The California Collection/TheCaliforniaCollection.cdr/his099/child1.lzh/CHILD1.TXT

Text File | 1991-06-30 | 17.6 KB | 293 lines

FAM:Solomon's Proverbs on raising children  by Randall Hillebrand

   "To know wisdom and instruction, To discern the sayings of
understanding, To receive instruction in wise behavior, Righteousness,
justice and equity; To give prudence to the naive, To the youth
knowledge and discretion, A wise man will hear and increase in
learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel, To
understand a proverb and a figure, The words of the wise and their
riddles." (Proverbs 1:2-6)

   Solomon tells us that it is a good thing to study proverbs. This is
because proverbs is filled with wisdom and instruction through which
one can increase in learning and acquire wise counsel; where one can
discover sayings of understanding and be taught wise behavior. This is
why I chose to glean the Book of Proverbs for bits of wisdom on the
proper way in which to raise children, in a manner pleasing to God.
Also, as the proverb above states, "To the youth knowledge and
discretion" come from their learning and understanding of proverbs. So
the first piece of wisdom that I see Proverbs teaching on the raising
of children is that it is very profitable to teach one's children the
proverbs contained in this book. Not only would it be profitable to
teach from this book, but from all of the wisdom literature in the Old
Testament for the understanding which they will receive.

   To take it even a step further, we know that not only is wisdom
literature profitable for teaching, but that "All Scripture is inspired
by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for
training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate,
equipped for every good work." (II Timothy 3:16-17). So, we should
teach all scripture to our children, keeping in mind the application
derived from Deuteronomy 6:4-7, which is an exhortation to love God
with everything we have, to keep in our heart the word of God, and to
diligently teach the scriptures to our children at all times ("when you
sit in your house and walk by the way and when you lie down and when
you rise up." vs. 7).

   Maybe Deuteronomy 6:4-7 was in the back of Solomon's mind when he
wrote Proverbs 1:8-9 which says, "Hear, my son, your father's
instruction, and do not forsake your mother's teaching; indeed, they
are a graceful wreath to your head, and ornaments about your neck."
Where Deuteronomy 6:4-7 is an injunction to parents, Proverbs 1:8 is an
injunction to children. Solomon is not only telling them to listen to
their father's instruction, but this verse has the idea of obeying them
also. So when the father gives instructions, the children carry them
out. The children are also told not to forsake or abandon their
mother's teachings, probably meaning the teachings of the scriptures
which were usually part of the mother's duties since the father did not
always have the time to do so. So as the parents are told to teach, the
children are told to listen and respond.

   Verse 9 gives the results of children that abide by verse 8, which
is that "they are a graceful wreath to your head, and ornaments about
your neck." In other words, they are something to be displayed because
of their value and they are prize possessions that bring pride to their
parents. Any parent would be happy and proud to display their children
for others to see if they are obedient.

   The next proverb which shed light on the raising of children was
Proverb 1:7. Here we see that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of
knowledge;" but "fools despise wisdom and instruction." Solomon's use
of the phrase, "fear of the Lord," has more than just the idea of fear.
When the Israelite used this word fear (Hebrew -"yare'") with respect
to God, it had the idea of the highest reverence and respect combined
with love that a child could have for a parent. The aspect of fear was
still there, but because of the expression of love involved, it became
more of an awe toward God; a fear without torment. (Kufeldt 475).

   This is what we are to teach our children when teaching them the
fear of God, not a type of fear that causes them to go and hide in a
corner from, nor attempt to lie to God every time they sin because of
their fear that God will be cruel and mean toward them. This kind of
fear knows that God will chastise the disobedient, but also knows that
it is for their best. So having this type of fear is the beginning of
knowledge, because understanding what it means to fear God is in itself
an important piece of knowledge to have. But also, having a fear of God
shows that one believes in God, which gives him the ability to grow
closer to and learn more about God, which is the beginning of true
knowledge.

   So the second thing we need to do as parents is to teach our
children the "fear of God" which "is the beginning of knowledge,
"otherwise we will have children who are fools, 'fools' who will
"despise wisdom and instruction." The word instruction here has the
idea of discipline, correction, chastisement, which says that these are
the kind of things that they despise. The man who despises these things
will live a life that is undisciplined and irresponsible, a life that
is full of one mishap after another because he has not learned the fear
of God and put God in His proper place.

   The Book of Proverbs has a number of things to say about the
discipline of children. We will even see that in some of the proverbs,
the rod will be discussed as a tool of discipline, challenging some
today that would say that when a child misbehaves we should talk to him
or her, but never spank. This would especially challenge those today
that say children should not even be disciplined by talking to them
because we may hinder their creative abilities. But as we will see,
Solomon disagrees with this philosophy of child rearing.

