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- HOW TO PASS A LIE DETECTOR TEST
-
- When someone hooks you up to a lie detector, they are measuring your physical
- responses to psychological stimuli. It's something like watching you to see if
- you blush. There are four levels they can measure.
-
- 1. Your response when you are just sitting there, not being asked anything.
-
- 2. Your response when you are asked a question you would have no reason to lie
- about. "What is your name?"
-
- 3. Your response when asked a question they consider personal or
- embarassing to most people. "Have you ever wondered what it would be like
- to have sex with your mother?" I think only the government would have
- enough nerve to actually do this.
-
- 4. Your response to the questions they suspect you might lie about.
-
- What they are looking for is whether your #4 responses are closer to #2 or #3,
- and if the difference is significant with respect to #1.
-
- If your response level to #3 is much higher than any of the others, you are
- clearly telling the truth about #4.
-
- If your responses to #1, #2, and #4 are low, and #3 is high, they think you
- are telling the truth.
-
- If your responses to #1, #2, #3, and #4 are all the same, they think that
- you are either a psychopath or extremely well-adjusted and telling the
- truth.
-
- If your responses to #1 and #2 are low but #3 and #4 are high, they think
- you are lying.
-
- If your responses to #2, #3, and #4 are high, they think you are very
- nervous and they call the result "inconclusive."
-
- This last result is easiest for normal people to fake. Just think about
- something embarrasing every time they ask you a question. Don't relax,
- except between questions.
-
- A more risky alternative would be to try to relax during the questions
- you're going to lie about, but not during the "embarrasing" questions. If
- successful, this would produce the "normal truth" result they like the best.
- If it failed, it would give the "lie" result.
-
- If you take some sort of tranquilizer beforehand, you may be able to relax
- enough to get the "psychopath" response. It will probably not get you hired,
- though.
-
- One practice method would be to hook yourself up to an ohmmeter. One wire
- wrapped around your left index finger, the other wrapped around your right.
- If the reading drops from (say) 100 K-Ohms to a third of that, you just
- "lied." Wear this into a police station, or a courtroom, or to your fathers
- house, and practice lying. See how you do.
-
- Disclaimer: I have never actually taken a lie detector test. I learned this
- from books and Psych courses.
-