B fall` `through the hole in the floor. Feel` `the power of MTV. Or equal.` `A wise man said once that if the day` `of the retaliation had turned my HDTV` `into a mat for you then it had been` `the final copy of the bible.` `You don't know the difference between` `a HDTV and a CDTV, do you?` `Suckers to the side I know you hate my` `Nissan! Do you have any idea how long` `time it takes to open this drawer and` `find two kilos of black powder? It's a` `mouse button. But maybe later, ok? See` `you around and take on that ugly VCR` `again will you? Laser.` ` ` `You turn to the children and is going` `to ask them if they understood. But` `the children are gone and so are planet` `earth and everything else. The only man` `who survived the Big Crunch and the` `black hole of eternity was you. But` `without a car, boss or gun you are` `nothing, left only to drift in endless` `space. Forever.` ; the slut ; fist `You press down the brake and the car` `stops, followed by a black string from ` `your ex-tires. You kick out the front` `window and jump out screaming "AAAA!".` `The kids do not dare to move when you` `stand like a madman on your hood and` `let your anger run through the streets.` `After a while of screaming you jump down` `and grab the nearest kid and gives him` `a couples of blows to his stomach` `before you stick a finger in his eye.` `The boy is screaming in pain as his left` `eyeball is transformed into something` `that more looks like mashed potatoes.` `The two other kids are trying to run` `but you manage to place a kick in the` `back head of one of them. He looses his` `balance and runs right into a lamp-post.` `A loud crack is heard when his skull` `breaks. The last kid runs in panic and` `doesn't notice a open manhole in the` `street. He disappear in silence 20 feet` `down. By now they should have realized` `that you don't mess with officers of The` `Law! You are just on your way to leave` `this ghetto when a voice behind you says` ` ` `"What have you done to my poor little` `grandsons?"` ` ` `You turn around and find an old lady in` `a wheelchair looking at you with sad` `eyes.` ` ` ` 1 - Explain that they needed a fucking` ` lesson in how to fucking behave.` ; explolady ` 2 - Kick the wheelchair away,` ` down the street!` ; kicklady ; explolady `You explain to the fucking lady that ` `these fucking kids where fucking` `humiliating you and that could not be` `fucking tolerated as you are a fucking` `officer of the fucking law in this` `fucking city!` ` ` `She turns around and shouts into the` `house "Pedro! This gentleman is saying` `naughty words!"` ` ` `The reply arrives one second later in` `form of a 12-gauge shot which sends` `you ten yards away, over the street.` `With a broken voice your last word was` `"...fuck...".` ` ` `"That's how we punish children who` ` swear!"` ; the slut ; kicklady `The lady looks strange at you when you` `grab her wheelchair and kick her away` `down the street. Since there's a little` `slope here she's not able to stop.` `After a few seconds she roll out on the` `main road and is immediately crushed by` `the heavy traffic. Since the traffic ` `is driving here all the time without` `any visible end, this accident will` `probably not be known before 1998.` ` ` `Seconds later you are killed by a shot` `from another relative.` ` ` `Damn ghettos! Only in-breeding.` ; the slut ; laughdrive `Ahahahaahahahah! You don't mind the` `sign saying "Kor Sakta. Lekande barn"` `(Swedes Only joke), instead you drive` `right into the crowd of little people.` `Bodies are thrown up on the hood and` `splattered against your windscreen.` `Ahahahahaha! Small body-parts like hands,` `heads and legs are thrown around and` `knocks down bypassing walkers in streams` `of gore and blood. Ahahahahahahaha!` `One body (from a little girl I think) is` `plunged right through a window and lands` `with a nice splat on the wall inside` `someone's apartment. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!` ` ` `Oh, it's a great sight this...` ` ` `Something that's not so great is that` `you can't see where you are driving!` `The windscreen is smeared with blood` `which means: PANIC!` ` ` `What are you going to do?` ` ` ` 1 - Look out through the side window.` ; lookit ` 2 - Turn on your windshield viper.` ; vipeit ; lookit `You plunge your head out through the` `side window. Your head is immediately` `removed from your body because of` `flying trash from your wheels.` ` ` `Your headless body drives around in` `a few seconds more before your car` `crashes into a Mercedes.` ` ` `And what happened to your head? Well,` `some confused negros started to play` `basketball with it.` ` ` `(Deja-vu?)` ; the slut ; vipeit `Gniii, gniii. Oh, god why can't` `anything work when you really need it?` ` ` `That was your last thought before your` `car in high speed penetrated a shopping-` `window and explodes into a filled super-` `market causing death and destruction.` ` ` `Everyone saw however the funny side.` ; the slut ; ciggdrive `Despite the fact that you are on way of` `causing The Accident Of The Year you` `still don't mind. Instead you put a` `cigarette to your mouth and...blast! You` `dropped your lighter on the floor! When` `bending down to pick it up you bang your` `head into the steering-wheel causing the` `car to skid and stop, four inches from a` `child. Seems like coolness helps` `everyone nowadays!` ` ` `You step out of your car and meet the` `crowd of children and parents who are` `screaming things like "uaah our hero` `brad nixon!". Since you hate children` `the sound of your radio,calling for you,` `is a relief comparable with visiting the` `toilet. You quickly jump into your car` `again and drive away from the hysterical` `crowd, who would probably have eaten you` `alive if you had stayed.` ` ` `You pick up the microphone and ask HQ` `what they want. A sweet female voice` `explains that someone has called 911` `and screamed that a black-dressed man` `is trying to break into this person's` `apartment. This person also said that` `the man was missing his left arm and` `that's why HQ called you...` `Could it be true or was it just a` `coincidence? Is The Man still alive` `and still terrorizing innocent people?` `The only way to find the answers is to` `take your gun and put the pig on the` `run!` ` ` `HQ informs you that the crime is in` `progress at address so-and-so in the` `Bronx. You put the pedal to the metal` `and swear that this time you will` `personally make sure that he stays dead!` `Have a nice day!` ` ` `After a few minutes you arrive at the` `address. The building is an ugly one, and` `the apartment is, judging by the number,` `on the third floor. A man rushes out` `from the main door and to your car.` `"Finally! Some weirdo has broken into` `our home and is holding my wife and my` `daughter as hostages!"` ` ` `"Calm down", you reply. "I am trained` `for situations like these!"` ` ` `(Well, almost anyway)` ` ` `Seems like it's time to prove that you` `really are trained for "situations like` `these". How?` ` ` ` 1 - Use the police megaphone and scream` ` things like "You are surrounded!` ; megaphone ` 2 - Draw your Magnum and fire against` ` the window.` ; stressfire ` 3 - Grab your Mossberg 12-gauge shotgun` ` (placed between the seats in your` ` car) and dash into the house.` ; mossberg ; megaphone `You speak into the mega-phone "Mister!` `Let's cut the crap! Come out or we will` `make meatballs out of your dead body` `when we have knocked you cold!