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- = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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-
- Exeunt
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-
- jane weighed 65 pounds when i met her. she paced constantly,
- dragging her iv feeding tube around with her. she thought that if
- she exercised enough, she wouldn't gain weight with the tube. she
- was 13. she was sweet and generous, brilliant intellectually. her
- eyes looked like the vapid holes in a skull emptied of its flesh.
- her fingers were so delicate they looked as if holding a pencil
- would be too stressful. she died when she was 14. she weighed 54
- pounds.
-
- joe was 16 when we met. he tried to kill a kid for calling
- him a faggot. he wasn't gay, just angry. he had been in the hospital
- 4 times, once for a year. he never spoke, except to me. somehow he
- felt safe with me. he went into violent rages, kicking and screaming,
- begging to die. the beast, he called it, the rage within him. he
- killed himself when he was 19. they discovered that he had two y
- chromosomes when he died.
-
- maria was hiv positive. she was 15 and had been coking
- and prostituting for 3 years when we met. she had this hair, so
- gorgeous and long. she was so proud of it. she would spend hours
- on it, even when her face was covered with sores. she ran away once,
- only to come back on smack, trembling and crying. she died at 20.
- cancer, i heard.
-
- john was 18 when he was diagnosed as having paranoid
- schizophrenia. once he was a kid who liked science and had a
- girlfriend and went to his junior prom. when i saw him he was
- curled up in one of the chairs, hands shaking from the meds,
- whispering softly to himself. he studied the ceiling a lot, and
- had no control of his bladder. they finally put him in diapers.
- i don't know where he is now.
-
- i was 15 the first time i cut myself. did it for years.
- i tried to kill myself a few ways a few times. i was anorexic
- and bulimic. in the psych hospital twice. they had to watch
- me eat, drink, and go to the bathroom. they took my blood
- every day. i was on 4 or 5 meds at a time. i slept all the time
- or not at all. i have been beaten and raped, sexually abused.
- i have never been totally happy. i doubt i ever will be.
- but i am not dead. and i will not die. i will live.
-
- even if i have to kill myself trying.
-
- - Palpable Obscure
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