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Text File  |  1979-12-31  |  6KB  |  66 lines
  1.                        ╚OW TO SOLVE YOUR DRINKING PROBLEMSì-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2.        PROBLEMS            ! REASON OR PROBABLE CAUSE ! SUGGESTED REMEDY
  3. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4. Drinking fails to give any !Mouth not open while      !Buy another pot & 
  5. satisfaction or taste.     !drinking or glass applied !practice in front of
  6. Front of shirt is wet.     !to wrong part of face.    !a mirror. Continue as
  7.                            !                          !necessary until 
  8.                            !                          !drinking technique is
  9.                            !                          !perfected
  10. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  11. Drink fails to give any    !     Glass empty.         !Find someone who will
  12. satisfaction or taste. Beer!                          !buy you another pot
  13. unusually pale and clear.  !                          !
  14. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  15. Feet cold and wet.         !Glass being help at wrong !Turn glass the other
  16.                            ! angle.                   !way so that the open
  17.                            !                          !end is pointing
  18.                            !                          !upwards.
  19. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  20. Feet warm and wet.         !Loss of self control      !Go and stand next to
  21.                            !                          !the nearest person,
  22.                            !                          !after a while complain
  23.                            !                          !to the owner and demand
  24.                            !                          !a pot in compensation.
  25. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  26. Bar blurred.               !You are looking through   !See remedy No. 2
  27.                            !bottom of empty glass.    !
  28. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  29. Bar swaying.               !Air turbulance unusually  !Insert broom handle 
  30.                            !high maybe due to darts   !down back of jacket.
  31.                            !match in progress.        !
  32. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  33. Bar moving.                !You are being carried     !Find out if you are
  34.                            ! out                      !being taken to another
  35.                            !                          !pub, if not complain
  36.                            !                          !loudly that you are
  37.                            !                          !being hijacked.
  38. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  39. You notice that the wall   !  You have fallen over    !If your glass is full
  40. opposite is covered with   !  backwards               !and no one is standing
  41. ceiling tiles and has a    !                          !on your drinking arm,
  42. light fitting on it.       !                          !stay put. If not get
  43.                            !                          !someone to help you up
  44.                            !                          !and lash yourself to
  45.                            !                          !the bar.
  46. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  47. Everything has gone dim and!   You have fallen over.  !As for No. 8.
  48. you have a mouthful of fag !                          !
  49. ends and broken teeth.     !                          !
  50. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  51. You feel sharp pains in    !You are standing too close! Ask to have the pool
  52. your rear.                 !to the pool table.        ! table moved.
  53. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  54. Everything is going dark.  !The pub is closing.       !(a) Panic.
  55.                            !                          !(b) Go find another
  56.                            !                          !      pub.
  57.                            !                          !(c) Rush to the bottle
  58.                            !                          !      shop.
  59. ---------------------------+--------------------------+----------------------
  60. You wake up and find your  ! You've spent the night in! Check your watch to
  61. bed hard, cold, wet and you! the gutter.              ! see if it is opening cannot see your bedroom    !                          ! time. If not treat
  62. walls or ceiling           !                          ! yourself to a lie in.
  63. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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