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Colossal Cookbook
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ColossalCookbook.cdr
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1990-03-26
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SNIGLET (snig' lit)
Any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but should.
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SILICANAPE (sih lih kan' uh pay)
n. The little bag of silica gel found among stereo parts marked
"Do Not Eat".
SLOPWEAVER (slohp' wee vuhr)
n. Someone who has mastered the art of repositioning the food
on his plate to give the appearance of having consumed a good
portion of it.
SLOTTERY AND VENDICATION (slot' er ee and ven' di kay shun)
n. The combination "ouch" and slurping noise one makes when
eyeing someone else's bad sunburn.
SNACKMOSPHERE (snak' moh sfeer)
n. The empty but explosive layer of air at the top of a
potato chip bag.
SNARGLE (snar' gul)
v. To lessen the visual impact of a horror movie by filtering
it through one's fingers.
SNUGGAGE (snuh' gaj)
n. The act of retying both shoestrings when only one needed it.
SOMNAMBAPOLOGIST (som nam ba pol' uh jist)
n. Person too polite to admit he was sleeping even when
awakened at three in the morning.
SPAGELLUM (spa gel' um)
n. The loose strand on each forkfull of spaghetti that beats one
about the chin and whiskers.
SPOOD (spewd)
n. Flat wooden "spoon" that accompanies ice cream cups.
SPROUT LINES (sprout lynz)
n. Visible lines at the bottom of trouser legs where the
hems have been let down.
SPUDRUBBLE (spud' ruhb uhl)
n. Unclaimed french fries at the bottom of a fast food bag.
SQUAFFLES (skwa' felz)
n. The individual squares comprising a waffle.
SQUANDERPRINT (skwan' duhr print)
n Directions that try to make you use up a product faster than
you normally would. (Ex: Apply shampoo. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.)
SQUATFLECTION (skwat' flek shun)
n. The distorted reflection in a car window that makes you
resemble a midget wrestler.
SQUATIC DIVERSION (skwa' tik dy vur' zhun)
n. Any pretended activity that commands a dog owner's attention
while the dog relieves itself on a neighbor's lawn.
SQUIGGER (skwig' uhr)
n. A cherry tomato that explodes upon contact with a fork.
SUBATOMIC TOASTICLES (sub ah tom' ik toh' stik uhlz)
n. Tiny fragments of toast left behind in the butter.
TABLE SNORKELING (tay' bul snawrk' ling)
n. Frantic gesticulations when one bites into hot food
and has to take in air to cool it off.
TELLETIQUETTE (tel et' ih ket)
n. The polite distance kept by one person behind another
at an automatic teller machine (so as not to be suspected
of trying to glimpse that person's secret code).
TELOUSTIC (tel oo' stik)
adj. The tendency for people to shout into the phone when
calling long distance.
TERRET (tear et)
n. The ring joining a dog's collar to a leash.
TESTLICE (test' lys)
n. Those tiny bugs that invade your hair when you're taking
an exam.
TOILET TOUPEE (toy' lit too pay')
n. Any shag carpet toilet cover that causes the lid to become
top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to male users.
TOOLCENTRIC (tewl sen' trik)
adj. Describes any tool that, when dropped, rolls to the
exact center of the car's underside.
SNIGLET (snig' lit)
Any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but should.
--------------
TRIDECKPICK (try dek' pik)
n. A miniature sword or similar device used to hold a
sandwich together.
TUBSWIZZLE (tuh' swih zuhl)
v. To slide oneself back and forth in the bathtub in order
to mix the too hot water with the cooler water.
TURFIGEE AND PEDIGEE (ter' fih jee and ped' ih jee)
n. The two extreme target points of a rotary lawn sprinkler,
TURFIGEE being the safest point at which to walk past, PEDIGEE
being the most dangerous.
TWINKIDUE (twin' kee dew)
n. The residue on the inside of the wrapper that every junk
food addict eventually gets to.
UCLIPSE (yew' klips)
n. The dangerous arc into another lane made by drivers
just before executing a turn.
UMBILINKUS (uhm bih link' us)
n. The tiny appendage at the end of a link sausage.
UMBRACE (uhm' brays)
n. The small strap that holds an umbrella in place.
UNDERHOODIST (un dur hood' ist)
n. A service station attendant with a genius for locating
hood latches.
UNFARE (un fayr')
n. The dollar you owe the cab driver before you've even
moved a foot.
UNIPEA (yew' ni pee)
n. A peanut with only one compartment.
VACATION ELBOW (vay kay' shun el' bo)
n. A condition that suddenly develops in a father's
arm during a vacation trip that allows him to reach
out and slap you from incredible distances.
VEGELUDES (vej' eh loodz)
n. Individual peas or kernels of corn that you end up
chasing all over the plate.
VENDOMETRIC (ven doh meh' trik)
n. A person who inserts his change in a vending machine according
to size (dimes, nickels, quarters).
VENDOVALUEIST (ven doh val' yew ist)
n. A person who inserts his change according to value (nickels,
dimes, quarters).
VOITLOCK (voyt' lok)
n. When the basketball gets lodged between the rim and the backboard.
WAFTIC (wahf' tik)
adj. Describes any person in whose direction campfire or
barbecue smoke always blows.
WERDLE (wurd' uhl)
v. To lean over the edge of a train or subway platform in search of
the oncoming vehicle. WERDLEMASS n. an entire group of people
leaning over a train or subway platform.
WISKAGE (wis' kaj)
n. The gravitational property that causes clothes to stick
to the outside of the drum after the spin cycle.
WOOWAD (wew' wad)
n. Giant clumps of stuck-together rice served at
chinese restaurants.
XEROXPOX (zee' roks poks)
n. Skin disease of copier paper, characterized by the
appearance of large black powdery blotches.
YOTATE (yoh' tayt)
v. To allow a yo-yo to unwind itself
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BLINDELIZE (blin' dul eyes)
v. To scratch an album beyond recognition trying to maneuver it
over the record spindle.
BLITHWAPPING (blith' wap ing)
v. Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into wall, such
as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.