   Proverbs 23:13 brings Solomon's view across vividly when he says,
"Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you beat him with
the rod, he will not die." The word "beat" here has the idea of smiting
or striking with a powerful effect. It is not talking about a couple
pats on the child's behind. And as Solomon states further, "he will not
die." Some may say, that's too cruel, children do not need a spanking
like that. Yes, there is some truth in that. All children are different
and they all respond to discipline in different ways. But Solomon has a
very good reason for this as can be seen in the next verse. He says,
"You shall beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from Sheol." I
believe this truth can be seen in Proverbs 22:6 where Solomon says,
"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will
not depart from it." If a child is trained in the way he should go,
which includes a fear of God, teaching about God and discipline to keep
his way straight, then we are told that "when he is old he will not
depart from it." In other words, what one learns as a child will in
most cases be lived out by that person in adulthood. So an
undisciplined child will in most cases turn out to be an undisciplined
adult, as a disciplined child will probably be disciplined as an adult.

   Solomon is just letting parents know that the discipling of their
children has eternal consequences (delivering them from Sheol). Solomon
further tells us in Proverbs 13:24 that the one "who spares his rod
hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently." The
word "diligently" means to look for early. So it is not the kind of
situation where the parents discipline the child when they get around
to it, but it is an immediate handling of disciplinary action. Solomon
also says, "Discipline your son while there is hope." (Proverbs 19:18)
A literal translation might be, "Discipline your son for there is
hope." Solomon is telling us here that there is hope for our children
if they are disciplined. He states further in that verse, "And do not
desire his death," or in other words, do not set your heart on his
destruction. Do not make the decision that he is a hopeless case
without trying to help him." (Kufeldt 548) Again trying to help this
child can be done through discipline as stated in this verse and two
others that we will be looking at.

   Proverbs 22:15 tells us that "foolishness is bound up in the heart
of a child," but there is hope as stated above. What is that hope? That
hope is seen in the latter part of this verse which says, "the rod of
discipline will remove it far from him." The foolishness that the
discipline will remove can be defined as silliness or folly; acting in
such a way so as to be irresponsible in their acts and behavior.

   Another instance where discipline brings hope is in the case of the
one who forsakes his way. Solomon tells us that "stern discipline is
for him who forsakes the way" and that "he who hates reproof will die."
(Proverbs 15:10). This verse is true for any age, but with our specific
application to children, we can see that a child that forsakes or
decides to leave the way can be brought back through the use of
discipline. What is Solomon talking about when he talks about him that
forsakes the way? From the context it seems as though he is talking
about forsaking the way of God -- going your own way and doing your own
thing. In the case of a child, not obeying his parents, which is a
direct sin against God assuming that the parents are not having the
child go against the moral law of God. The latter part of the verse
makes it clear that he who hates reproof or correction is headed for
death. This is because the child in our case is not listening to the
parents' reproof, which shows his lack of sense. By not listening to
the parents, the child may never consider the things of God in his
life,which will definitely lead to spiritual death. From a physical
standpoint, the child may not listen to the parent's reproof about the
proper way to cross a street. This could later end in the child's death
because he did not look both ways before crossing as he was told.

   Solomon further states along these lines that "whoever loves
discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid."
(Proverbs 12:1). In the case of the child above, if he would be one
that loves discipline (knowing that it is for his best), it would then
be true that he has a love for knowledge because he understands that
when discipline is applied, there is a definite lesson to be learned
for future living. He would be happy to be set straight each time he
falters, knowing that this discipline would keep him living a life
pleasing to God. As the child above may run out in front of a car
someday because he did not listen to his parents' reproof, the child
who loves discipline would not do that because he would have taken heed
to past warnings. Solomon says that the child who hates reproof is
stupid. He is stupid because if he is not reproved, he will not learn.
So we can say that this child hates knowledge because he does not want
to learn from his past mistakes.

   Along these same lines, Proverbs 13:1 tells us that "a wise son
accepts his father's discipline, but a scoffer does not listen to
rebuke." Why does the wise son accept his father's discipline? Because
his father's discipline is knowledge for the son to live by as stated
previously. But the scoffer, one who intensely looks down at others,
does not listen to rebuke. This is because the scoffer sees himself
above everyone else and above anything that they would have to tell
him. So when the scoffer is rebuked for wrongdoings, it means nothing
to him since he would never make a mistake. He, as the child above that
hates reproof, is himself stupid.

