Well everyone, it's time for school again. Since most people prefer
to not do any work (me included), I thought I should tell you how to
cheat in school, both on tests and homework.
Since I filled up 3 lines already with bullshit, it's time to start.
CHEATING ON TESTS
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Yes we all know cheating is wrong, but so are a lot of fun things. SO
here goes.
1. Get a clear pen like those cheap Bic ones, except this one should
be round and you can take the ink out. Get a small strip of paper, and
write down whatever you want. Make this paper small enough so that when
you wrap it around the ink in the pen, you can't see it when you turn the
pen one way, but when you turn it the other way you can see the sheet.
This worked for me in Mandarin class for years.
2. For classes like math or science, get a TI-83 or other expensive
graphing calculator (my school required these, they are SO STUPID!).
Now make a program, except you can fill it with text. Write down
formulas, answers, even program the formulas in. Me and PhrostByte
spent 1 hour making a stoichiometry program for Chemistry and never
needed to do much work. I'll post some formulas on a School Slacking
section, which may or may not pop up here, but for right now you can
go to the Slack Shack, run by PhrostByte, at
http://www.angelfire.com/tx/slackshack . I'll be posting these articles
(ones about school) there soon.
3. If your school has those desks where you can stick papers in the
side, stick all your stuff in there and put your notes on top. Teachers
will think either that you're cheating or that you just stuck all your
stuff in there. If they pass by and don't say anything, then peek away!
It is good to sit in the middle of the room to do this trick.
4. WARNING: THIS IS PAINFUL IF YOU HAVE HAIRY ARMS!! It hurts like
hell. Wear a long-sleeved shirt (flannel) and write whatever notes you
want on masking tape. Put the masking tape on your arms (AAAAAH!) and
when the teacher isn't looking, roll up your sleeves and peek at the
tape. When you take the tape off, it hurts like a bitch. So don't
try this Robin Williams!
5. The old-fashioned way. Sit next to somebody smart. Peek at their
paper. You can get caught real easy this way.
6. Wear a watch. Write answers on either the watchband or a piece
of paper. If you wrote the answers on paper, then scotch tape it to
the watch.
CHEATING ON HOMEWORK
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1. Sometimes you get teachers that just look to see that you've done
homework and don't check the answers. These teachers can be fooled by
actually doing a couple of questions and then bullshitting the rest.
Example:
1. So-and-so (correct)
2. Some guy (correct)
3. Big pink monkey balls (incorrect)
Most of the time teachers will not pick up on number 3.
2. Steal someone's homework. Copy it. Sometimes you can just ask to borrow people's homework and they will give it to you. This is a good thing.
3. In some books, especially math books, they have the answers in the back. Make up some bullshit work and come out with the right answer. If the teacher has a problem with it, then say that you have your own special way of doing things.
CHEATING ON BIG TERM PAPERS
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1. Search on Altavista for free papers and stuph and you should find places that sell papers, or let you leech if you do something for them (i.e. contribute). My personal fave is the Evil House of Cheat (www.CheatHouse.com).
2. Get someone to write it for you. Usually they want some kind of payment. Say you won't beat the crap out of them and they may say yes. I also have made money off this because someone asked me to write one and since I always got A's (hmm...wonder why?), he said he'd give me 50 bucks. So I leeched a B- paper off Evil House of Cheat and gave it to him. Since he was failing, this raised his grade and he was happy.
3. If you move around a lot like me, then you can use papers you've already written or leeched at your new school. This is especially easy, since you don't have to do ANY work except printing.
4. WARNING: ONLY TO BE USED IN EMERGENCIES!!!
Actually do the paper.
I hope this phile helped you out with your grades and your free time.
