The Hacker's Encyclopedia 1998

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Text File | 2003-06-11 | 14.4 KB | 292 lines

ftp> get uxu-005.txt - ### ### ### ### ### #### ### ### ### #### ### ### ##### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ##### ### ### ########## ### ### ########## ### ### ### ### Underground eXperts United Presents... ####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### ####### ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ## #### ## ## #### # # ## ## ## ## ####### ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### ####### [ How to get..OLDER WOMEN ] [ By THE CHIEF ] _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ * Chapter One - Why Older? There's 1000 reasons why but I won't write all of them in this file (they'll make a great sequel though) but some of them. 1) Older Women have a lot more experience when it comes to Sex. They'll teach you things you never thought possible <grin> and they KNOW exactly how they want it, and how to make you feel just right. 2) Older Women have more money. This is a fact. Young women spend all their summer-work money and often live on their parents. They have nothing saved. >> If her parents are rich, ignore this reason. 3) Older Women don't talk to you about 'their day in school' for 2 hours every day, and spend the rest of the day talking on the phone with 'Jamie', 'Lisa', 'Margret', 'Pheobe', and the rest of her 50 closest friends about 'boys' and the school-dance on friday. You can discuss (if That's what you're after) with older women. They understand what you're saying (amazing) and can actually tell you Their views on what you were talking about. 4) Older Women like to have younger men. This applies mostly to women in their thirties and over. It's a fact that when a woman gets a lover, she IS over 30. A younger man helps them to fight the crisis they face when and before hitting the magical '40'. 5) Older women's husbands can't make it work in bed as they used to. A younger man Always make it work, so the woman doesn't have to worry about having a pleasureless night ever again. >> Also, the Older Woman often get tired of her old 'hubbie' just doin' his thing, and then go to sleep, leaving her still hot -n- wet, and not satisfied at all. * Chapter Two - What To Say To Her 1. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. 2. I am not very experienced when it comes to making love. (preferred: I'm a virgin.) 3. I would like to make you feel like a princess. 4. If you were more beautiful, I would have to arrest you. 5. You make me feel that I am worth something. 6. Are you sure you're not 21? 7. I have never felt anything like that! (after The 'act') 8. I will never be able to love anyone but you. 9. With that body, you could seduce any man. 10. You're a gift from God. * Chapter Three - What NOT To Say To Her 1. Hey Mama. You're a fiiine lookin' woman. 2. You want to fuck? 3. I would like to make you feel like a queen. 4. You are as beautiful as a painting. 5. Are you sure you're not 21? - Show me your ID! 6. If I was your husband.... 7. I can't remember how many women I have had. 8. How many men have you had? 9. Anything about her husband. 10. Let's just be friends. * Chapter Four - What To Do To Please Her 1. Make Love to her. Not for lousy 15 minutes, but 2-4 hours! (at least 2 hours!) 2. Buy her a red rose. (works like a charm) 3. Always pay when eating at a restaurant. 4. Tell her how beautiful she is, and how much you love her. 5. Don't forget to hold & kiss her when you're outside! (She loves to show that you are hers.) 6. Touch her everywhere, BUT NOT IN PUBLIC! 7. Tell her about things you know about, except yourself. 8. Surprise her with dinner and dance once in a while. 9. Look her up and down, when you get chance to. 10. Give up computers. (sad, but true) * Chapter Five - To Get That Older Woman First, you got to have a couple of older women to begin with. If you're reading this file, I'd guess you already have at least One in mind already? Good. If you haven't got a clue to how she is, or anything (you've only seen her), start with some light conversation, like you do with younger women, BUT don't use the same kind of language you use, and don't speak of the same things you do with younger women! This is crucial, because they just don't get sentences like 'Yo, what's up sister?' or 'How's it hangin'?'. Try to speak in a mature way, and of things She would know about (you often see right away what they do for a living, or what 'sort' she is, if not, start the conversation by asking her where she works and continue with that information). REMEMBER: Chapter Four: What to do to please her, rule 7! I should warn you right away, that if you don't make contact after the first time, this could take some time, and work. But, we will assume that you have the charm it takes, and that you had a nice and fun first conversation with her. Now.. it's time for an evaluation of that first time conversation. 