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- []] [\] []] [\] []] [\] []] [\] []] [\]
- [\] []]
- []] THE REAL PIRATE'S GUIDE [\]
- [\] []]
- []] COMPILED BY [\]
- [\] RABID RASTA []]
- []] [\]
- [\] []] [\] []] [\] []] [\] []] [\] []]
-
-
- [SIMULATION]
-
- FROM-> JHONNY THE AVENGER
- DATE-> SAT AUG 4 10:21 PM
-
- I SAW YOUR MESSAGE ON THE PIRATE BOARD
- ABOUT YOU HAVEING SIDE 2 OF SUMMER GAM
- ES!MY CONNECTIONS MR.ZEROX AND CHEIF S
- URGEN BLACK BAG ARE'NT AROUND TO MAIL
- IT 2 ME SO WANNA DO SOME SERIUS TRADEI
- NG?I HAVE GRAFORTH ,CHOPLIFTER ,MARS
- CARS ,DISK MUNCHER AND SOME K00L OTHER
- STUFF AND GAMES.CALL ME AT 312-323-
- 3741.IF YOU NEED PHREAK CODES I HAVE
- THEM TO AND BOX PLANS.BYE
-
-
- *** ***** **
- * * * *
- * * * ******
- ** HONNY * HE * * VENGER
-
-
-
- *THE KNIGHTS OF MYSTERIOUS KEYBOARDS*!
- THE AWESOMEST HACK GROUP IN TOWN
-
-
- IS THE AUTHOR OF THE ABOVE MESSAGE A
- TRUE PIRATE? SINCE THE BEGINNING OF
- TIME THERE HAS BEEN AN IMPLICIT CODE
- OF ETIQUETTE GOVERNING THE ACTIONS OF
- SOFTWARE PIRATES, BUT AS MANY OF YOU
- MAY HAVE NOTICED AS OF LATE, THAT CODE
- HAS BEEN KNOCKED AROUND A BIT. ALTHOUGH
- IT'S NOT DIFFICULT TO DIFFERENTIATE A
- TRUE PIRATE FROM ONE OF THESE POOR IMI-
- TATIONS, I BELIEVE THAT, WITH THE NUM-
- BER OF TRUE PIRATES DECREASING AT SUCH
- AN ALARMING RATE, THIS CODE SHOULD BE
- SET STRAIGHT. AFTER ALL, ALTHOUGH
- "JOHNNY" IS ADMITTEDLY A MORON, IT'S
- NOT HIS FAULT THAT HE NEVER RECEIVED
- PROPER GUIDANCE.
-
-
- ONE OF THE FIRST AND FOREMOST RULES OF
- PIRACY: REAL PIRATES ARE OVER 15 YEARS
- OLD! EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE ARE EX-
- TREMELY RARE AT BEST.
-
- COROLLARY: YOU NEVER HAVE TO WONDER WHO
- BREEDED MICKEY MOUSE WITH A 2600 HZ
- TONE TO PRODUCE A REAL PIRATE'S VOICE.
-
-
- ALIASES
- -------
-
- REAL PIRATES ARE MORE IMAGINATIVE THAN
- TO USE THE WORD "COPY" IN THEIR ALIAS.
-
- COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES AREN'T NAMED
- "MR. COPY" BECAUSE REAL PIRATES DON'T
- BRAG ABOUT CRACKING DUNG BEETLES.
-
- THE WORD "CRACK" (OR "KRACK") IS FOUND
- NOWHERE IN A REAL PIRATE'S NAME...UN-
- LESS HE REALLY KNOWS HOW TO.
-
- REAL PIRATES' ALIASES DON'T SOUND AS IF
- THEY WERE EXTRACTED FROM THE LYRICS OF
- AN OZZY OZBOURNE SONG (I.E. PROVISIONER
- OF SATAN, BLACK AVENGER, DARK PHANTOM,
- ETC.).
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T NAME THEMSELVES AF-
- TER HEAVY METAL GROUPS.
-
- REAL PIRATES, IF NAMED AFTER SOME AS-
- PECT OF PIRATE LEGEND (I.E. JOLLY
- ROGER, CAPTAIN HOOK, EYE PATCH, ETC.)
- DON'T SAY, "AVAST YE SCURVY DOGS," OR
- ANYTHING OF THE LIKE.
-
- REAL PIRATES' NAMES AREN'T PARODIES OF
- OTHER REPUTABLE PIRATES (I.E. RESIDENT
- OF LAVENDER BAG, MR. PAC MAN, FRANKLIN
- BANDIT, ETC.).
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T NAME THEMSELVES AF-
- TER ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES (I.E. JACK
- DANIELS, HARVEY WALLBANGER, JIM BEAM,
- ETC.) ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'VE NEVER
- HAD ONE.
-
- REAL PIRATES SPELL THEIR ALIASES COR-
- RECTLY (UNLIKE "THE POENIX").
-
-
- REAL PIRATES AREN'T NAMED SAM HOUSTON,
- SIR SPANKY, THE GAMEMASTER, LORD
- FAGEN, OR MR. COPY.
-
-
- WARES
- -----
-
- REAL PIRATES WOULD NEVER THINK OF DE-
- LETING "SABOTAGE". IT'S TOO MUCH FUN
- IMAGINING THOSE LITTLE MEN ARE ACTUAL-
- LY SIR KNIGHT.
