The Hacker's Encyclopedia 1998

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Text File | 2003-06-11 | 21.3 KB | 394 lines

### ### ### ### ### #### ### ### ### #### ### ### ##### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ##### ### ### ########## ### ### ########## ### ### ### ### Underground eXperts United Presents... ####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### ####### ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ## #### ## ## #### # # ####### ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### ####### [ uXu Does Town 1994 ] [ By All But Hedge ] ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ uXu Does Town 1994 ------------------ by The Chief, GNN, Hedge, Phearless and Ralph 124C41+ Ralph 124C41+ ------------- The underground eXperts had arranged a meeting here in Stockholm which I of course was planning to attend. We were supposed to meet each other at the Medborgarplatsen underground station at 18:30 but at six o'clock I was still in Bro way north of Stockholm. I got lift with a friend to Bergshamra, then I quickly rushed down into the tube to catch the train. I got there exactly in time, then I changed at Slussen and managed to get on the train just before the doors closed. Finally I arrived at Medborgarplatsen almost half an hour late but the gang were still waiting. The ones who showed up were The Chief, GNN and Hedge. - Where to now, I asked. Beer or food? The Chief wanted to eat something before we went to a pub so we set course to Cafe Haddock, an anarchistic cafe a few blocks away. We got there and took some sandwiches, tea and soft drinks while we chatted away. I also met the publisher of the anarchist magazine INFOrm and a nice finnish girl. But there were no time for socializing as the rest of the group now had finished their meals and demanded beer. Well of we went to Kvarnen, an old pub just a few blocks in the opposite direction. We sat around there and took a few beers. I had porter, the rest had lager, and the Chief had a joint. Kvarnen is a nice place I think, the people there are mainly of two types, anarchists and Hammarby fans (Hammarby is a local soccer team), most of them are both... From the pub we called Phearless and asked him to meet us at the underground station. The Chief left us to go to a silly concert or somewhat. The rest of us left shortly afterwards. After a long and frozen time waiting at the underground station Phearless finally arrived. Everybody turned to me and asked where the closest pub was. - This way!, I said and pointed. We came to Charles Dickens, an english pub, where I took a Guinness. Ahh... Lovely! Black beer with froth as thick as whipped cream, it floats down your throat as velvet. Anyway, the pub was full of people so we had a hard time finding a place to sit, but we finally did it. We talked about Phearless' legal problems as well as the recent discussions about limitations in the freedom of speech. After a while Phearless had to leave so I, GNN and Hedge decided to go on to another place. I knew about a nearby rock club with good music, nice girls and inexpensive beer so we went there. When I stood at the bar a big bloke walked up to me and asked - Are you an anarchist? Since I had a black T-shirt covered in (A)-symbols there was not much point in denying that. - Yes, sort of. I'm actually something between a social liberal and a libertarian socialist. It looked as if he had to think hard before he understood that my answer probably was a "yes". - I'm a nazi, then you hate me! - No, it's you who hate me. I hate nobody. At this point of the conversation his girlfriend dragged him in one direction and GNN dragged me in the other so our debate was interrupted. We had a couple of beers, listened to the music. Then Hedge went to the toilet and came back in a state of chock. He complained that he had been threatened with murder in the queue and that there were so many people there. I went over there to have a look but I only saw two persons, of which one was leaving. I guess Hedge went into the ladies room which may explain everything... Anyway, he didn't want to stay there any longer and neither did GNN so we had to leave. At that time most pubs were closed so we had to walk around some. I spotted a door with some lit cressets and heard the sound of music. - That place looks open, I said and pointed. GNN ran to the door and down the stairs into the place. I stopped to read what the sign said: "Kick-Boxing Club". Oh dear... Soon GNN came running out with twice the speed. - Wrong place?, I asked. - Wrong place! We waled around a bit but it looked as if all the pubs were closed in this area. We walked to Slussen underground station and took a train to Odenplan. Since Glada Enkan was closed I suggested Hard Rock Cafe but instead we ended up at Nr.60. Well, it's not the best place in the world but I guess it's OK. We sat down and and had a beer when GNN noticed a sign saying "Drug free zone" sitting on the wall. He tried to get it with him but with no success except that he hurt his fingers. Perhaps he should have a crowbar