>Did you feel that the bad trip and flashback were connected: N/A
>Also, if you could explain your answers in a little greater detail (ie.
>explaining what the bad trip was like, or explaining the flashback, etc)
>that would be appreciated, but not neccesary.
I was with 5 friends and they were dancing, having fun with loud dance music
and a red light bulb on. Everyone was otherwise complaining that the hits
weren't causing hallucinations or a 'trip' as it had been described to them.
I felt the blood rushing through my body and everyone's faces kept changing
shape slightly. I felt completely alone and alienated. They were asking me
to take my roommates hits (which I had saved for him) for us so they could
intensify the experience. I was so upset that no one was experiencing what
I was and couldn't share it with me. My friend and I kept staring at pictures
and each other's faces enjoying what we were feeling. I realized how no two
people have the same experiences in life and are probably never thinking the
exact same thing. I became very pessemistic about love and subsequently
friendships. We come into the world alone and leave it that way. I should
depend on nobody except myself for happiness. I though of my existentialism
class and understood how pain/hurt and chaos were things to look forward to in
life because they taught a lesson. I began crying and became very insecure.
I ran to a friends room and sat in the corner talking to them. I had to keep
my back to the corner in the room so that I could see everyone there.
I wouldn't let anyone touch me because the feeling of warm skin scared me
and reminded me that people are individualized (in different bodies and
though processes). I had to keep touching the wall behind me to remind myself
that I was against something concrete. I couldn't stop talking or else I'd
be scared of being 'alone forever.' I wasn't making coherent sense... I was
making sentences but I couldn't finish them because my mind was cluttered
with random thoughts. I thought of all my friends in the room I had left
and how I could no longer relate to them. I saw them as completely selfish,
defensive, insecure and followers (as opposed to leaders). They were all so
shallow that they had to party and dance and have fun instead of having
meaningful discussions. I went back to the room and there was toilet paper
everywhere (20 rolls at least unleashed) and the record player was playing a
record slower than normal speed so that it sounded very evil! Everyone there
was crying or screaming or running out. I didn't care about anyone at the time.I felt that my friends were using me and didn't care about me. I saw through
so many pretentions at that moment. I thought of past loves that had failed
or had been unsuccessful and cried some more. Everyone was suddenly quiet and
nobody would respond to me or look at me. Everyone was trapped in their own
little world. I couldn't find anything I owned in the room (shoes, jacket,
wallet) and I decided that I didn't want any physical/material possesions
anymore. I was going to destroy all social conventions and be myself.
We took a walk and had Japanese food. Came home, talked to some friends and
went to sleep.
If you'd like to know anything else, feel free!
I can't say I've ever had a flashblack or a real "bad" trip.
Today I was seeing very light trails occasionaly. Considering I tripped four
days ago... but I never saw actual colors/patterns that shouldn't be there.
While under the red light, to this day, I see slight trails.
Smoking a lot of pot also brings some of it. I'd like to trip on 2 or 3 hits