The California Collection/TheCaliforniaCollection.cdr/his117/finding.lzh/FINDING.TXT

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SER:Finding Fault  by the Rev. Kurt H. Asplundh

   "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not
perceive the beam in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother,
`Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye, ' when you
yourself do not see the beam that is in your own eye?" (Lu. 6: 41f)

   The second of the two great commandments requires us to love our
neighbor as ourself. This is the essence of charity.

   What does this mean in practice? The Heavenly Doctrine teaches that
to love the neighbor means "not to hold him in light esteem in
comparison with oneself, [but] to deal justly with him, and not to pass
evil judgments upon him" (TCR 411). Again, we are taught, "The life of
charity consists in thinking kindly of another...in wishing him well;
and in perceiving joy in one's self from the fact that others also are
saved" (AC 2234: 5).

   Think of that! Here is a measure of our charity to the neighbor. Are
we happy in the thought that certain others will be saved? Take a
person that you have not liked; perhaps someone you have fought with.
Think of someone you have suspected of acting dishonestly, or who seems
conceited or pompous, even downright mean. How would we feel if we were
told that this person was going to be saved? Would it make us angry to
think that our worst enemy could be in heaven? Would we rejoice to find
that people we always thought were evil and whom we disliked were to be
saved after all?

   The Lord told the Pharisees and scribes that "there will be more joy
in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just
persons who need no repentance" (Lu. 15: 7). Can we share this heavenly
joy?

   One lapse of the life of charity is finding fault. Finding fault in
others is a widespread evil. When it is linked with a desire to tell
these faults to others it is most destructive to charity and especially
to the life of the church.

   The evil of finding fault is pictured in the account of Noah's
drunkenness. When his son Ham saw him drunk and naked in his tent, he
criticized him before his brothers Shem and Japheth.

   In contrast, there is a beautiful account of the reaction of Shem
and Japheth who literally "bent over backwards" to cover their father's
nakedness without taking note of it. They were blessed by Noah; the
sons of Ham were cursed.

   The difference was a matter of charity. Those lacking charity see
evil in others, we are told, "They desire to examine everyone, and even
to judge him; nor do they desire anything more than to find out what is
evil, constantly cherishing the disposition to condemn, punish, and
torment." Those who have charity will do otherwise. They "observe what
is good and if they see anything evil and false, they excuse it, and if
they can, try to amend it...as is here said of Shem and Japheth" (AC
1079).

   We all have faults. How do we react to the faults we see in others?

   Do we seize on them to show ourselves and others how much better we
are?

   Do we enjoy criticizing the mistakes others make? If so, we are not
in charity, for the spirit of charity is to will well to others--all
others.

   Often, we can excuse the faults of our friends or those in our
family that we love. Can we hold the same attitude toward others? The
Lord said, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to
those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you, and
persecute you.... For if you love those who love you, what reward have
you? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than
others? (Matt. 5: 44, 46f).

   Does having charity mean ignoring evils and falsities in others?
Does it mean we should love people no matter what they think or do? The
Heavenly Doctrine is clear that charity must be tempered with judgment.
Even the angels who "scarcely see the evil of another...and put a good
interpretation on what is evil and false" (AC 1079) exercise prudence
in loving the neighbor.

   True charity is not to be confused with clemency or a lenient
attitude in judging wrongdoings. Charity, we are taught, "is an
internal affection which consists in a heartfelt desire to do the
neighbor good..." (AC 8033). Charity's goal is to promote good ends,
good uses, and the welfare of society.

   We cannot promote this goal by condoning or approving our neighbor's
faults and evils.

   Often, when people say we need more charity in the church, they are
talking about an external charity or "charitableness" that differs from
true charity as an act differs from an intention. Let this be explained.

   If our charitableness springs from an inner spirit of wishing well
to the neighbor, we will treat the neighbor from a love for his welfare
and a love of good ends. We will serve that neighbor in any way we can
that looks to a useful end. In so doing, we benefit everyone, thus the
common good.

