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-
- ==Diet Phrack==
-
- Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 9 of 11
-
- /---------------------------------------------------------------------------\
- | THE MEN FROM |
- | M M OOOOO N N GGGGG OOOOO |
- | MM MM O O NN N G O O |
- | M M M O O N N N G GG O O |
- | M M O O N NN G G O O |
- | M M OOOOO N N GGGGG OOOOO |
- | |
- | -*- present -*- |
- | |
- | +-----------------+ |
- | | Real Cyberpunks | |
- | +-----------------+ |
- | |
- | 9/24/91 |
- | |
- | With all this shit in the news and now a book about cyberpunks, we have|
- |a bunch of lame assholes who think they are cyberpunks running around |
- |blackening the name. In response to this we'd created this g-file so |
- |everybody can tell the lamers from the real cyberpunks. Most of these |
- |wanna-be cyberpunks will probably be offended by what we're going to say, |
- |because the description of what defines a real cyberpunk doesn't apply to |
- |them. Remember though, cyberpunk is mostly an attitude (this g-file |
- |describes physical manifestations of this attitude), and real cyberpunks |
- |don't get upset over something written in a g-file. |
- \---------------------------------------------------------------------------/
-
- CLOTHING
-
- - Real cyberpunks don't wear paisley, or any of that other neo-
- futuristic, yuppie, artfag shit.
-
- - Real cyberpunks wear military surplus clothing, non-neon colored
- Gortex, bluejeans, boots (combat or motorycle), Factsheet-5 T-Shirts,
- and kilts (on formal occasions).
-
- - Real cyberpunks don't shop at Banana Republic or the "Mainframe"
- clothing section at Sears.
-
- - Real cyberpunks have the balls to go to Thrift Shops.
- Corollary to the above: Anyone who makes fun of a cyberpunk shopping at
- a thrift shop usually winds up in ICU.
-
- COMPUTERS
-
- - Real cyberpunks don't use IBM PCs or Tandy 1000s.
-
- - Real cyberpunks that have the $$$ use 486s, and 68030s.
-
- - Real cyberpunks that don't have the $$$ use whatever the hell they can
- get ahold of (except IBM PCs an Tandy 1000s).
-
- - All real Cyberpunks still own a TI-99/4A, S-100, Apple ][ w/Apple Cat,
- or an Atari 130XE with ATR8000 & 850 interfaces as their backup
- machine.
-
- - Real cyberpunks program in assembler and ADA.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think C is cute for a fuck-around language.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think of the Amiga as a cute toy.
-
- - Real cyberpunk SYSOPS run Stonehenge.
-
- - Real cyberpunks realize the Apple Cat was the best modem ever made.
-
-
- CARS
-
- - Real cyberpunks drive whatever they can afford.
-
- - Real cyberpunks never drive an unmodified vehicle.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think Audi, BMW, and Mercedes cars serve best as rocket
- launcher targets.
-
- - Real cyberpunks who can afford them drive something with a V-8.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks go to every police auction
- in their area.
-
- TECH
-
- - All real cyberpunks have their ham license.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know the difference between a resistor and a capacitor.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know where to get tech cheap in their area.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks practically live at their local
- surplus store.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think Radio Shack sucks, but still buy from there
- because it's convenient.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks put pragmatism before
- principle.
-
- - Real cyberpunks always carry a Leatherman Tool.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a Leatherman Tool is.
-
- - Real cyberpunks own a dual-band HT.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a dual-band HT is.
- Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks have hosed McDonalds at
- least once.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know how use a TDR.
- Corollary to the above: The have also managed to get ahold of one for
- free.
-
- POLITICS & LAW
-
- - Real cyberpunks are politically aware, but avoid getting involved in
- that bullshit.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think all politicians should be castrated.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks are libertarians.
-
- - Real cyberpunks have copies of their state's law statues.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know the difference between the Declaration of
- Independence and The Constitution.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what both of those say.
-
- - Real cyberpunks don't get caught.
