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- [This has 'made the rounds', so to speak, but I've not seen it on r.h.f, so
- I present . . .]
-
- 'Microsoft 911', or 'Healthcare At Your Fingertips'
-
- Well, after almost an hour on the phone with Microsoft Tech Support, and I
- do believe that I've personally talked to roughly half of their total
- workforce during that hour, the person who I finally got to said he doesn't
- know anything (about my problem, that is) so he'll try to get me a response
- within 24-48 hours. Now this is typical, even acceptable, but with
- Microsoft's recent expansion into things like home entertainment, cable TV,
- and satellite communications, along with the new health care reform, this
- has some pretty frightening possibilities...
-
- Imagine if you will a Microsoft-run 911 line...
-
- Disembodied voice: Welcome to Microsoft 911! If you are calling from a
- touch-tone phone, please press 1 no...
-
- Caller: *1*
-
- Disembodied Voice: *excruciating pause* Microsoft 911 provides 90 days of
- free emergency support. This 90--day period begins when you are conceived.
- If you have not yet been conceived, press one. If you have been conceived
- but are still under the ninety-day free support period, press two. If
- you...
-
- Caller: *frantically* *3*
-
- Disembodied voice: Welcome to Microsoft 911! While you are holding, please
- consider our alternative support options. If you would like faxed medical
- information on common emergency conditions, you can call out FaxTips line
- at. . .
-
- *ring*
-
- New Voice: Hello, Microsoft 911. May I have a daytime phone number?
- Caller: *weakly* I've been shot...
- New Voice: That's right, sir. Could I have your daytime telephone number?
- Caller: 555-6712.
- New Voice: Thank you...
-
- *pause*
-
- * anaesthetic elevator music*
-
- Yet Another Voice: And that was Andy Barzell, with "Moon Over LA" from his
- upcoming City Lights disc, on the Trauma Records label. Now we'll go over
- some of our hold times for the emergency support groups. There are four
- people waiting in the Vehicular Accidents group; the longest hold time there
- is 10 minutes, twelve seconds. Nine people are holding in the Gunshot
- Wounds group, with a longest wait time of twenty minutes, four seconds. The
- Terrorist Bombing group has two callers waiting with a longest wait time of
- ten minutes, and the Hunting Accidents group...
-
- Caller: *thud*
-
- One More Voice: Hello, Microsoft Gunshot Wound Emergency Assistance...
- Hello?
-
- --