ftp.wwiv.com/ftp.wwiv.com.zip/ftp.wwiv.com/pub/EVENTS/RLQ10.ZIP/WW4LOGON.DAT

Text File | 1994-03-26 | 46KB | 573 lines

Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Law of Construction:
Cut it large and kick it into place.
Murphy's Tenth Corollary:
Mother Nature is a bitch.
Young's Law:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Ballance's Law of Relativity:
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
If it jams, force it....
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Heisenberg's Principle:
You may know where the Stock Market is going, but not after that.
Finagle's Fifth Rule:
Experiments should be reproducible - they should all fail in the same way.
Newton's Seventh Law:
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Las Vegas Law:
Never bet on a loser because his luck is bound to change.
If it says "one size fits all," it doesn't fit anyone.

Fahnestock's Rule:
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
No matter what goes wrong,
there is always somebody who knew it would.
An unbreakable toy can be used to break other toys.

Drew's Law:
The client who pays the least complains the most.
Vail's Axiom:
In any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchial level.
First Law of Debate:
Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.
Whistler's Law:
You never know who's right, but you always know who's in charge.
Evan's Law: If you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs, you don't understand the problem.
Bocklage's Law:
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
When the plane you're on is late,
your connecting flight is on time.
Finagle's Second Rule:
Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.
Scott's First Law:
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
Seit's Law of Higher Education:
The one course you need for graduation is not offered your last semester.
There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.

Lefty Gomez's Law:
If you don't throw it, they can't hit it.
The pet principle:
No matter which side of the door the cat or dog is on, it's the wrong side.
Connor's Second Law:
If something is confidential it will be left in the copier machine.
Murphy's Flu Philosophy:
Even water tastes bad when taken on doctor's orders.
Grossman's Lemma:
Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
The one time of the day you lean back and relax is
the one time of the day the boss walks throught the office.
Moser's Law of Sports: Exciting plays only occur
when you're watching the scoreboard or buying a hot dog.
When the plane you're on is on time,
your connecting flight is late.
Olivers's Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.
Wallace's Observation:
Everything is in a state of utter dishevelment.
Hartley's Law: You can lead a horse to water,
but if you get him to float on his back, you've got something.
Hartley's Second Law:
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Law of Computer programming:
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
Meyer's law:  It is a simple task to make things complex,
but a complex task to make them simple.
Alan's Motto:
It's easier to make true enemies than true friends.
John's Collateral Corollary:
In order to get a loan you must first prove that you don't need it.
The Golden Rule:
Whoever has the most makes the rules.
Hoffstedt's Employment Principle:
Confusion creates jobs.
Spark's First Rule:
Strive to look tremendously important.
Price's Law:
If everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it.
Zymurgy's Labor Law:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Murray's rule of Basketball:
A free agent is anything but.
Ron's Observation for Teens:
The pimples don't appear until the hour before the date.
Rev. Chichester's Law:
If the weather is extremely bad or extremely good, attendance will be down.
Weber's Definition: An expert is one who knows nore and more
about less and less until he knows nothing at all.
Knox's Principle:
An acquired player fades, a traded player rises to stardom.
Wagner's Law of Sports TV: When the camera isolates on a male
athlete, he will either spit, pick or scratch.
1. Never be first. 2. Never be last.
3. Never volunteer for anything.
Rockefeller's Principle:
Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.
Kovac's conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of Gifts:
You get the most of what you need the least.
Law of Computer programming:
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Stitzer's Vacation Principle:
Take half as much clothing and twice as much money.
Glory may be fleeting,
but obscurity is forever.
Truman's Law:
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Murray's Rule of Football:
Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach.
The slowest checker is always at the quick check-out lane.

Crane's law:
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
Brintnall's Law:
If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
Johnson and Laird's Law:
A toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
Alan's Law of Success:
If at first you succeed, you have no idea what you're doing.
Hawkins' Theory: Progress consists in replacing a theory
that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later the worst is bound to occur.
Fiske's Teenage Corollary:
The stomach expands to accomodate the amount of junk food available.
Law of Computer programming:
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Finagle's First Rule:
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
Tood's First Law:
No matter what they're telling you, it's not the whole truth.
Stenderup's Law:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
Law of Tests: When reviewing your notes before an
exam, the most important ones will be illegible.
If it's good, they discontinued it.

