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- shoplifting--
-
- throughtout my life i have been one of the many who dont quite
- have enough money to buy all the shit that they want (and i mean MANY). for
- about 8 years i have shoplifted and although i have quit, here are some of
- the teqniques i used
-
- THE OLD IN THE POCKET MANUEVER-not very creative, but mostlikly the most
- popular one ive seen. ive seen some people stash 6 chocolate bars in their
- pockets in a matter of seconds without even the slightest irregular
- or ackward motion. unfortunatly this method is risky unless you have
- perfected it
-
- DOWN THE PANTS IN A HURRY- you heard me, just take the stuff and stuff it
- down your pants. make sure you arent stealing anything very cold or something
- that is too obvious (dont wanna frighten an old lady on the way out).
- this method, mostlikly themost effective, i have stopped doing because a)
- i wear boxers now and b) it takes too much time. you have a good 2 or 3 seconds
- that it takes to get the stuff down there and in position.
-
- LIVING IN THE STORE- by far the riskiest of all tactics. go into some store
- at 10 oclock at night and just grab a magazine and some food and snack on
- it as you walk through the store. chances are the Joe Dicksucker they have
- working the regester is the only one on duty, and could give a fuck about
- you stealing a chocolate bar. this method is the most entertaining as i have
- seen my friend down a snapple in about 6 or 7 seconds.
-
- THE GRAB AND RUN- this method is the only thing that takes more time than
- the "down the pants" manuever. you have to wait in a store with one
- employee (7-elevn is the best) and wait til Abu Asshole goes in the back
- to smoke, then grab as much shit as you can and haul ass.
-
- THE CREATIVE RIP OFF- any container that hs a top that cannot be seen through
- is a shoplifters paradise. our old safeway used to have this old deal
- where you could cram as much brach's candy as you could in a 10 ounce
- cup and fit the lid on fot about one buck. well well, who is to say you cant
- just fill it almost to the rim with razor blades (about 10 bucks a pack) or
- your lunch, my favorite is order a deli sandwich and cram it in the cup,
- sprinkle some of the brachs candy on top (in case they DO ever check it,
- which is rare, but hey) and exit the store with 15-20 worth of shit for
- 1 dollar. another big winner is the super big slurpee seven eleven. that
- fucker is 64 ounces big with a cap that you cant see through. be creative,
- see how many hagen-dazs you can fit in one of those then put a little
- slurpee on top (some flavor with a dark color) give Abu Asshole the
- dollar and there you have about 6 or 7 hagen dazs that normally
- cost 2 dollars each.
-
- anyway, have fun and dont get caught!
-
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