or something next time... Well, the the bar closed and we went out. Hedge wanted a hamburger so we went to Burger King which was just next door. At this time I was so drunk I had some problems with thinking straight so I went up to the counter, grabbed hold of it with both hands to stop the room from moving and ordered a hamburger with extra garlic. The girl on the other side didn't change her expression but turned to the kitchen and shouted - One hamburger with french fries and extra garlic! It was a tasty hamburger! I like garlic... As we eat we talked a bit about if we should go to some illegal pub or if we should go and get some sleep. As we were quite tired we decided the latter. We went over to my flat and went directly to bed. As I don't have such large flat GNN and Hedge had to share bed but I don't think anything happened anyway... And thus ended the day when uXu did town. --------------------- Phearless; What really happened. -------------------------------- Starring; Phearless, The GNN, Ralph 124C41+, Hedge and last but absolutely not least, The Chief. I met some old friends in Stockholm and more or less forced them to give me a lift to the uXu meeting. After talking to Hedge on the phone, I was going to meet the rest of the guys at a subway station on Soder. Some minutes later, I was walking around at the stairway down to the subways. Then I heard a voice shouting "PHEEEAAAARLESS!" I didn't see anyone I recognized, so I took a big leap to the closest wall and threw myself to the ground, rolled over, around the corner and drew my piece. The people coming down the stairs began shouting and screaming when they saw my shining .357 Magnum baby, but I kept cool. I was still on my belly, aiming at anything suspicious, when I saw a handgrenade rolling across the floor in my direction. Without hesitation I crawled as quickly as I could around the next corner, but I was interrupted by a loud bang. Since only my ears hurt I assumed I was still alive. A big cloud of smoke, but no damage to the shop windows? Out of the smoke came three people, of which I recognized one. The GNN. He said; "What do you think, cool device ey? He he he." The other two laughed as well. "Quite good my dear friend," I said and rapidly threw away two shots above their heads. Everyone except me dropped to the floor. "Ok, no more kidding around. I want some beer," I shouted at the three frightened rabbits laying in front of me. "I always keep two blanks first, don't worry," I lied and reloaded the gun. I don't like an empty chamber. They all got up, laughed somewhat nervous and brushed the dust of their jackets. On our way the closest pub, the GNN introduced me to the other two individuals. Ralph 124C41+ (or just Ralphphph) and Hedge. They seemed worthy talking with me, and I agreed they were right for the uXu. The pub we got to was totally packed with people. We had been sitting down and talking for about two hours at the pub when a very big guy with an even worse attitude grabbed Ralph's beer, drank it all up and put the glass back on our table. I instinctively reached for my revolver, but the GNN made a sign with his hand to show me I could take it easy. Then he pointed at himself and then at the big guy with the incredibly ugly smile standing at our table. Suddenly the GNN got this crazy expression on his face, jumped up on the table and kicked the bastard right in his face. The guy made a surprised and nasty sound and took some unbalanced steps backwards, but he came right back at the GNN, planning to get a quick revenge. The GNN shouted "Prison Mandela!" as he placed his boot beneath the big guy's chin. The rough underside of the boot was buried deep inside the flesh of the guy's neck. Without saying a thing, he fell to the floor and landed flat on his back. Hedge took another sip on his beer and began a quick examination of the twisting and turning body under the next table. "Ten and out!" was his expert conclusion. "Pretty good kick there, GNN," Ralph said. He suddenly stopped talking when he saw a rather good looking woman walking up to our table. She reached out her arm and pointed her finger at the GNN. "You filthy murderer! You killed my boyfriend!" She was obviously drunk. The GNN didn't even listen, he was too busy getting rid of adrenaline with his beer. Ralph immediately saw his chance. He stood up, put his arm around the woman and said something like; "Don't worry, I'll help you calling the police, come with me." Hedge and I got a little surprised, but we relaxed when we saw him walking away with her, to the toilets. Some minutes later, Ralph came back with a big smile on his face and ordered another beer. Twenty meters behind him, came the woman. She had her dress around her hips, and with visible spots of semen in her hair, forehead and breasts. We all laughed at Ralph, who desperately tried to hide his blushing cheeks. We then finished our beers and got out before the cops arrived. "Nice seeing you guys, but it's time for me to get back. I don't want to spend tomorrow _walking_ home." I said, and thanked them all for coming. They