The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Imbesi's Law:
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.
Law of Reruns:
If you have watched a TV series once and watch it again, it will be a rerun.
Devries' Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter,
the one you don't want will hit the paper.
Jones's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Deal's Sailing Law:
The amount of wind varies inversely with the number and experience of the crew.
Murray's Rule of Baseball:
Whatever can go to New York, will.
Jensen's Law:
Win or lose, you lose.
Campbell's Law:
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
Murphy's Flu Law:
If you seem to be getting better, it's your doctor getting worse.
If it wern't for the last minute,
nothing would ever get done.
Clark's Law: The only way to discover the limits of the
possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.
Murphy's Government Law:
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.
Keep anything long enough and you can throw it away.
Throw it away and you will need it next day.
O'Reilly's Spring Cleaning Law:
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Finman's Principle:
The one you want is never the one on sale.
Arthur's Law of Love:
People to whom you are attracted think you remind them of someone else.
Osborn's Law:
Variables won't, constants aren't.
Hoffer's Law:
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
O'Toole's commentary:
Murphy was an optimist.
Anthony's Shop Law:
Any tool dropped will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough...everyone leaves.
Law of Computer programming:
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.

The Green Thumb Law: The life of a house plant varies inversely
with its price and directly with its ugliness.
Iron Law of Distribution:
Them that has, gets.
Evans' and Bjorn's Law:
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
Ehrman's Law:
Things will get worse before they get better. Who said they'll get better?
Wethern's Law:
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Matz's Maxim:
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Student's Law:
Every instructor assumes you have nothing to do but study for his course.
Finagle's Eighth Rule:
Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
Fagin's Rule:
Hindsight is an exact science.
Davis' Answer to Roger's Law:
Serving coffee on an aircraft causes turbulence.
O'Toole's Axiom:
One child is not enough, but two are far too many.
Finagle's Fourth Rule:
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
No matter how much you know, you'll never know enough.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
the one that will cause the most damage will.
Gillenson's Law of Expectation:
Never get excited over how people look from behind.
Futility Law:  No experiment is a complete failure -
it can always serve as a negative example.
The telephone will ring when you are outside
the door fumbling for your keys.
Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistics.
Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Hane's Law:
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
Murphy's Philosophy:
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Diner's Dilemma:
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
Reynold's Law of Climatology:
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
What you don't do is always more important than what you do.

McGowan's Axiom:
If a Christmas gift is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
Thine's Law:
Nature abhors people.
Greer's Third Law:
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
Levy's Ninth Law:
Only God can make a random selection.
Farmer's Credo:
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night, then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
Todd's First Law:
All things being equal, you lose.
Hadley's Law of Clothing:
If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
Porkingham's Fishing Philosophy:
The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
Young's Corollary:
The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
Hamilton's glass cleaning law:
The spot you are scrubbing is always on the other side.
O'Brien's Law:
Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.
Dykstra's Law:
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Alan's View on Life:
Life's a bitch, time's a bastard, then you die and get over it.
Alexander Bell's Theorem:
When a body is immersed in water, the phone rings.
Seay's Law:
Nothing ever comes out as planned.
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

Law of Computer programming:
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the maintainer.
Simon's Law:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Cheit's Lament: If you help a friend in need he's sure to
remember you - the next time he's in need.
Parker's Observation:
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone.
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Steinbach's Guidline:
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Law of Tests: 80% of the final will be on the one
lecture you missed about the one book you didn't read.
First Law of Travel:
It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
Katz's Law: Men and nations will act rationally
when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Marks' Law:
A fool and your money are soon partners.
Parkinson's Second Law:
Expenditures rise to meet income.
Lavia's Law of Tennis:
A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition.
Muir's Law:
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to the universe.
Law of Tests:
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
Winger's Rule:
If it sits on your desk for 15 minutes, you've just become the expert.
If it looks easy, it's tough...
If it looks tough, it's impossible.
Alan's Law of Research:
The theory is supported as long as the funds are.
Peer's Law:
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
Byrne's Law of Concreting:
When you pour, it rains.
Cooper's Metalaw:
A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.
Rune's Rule:
If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
When you finally see light at the end of the tunnel,
it will probably be a train coming toward you.
Scott's Second Law: When an error has been detected and
corrected, it will be found to be correct originally.
Patry's Law:
If you know something can go wrong and prepare, something else will go wrong.
Maier's Law:
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Malek's Law:
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Seymour's Investment Principle:
Never invest in anything that eats.
Alan's Corollary on Time:
Time sucks!
Law of Computer programming:
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

Thom's Law of Marital Bliss:
The length of marriage is inversly proportional to the cost of the wedding.
Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time and
all some of the time but you can't fool Mom.
Wyszkowski's Second Law:
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Miller's Law:
Exceptions prove the rule - and wreck the budget.
If there are only two shows on TV worth watching this week,
they will be on at the same time.
Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent.