` ` ` `The man looks surprised at you. "Aren't` `you cops supposed to be calm and` `careful when you try to talk out` `criminals!"` ` ` `"This IS calm and careful! Trust me, I` `know what I'm doing!"` ` ` `Nothing seems to happen. You try again.` ` ` `"Sucker! You got five seconds to release` `the daughter! One hostage is enough!"` ` ` `Suddenly a loud bang is heard and the` `window to the apartment explodes in a` `rain of glass. In horror you watch how` `a small body is plunged out through the` `window and falls all three storeys down` `and lands on the hood of your car.` `A voice from above is heard. "Here she` `is!" The body makes a large spot of` `blood on your car and rolls off.` ` ` `"Is THIS what you are trained to DO!?"` `shouts the man beside you.` ` ` `"A little mistake maybe but..."` ` ` `The man suddenly grabs you by your throat` `and tries to strangle you with a mad` `look in his eyes.` ` ` `Urrg! This is not good at all!` ` ` ` 1 - Explain to him that he is actually` ` trying to kill you and that's not` ` good since it will lead to several` ` years in jail.` ; exploman ` 2 - Use your legal right to defend` ` yourself (I.e kill him.)` ; blowman ; mossberg `You open the door to your police car and` `grab the shotgun. You crawl to the` `front of your car and look carefully at` `the window above. None is seen. Quickly` `you jump forward and roll the five` `metres to the main door. This procedure` `didn't take more than three seconds.` ` ` `You open the rusty door and enter.` `Inside, you find an old staircase` `leading up. As you already know, the` `apartment you are on your way to is on` `the third floor. Hmm...there seems to be` `an elevator here too.` ` ` ` 1 - Walk the stairs.` ; stair ` 2 - Use the elevator.` ; elevator ; exploman `You explain the facts to the man and` `believe it or not, he releases you!` `"Maybe you are right" he says. ` ` `Ah what a respect for the law! Now...` ` ` `"But maybe you are WRONG!" he suddenly` `screams and tries to reach for your` `throat again! But this time you give` `him no time. You let him have a bullet` `right in the head. The man flies a` `couple of metres and lands on his dead` `daughter. Damn fool! He shouldn't have` `messed around with Brad Nixon!` ` ` `The familiar sound of another police car` `is suddenly heard on your left side.` `Looking that direction confirms it.` `Another police is on it's way at a high` `speed. Some neighbour must have called` `again during your little intermezzo.` ` ` ` 1 - Rush into the building.` ; rush ` 2 - Stay and explain.` ; explo ; explo `You scream to the oncoming car "Hello!"` `What the...can't the idiot find the` `brakes or why is he...` ` ` ; cont1 `The car runs over you and kills you` `immediately. Your dead body doesn't` `feel how the car once again runs you` `over before the two policemen jumps` `out and empties their magazines into` `you.` ` ` `"We made it Clark.",says one of them` `to the other.` ` ` `"But Bengt, why's he wearing a uniform?"` ` ` `"Oops. What a mistake. But they must` `forgive us! We have only been in the` `force for two days!` ; the slut ; blowman `You place the gun to the man's stomach` `and pulls the trigger. You feel a great` `satisfaction as the man scream while 20%` `of his body is vaporized. Just one ` `problem...he doesn't release you from` `his grip around your throat. Ughh agghh` `let me go you sucker! You let five more` `bullets explode into him at various` `places until only his arms are left. But` `he's still holding tight! Damn aargh!` `You drop your gun and try to push away` `the arms from yourself but it's hope-` `less. You fall to the ground, dead as a` `doornail, strangled by a dead man.` ` ` `But don't be sorry! Guiness book of ` `records made you famous by ranking you` `as No 1 "most bizarre death"! That means` `that the old one, who died by swallowing` `a tooth-pick, is forgotten.` ; the slut ; stair `You begin to slowly walk up the stairs,` `keeping an eye upwards all the time.` `Everything is completely silent.The only` `sound heard is your walking.The sweat is` `already dripping from you when you reach` `the first floor. Two to go. You continue` `upwards, holding the shotgun tight to` `your body, ready to fire.` `Finally you reach the second floor.` ` ` `Hold on! No..it can't be true..the` `silence is suddenly vaporized as you` `can hear steps walking down the stairs` `above you...slowly.` `Towards you.` ` ` ` 1 - Bend down and wait.` ; bend ` 2 - Attack!` ; attack ; attack `YaaHereWeGoYiaaa! You jump out from the` `dark and rush a couple of steps up and` `fire a heavy charge against the dark` `silhouette on the stair above you. He's` `thrown against the wall and you continue` `to feed him with lead. Aha! A gun falls` `down from him! He's obviously an ` `assassin! You fire some shots again and` `the dancing man drops something more.` `Aha! A stick! Probably stolen from some` `old man to be used for crime! You let` `him have three shots more and something` `more falls to your feet. ` ` `Aha! False teeth! Er...what?` ` ` `You hold your fire and the shadow falls` `down the stairs. This is incredible. The` `man you just transformed into confetti` `is an old pensioner! When you examine` `the gun you find out that it's an` `old gun from the second world war,` `loaded. Idiot! Why couldn't he let` `the police handle this?! In anger you` `fire another shot into the dead body!` `And another! By now it should be clear` `to him who's in charge here!` ` ` `Blam! The door above you is opened and` `light from the windows inside the` `apartment makes you blind for a second.` `But you can see how someone raises a gun` `against you. But you are already holding` `your gun! You turn the deadly side of it` `to the man and pull the trigger! Bye!` ` ` `Click.` ` ` `Well, well, well! It seems like all your` `bullets are inside the old man at the` `moment!` ` ` `BOOOOM! SHLAAFS!` ` ` `(That was not your gun, unfortunately.)` ` ` `(But your brain, however!)` ; the slut ; bend `You bend down and hear how the steps` `are coming closer above you.` ` ` `Crash! Crash? What the...you can feel` `how something is landing on your back` `which makes you tumble down the stair,` `all way down to the first floor again.` `Uh? It seems like the stair broke down` `and the man fell down right onto you!` `Confused you quickly stand up and give` `the man a good kick in the head.` ` ` `Mistake! The man turns out to just be a` `old pensioner! How is this possible?` `Why must every jerk be in your fucking` `way?! The man is trying to say something` `and you bend down to listen.` ` ` `"..ugh...here my friend...take this and` `destroy the evil...(on third floor)"` ` ` `Hmm...the pensioner gives you an old` `grenade, probably from the second` `world war. With tears in your eye` `you say "Thankyou old mate!"` ` ` `One second later you are dead. The` `fool forgot to tell you that he had` `removed the sprint.` ` ` `Damn senile old fart!` ; the slut ; elevator `Ah! A excellent choice! Why use your` `legs when you can use modern techno?` ` ` `You open the door to the elevator and` `find an old drunk lying on the floor` `working hard to barf all over the` `floor. Nice. You try to step over the` `puddles of ex-food to reach the buttons` `but you fail, of course. Could anything` `else have been expected? Sigh...` ` ` `You press the button marked "3" and the` `elevator begins a slowly journey upwards.` `You try to ignore the drunk who has` `stopped vomiting and is now singing` `songs about "how I fucked three sailors` `in a row after I had shot the captain".