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- = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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-
- A Femme's Philosophy
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-
- Right now my best "frend" is over, pacing around the house talking to
- =Stud o' The Week=, paying absolutely no attention to me AND using my
- telephone line. Rushing over to ask me if I've read some book as a child
- called _The Phantom Tollbooth_, because this guy thinks it's cool if she has.
- Wellllll, she never read it, but I have, so I told her parts of the book
- to convince him that she read it. hehe....
- But anyway, that leaves me sitting here alone with abstract thoughts
- flying around in my head. Thinking of how much I've changed lately, and
- more particularly, in the past couple years. I think about it a lot. Do
- you ever reminisce about the good old care-free days? When I was younger
- I used to imagine myself as older, wonder what I'd be doing, as I sat in
- the mud and made mud pies and weed bouquets for Barbie. I never had a
- computer and I used to be normal. I guess I still am, to some extent.
- Then again, it depends on your idea of "normal." Where did my mother go
- wrong???
- Anyway, here I am now. A cyberwhore (yep, I'm femme!) if nothing
- else. OK, well maybe not, but do fall hard for guys who talk in 'codes'
- instead of cheesy pick-up lines. =P I keep getting side-tracked..... Like
- I was saying, I think about change.... I do a lot of things that people
- normally wouldn't do (feel free to question me on that), take pretty much
- any dare. But it's the way of thinking I've taken on; it's completely
- different than it used to be. At times I feel so much more mature than
- people my age.
- I fear nothing; I like nightmares; I like to dominate. Control.
- There is no such thing as control. There is no All-Powerful God who is
- in control either. There are too many random acts of tragedy to put much
- faith in that. Control is just some concept made up by humans. Much like
- the idea of time, just something created....
- I have a major trust problem. This is because damn near everybody
- in my life that I put any faith into were "here today, gone tomorrow" types.
- Who isn't..? I used to revolve my life around people and put everything I
- had into 'frendships' and then one day...CRASH. I realized that not a soul
- was around to hear me.. to care. I was really sad about it, I used to cry.
- And then I hardened myself and quit crying too. Nothing really makes me
- cry anymore. No shock value, I've seen it all. And in high skool I never
- really talked to anybody, felt quite detached from them. I was smart, I got
- good grades, but I was always picked on for keeping to myself. That never
- really changed. But at least now I've learned to deal with it and be
- self-sufficient. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of 'frends', but it
- sucks because I can't trust a single one of them. Is pain so bad when one
- believes in nothing? Take one pain-killer and call me in the morning.....
-
- OK, time to wreak some havoc on the "frend" using up my phone line....
-
-
- SkiNFloweR
- skinflower@cyberjunkie.com
-
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