   Relating to the son accepting his father's discipline, Solomon tells
his son not to reject God's discipline. He says, "my son, do not reject
the discipline of the Lord, or loathe His reproof, for whom the Lord
loves he reproves, even as a father, the son in whom he delights."
(Proverbs 3:11-12). Parents need to have good communication with their
children so that they can discuss pretty much anything and everything
with them. This can come in handy by being able to help the child see
God working in his life, wheather in the area of discipline or blessing
to the child. If the parents are keen to the happenings in the child's
life, they may be able to see if the child is rejecting the Lord's
discipline or loathing His reproof. In other words, to see if the child
is rejecting the Lord's discipline by continuing in the sin that the
Lord just disciplined him for, indicating no regard for the Lord or for
his discipline. Also to watch and see if the child is loathing the
Lord's reproof which means basically having a hatred, or sickening and
intense fear toward that reproof. Reproof being an understanding of the
sin committed as well as any actions that need to be taken because of
and/or against that sin.

   We need to show our children that God has a good reason to
discipline and reprove them and us alike. This reason is seen in verse
12 when Solomon says, "for whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a
father, the son in whom he delights." God disciplines because he loves
us. Not only does he love us, but he loves us as a father loves his
child in whom he finds great pleasure.

   Lastly in considering the area of discipline, Solomon tells us that
"the rod of reproof gives wisdom, but a child who gets his own way
brings shame to his mother." (Proverbs 29:15). What Solomon is telling
us here is that through discipline of our children, they will learn the
proper way in which to act. They will learn to fear God, to respect
their parents, and how to live a valuable life for God and others. As
can be seen from the latter part of this verse, the child who is not
disciplined but gets his own way and does what he wants will do nothing
but bring shame to his mother. This is so because this kind of a child
becomes nothing more than a self-centered, uncaring and disrespectful
person that brings no honor to his family, especially his mother. This
kind of child, besides bringing his mother shame, also brings her
grief; and he despises her (Proverbs 10:1; 15:20). This kind of a child
is nothing but a heartache to his mother, who shows his dislike towards
her by being foolish in his ways and by bringing her sorrow and shame
at the mention of his name. This type of child is a disgrace to this
whole family in contrast to a child who has learned from the rod of
reproof. When the rod of reproof is used in such a way so as to bring
wisdom to the child, proverbs say that it makes his father glad
(Proverbs 10:1; 15:20).

   As can be seen from the above discussion on discipline, discipline
is very important in the rearing of children. So the third thing
parents need to do in the raising of their children is to discipline
them, using a rod when necessary. I will end this section on discipline
by quoting Proverbs 29:17, "Correct your son, and he will give you
comfort; He will also delight your soul."

   Two other important truths of Proverbs that I believe a child should
know will now be discussed. The first one is seen in Proverbs 14:12
which says, "there is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is
the way of death." We need to teach our children that the word of God
is our authority and that we need to check everything against it. Just
because a way seems right to us does not mean that it is the way that
God wants us to go. God may very well want us to go in the other
direction. The other verse is Proverbs 22:1, which states, "a good name
is to be more desired than great riches, favor is better than silver
and gold." Here Solomon is stating that a good name in the sight of men
is more important than riches because riches may not last. Also, if
your riches do not last, your friends may not either; but with a good
name it does not matter if you are rich or poor because you will have
friends not because of what you have, but because of who you are.
Solomon also states that favor (meaning grace or charm) is better than
silver and gold because one's grace can go much farther than silver or
gold. Especially for a person who is poor; if he has grace, he can win
people to himself and to his cause.

   So if our children grow in the grace and knowledge of God and have a
good name and favor among men, they will have things that are important
in God's eyes. They will also understand that wealth is not everything
and that their pursuit of it, bypassing the things of God, is nothing
but striving after the wind.

   To summarize on raising children according to Proverbs, we need to
remember the following:

   (1) Teach children the scriptures according to Deuteronomy 6:4-7.
(2) Teach children what it means to fear God. (3) Discipline children:
a) To deliver their souls from Sheol. b) To train them up in the way
they should go. c) Because you love them. d) As soon as the child
misbehaves. e) While there is still hope. f) To remove foolishness from
them. g) If they forsake the way. h) To add to their knowledge for
living. i) Because it gives them wisdom. j) So they do not bring shame
and disgrace to their mother. k) So your children will not grow up
despising their mother. l) So they will bring you comfort and delight
to your soul.

   (4) Teach children that the word of God is to be their standard by
which to live. (5) Teach children that a good name and favor are more
important than riches and gold and silver.

   (Note: The two references used in this paper were taken from The
Wesleyan Bible Commentary, Volume II.)

   Copyright 1989 by Randy Hillebrand You are allowed to reproduce this
article only in its entirety and without additions or deletions.