` ` ` `Kling! The elevator has reached it's` `destination! Carefully, you look through` `the small window. Yeah...the door to the` `apartment is open and a shadow with a` `gun is looking out...` ` ` ` 1 - Jump out and FIRE!` ; jumpfire ` 2 - Fire through the small window!` ; smallfire ` 3 - Walk out and introduce yourself` ` as Franz Kafka.` ; franz ; jumpfire `Alarm! You kick the door open and rush` `out and...whatthehell?..you can't stop!` `The disgusting shit which you stepped` `on in the elevator makes you skid past` `the man, down the stairs, through a` `door, into another apartment, into a` `kitchen through a window and two floors` `down.` ` ` `YYYAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHL!` ` ` `On your way down you see EIGHT crimes` `in progress through the windows you` `pass!` ` ` `You scream "YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST!"` `before you hit the ground.` ; the slut ; smallfire `BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Three nice shots` `shakes the elevator and sends the man` `flying into the apartment again! Ha!` `Let's...vafan? You hear a loud crack` `and suddenly the elevator is on its` `way down again! In high speed! Oh god,` `why can't the negros build safe` `elevators who can stand a few shots!` `The old man vomits again and due to` `the fall down you get it all in your` `face. Disgusting! Uhh...but it seems` `like the old man had class anyway! The` `vomit tastes J&B!` ` ` `A fruity taste with a strong...` ` ` `Crash.` ; the slut ; franz `Godday, I'm Franz Kafka."` ` ` `The shadow answers:` ` ` `"And I'm Elvis Presley."` ` ` `BLAM!` ; the slut ; stressfire `It's strange how many ways life has...` `your shot runs away, into the window,` `the ceiling of the apartment, through` `the floor and into a chair on the` `fourth floor. The chair is plunged` `away, over the room and into the head` `of a man who is just injecting a dose` `of heroine into his veins. When the` `chair hits him he sticks the cannula in` `his eye instead and screams in pain.` `His brother, who is in another room,` `smoking grass, thinks the scream is a` `sign from god to kill his mother. He` `draws a knife and begins to stab her.` `After a while he realizes that she` `can't feel so much because she's in` `Canada at the moment. In a desperate try` `to reach her he jumps into the wall and` `knocks himself unconscious. His great` `jump into the wall however, shakes the` `building so violently that a kitchen` `table on the floor above collapses.` `A model of a submarine rolls of the` `table and out through the window. Since` `the model was 200 kg heavy it made a` `10 feet deep crater.` ` ` `At the bottom of the crater you could` `find your car, your gun and you.` ; the slut ; rush `You take a big leap onto the roof of` `your car and then a big jump to the` `main entrance. The other police car is` `closing in and stops with a screech` `outside. As you expected, they are not` `on your side by some reason since they` `draw their guns you take cover behind` `the car. You quickly open the door,` `rush inside and throw yourself to the` `floor. Two seconds later the entrance` `is the scene for heavy fire. The two` `cops shoot and shoot and shoot against` `you but every bullet misses. Parts of` `the door, the wall and the staircase` `is raining over you like the inferno` `of hell. You can hear them scream to` `each other` ` ` `"(Blam, Blam) I think I got him, Clark!"` ` ` `"No you didn't! Idiot! (Blam, Blam)` ` ` `"Aim for his legs!"` ` ` `"Where?"` ` ` `"There!"` ` ` `(Blam, Blam, KRASH)` ` ` `Hey Bengt! It wasn't his legs! It was` `a mailbox!". (Blam, Blam)` ` ` `"Thanks for the information Clark!"` ` ` `Well...it seems like your opponents` `aren't the brightest ones. After a` `while they have emptied their lousy` `92F's and you can hear them fumble` `with their spare magazines.` ` ` ` 1 - Wait.` ; waitit ` 2 - Walk out slowly with the hands over` ` your head and explain some basic` ` facts.` ; basicit ` 3 - Kill. (The original and BEST)` ; killit ; waitit `You begin to wait. Nothing happens.` ` ` `(Uh, Author Guru Meditation Error Zwow)` ` ` `AAH! How the hell could you choose wait?` `Oh my god, you are stupid! Stupid!` `I hate you! Fuck you! I ought to give` `you The Slut for this but I can't!` ` ` `HAHAHA! They both kill you! They blow` `your brain away! HAHAHA! (Where's my` `valium?) And then they eat you for` `lunch! HAHAHAHA! (Where the fuck is` `my valium??) HAHAHAAH!` `My god how could you WAIT? THAt MUSt Be` `the dumBest Thinsg Yououu coualdskshoose` `forch34388ssake83jawohlva3Msmgamla stan2` ; the slut ; killit `Kill what?` ` ` dc.v ` 1 - Yourself.` ; you ` 2 - The suckers behind the car.` ; suckers ; you `Boom.` ; the slut ; suckers `You slowly stand up and look for the two` `jerks. Ahh..they heads are visible above` `the car. You draw your gun carefully and` `place the sight on them. ` ` ` `BOOOOM!` ` ` `Something explodes inside you and you` `can feel how your chest is torn to` `pieces and smeared all over the wall.` `With a deadly wound you fall to the` `ground and feel how life run away` `to A Place Somewhere Else.` ` ` `An old man behind you shouts` ` ` `"Hey Lads! I got him! Did you see that?"` ` ` `The two policemen look up and see a old` `man walking out from the door with a gun` `from World War II in his hand.` ` ` `Nervous cops are never good. They kill` `him immediately and when he lies still` `they empty another magazine into him.` ` ` `"We made it Clark!"` ` ` `(Interesting Facts: Bengt and Clark were` `fried in The Chair two months later)` ; the slut ; basicit `You drop your gun to the floor and walk` `out. The two jerks are still wondering` `how to reload "the fucking gun". When` `you reach the car which they have` `hidden behind they finally manage to` `push the magazine into the gun.` ` ` `"Clark, where is he?", one of them say.` ` ` `You reply: "I am here, idiot." ` ` `"AAAAHHHHH! Bengt, he's gonna kill us!"` ` ` `Clark draws his gun and empties the mag` `at you. The length between you and` `him is approx two metres.` `All the bullets miss.` `Bengt sees his partners failure and` `try to kill you too but he aims` `very bad too and kills Clark instead.` ` ` `He screams "Sorry Clark!", before he` `tries to kill you again. This time he` `aims even worse and blows his own` `brain away. ` ` ` `Well...` ` ` `Maybe it's time to take care of the` `REAL criminal in the apartment on the` `third floor now. You run into the` `building again, not forgetting to pick` `up your Magnum on the way, quickly up` `the stairs until you are on the third` `floor with the door to the apartment` `in front of you.` ` ` ` 1 - Open the door and rush inside.` ; openthe ` 2 - Blow the door to pieces with` ` your gun, run inside and` ` destroy more with a smile` ` on your face (etc etc)` ; blowthe ` 3 - Wait.` ; waitthe ; openthe `Aattaaaaaack! You grab the handle of` `the door and with great force you` `pull it open.` ` ` `Very impressive since it was locked.` ` ` `You throw yourself into the apartment,` `shooting at everything moving.` `Unfortunately nothing IS actually` `moving right here so you shoot at` `everything you see. Mirrors, walls,` `the TV, a stereo, the toilet and that` `little lamp that lights when someone` `opens the fridge.` ` ` `No mercy!` ` ` `Great work. But where's the` `criminal? All rooms are empty` `and` ` ` `Black.` ` ` `Down...down...down the black hole...` ; black ; blowthe `Blam! Blam! Blaaaam! You place three` `nice shots against the door which is` `vaporized and gone. HA!` `You throw yourself into the apartment,` `shooting at everything moving.