-
- REAL PIRATES PLAY "BILESTOAD".
-
- REAL PIRATES HAVE LONG SINCE DELETED
- "SNEAKERS", "E.T.", "ALIEN MUNCHIES",
- "BUG BATTLE", "SNACK ATTACK", AND
- EVERYTHING FROM SSI, AVALON HILL, AND
- SCOTT ADAMS.
-
- REAL PIRATES UPLOAD. THEY REALIZE THAT
- LEECHING IS THE #2 SIN (BEHIND, OF
- COURSE, BEING 13 YEARS OLD).
-
- REAL PIRATES REALIZE THAT PENGUIN
- AREN'T REALLY "THE GRAPHICS PEOPLE".
-
- REAL PIRATES FEEL GUILTY WHEN PIRATING
- BEAGLE BROTHERS. OF COURSE, THAT NEVER
- STOPS THEM.
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T BELIEVE THE MORONS
- WHO SAY THEY HAVE ULTIMA IV AND POLE
- POSITION.
-
- COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES REALIZE THAT
- THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FORMULA I
- RACER AND POLE POSITION.
-
-
- BOARDS
- ------
-
- REAL PIRATES AREN'T THE FIFTH TO POST
- THE SAME "I HAVE..." MESSAGE.
-
- CORROLARY: REAL PIRATES DON'T POST "I
- HAVE..." MESSAGES WHEN THEY REALLY
- DON'T HAVE.
-
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T DOWNLOAD PROGRAMS
- FROM PUBLIC AE'S AND THEN POST "I KNOW
- IT'S OLD, BUT I HAVE...TOO" MESSAGES
- ON PIRATE BOARDS.
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T POST THEIR HIGH
- SCORES.
-
- COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES DON'T KEEP
- SCORE.
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T SAY "K-K00L",
- "K-AWESOME", "X10DER", "L8R0N",
- OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT.
-
- REAL PIRATES KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BE-
- TWEEN "F" AND "PH" (I.E. "PHILES",
- "PHUCK", "FONE", ETC.).
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T WASTE EVERYONE'S
- TIME BACKSPACING OVER THEIR ALIAS 50
- TIMES.
-
- REAL PIRATES DONT USE TEXT GRAPHICS IN
- THEIR MESSAGES.
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CURSE
- BBS'S "K-K00L M0DS".
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T SEARCH FOR NEW WAYS
- TO SPELL "WARES".
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T USE THE LAST 5 LINES
- OF THEIR MESSAGES BRAGGING ABOUT THE 8
- MEANINGLESS ORGANIZATIONS THAT THEY
- BELONG TO.
-
- COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES DON'T BELONG TO
- SWAPP, DOSNNPG, OR NASCOMP.
-
- REAL PIRATES WHO ARE GBBS SYSOPS ARE
- PROUD TO HAVE STOLEN FROM GREG
- SCHAEFER.
-
- REAL PIRATES ARE SATISFIED WITH ONE
- EXCLAMATION POINT.
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T CALL DIAL-YOUR-
- MATCH.
-
- REAL PIRATES NEVER GET INTO "BITCH
- WARS" UNLESS, OF COURSE, THEY ARE
- GRINDING SOME 13 YEAR OLD TI USER INTO
- THE DUST.
-
-
- TRANSFERS
- ---------
-
- REAL PIRATES DON'T DFX.
-
- REAL PIRATES NO LONGER BUY MICROMODEM
- II'S, SSM MODEMCARDS, OR NETWORKER
- MODEMS.
-
- COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES BUY APPLE CATS.
-
- COROLLARY TO THE COROLLARY: REAL PI-
- RATES ACCEPT THE REALITY THAT 300 BAUD
- IS DEAD.
-
- REAL PIRATES AREN'T AROUND TO TRADE ON
- FRIDAY OR SATURDAY NIGHTS.
-
- COROLLARY: REAL PIRATES HAVEN'T WATCHED
- LOVE BOAT SINCE THEY WERE 13.
-
- REAL PIRATES TYPE "BRUN AE" WITHOUT THE
- SPACEBAR IN BETWEEN.
-
- REAL PIRATES CAN GET DISKFERCCATSEND TO
- WORK RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
-
- REAL PIRATES NEVER OWNED NETWORKER
- MODEMS.
-
- CONCLUSION
- ----------
-
- THAT'S IT...FOR NOW. SINCE LOSERS IN-
- VENT NEW WAYS TO BE LOSERS EVERY DAY,
- EXPECT A "REAL PIRATE'S GUIDE, VOLUME
- 2" VERY SOON.
-
- IF ANY OF YOU WERE TERRIBLY OFFENDED BY
- ANYTHING IN THIS FILE, THAT'S YOUR CLUE
- TO RETIRE FROM THE PIRATE WORLD. AFTER
- ALL, REAL PIRATES DON'T GET OFFENDED
- BY THINGS WRITTEN IN TEXTFILES.
-
- THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING FOR THEIR
- CONTRIBUTIONS TO THIS FILE:
-
- OTTO SHINEFLUG, CTRL RESET, BIT
- O'NASTY, LORD CHAOS, NILONIEL I, AND
- WHATEVER CON MAN CALLS HIMSELF OUT OF
- STATE.
-
- (C)1984 RABID RASTA;
- UBANGI JUNGLE PUBLISHING
-
-