all called me a fucking loser, and I understood them. Next time I'll try to get the whole night off. The last thing I saw of them that night was Hedge running around at the traffic lights, between the waiting cars with a big metal pipe. Him smashing their front windows screaming "You are all slaves, I'm your only true savior", will forever be in my mind. On my way walking back to my hotel, two kids with knives tried to rob me. They both got two free samples of hot lead in their legs. This was enough to keep me laughing and giggling all the way to my comfortable bed. Two days later The Chief said he had a good time at the Charlatans concert. I really doubt it. --------------------- The GNN; Why don't you tell us what REALLY happened, Mr GNN. --------------------------------------------------------------- Involved: The lady-killer Chief, Phearless the anti-christ, blast-o-matic Hedge and R(a)lph let-me-just-kick-someone. ...and me, The GNN. Actually, I am rather unsure of what really happened when the five uXu dudes entered the city of Stockholm a cold night some weeks ago. But I do remember a few conversations between the guilty people, and I will type them down for you. Since I cannot remember who said what, I will call the speakers Mr uXu 1 to 5. After Mr uXu 1 had smashed a bottle of beer and cut the throat of some irritating bartender he turned to paralyzed the crowd and said: "The state wants me to accept the fact that this former slave of the system was right when he refused to serve me my eleventh bottle of beer. I will never accept that. Instead, as you can see, I justified myself with common and necessary violence. Violence is not something that belongs to the madmen. I am not a madman, I am a normal citizen. Since the state uses violence to get what they want, I feel that it is my natural right to use it myself. Look at the bartender on the floor! He tries to stay alive, he tries to stop the blood from pouring out of his throat! Pathetic! He will die and his corpse will remain as a symbol. A symbol that will teach other slaves to not try to fuck with me or anyone else. You should thank me people (instead of screaming like hell...). I did what had to be done. Now, where can I buy more beer?" After this charming stunt, Mr uXu 1 grabbed a bottle of beer and returned to the table. At the table, Mr uXu 2 was busy telling the other people how he would like to see the perfect society: "I do not believe in democracy since there is no space for a real revolution there. The only way to come close to a revolution in this society is to vote for some other fat politician than the one who is in charge. What happens? The only thing that happens is that another corrupt jerk comes to the ruling position. After a while, the people realize that it was a mistake to vote for him too. So they vote for another person. Then they dislike him and vote for yet another person! You see? We believe that we are free since we can vote for several people. But the truth is that we are only playing the game that the state wants us to play! We are not free, we are not able to do any revolution. Therefor, I want dictatorship. Because in a dictatorship there is only one person in charge who cannot be replaced by someone else. He is forced to give the people what they want or the people will kill him. He cannot feel safe. He have to play the hard game. The game of the people, not of the state. He must give the people what they want to have or the revolution will come to him and exterminate him!" We then left this pub and went to another one. The guard beside the door had no idea who we really were and let us in without any questions. Inside, a big man with nazi crosses and a shirt that said "Hitler was a good man!" came to our table and pointed at Mr uXu 3. "You are a anarchist!" (he referred to the shirt of Mr uXu 3 that was full of anarchist symbols). "You hate me since I am a nazi! I must kill you!" the drunk nazi said and tried to punch Mr uXu 3. He was unsuccessful. He missed and fell down on the table. Mr uXu 4 pulled his knife and stabbed the confused nazi in his back. When we had made sure that the idiot was dead, Mr uXu 3 began to speak. "Yes, I am an anarchist as you know. I believe in the freedom of the people, not in the freedom of the state. This man was a nazi and now he is dead. Dead as a doornail and he will never be able to spread his weird ideas about Hitler any more. However, we did not kill him because we wanted to stop him from saying what he wanted to say. We have freedom of speech and we should handle it with respect. Even if we dislike what he said, we should not stop him. Because if we stop him, someone else will stop us. Let the nazi, the jew, the white man, the black man, the children say what they want to say! We are rational human beings, we are able to draw our own conclusions. Just because a nazi speaks to me it does not mean that he automatically manages to convince me. I am ready to argue with those who does not think like me, but I do not want to stop them from talking. To stop other people from talking is to stop