` `Unfortunately nothing is actually` `moving right here so you shoot at` `everything you see. Mirrors, ` `walls, the TV, a stereo, the toilet` `and that little lamp that lights` `when someone opens the fridge.` `No mercy!` ` ` `But you can't see ` ` ` `Black.` ` ` `Down...down...down the black hole...` ; black ; waitthe `You wait. Nothing really happens.` ` ` `But...` ` ` `Suddenly something big and bad, made` `by wood is plunged against you in` `high speed! ARGH! You feel how it hits` `you over the face and ` ` ` `Black.` ` ` `(Later, you realized that it was the` `door to the apartment that someone` `opened with great force)` ; black ; black `"Can you hear me, Brad?"` ` ` `(Uh) Everything is dark. And trough` `the darkness you hear a voice calling` `your name. Is it Destiny, ready to ` `take you over the river Styx to the` `land far away? Where life has no` `meaning and love is forgotten?` `Where the evil shalt be punished, and` `the good will get their reward?` ` ` `"I know you can hear me, Brad."` ` ` `You open your eyes and find yourself` `lying in a bed at the hospital.` `Bending over you is a man who is ` `wearing a police uniform. You can't` `recognize him, but he looks rather` `harmless.` ` ` `"Ah, welcome back Brad! We found you` `lying in the stairway, outside the` `apartment that you were going to` `investigate."` ` ` `"You did? Yes, you see...` ` ` `"...we also found five dead bodies.` `One man, killed by your gun, one` `girl, killed by falling out from` `a window and two police men,` `killed by...eh...themselves.` `In the apartment we found a woman,` `killed by a kitchen knife.` `Any comments?"` ` ` `"Self-defence."` ` ` `"I see. Well, a shame we couldn't find` `the killer to the other four victims.` `But that's life! By the way, I'm your` `new boss around here!` `Nice to meet you!" He grabs your hand` `and shakes it violent before he turns` `around and leaves the room.` ` ` `You are alone in your room again.` `Great. How are you supposed to do any` `work from here? Better get going...` `You rise from the bed and...ngnn!` `A flash of lightning strikes your` `head! When you have recovered you` `discover that your head is wrapped` `with bandage. Even more great.` `But who cares? A little wound to the` `head hasn't stopped you before!` ` ` `You dress quickly and leave your room.` `A nurse tries to stop you but just push` `her away and say "trust-me-I-know-what` `I'm-doing".` ` ` `"I forbid you to leave this hospital!"` `she screams behind you.` ` ` `Bah! "Forbids"? I would like to see her` `stop me from leaving this place!` `You walk through long white corridors` `until you find an elevator which you` `use. You take it to the bottom floor` `and head for the exit.` ` ` `Hold it now. What's THAT?` ` ` `In front of the exit you see two huge` `"big-mamas" waiting for someone.` ` ` `"Mr Nixon, NO ONE leaves this hospital` `without OUR permission!" says one of` `them with a deep voice.` ` ` `Everything is suddenly completely silent` `around you. Patients, nurses and other` `people clears the area quickly.` ` ` ` 1 - "Bah!" (and walk past them)` ; bah1 ` 2 - "Banzai!" (and kick 'em down)` ; banzai ` 3 - "Yikes!" (and RUN!)` ; yikes ; bah1 `"Move it Mama!"` ` ` `"Get lost!"` ` ` `One of them grabs you and presses you` `hard to her chest. The pain is` `incredible and it feels like your` `bones are going to break any second.` ` ` `She says "How do ya like this loooser?"` `while drooling all over you.` ` ` `Agh, uughh...you try to kick her but` `she's so fat that you can't hurt her.` `After a while she releases you and` `throws you to her partner. She grabs` `one of your legs and start spinning` `you around. AaaaAaahaHAHaahahhhh!` `Then she suddenly let you go and you` `feel how you fly away...away...` `away...(until you) CRASH!` ` ` `You are thrown right through a window` `and into some kind of a waiting-room.` `You land on a table that breaks down` `and leaves you on the floor with a` `thousand pieces of glass around you.` `From outside you hear how the two giants` `are closing in.` ` ` ` 1 - Use your .44 and waste them!` ; 44 ` 2 - Think.` ; think ` 3 - RUN!` ; yikes ; banzai `You walk slowly against them as you` `were on your way out. But when you` `are one yard from one of them you` `take a leap and RAUS! a hard kick in` `the face og the bitch!` ` ` `It feels like kicking a stone. You fall` `to the ground with a broken foot.` `Above you, the fat mama is smiling with` `a mean look.` ` ` `"Looks like our friend want some real` `heavy wrestling, Lisa!" says one of` `them and...oh no...makes a drop-kick` `a la wrestling onto you!` `You feel how the floor under you` `collapses. You, and the fat lady, falls` `down to the basement where she lands` `on you AGAIN! This time every bone in` `your body is completely crushed.` ; the slut ; yikes `"Nice to meet you, but I'll have to be` `on my way now!"` ` ` `AARGH! You turn around and start to run` `for your life. You hear how the ladies` `behind you chuckle and begin to run` `after you. You run through a deserted` `white corridor (where are all people?)` `with the ladies after you. I must say` `that they seem to be in very good shape` `even with bodies like cows. ` ` ` `"You cannot escape from us!"` ` ` `After endless corridors, with locked` `doors and no exits you suddenly discover` `that one of them is gone! ` ` ` `(and yes you realize that you can't be` `lucky enough to get RID of one of them` `no of course she's)` ` ` `suddenly standing in front of you...` ` ` `"We KNOW this hospital Mr Nixon!" says` `one of them, smiling.` ` ` `"Prepare to DIE!" says the other one and` `both of them begin to run against you.` ` ` `You seem to be trapped in the middle of` `this... The ladies are running against` `you from two directions like two trains` `which will lead to a huge collision.` `And you will probably look like a ` `pancake after it! Yargh Yikes Help uh!` ` ` ` 1 - Use your .44 and stop them.` ; mag44 ` 2 - Jump.` ; jump ` 3 - Duck.` ; duck ; think `Idea...you grab the sharpest and meanest` `piece of glass you can find on the` `floor, then you crawl to the door and` `hide beside it. Come on suckers...` `When one of the ladies enter you jump` `in front of it - eh - her and with a` `coolfix look you say:` ` ` `"This is THE END for you!"` ` ` `(I know the bitch was ready` ` she started to get sweaty` ` but all that was on my mind was` ` kill that bitch LIKE FREDDY!"` ` (Getto Boys) ` ` ` `You drive the piece of glass into her` `stomach and rip it upward. She screams` `in pain but the sound is soon gone and` `only blood comes from her mouth.` `You feel how her stomach, lungs and` `heart falls onto you. You drive the` `glass once more into her and this` `time she falls to the ground...forward` `...onto you. Hey wait a SCHLAFS!` ` ` `Everything is dark. You are surrounded` `by flesh and blood and you realize` `that the dead body is lying on top of` `you. Uh...this is disgusting!` ` ` `Something hard and cold is pressing on` `your leg. You reach for it in the dark-` `ness and discover that it's your .44!` ` ` `And how will you get out from this?` ` ` ` 1 - Search for an exit.` ; searchout ` 2 - Blast a hole with your gun!` ; fireout ` 3 - Wait.` ; waitout ; waitout `You wait. From outside, you can hear` `how the other lady enters and scream` `in horror when she discover the corpse.` ` ` `"AAAAAARGGGH!"` ` ` `Hehe...I bet she didn't expect this!` ` ` `I guess you didn't expect her to grab` `the corpse and lift it up. Light` `strikes your eyes and you see how` `the lady are holding the corpse in` `her arms. She looks down and discovers` `you, lying on the floor in a pile of` `flesh and blood.