   On the other hand, if a charitable disposition has no inner basis,
the danger is that it will not discriminate good from evil and will be
vulnerable to error. Acting from sentiment or a natural desire to
please others by indulging them, it will be soft-headed as well as
soft-hearted; it will not consider good ends but only the other's
instant gratification no matter what the cost. It will favor person
over order, individual good over the common good. It will yield to the
demands of others no matter what their quality or ambition. This is not
true charity because helping one hurts another; wishing well to one
amounts to neglecting others.

   "The fundamental of charity is to act rightly and justly in
everything which belongs to one's duty and employment, " we are taught.
This example is given: "If one who is a judge punishes an evil doer
according to the laws, and does so from zeal, he is then in charity
toward the neighbor; for he desire his amendment, thus his good, and
also wills well to society and his country, that it receive no further
injury from the evildoer; thus he can love him if he amends, as a
father the son whom he chastises..."

   The Heavenly Doctrine speaks particularly of our responsiblity to
exercise true charity in the raising of children. "With those who are
in charity..." we read, "children are loved according to their morals,
virtues, good will, and qualifications for serving the public." Not so
with others who are simply in a natural parental love. These, we are
told, "love even wicked, immoral, and crafty children more than the
good, moral, and discreet..." (TCR 431).

   How then, are we to deal with what appear to be faults in our
neighbor?

   We are never allowed to judge another's spiritual quality. The Lord
alone can know this. However, we may judge of others as to the quality
of their moral and civil life, for this, we are told, "concerns
society" (AC 2234: 3. We can, and must take a stand on moral and civil
matters in life from a love of the common good. Charity demands it.
Yet, we can do this out of love for the neighbor. We can act with
justice, without malice, and with the desire for a good end. As far as
possible, we must observe what is good in the neighbor, excuse faults
or put a good interpretation on them. If we see faults, we can act in
charity.

   Ask yourself, "What good end results in finding fault with another
and in criticizing his evils and shortcomings? Finding fault is simply
a way of feeding our self-love if we do so from lack of charity.

   It is legitimate to notice the faults of others which have relation
to our office and employment or involve our life in society. We can
seek their amendment with prudence and from the love of use. No
teacher, for example, acts charitably by ignoring the mistakes and bad
manners of his or her students. Nor is a parent acting from charity by
being permissive and indulgent of the disorders of children.

   The principle which guides us in dealing with the neighbor is that
we do so from a heartfelt desire to promote what is useful. We are
warned not to find fault when the desire to do so is from self love.
Such a practice accomplishes nothing but the destruction of an already
crippled neighbor. More deeply, it is to our own destruction. With
every careless and malicious criticism of another we open the door for
our own condemnation. As the Lord taught, "With the same measure you
use, it will be measured back to you" (Matt. 7: 1).

   Love does not condemn. Parents do not, or certainly should not,
reject their children for exhibiting faults as they grow up. They may
punish them in apparent anger; yet it is a zeal for their future
welfare and happiness that motivates a true parent. Nor do we abandon
those we love when they become sick. Instead, we long for their return
to health, administering to their needs in sickness with patience and
tender sympathy. Should it not be the same with faults. We do not love
faults in others any more than we love diseases that may strike them,
yet charity calls for a patient and sympathetic attitude. Charity is a
spirit of wishing well to our neighbor. It takes the form of promoting
good ends, doing what we can that is helpful to the common good.

   Here is a practical suggestion: When we see another's fault, or what
we think is a fault, let us ask ourselves: "Why am I critical of this?
Do I see this interfering with this person's life and happiness or is
it simply interfering with my own? Why would I want to correct this
fault? Do I want to call the attention of others to it so my proprium
can enjoy a feeling of superiority or do I sincerely wish to promote a
good end both for this person and for society in general?" Such
questions may reveal our true intent.

   The companion of fault-finding is gossip. Whenever we are critical
of others there is a tendency to want to find confirmation of the
criticism with others. Therefore, it is a further responsibility of the
life of charity to guard against the evil of reporting the faults of
others. In the Psalms we read this prayer: "Set a guard, O Lord, over
my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips" (Ps. 141: 3). We all
should ask this of the Lord.

   We are more frequently guilty of injuring the neighbor by word than
by deed. How often harsh, damaging words rush through the gateway of
our lips.

