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- How To Create A New Indentity By The Walking Glitch
- Courtesy of the Jolly Roger!
-
- You might be saying, "Hey Glitch, what do I need a new identity for?"
- The answer is simple. You might want to go buy liquor somewhere, right?
- You might want to go give the cops the false name when you get busted
- so you keep your good name, eh? You might even want to use the new
- identity for getting a P.O. Box for carding. Sure! You might even
- want the stuff for renting yourself a VCR at some dickless loser of a
- convenience store. Here we go:
- Getting a new ID isn't always easy, no one said it would be. By following
- these steps, any bozo can become a new bozo in a coupla weeks.
-
- STEP 1
-
- The first step is to find out who exactly you'll become. The
- most secure way is to use someone's ID who doesn't use it themselves.
- The people who fit that bill the best are dead. As an added bonus they
- don't go complaining one bit. Go to the library and look
- through old death notices. You have to find someone who was born about
- the same time as you were, or better yet, a year or two older
- so you can buy booze, etc. You should go back as far as you can for the
- death because most states now cross index deaths to births so people
- can't do this in the future. The cutoff date in Wisconsin is 1979, folks
- in this grand state gotta look in 1978 or earlier. Anything earier there
- is cool. Now, this is the hardest part if you're younger. Brats that
- young happen to be quite resilient, takin' falls out of three story windows
- and eating rat poison like its Easter candy, and not a scratch or
- dent. There ain't many that die, so ya gotta look your ass off. Go
- down to the library and look up all the death notices you can,
- if it's on microfilm so much the better. You might have to go through
- months of death notices though, but the results are well worth it.
- You gotta get someone who died locally in most instances: the death
- certificate is filed only in the county of death. Now you go down to
- the county courthouse in the county where he died and get the
- death certificate, this will cost you around $3-$5 depending on the state
- you're in. Look at this hunk of paper, it could be your way to
- vanish in a clould of smoke when the right time comes, like right after
- that big scam. If You're lucky, the slobs parents signed him up with
- social security when he was a snot nosed brat. That'll be another piece
- of ID you can get. If not, thats ok too. It'll be listed on the death
- certificate if he has one. If you're lucky, the stiff was born
- locally and you can get his birth certificate right away.
-
- STEP 2
-
- Now check the place of birth on the death certificate, if it's in
- the same place you standing now you're all set. If not, you can mail
- away for one from that county but its a minor pain and it might
- take a while to get, the librarian at the desk has listings of where
- to write for this stuff and exactly how much it costs. Get the Birth
- cirtificate, its worth the extra money to get it certified
- because thats the only way some people will accept it for ID. When yur
- gettin this stuff the little forms ask for the reason you want it,
- instead of writing in "Fuck you", try putting in the word "Geneology".
- They get this all the time. If the Death certificate looks good for
- you, wait a day or so before getting the certified birth certificate
- in case they recognize someone wanting it for a dead guy.
-
- STEP 3
-
- Now your cookin! You got your start and the next part's easy.
- Crank out your old Dot matrix printer and run off some mailing labels
- addressed to you at some phony address. Take the time to check your
- phony address that there is such a place. Hotels that rent by the month
- or large apartment buildings are good, be sure to get the right zip
- code for the area. These are things that the cops might notice that
- will trip you up. Grab some old junk mail and paste your new lables
- on them. Now take them along with the birth certificate down to the library.
- Get a new library card. If they ask you if you had one before say that
- you really aren't sure because your family moved around alot when
- you were a kid. Most libraries will allow you to use letters as a form
- of ID when you get your card. If they want more give them a sob story
- about how you were mugged and got your wallet stolen with all your
- identification. Your card should be waiting for you in about two weeks.
- Most libraries ask for two forms of ID, one can be your trusty Birth
- Certificate, and they do allow letters addressed to you as a second
- form.
-
- STEP 4
-
- Now you got a start, it isn't perfect yet, so let's continue. You should
- have two forms of ID now. Throw away the old letters, or better yet
- stuff them inside the wallet you intend to use with this stuff.
- Go to the county courthouse and show them what nice ID you got and get
- a state ID card. Now you got a picture ID. This will take about two weeks
- and cost about $5, its well worth it.
-
- STEP 5
-
- If the death certificate had a social security number on it you can go
- out and buy one of those metal SS# cards that they sell.
- If it didn't, then you got all kinds of pretty ID that shows exactly
- who you are. If you don't yet have an SS#, Go down and apply for one,
- these are free but they could take five or six weeks to get,
- Bureaucrats you know... You can invent a SS# too if ya like, but the motto
- of 'THE WALKING GLITCH' has always been "Why not excellence?".
-
- STEP 6
-
- If you want to go whole hog you can now get a bank account in your new
- name. If you plan to do alot of traveling then you can put alot
- of money in the account and then say you lost the account book. After
- you get the new book you take out all the cash. They'll hit you
- with a slight charge and maybe tie-up your money some, but if you're
- ever broke in some small town that bank book will keep you from being
- thrown in jail as a vagrant.
-
- ALL DONE?
-
- So kiddies, you got ID for buying booze, but what else? In some towns
- (the larger the more likely) the cops if they catch you for something
- petty like shoplifting stuff under a certain dollar amount, will just
- give you a ticket, same thing for pissing in the street. Thats it!
- No fingerprints or nothing, just pay the fine (almost always over $100)
- or appear in court. Of course they run a radio check on your ID, you'll
- be clean and your alter-ego gets a blot on his record.
- Your free and clear. Thats worth the price of the trouble you've gone
- through right there. If your smart, you'll toss that ID away if this
- happens, or better yet, tear off your picture and give the ID to someone
- you don't like, maybe they'll get busted with it.
- If you're a working stiff, here's a way to stretch your dollar. Go to work
- for as long as it takes to get unemployment and then get yourself fired.
- Go to work under the other name while your getting the unemployment.
- With a couple of sets of ID, you can live like a king. These concepts
- for survival in the new age come to you compliments of THE WALKING GLITCH.
- First release of this phile 7/7/88.
-
- brought to you in the Cookbook courtesy of...
- ---------------The Jolly Roger
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