` ` ` `"I...KILL you...for THIS!"` ` ` ` 1 - Use another piece of glass.` ; glass2 ` 2 - "Make my day!"` ; make ` 3 - Run!` ; ruun ; glass2 `You grab another piece of glass, but` `this time you cut yourself bad in the` `hand instead. NNAAGHH! Pain!` ` ` `The lady grabs you by the legs and throw` `you away, into the wall. BONK!` `Then she grabs your head like a` `bowling-ball, with two fingers in` `your eyes! She spin you around` `and throw you into the wall again.` ` ` `"Strike!"` ` ` `This time you try to escape but you` `are blind. You run in darkness and` `miss the door.` ` ` `The lady grabs you again, but this` `time she's tired of playing.` ` ` `She say: "Thanks for the tip!", and` `cut your throat with a piece of glass.` ; the slut ; make `"Make my..."` ` ` `She grabs your head and with a gentle` `snap breaks your skull in two.` ` ` `"...day..."` ` ` `Fast answers - die young.` ; the slut ; ruun `You try to run away but you slip on` `some unidentified piece of meat` `and falls into the lady's arms.` ` ` `"Eh...well..."` ` ` `"Welcome to MY playground!"` ` ` `She puts her greasy hands in your` `mouth and rips your skull in two` `parts.` ` ` `And what she does after THAT is REALLY` `horrible!` ; the slut ; searchout `You begin to feel around for some kind` `of opening in this meat ball. After a ` `short while you finally manage to find` `one in the lower part of the body.` `You crawl ut and discover that you have` `used the lady's giant rectum as an exit.` ` ` `I think I must throw up.` ` ` `Control yourself.` ` ` `No, you can't. You bend forward and` `prepare to let your last meal go away` `in a big flood. You open the mouth...` ` ` `MFff! Vfn nRa?` ` ` `Something sticky and plastic is placed` `over your mouth! You turn around and` `see how the other lady is holding a` `piece of tape in her hand. She's` `looking at you like she waited for` `something to happen.` ` ` `And it happen. You feel how you throw` `up but you can't get it out because of` `the tape! You try to remove it but it's` `too late! The vomits turn around and` `fills your lungs.` ` ` `You struggle for a couple of minutes` `before you slip away.` ` ` `(No comments)` ; the slut ; fireout `You place the gun away from you and fire` `three shots. Three big holes appear` `in front of you and it's enough for you` `to punch yourself a big hole. You crawl` `out from the body.` ` ` `"There you are!"` ` ` `Who? The other fat lady is running` `towards you with a piece of glass in` `her hand. But this time you are ready!` `You rise your gun and gives her one in` `the head. It explodes and she falls` `to the floor. She drops the piece of` `glass and it runs right through her` `left eye and head.` ` ` `Ha! Who rules? You take a step forward` `to leave this mess, but you slip on` `something and fall.` ` ` `Murphy's Law 452: "the one who slips` `is doomed to fall on the piece of` `glass that is stuck into the head` `of the fat lady he just killed and` `achieve enough brain damage to die"` ` ` `I don't think I got it, really...` ; the slut ; jump `You try to jump over one of them but one` `second to late! The ladies run into` `you and...well...like a tomato between` `the wheel of a car and the road, you are` `crushed and smeared all over the floor,` `walls and ceiling.` ` ` `Actually, you are so completely crushed` `that the hospital decided that there was` `no idea the scrap you off. They took` `some brushes and made a red corridor` `with the help from your body instead.` ; the slut ; mag44 `The ladies are closing in...you reach` `for your weapon but...hey! It's gone!` `It must have been taken from you` `when you were asleep! Oh, uh, eh?` ` ` `We are really sorry that this game has` `no sound-FX.` ` ` `However...` ` ` `Bam, shl242ABBa, CHhlaffs, aRgH, axff.` ; the slut ; 44 `You reach for your .44 but...where is` `it? Your holster is empty. Damn! It ` `must have been taken from you while` `you were asleep! Some of the nurses` `must have...` ` ` `"Looking for this, Mr Nixon?" ` ` ` `You rise your head slowly, prepared` `for a shock. As you expected, one` `of them are holding your gun.` ` ` `"Do you want it, Mr Nixon?"` ` ` ` 1 - "Oh, yes please"` ; Ohyeah ` 2 - "Well, you see..."` ; Ohsee ` 3 - "Absolutely not!"` ; Ohnot ; Ohyeah `"Yes, I actually would like to have MY` `gun back!", you answer.` ` ` `"Catch!"` ` ` `The lady throws the gun against you but` `you are unable to catch it. (Maybe due` `to all drugs?) The gun lands in front` `of you. Uh, oh. It seems to be cocked!` ` ` `You are completely right. The gun goes` `off and the charge lands into you.` `You are thrown back with your stomach` `one yard behind you.` ; the slut ; Ohnot `"No, I don't want it"` ` ` `"Take the bullets anyway"` ` ` `She aim and fire. You get all the` `bullets.` ` ` `Simple perfect and perfect simple.` ; the slut ; Ohsee `"Well, you see..."` ` ` `(Silence)` ` ` `"Uhm...", you continue.` ` ` `The bitches looks at each other and` `then at you. They don't really know` `what to do.` `You decide to continue on this line.` ` ` `"Uhm...eh...well...er...hmm...uh...` `ahem...ah...no...oh?"` ` ` `"I HATE TO GET CONFUSED", says one` `of them and aims the gun against` `you.` ` ` `"Eh? Well...maybe I should...no."` ` ` `"Stop it! My brain can't..."` ` ` `Suddenly she drops the gun and falls` `to the floor. Blood is slowly dripping` `from one of her ears.` ` ` `"You killed her with your unstable` `information! I can't live no longer!"` ` ` `The other lady grabs your gun and` `place it to her mouth. Her head` `explodes like a water-balloon and` `your gun drops to the floor.` ` ` `(Unstable information?)` ` ` `There seems to be no other enemies` `around right now, so you pick up your` `gun and head for the exit.` ; EXIT ; duck `You throw yourself to the floor with a` `pray that you will survive this shit.` `The two ladies are not able stop` `their bodies so they run into each` `other and an incredible explosion` `occur. You feel how the earth shakes` `below you. You look up and see how` `arms, legs, brains and misc parts` `are splattered all over the corridor.` `A still pumping heart lands in front` `of your face and explodes in a final` `beat.` ` ` `Clive Barker, where are you now?` ` ` `After the storm has passed you rise` `and find to your relief that the` `two bulldozers are gone forever.` `Ah! Your .44 is lying on the floor!` ` ` `You pick it up and is just going to` `try to find the exit when a shot is` `heard behind you. Parts from the` `ceiling rains over you in small` `pieces. You turn around and discover` `a small man with a shotgun in his hand.` ` ` `"HOLD IT! No one leaves this hospital` `without my permission!" (sigh)` ` ` `He seems to be a doctor, judging from` `his clothes.` ` ` ` 1 - Scream for cream.` ; cream ` 2 - Stressfire!` ; stress ` 3 - Give up.` ; give ; give `"Ok, ok! I'll give up!"` ` ` `The man looks surprised at you.` ` ` `"You must be joking."` ` ` `"No, I am not."` ` ` `"Yes, you are!"` ` ` `"No, I am not joking!"` ` ` `"YES, you are!"` ` ` `"NO!"` ` ` `YES!"` ` ` `"WELL THEN KILL ME IF I DO!"` ` ` `(Silence)` ` ` `You continue "Well, I meant that..."` ` ` `"..well, ok"` ` ` `BOOM!` ` ` `End of discussion.` ; the slut ; cream `You fill your lungs with air and shout:` ` ` `"Oi!"` ` ` `Two seconds later, you are completely` `crushed by one ton of whipped cream.` ` ` `Express from London.` ; the slut ; stressfire `You throw yourself to the floor and` `roll to the wall while cocking your` `gun. In true commando-style, you fire` `a couple of shots against the man.