-
- KNOWLEDGE
-
- - Real cyberpunks read 2600, Factsheet-5, Full Disclosure, Iron Feather
- Journal, Cybertek, Radio Electronics, Circuit Cellar Ink, Computer
- Shopper, American Survival Guide, and any 'zines about local bands in
- their area.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks understand what they read in
- these publications.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think Mondo2000, for the most part, sucks.
-
- - Real cyberpunks learn about everything from Computers to Crossbows.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know how to spell.
-
- - Real cyberpunks speak at least 2 languages.
-
- WEAPONS
-
- - Real cyberpunks don't have the typical yuppie artfag fear of weapons
- that most modem users seem to have.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know the value of useful
- equipment.
-
- - Real cyberpunks own at least one gun.
-
- - Real cyberpunks carry Gerber, Cold Steel, SOG, AlMar, or Spyderco
- blades.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think custom steel is neat, but
- costs too much.
-
- - Real cyberpunks have memorized The Improvised Munitions Black Book.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know The Anarchist Cookbook is a crock of shit.
-
- - Real cyberpunks buy everything authored by Seymour Lecker and Kurt
- Saxon.
-
- - Real cyberpunks keep a supply of DMSO handy.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what DMSO is.
-
- MUSIC
-
- - Real cyberpunks go to The Mentors' concerts whenever they can.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think C&C Music Factory is just a bunch of out-of-the-
- closet homosexuals.
-
- - Real cyberpunks don't listen to Paula Abdul.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson should be napalmed.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson is a
- reincarnate of his monkey Bubbles.
-
- - Real cyberpunks think Top-40 sucks.
-
- - Real cyberpunks listen to Ministry, The Cure, Skinny Puppy, The
- Misfits, Rush, Pink Floyd, etc.
-
- - In the end, real cyberpunks listen to whatever the fuck they want.
-
- PHREAKING & HACKING
-
- - Real cyberpunks think codes are for fags, but use them anyway because
- they put pragmatism before principle.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know what TEMPEST means.
-
- - Real cyberpunks use data-taps.
-
- - Real cyberpunks have Internet access.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know why Broadway Hacker invited everyone to his house.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know what PPS really means.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know Clifford Stoll's ex-wife is a lesbian.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know that Clifford Stoll is an
- asshole.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know just how good friends John Maxfield and Broadway
- Hacker are.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know who John Maxfield is and what he was arrested for.
-
- - Real cyberpunks own a blue box, and still use it.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a blue box is, and
- know how to use it.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know what a TS-21 is.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks stole their TS-21.
-
- - Real cyberpunks have acquired a Bell System hard-hat.
-
- - Real cyberpunks have a payphone.
- Corollary to the above: The payphone belongs to someone else.
-
- - Real cyberpunks on the east coast have attended at least one 2600
- meeting.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks who have attended a 2600
- meeting don't go to them anymore.
- Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks are waiting for another
- OSUNY meeting.
- Further corollary: Real cyberpunks know what OSUNY originally stood
- for.
-
- HEALTH
-
- - Real cyberpunks use Choline, Ginseng, and Golden Seal.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what these are.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know about the medicinal value of various plants.
-
- - Real cyberpunks take care of themselves.
-
- - Real cyberpunks take time away from fucking with their computers to get
- some exercise.
-
- FOOD & DRINK
-
- - Real cyberpunks drink Jolt.
- Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Pepsi is for artfags.
-
- - Real cyberpunks are intimately familiar with the selection at 7 -
- Eleven, but avoid it whenever possible.
-
- - Real cyberpunks know how to cook.
-
- - Real cyberpunks drink Guinness Stout.
-
- - Real cyberpunks who are under 21 distill their own.
-
- - Real cyberpunks can go to a Supermarket and not get lost.
-
- That's it for now, but since lamers are always finding mew ways to become
- lame, expect a Real Cyberpunks Vol. II soon.
-
- Yours truly,
- The Men From Mongo, 9/24/91
- :OSUNY, TCO, PPS, SPS, PHALCO
- _______________________________________________________________________________
-
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