everyone who says things, including ourselves. The state tries to stop people from talking, simply because the state dislike the freedom of speech. They will never succeed. We will stop them." We pushed the dead man to the floor and continued to drink. Naturally, the owner of the place came to us and asked why we had killed one of his beloved customers. We explained and the owner asked "Oh... I did not know that you uXu guys were left winged people!". This was too much for us. Mr uXu 4 had to speak. "We are not left winged people. We are not right winged either. We are completely non-political. We do not want any government at all. We do not believe in Karl Marx and we do not believe in Hitler. We only believe in ourselves and that is different. No one should tell us what box we should be put in. We are above everything, we are divine gods who have seen he world as it really is. Some people cannot understand that. They read our files and immediately draw some strange conclusion that is seldom the right one. Do you understand? Can you see past the ordinary way of thinking? Can you? Or are you another frozen mind that can only see left or right, black or white, right or wrong? Yes, we confuse people with our writing. We try to tell them things that hurts their comfortable world, and we LOVE it!" The owner did not know what to say. He just left us. The next day I heard that he had committed suicide because he had lost his belief in everything. Well, that was not our fault anyway. We had just told him the real truth and if the truths hurts - too bad for him. The night came to an end and it was time to go home. Mr uXu 5 turned to his friends and sang an old Tom Waits song. "Oh, how we danced and we swallowed the night For it was all ripe for dreaming Oh, how we danced away all of the lights We've always been out of our minds" ------------------------- The Chief; The true story. No lies. ----------------------------------- You already know who was there. It's just pointless to write it again, so I won't. Arrived at Stockholm central station friday afternoon. The train-ride had made me kinda mad, so I opened the first door I saw with a kick. The ticket-controllant ran with blood coming from his nose, screaming something, but I didn't notice. Jumped the ticket automats just in time to catch the subway to Odenplan where the apartment I had borrowed was waiting for me. Went up the elevator and deciding that I would never use it again due to it's lack of logic (it was always at the top floor when I needed it at the bottom), I set it on fire. Used the lock clicker method to open the door (the dumb schmuck who owned the place had locked the door) I went into the apartment. Noticing the lack of alcohol, I went back out again. Took the stairs and watched the fire department trying to do something to the elevator (god knows what). Well, after a few laughs and comments, I arrived at the government-controlled-we-know-what-is-best-for-you liquor store where I watched people pay with credit cards. Got what I wanted and went out in the late afternoon sun again. The street was crowded with people, and I decided to sit down to open the first bottle of beer (and drink it of course, what did you drink.. think?). The air was filled with dust, giving the scene a touch of magic. Mist. Lovely flowers started to grow from the pavement's cracked cement and everyone greeted me with smiles. Someone handed me a joint and joined me where I sat. We talked for hours and the sun went down the horizon. When the dust settled, we walked on down the hall. And we came to a door, and we looked inside. Father? Yes son? I want to kill you. Mother? I want to... The next morning, it was saturday. The morning after that, it was sunday. The morning before the next morning, it was friday. I knew that. Met some guys at a subway station that night. Looked like people I knew, but I wasn't sure. Someone was missing and someone was new, but I didn't notice. They said something about drinking beer, or eat something, and I was hungry, see, so we went to a place where the average age was 14. Someone felt at home. Someone didn't. The others just ate and drank their coffee. Then we went. Up the stairs and out the door. Street. Dark. Right, and then after a couple of 20-ish steps, right again. Crossed the street twice, and went into a place where the beer was expensive. Took a hit and someone took a picture of me. Got some numbers to the guys who never answered their cellulars anyway, and left the place. Went to a concert. It was a good concert. Great music. Beautiful girls. Expensive beer. Tim Burgess at his best. The Charlatans. Yeah. I never met the missing person. Went to Stockholm and all I got was this lousy sticker. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- This file is (c)opyrighted material, but spreading if free under some conditions. Se the uXu index for details. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- uXu #200 Underground eXperts United 1994 uXu #200 Call SOLSBURY HILL -> +1-301-428-8317 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------