` `The first hit him in the upper chest` `and the other in his scrotum. He drops` `the shotgun and falls to the floor,` `dead as a doornail. A shot goes of from` `it but misses you.` `(Actually it splats a bypassing nurse,` `but that's not really interesting)` ` ` `Very nice.` ` ` `Very nice indeed.` ` ` `You stand up and run through long white` `corridors to the exit of this madhouse!` ; EXIT ; EXIT ; EXIT `Back on the street again...` ` ` `It's a sunny day and you make your way` `on the sidewalk towards the main police` `building. A new car would be nice! And` `why not another task?` ` ` `(A msg to all swedes: The word "task"` `refers to a thing equal to "mission",` `NOT in any case "kuk" or "balle")` ` ` `You do wonder where the famous Man ` `took his getaway from the house but` `it doesn't bother you. He will` `probably show up again - another time,` `another place.` `You have a long walk to complete. The` `cop-central is four miles from here.` `A car! My Magnum .44 for a car!` ` ` `"Hey! Move it!"` ` ` `Ehm? Is someone talking to you? You are` `in the middle of a crossroad. You look` `to the right and discover a bunch of` `skinheads, armed with baseball bats and` `iron sticks.` ` ` `Oops.` ` ` `They look at you as they were going to` `kill you any second. You freeze.` `Then you discover that they are not` `looking at you. You turn around and` `see a bunch of long-haired, black-` `dressed jews, armed with...uhm?...` `nothing visible.` `They scream at each other in a most` `unpleasant way.` ` ` `"Get out fuckin' bastards! Sieg heil!"` ` ` `"You skinheads are only a group of` `pigs! We'll kill you if you come any` `closer!"` ` ` `"Run back to the ghetto, fuckfaces!` ` ` `"Haha! We will crucify you all! Like` `we did to that Jesus sucker!"` ` ` `"Sieg heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!"` ` ` `etc etc etc. More and more skinheads` `and jews are coming. After a while` `there's about a hundred of them` `each. And you are in the middle of it!` `They are in all four directions now,` `so I guess you'll have to choose side` `if you don't want to be crushed in` `between.` ` ` ` 1 - Walk to the Skinheads.` ; skins ` 2 - Walk to the Jews.` ; jews ` 3 - Live fast, die young.` ; fastlive ; fastlive `You pump up your muscles and scream:` ` ` `"Yo! You are all wrong! I'm the best!` `You skins are only a bunch of super-` `jerks who only want to fuck dead` `niggers! That's why you hate 'em!"` ` ` `Everything is suddenly silent.` `You turn to the jews.` ` ` `"And you! Why didn't Hitler fry you` `all in his magic chambers? Why? You` `damn pig-loving money-making bastards!` `FUCK YOU!"` ` ` `The skinheads look at each other. The` `jews look ar each other.` ` ` `And they attack. Hundreds of people` `rush against you and with sticks,` `knives and fists they finish you into` `a meatloaf in minutes. As a final` `humiliation, one of the skinheads shits` `on you.` ` ` `Then they all go to the pub. You` `actually made them friends after` `2000 years of anger.` ` ` `Congratulations.` `Enjoy the heat of hell.` ; the slut ; skins `Ein Volk.` `Ein Reich.` `Ein Brad Nixon.` ` ` `You walk to the skinheads. A guy with` `a nazicross on his shirt grabs you` `and bangs his head against yours.` `A friendly greeting, actually.` ` ` `"Yau! Whe' is tha youth? Come an'` `joi' us in owa pla'groun'!"` ` ` `(translation: "Yau! Whe' us tha youth?` `Come an' joi us in owa pla'groun'!")` ` ` `He continues: "Ouh! Let's kick sa'm` `ars's 'n kill those fuggin' jews!"` ` ` `He points at the jews and screams:` ` ` `"Wao! let's goua!"` ` ` ` 1 - Attack!` ; attackskin ` 2 - Run away from this madness!` ; runskin ` 3 - Scream for Cream.` ; cream ; attackskin `You are stil a bit dizzy after the` `headbanging meeting with the skinhead` `leader.` `You watch how the skins rush against` `the jews with bats and sticks while` `shouting: "Alaaaaarm!"` ` ` `(Alarm?)` ` ` `Even if the skins seems to be rather` `heavily armed, the haven't much chance` `against the jews who are armed with` `submachine guns. Oh yes, UZIs.` ` ` `Israeli technology beat bats. Cool.` ` ` `You are pushed around the nazis and` `doesn't really know what's going on` `in the inferno around you.` `Suddenly everything is quiet. You look` `up and discover that all skins are` `dead. Well.` ` ` `You stand up and...and..."Hey! Look!` `One of them are still alive! KILL!"` ` ` `Oh no! Damn! A crazed jew points his` `gun against you!` ` ` ` 1 - Jump to the left.` ; bah ` 2 - Jump, but to the right instead.` ; bah ; runskin `Yargh! Let's get out of this sick` `place! You make your way through the` `nazis and end up behind them. Phew!` `A few Dr Martens (the boot that unites` `all races) tries to kick you, but you` `evade them skillfully.` ` ` `This could be nice to watch I guess...` ` ` `Do you want to watch what will` `happen?` ` ` ` 1 - Yes.` ; yeah ` 2 - No.` ; noo ; yeah `A spectators view instead...` ` ` `The nazis and jews are screaming at` `each other for while. But suddenly,` `or "finally", the nazis attack.` `Armed with bats and stick, they finish` `the jews fast...or...maybe not.` ` ` `Actually, the jews pull submachine guns` `from holsters and finishes the skins` `instead. Well, well! Nazi heads, legs` `and other body parts are flying around` `and splats on the street. Disgusting!` `After a short moment, all skins are` `dead.` ` ` `(Interesting Facts: One jew was hurt!` `He lighted up his beard by mistake` `with a dropped cigarette)` ` ` `"Hey! There's another one!"` ` ` `One jew points his gun against you and` `seems to be on his way to kill! WAIT!` `I AM NOT...` ` ` `He don't seem to listen. He will open` `fire any second!` ` ` ` 1 - Jump.` ; bah ` 2 - Duck. (Jerk Translation: "Bend Down",` ` not a bird!)` ; bah ; bah `Ratatata! You try to evade the spitting` `lead from the uzi but too late.` `36 bullets enter your body and takes` `you on a flight across the street and` `into a trashcan. Klong!` ` ` `Oh god, how could Hitler kill 6 million` `jews and miss this one?!` ; the slut ; noo `No? jevla lamer what the fan ska jag` `nu skriva da??? don't choose this` `boring alternative next time jevla` `fjant nu sabba du everything! Bah!` `bah abha abhabhabvolvosasbaysioas` ; the slut ; jews `You turn around and walk to the jews.` `A long-bearded man hugs you and kisses` `you on your cheeks and says:` ` ` `"My humble friend! Welcome to us!` `We will crush those non-haired nazis` `with help from God (oh great), our` `hands (he must be joking), our holy` `book (ahah) and..."` ` ` `He grabs something from his coat.` ` ` `"...one of the great gifts that the` `israeli state has produced to help us` `in situations like this!` `The Holy Uzi!"` ` ` `The man gives you a 9 mm Uzi and two` `clips. "Let's go!"` ` ` `All jews reaches for their guns and` `cocks them in a magic moment.` ` ` `"Now!"` ` ` `BRAMMAGLMMABRATA! The skinheads drop` `like flies when the jews open fire.` `They laugh and thank god while pumping` `lead. You are a bit confused and don't` `really know what to do. You shoot some` `nazis and some jews just for the sake` `of it.` ` ` `After half an hour, the nazis are all` `dead and are lying on the street in` `their own blood. A few jews are walking` `around and shoots the few that are only` `hurt and still alive. The man who gave` `you the uzi says:` ` ` `"Thankyou for helping us! We'll sure` `remember to spare you when we conquer` `the earth! Until then, keep the gun as` `a gift! Later.` ; EXIT2 ; EXIT2 `Another day, another gun.