Gattuso's Extension:
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
Cornuelle's Law:
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
Wiler's Law:
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue.
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Matsch's Law:
It's better to have a horrible ending that to have horrors without end
Todd's Political Principle:
No matter what they're talking about, they're talking about money.
Miles' Rule:
Where you stand depends on where you sit.
No matter what goes wrong,
it will probably look right.
Finagle's Sixth Rule:
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Hershiser's Second Rule:
The Lable NEW and/or IMPROVED means the price went up.
Boobs Law:
You always find something the last place you look.
Alan's Law of Force:
If it doesn't fit, you're not hitting it hard enough.
The Watergate Principle:
Government corruption will always be reported in the past tense.
Telesco's Nursing Law:
All the IV's are at the other end of the Hall.
Moser's Law of Sports: Exciting plays only occur when
you're are watching the scoreboard or buying food.
Matilda's Sub-Committee Law:
If you leave the room, you're elected.
Doyle's Law: No matter how many share a cab,
each puts the full fare on their expense account.
Murphy's Observation:
When it rains, it pours.
Worker's Corollary:
What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
Skoff's Law:
A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.

Fett's Law of the Lab:
Never replicate a successful experiment.
Baker's Law:
You never want the one you can afford.
Hoare's Law:
Inside every large problem is a small problem trying to get out.
Ferguson's Precept:
A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
Roger's Law: As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee,
the airliner encounters turbulence.
Frothingham's Corollary:
The mountain looks closer than it is.
Murray's Hockey Rule:
Hockey is a game played by six good players and the home team.
Etorre's observation:
The other line always moves faster.
Professors Block's Motto:
Forgive and Remember.
Weinberg's First Law:
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
Kohn's Corollary:
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Lord balfour's Contention:
Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.
Thom's Law of Marital Bliss:
The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.
Jacquin's Postulate:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe when legislature is in session.
There is nothing so simple that it can't be done wrong.

Glyme's Formula:
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
5th Law of the Office:
Vital papers will move from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Rominger's Rule for Students:
The more general the title of a course, the less you learn from it.
Perkins' Postulate:
The bigger they are...the harder they hit.
Brenda's Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
No matter how hard you shop for an item,
after you bought it, you will find it on sale.
Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
The General Law:
The chaos in the universe always increases.
Law of Life's Highway:
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Murphy's Seventh Corollary:
Every solution breeds new problems.
Atwood's Fourteenth Corollary:
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.

Rule of Defactualization:
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Murphy's Flu Philosophy:
Just because your doctor has a name for it doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Lee's Law:
In dealing with a body of people, the people will be more tacky than expected.
Kitman's Law:
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
If you do something which you are sure will meet with
everybody's approval, somebody won't like it.
Bedfellows Rule:
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
First Rule of Superior Inferiority:
Don't let your superiors know you're superior to them.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Newton's Law:
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Charnock's Law:
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Law of the Office:
Important letters which contain no errors will develope errors in the mail.
Jacob's Law:
To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human.
Chisholm's Corollary:
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
Goebel's Law of Rush Hour Traffic:
What speeds up, must slow down.  But who says it's ever gonna speed up?
Worker's Law:
No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.
Patton's Law:
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
The Pace of Progress: Society is a mule, not a car...
...if pressed too hard, it will throw off its rider.
Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Cheops' Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Jones' Law of TV:
The only new show worth watching will be cancelled.
Hanlon's Razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
TANSTAAFL:
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
The client who pays the least complains the most.

Miller's Law:
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.
Walter's Law of Politics:
A fool and his money are soon elected.
You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game.

Steele's Philosophy:
Everybody should believe in something...I believe I'll have another drink.
Alan's Law:
All things being equal, you lose.
Thiessen's Law of Gastronomy: The hardness of the butter
is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.
Young's law:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Young's Principle of Individuality:
Everybody wants to peel their own banana.
Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Alan's Corollary:
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.
Law of the Search: The first place to look for
something is the last place you'd expect to find it.
If you're early, it's cancelled, if you're on time,
it's late, if you're late, you're late.
Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Leo Rogers' Commentary:
If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.
Alan's Second Law:
Never eat anything bigger than your head.
Merkin's Maxim:
When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.
No matter how well you do your job,
a superior will seek to modify the results.
Jones' Law of TV:
The show you've been looking forward to all week will be preempted.
Farnsdick's Corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Beryl's Law:
The "CONSUMER REPORT" on the item will come out a week after you buy the item.
The Army Axiom:
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Porkingham's Law:
The time available to go fishing shrinks as fishing season draws near.
Ray's precision Rule:
Measure with a micrometer - Mark with chalk - Cut with an axe.
Hershiser's First Rule:
Anything NEW and/or IMPROVED, isnt.
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone he can blame it on.
Finagle's Third Rule:
Always draw your curves first, then plot your data.
Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Shirley's law:
Most people deserve each other.
Klipstein's Engineering Law:
Dimensions will always be in the wrong units, such as furlongs per fortnight.
Ferguson's Law:
A crisis is when you can't say "Let's forget the whole thing."
Law of the Kitchen:
You're always complimented on the item that took the least effort to prepare.