   When we ask the Lord to set a guard before our mouth we are really
asking for help to reject evil and harmful thoughts before they are
formed in speech. Because of the direct connection between our
intentions and words the Lord says that He will take account of "every
idle word" that man shall speak (Matt. 12: 36). This, too, is why the
Lord has taught, "Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from
speaking guile" (Ps. 34: 13), and why it was a law in Israel: "You
shall not go about as a talebearer among your people..." (Lev. 19: 16).

   This is a most destructive form of uncharitableness. The law of
Israel was specifically against slander:--spreading false statements to
harm another's name and reputation. Gossip includes reports of others,
perhaps true, which are passed to reflect unfavorably on them. While
slander is criminal, malicious gossip springs from the same spirit of
enmity and can be equally damaging, both to the offender and the
offended.

   We do not condemn the ordinary passing of news about people and
their activities. Interest in these things and conversation about them
are referred to in the Writings as a legitimate diversion of charity
(see Char. 189). We should remember, however, when we descend to a
discussion of personality we easily slip into criticism and
fault-finding. Often we enjoy such gossip at the expense of those who
are subject of it.

   What the Lord clearly condemns is talebearing with sinister intent.

   What is our intent when we make eager report of the faults,
failings, and disorders of others? Do we enjoy repeating what is
scandalous because it gives us a chance to condemn someone we don't
like? Do we listen avidly to gossip about others because we hope to
hear of some weakness for which we can despise or ridicule them? Does
it make us feel that we are better than others when we hear that they
are worse?

   When we catch ourselves bearing tales, let us ask, "Have we
investigated what we are reporting to be sure that it is accurate
before we repeat it?"

   "Is there a use in spreading what we have heard?" "Are we hoping to
weaken the reputation of him of whom we speak, or tear down respect for
him in the eyes of others?" Are we willing to say something about
someone which we are not willing to say to them? If we cannot answer
these questions honestly it may be that our love of gossip comes from a
hidden appetite for finding fault, from a lack of charity. We should
remember, then, what the Heavenly Doctrine teaches: that "to inflict
harm" upon the name of the neighbor is identified as a sin against the
commandment, "You shall not kill." (TCR 297).

   We must learn to examine our delight in "idle words" and be ever
ready with a "watch" before our lips. It may be from envy or hatred of
another that we speak ill of them. We may wish to discredit or belittle
our enemies.

   Perhaps, in the ambition to become popular with others or a center
of attraction, we are willing to make offhand or irresponsible remarks
about others.

   We should refrain from the evil of gossip by determined
self-compulsion. We can shun the temptation to repeat damaging
information about others, to divulge confidences, or to make cruel
jokes at the expense of an absent victim.

   We can keep our tongue from speaking evil. Even if we feel unable to
say anything good of another we can, at least, keep silent and turn
away from conversations that belittle them.

   The greatest harm in fault-finding and the malicious gossip that is
its handmaiden is, in reality, to the fault-finder and talebearer. Its
inner life is the will and desire to believe only evil of the neighbor
and to rejoice in his shortcomings and discomforts. Unless this love is
shunned as a sin it will grow. As it grows, the inevitable result is
tht we become suspicious and contemptuous of all others, no longer able
to see or believe any good of anyone, thus cut off from the blessings
of human society.

   With the Lord's help, if we ask it of Him, we can keep our tongue
from speaking evil and our lips from spreading false tales. Instead, we
can become perfected in the charity and communication of the angels. We
read concerning some who correspond to the mouth and are continually
desiring to speak that as they are perfected they do not speak anything
but "what is of service to their companions, to the common good, to
heaven, and to the Lord" (AC 4803).

   Let this be our goal: When we speak, let our words be of service,
not a dis-service. Let us have a spirit of charity, of wishing well to
our neighbor, and a pledge to speak no evil of another. In this spirit
and with this pledge, the harmony and development of the church can
flourish. This should be our prayer: "Let the words of my mouth, and
the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord..."
(Ps. 19: 14).

   Truly, then, "the Lord will give strength to His people; the Lord
will bless His people with peace" (Ps. 29: 11). Amen.

   Lessons: Gen. 9: 8-10, 18-29; Lu. 6: 27-42; CL 523