` ` ` `You walk away from the jews with the` `Uzi in under your uniform. Strange, It` `feels more comfortable than your .44.` `A shame that you have only one clip.` `But it's still enough to turn a human` `into a pencil.` `People bump into you while walking on` `the crowded sidewalk towards the` `police station. You want to draw your` `uzi and pump the fat idiots who run` `into you all the time with hot lead` `but you save that to another time.` ` ` `A long walk...but...finally! You stand` `in front of the little station to whom` `you belong. It's a black house with` `five storeys and with small bullet-` `proof windows. Charming.` ` ` `You walk to the entrance and discover` `that the door is locked. A joke?` `This station is never closed, not even` `at night! Someone must have locked it` `by mistake. Then you discover that all` `lights are turned off in the entire` `building. Great. You look through the` `window and try to catch the attention` `of the guard behind the desk in the` `entrance. But there's no one there.` `But there's something on the wall` `behind...you look closer...` ` ` `It's a text smeared all over the wall..` ` ` `"Helter Skelter"` ` ` `Yikes! Can it be true? You don't waste` `any time. The door swings open with a` `helping blow from your .44` ` ` `You rush to the desk and confirm your` `suspicion. The guard is lying behind` `it, dead. His throat has been cut open,` `and his tongue has been used as a brush` `over the wall.` ` ` `Bang!` ` ` `A door slams shut somewhere in the ` `building and the sound echoes through` `the silent corridors.` ` ` `Klek, klek, klek.` ` ` `You hear someone walking on the floor` `above you.` ` ` `Guess you can't call for backup now...` ` ` ` 1 - Begin The Hunt.` ; hunter ` 2 - Rush outside and scream for help.` ; screamer ; screamer `You throw yourself through the door and` `run away screaming "HEELP! There's a` `madman here!"` `You run all the way to downtown where` `you stop and begin to scream even more.` ` ` `What a sight. A man in uniform, with a` `Magnum .44 and an Uzi, screaming like` `a woman on her knees.` ` ` `"Yaaaa! Help!"` ` ` `A fat man makes his way through the` `crowd around you. He draws a little` `gun and aims it at you, holding it` `with both hands over his huge` `stomach. He aims for at least twenty` `seconds before he place a bullet` `in your body.` ` ` `Ouch!` ` ` `Then he turn around, holding his hands` `over his head and shouts:` ` ` `"I got him! Did you see that! I killed` `him! Ha! I killed the madman!` `I'm a...I'm a...HERO!"` ` ` `George Bush gave him a medal.` ; the slut ; hunter `You look around. There's an exit behind` `you and a dark corridor in front of` `you, leading into the station.` `You recall that there's a staircase` `in the end of the corridor.` `You begin to walk. A compact darkness` `surrounds you and makes you completely` `blind. You bump into a wall and turn` `to a new corridor to the left.` `Everything is complete dark. You wish` `that who-ever-he-is hasn't got those` `hi-tech nightvision glasses, like` `in "Silence of the lambs".` ` ` `Then you would be in deep shit.` ` ` `Klek, klek...` ` ` `You hear someone walking above you.` `Sweat begins to drip from your head.` `A deep, dark voice is suddenly heard,` `echoing in the building.` ` ` `"Welcome Mr Nixon...Let's end this once` `and for all! I know you know who I am.` `Come and get me!"` ` ` `Haha! No problem my little fellow! This` `time, you will not return!` ` ` `"...and Mr Nixon...I have got myself a` `pair of NightVision glasses supplied by` `Canon...as in the movie "Silence of` `the lambs", HA HA HA!"` ` ` `The voice fades away.` ` ` `I guess you ARE in deep shit.` ` ` `You walk further. After a little while,` `you feel the stairs on your right side.` `You also feel an elevator door beside` `the stairs. It's still completely dark.` ` ` ` 1 - Use the stairs.` ; Astairs ` 2 - Enter the elevator.` ; Aelevator ` 3 - Wait.` ; Await ; Await `You wait. The compact silence whisper` `in your ears. Suddenly, you hear steps` `again...this time their are walking` `towards you...from the stairs.` ` ` `Klek...klek...klek...` ` ` `Uh, oh! There's something walking down` `the stairs in front of you!` ` ` ` 1 - Fire at the sound.` ; soundfire ` 2 - Run away to a better position.` ; soundrun ; soundrun `You turn around and start running the` `way you came from. In darkness.` ` ` `Blamp, crash!` ` ` `Shit. Shit! You trip over a trashcan` `and crash onto a table filled with` `mugs and various things. You hit your` `head on a broken glass and cut your` `cheek open. Warm blood drips over you` `and on down to the floor. Shit!` ` ` `Pain! You stand up and begin to run.` `But this time you slip on your own` `blood and fall backwards. You hit your` `head against the fucking table again` `with a "blong"!` ` ` `Dizzyness and confusion. You rise and` `draw your Uzi and blows the fucking` `table to a pile of tooth-pickers! HA!` `Gotcha! You aint stopping me another` `time, table!` ` ` `The man looks at you through his` `glasses. He thinks it's a shame to` `kill such a clown who talks to ` `tables but don't worry.` ` ` `He do it anyway.` ; the slut ; soundfire `Aahahaha! Brtatatata! You open fire` `against the staircase with your uzi.!` `The flame from the gun lights up the` `area temporary and you can suddenly` `see the man! He's standing at the left` `on the staircase, covering the head` `with his hands!` ` ` `Click.` ` ` `Perkele! The clip is empty! Darkness is` `present again. You draw your .44` `and begin to fire against the place` `where the man was visible. Blam!` `The short light from the blast ` `shows...nothing! He has moved from` `the place.` ` ` ` 1 - Rush to the stairs and fire.` ; rushrush ` 2 - Take cover.` ; rushcover ; rushrush `Alarm! You rush to...to...er?` ` ` `Klong! Bonk! Ah! Here it is!` ` ` `You find the staircase in the compact` `darkness by tripping over it...` ` ` `Ok, you stand up and rise your gun...` ` ` `BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!` ` ` `...three shots are fired. All of them` `goes through Your brain and out on` `the other side. The man was standing` `only a couple of metres from you.` ` ` `Instant Smelly Death.` ` ` `Be faster next time.` ; the slut ; rushcover `Take cover? In this darkness? Where??` ` ` ` 1 - Uhm...` ; er ` 2 - Er...` ; er ` 3 - Well...` ; er ; er `I thought so! Where on earth can you` `find a visible cover in this darkness?` ` ` `The man can see you, thanks to his` `nightvision glasses.` ` ` `The last thing you remember is` `Winston Churchill and Jesus in` `a homosexual act.` ` ` `Don't ask me why.` ` ` `I guess you are insane.` ; the slut ; Astairs `You sneak to the stairs...` ` ` `(Meanwhile...The Man who is standing` `above you looks at you. Thanks to his` `advanced NightVision Glasses he can` `see every move you do. He watches you` `as you look at him. Well...you don't` `actually LOOK at him since it's dark.` `But you are looking that way. He` `draws his gun silent and aims at you.` `He place the sight on your forehead.` `Then he changes his mind and aims at` `your scrotum instead. He thinks: "Oh,` `come on! Don't be so cruel! Finish him` `off quickly!". But he can't resist this` `funny situation. He sees how your face` `turns into 100 different screams as he` `blow your dick away. You fall to the ` `floor. He walks down the steps and` `laugh while watching you scream in pain` `on the floor. "Ok, end of the circus!"` `He aims at your head and removes your` `brain instantly with a 7.62 bullet.