1) Did she laugh? YES: 2p Just giggled: 1p NO: 0p 2) Did she speak of herself? YES: 2p Just a little: 1p NO: 0p 3) Did you have a conversation longer YES: 2p than 30 minutes? NO: 0p 4) Did she touch you, or did you touch her? YES: 2p NO: 0p 5) Did she look away when you looked her YES: 0p in the eyes? A little: 1p NO: 2p 6) Did you decide to meet/talk again? YES: 2p Maybe: 1p NO: 0p 7) If you answered YES on Question 6, did Morning: 0p you decide to meet/talk at/in the.. Lunch: 1p Afternoon: 1p Evening: 2p Night: 2p 8) If you answered MAYBE on Question 6, Maybe: 1p what did she say when you asked to I don't know: 0p meet her/talk to her again? We'll see: 1p Sure. I guess..: 0p Other: 0p 9) If you answered NO on Question 6, Never: 0p what did she say when you asked to Are you crazy?: 0p meet her/talk to her again? I don't think so: 1p A bad excuse: 0p My husband may find out: 1p NO: 0p Other: 0p 10) Do YOU want to meet/talk to her again? YES: 2p Maybe: 0p NO: 0p --------------------------------------------------------------- SCORECARD: 0 - 5p ... It's not worth it. Find another Older Woman and try again. 6 -10p ... Hmm, this one seem to be interested in you, but is afraid to take the first step or afraid of her husband. Take her out to an expensive dinner for two and try to convince her that you really want her, and that there's nothing wrong in just seeing each other (well... that depends on what you actually DO when you meet, but you don't tell her that). Use everything you can think of. 11 -17p ... You have a woman that wants you, or if you're unlucky, just want to be your friend. When you meet her again, try to talk her into the subject of love, young men and older women and you will find out what she wants from you. 18p ... Good luck. You can stop reading this text which is completely useless to a person with Your charm, wit and knowledge. I congratulate you! --------------------------------------------------------------- * Chapter Six - The Second 'Date' Ok, now when you have decided to meet/talk again, there are some things you should be aware of. This only applies for those who weren't lucky enough to be seduced themselves by an Older Woman (that's very common you know). First and most important: Do NOT treat her as if she was 30 or 35 or whatever her age is! Treat her like she was 25 - 27! Second: Take her to places where 25 - 27-year olds usually go (ie. NOT the grave- yard or something like that <grin>). If you only decided to talk again (not meet). Just go along with what- ever she say, and build your conversation on that. AND keep the Rule 7 in Chapter Four in mind! Do not babble, and brag about yourself! Just have a nice and 'friendly' conversation. Ok, here's the worst thing that could happen when just talking: (if she isn't a programmer or something in the computer trade) SHE: So, what do you do for a living, Mike? -or- So, what interests do you have, Mike? YOU: I work with computers. I'm a computer scientist. -or- I live for my computer. I spend all my free time with my 12 computers. SHE: Nice talking to you. <Click> The Reason: Women over 30 usually don't like computers. So, I hope you get my point here. If she doesn't work with computers, DON'T talk about computers. NO, don't even mention them! No, You can't. Trust me on this one, will you! You won't get her if you tell her about your beloved computer(s). The main reason for their reluctance towards computers is, that they aren't old enough to 'have been there' when the first computers were invented, and they aren't young enough to 'have been there' when the Computer Boom started. They are in the middle, when most people were afraid of computers, when only laboratories had them, and when no-one on the 'outside' really knew anything about them. Yes, this is a shame, because if the Older Women of today WERE interested in computers, we'd have Zero problems getting them. I mean, who can say that they can't discuss computers and computer-stuff for hours? Right. So, as I said, unless 'Your' Older Woman is interested in/working with computers, don't mention them. Not a word. If you decided to meet again. Try to surprise her with reservations at a nice, expensive restaurant, to a concert (you know she'd enjoy) or some sort of entertainment. Buy flowers or just something to show her that you're really interested in her. Not just as a friend. * Chapter Seven - What's Next? If you have made it this far, you probably don't need more advice because the 'ice' always breaks on the second date. You drink some nice wine, have a nice candle-lit dinner for two, walk around 'town' and maybe end the night dancing. The standard procedure, when dating Older Women. If you're lucky enough to have a woman that's not from the same town/city as you, you have a big advantage. Show her the things worth seeing in Your town/city. Take her to places You have heard as 'romantic' (for example, a hill overlooking the town/city). And you don't have to worry about everyone knowing what you did last night, like if you date a woman from your own town/city. * Chapter Eight - End Comments I hope you can use this file to your advantage, the next time you want to get That Older Woman. There will be a sequel to this file, describing more intimate stuff, like what to do After the Standard Dating procedure, how to make love to her - in the best/worst way and finally, how to End it, clean and simple. I guess some of you want to know how to end an affair like this really bad, without Axes, Husbands with chain saws, or an Older Woman who kills herself because of you. It's not just to tell her it's over you know.. 'til then.... Go Get 'em! _____________________________________________________________________ Call INFO ADDICT +46-###-#### (Sweden) - The uXu Homeboard! _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________