` `It goes out of your head with a flood` `of grey brain and red blood)` ` ` `(But for you it's only:) ` ` `...Blam! ARGH! uh, oh! BLAM!` ` ` `(pop! black)` ; the slut ; Aelevator `Totally unlogical to even try to use` `the elevator when the electrically` `power is off. But I guess you have` `already discovered that there's no` `logical thinking in this game so...` ` ` `...you open the elevator door and` `enter the dark room. You can't feel` `or hear anyone inside. Lucky you.` ` ` `Flash.` ` ` `Light strikes your eyes and you are` `blinded for a moment. Ah, light!` `The power seems to have been turned` `on again. Suddenly, you hear someone` `running down the stairs outside the` `elevator! You react at once and throw` `yourself at the floor of the elevator.` ` ` `Great intuition.` ` ` `The man begins to fire at the window` `to the elevator and bullets penetrate` `the wall behind you. Ratatata! Glass` `and concrete rains over you.` ` ` ` 1 - Push the door open and fire!` ; hohoho ` 2 - Do something else. (Don't you` ` just LOVE this alternative?)` ; else ; hohoho `1. You are on the floor.` `2. The man is standing with a gun` ` in his hand, loaded.` `3. You must first draw your gun.` `4. He just have to pull the trigger.` ` ` `Do you think you will survive?` ` ` ` 1 - YES!` ; don't ` 2 - No, but I can't resist to` ` challenge death.` ; death ; don't `Sorry. You are wrong.` ` ` `But there's always nice with a` `positive attitude to a problem!` ; the slut ; death `Challenge death? Cool man! Way to` `go! Give him all you got! You` `are No 1! Go, go! Yeah! Yeah!` ` ` `You lost.` ; the slut ; else `Something else?` ` ` `You reach for the buttons and press` `the "2". ` ` ` `Rumble, rumble.` ` ` `The elevator starts to go upward. You` `roll over to the left side when the` `window comes in level of the floor and` `evade to get any lead inside you. HA!` ` ` `The elevator reach the second floor.` `You waste no time. You kick the door` `open and jump out, pointing the uzi` `in all directions, ready to fire.` ` ` `Klank. You hear a sound from stairs` `on your left and you realize that` `the man must be left on the first` `floor.` ` ` `"Baby! Now I'm on top!"` ` ` `You look around. You are standing in` `a corridor. There's plenty of pictures` `on the walls, showing police men in` `different heroic positions for example:` `holding guns to the head of jerks or` `standing on the throat on some` `anti-nuclear activists. Ah, there are` `you! You are smiling against the ` `camera after you have broken the leg` `of a shop-lifter with a baseball bat.` `Cool! Must be...hmm...1982 i think.` ` ` `You also discover that there's a lot` `of police men here lying on the floor.` `All of them are dead and there's blood` `and brain all over the place. How can` `The Man possibly have killed all of` `them? Incredible! He must be a crack` `shot! Great dude, a shame you must` `send him to hell.` ` ` `Now what? As I said, you are standing` `on the second floor with the stairs on` `your left. The man is on the floor` `below you.` ` ` ` 1 - Walk down the stairs and kill him.` ; dothewalk ` 2 - Throw down some bodies and then` ` rush after and kill.` ; bodydown ` 3 - Surf down the stairs on a chair.` ` (which is placed in a room beside` ` the elevator)` ; FINAL ; dothewalk `Are you stupid?` ` ` `You KNOW that he is standing by the` `staircase on the other floor.` ` ` `You KNOW that he is probably pointing` `a gun your way.` ` ` `You KNOW that he will fire the second` `he see you.` ` ` `But still, you want to WALK down the` `stairs?` ` ` `I don't bother to tell you how you die.` ` ` `(But see it like this:` ` ` `"Your brain would have gotten a nice` `sun tan if it had been outside!" ` ` `HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (c) Bad Jokes INC)` ; the slut ; bodydown `Hehe...you grab the closest body you can` `find, a big man. Then you drag him to` `the staircase and throw him down.` ` ` `Bump, bump, bump, ratatatata!, bump!` ` ` `You grab another. This time a woman.` `Damn! You spilled some of her brain ` `all over your uniform!` ` ` `Bump, bump, ratatatatata, bump!` ` ` `And you do it again and again until...` ` ` `Bump, bump, ratatata klick, bump!` ` ` `He seems to have emptied his clip...` `You rush down the stairs and draw your` `gun. With a mean look you blow his head` `to a cloud of bone and blood.` ` ` `You win!` ` ` `Just kidding.` ` ` `The truth: You rush down the stairs, ` `but unfortunately you slip on a track` `of blood and fall. You hit your head` `and slide the final way on your own` `substances. Dizzy, you watch how a` `pipe is placed against your right` `eye and` ; the slut ; FINAL `"Everybody go surfing now..."` ` ` `You drag the chair (which is equipped` `with nice wheels) to the stairs. You` `climb onto it and...oooaaaaahh!....` `You hold your Uzi with one hand and` `the chair with the other as you ride` `it down the stairs.` ` ` `Klank, klank, OhOhUhOh, donk, donk` ` ` `You reach the bottom and the chair` `crashes into the floor and sends you` `flying, towards the shadow in front` `of you. You hit the man and you` `tumble around on the floor. You see` `how his gun, a Kalashnikov, drops` `to the floor (a communist?). You ` `quickly kick it away and get to` `your feet.` ` ` `You turn around. The man is watching` `you. You are watching him.` ` ` `It's you.` ` ` `You haven't seen his face until now.` `And it's actually you.` ` ` `"Surprised, Brad?"` ` ` `But it's not your voice. He has got` `a much darker one.` ` ` `"Well, I didn't expect to find Ronald` `Reagan either..."` ` ` `"Very funny, Brad! But I am You! I am` `your dark side! You have been fighting` `me all the time! And you can never win!` `Because...I am You! You! If you kill` `me, you will die! Or a PART of you will` `die...understand?` ` ` `(Sounds like a B-movie from the 50's` `to me...)` ` ` `He throws his head back and laughs.` ` ` `"Hahaha! YOU CANNOT WIN!` ` ` `You are holding your Uzi in a` `steady grip.` ` ` `"Fine."` ` ` `You pull the trigger. The Uzi begins to` `spit lead towards the Man but before the` `first bullet hit him, you see a surprised `look on his face.` `He starts to dance. Bullets hit him in` `his legs, arms and stomach. Blood is` `streaming from the open craters in his` `body. He tries to scream but only blood` `streams from his mouth and over the` `floor. The three final bullets crashes` `into his head and sends his eyes,` `tongue and brain to the wall behind` `him with a gurgling sound.` `His headless and bloody body stands` `up for a couple of seconds until` `it falls to the floor and his` `stomach fluid is flushed out from` `his open throat.` ` ` `"Sorry. But I don't believe in that` `"you=me" crap!" ` ` ` ` `Brad Nixon dropped the Uzi and turned` `around. The door to the station swung` `open and he walked outside. He felt` `alright. A packet of strong cigarettes` `was opened. He placed one in his` `mouth and lighted it while watching` `the sky above him.` `A chilly wind.` `The autumn would soon be here.` ` ` `"He shouldn't have messed with the` `symbol for the free west."` ` ` `He smiled.` ` ` `"Me!"` ` ` ` ` `You have accomplished your mission.` ; the final slut ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Oh please Zaz, get that damn thumb out of your arse. Others: Consider this: FTP.LYSATOR.LIU.SE /pub/texts/uxu \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ The Slut = The End --------------------------------------------------------------------------- uXu #334 Underground eXperts United 1996 uXu #334 Call X-TREME -> +31-1670-64414 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------