The California Collection/TheCaliforniaCollection.cdr/his091/pain.lzh/PAIN.TXT

Text File | 1991-07-09 | 9KB | 152 lines

INS:Pain: its meaning and purpose in the life of a Chrsitian  by Kristi Lee Hernmeir

   The experience of pain, in whatever form it takes is universal.
Human suffering is one of the world's greatest unanswered questions.
Especially during the newness of the Christmas season, do we become
more and more aware of the mystery involved in it. I'm not writing this
article to attempt an answer to the suffering question. I am writing
instead, simply to share some of my thoughts and experiences on the
matter. Also, perhaps by examining my mistakes, and efforts in dealing
with pain, you will have something to fall back on when it comes your
way ... as it inevitably will.

   Just by way of background, I was on Cross Fire '75, the team to West
Africa. I spent much of the fifteen months we traveled in pain, and
incredible fatigue. I never really took it too seriously, as most of us
were sick regularly. It became frustrating for me, and the entire team
though, when my illnesses outweighed my healthy times. The situation
reached a crisis the final month of team when I just couldn't continue.
I was hospitalized at the end of August 1976, and due to the
persistence of a caring doctor, discovered I was the victim (and had
been for years) of an incurable, and oftentimes cruelly painful disease
called Systemic Lupus Erythemetosis. Lupus for short. The cause, and
the cure remain unknown.

   I remember laying in the hospital in a state of dis-belief. My head
whirled with questions, but none so prevalent as the eternal "why?" Why
me ... why now ... why this? I was suddenly faced with the reality that
I would be dealing with pain on a day to day basis for the rest of my
life. In the fear that such thoughts bring, I began to observe the
attitudes toward suffering in the people around me. Most of us view
pain as something alien, something to eradicate and be rid of as
quickly as possible. This attitude may be fine when you deal with ills
that are temporal, definable, and curable. But not all suffering falls
into those categories. What do we say to those ills and accidents that
leave their victims permanently disabled, disfigured, or mentally
incapacitated? We cannot simply dismiss them. They are real, and
difficult, and very much a mystery.

   When a Christian deals with life situations, we must keep in mind
the fact that God is a mystery. He cannot be defined or explained by
our limited knowledge. Who hasn't heard someone in desperation or grief
ask the unanswerable "why?" And who had the power and wisdom to
respond? Once we accept that sometimes there are no answers, at least
for now, we experience a release of those gnawing doubts, and become
free to start learning. When there are no answers, only questions for
us, we must look to Christ, and His example. Jesus felt. He hurt and
laughed, suffered and died as we all must. He was and is God incarnate,
sensitive counselor to our despair, as He has felt the very same pain
we do. C.S. Lewis, upon the death of a dear friend, wrote in his book A
Grief Observed:

   "When I lay these questions before God, I get no answer. But, a
rather special no answer. It is not a locked door. It is more like a
silent, certainly not unkind gaze. As though He shook His head, not in
refusal, but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace Child, you don't
understand."

   The enigma of pain reflects the mystery of God. It begins as a
journey of trust. We can choose to accept and deal with our frailty,
or, like Ivan Dostoevsky stated, "If God offered me suffering as a pass
through life, I for one would return the ticket." We can face, and even
learn from the realities of our humanity, or we can run from them.

   Why must suffering remain a mystery? I can't give a pat answer, but
isn't it true that the times we are closest to the Lord are those times
we have no control? For me these are also the hours of my greatest
sensitivity and compassion to those near me. It's only when our efforts
to rationalize and eradicate seemingly useless pain are gone, and we
reach the end of our own rope, we see Christ's strength available to
us. If the mystery were fully explained, there would be no crisis. Most
of all, there would be no need of our faith walk with God. Pain and
suffering are not some type of Cosmic Character Builders sent by the
Almighty. They are however, used by Him to strengthen and cleanse our
relationship to Him and to each other.

   As Christians we believe that God's promises are true. Romans 8:28
reminds us that the Lord is ever present and working in our trials.
Sometimes this is comforting, but often, the pain is still there, and
still very hard to cope with. Just because we know we are living a
mystery, and God is using it, doesn't make it hurt any less. But so
much of our suffering depends on our attitude toward it. It's very
human, and necessary I believe, to experience fear, anger, self-pity,
and even bitterness. We wouldn't be normal if these emotions didn't
pass through us. I think so often of one of my African friends, who
when I reached a high pitched frustration, would always shake his head
and say, "Kristi, it will pass." It will pass. Fear, and all of the
so-called "negative" emotions that follow it can be healthy, normative,
and even creative forces in our lives. A well balanced emotional human
is capable of them all. They only become evil when we allow them to
immobilize and blind us to the lessons we could be learning.

   Personally, I have chosen to concentrate on life, my life as it is
now. I cannot wish the pain away, or ignore it. It has become a very
real part of who I am. But what I can do, whether I am suffering or
not, is to concentrate on the health that exists inside of me. The
acceptance of my human condition, in the light of God's promises leads
to a fresh hope, and a new peace of mind.

   As I study the Bible, I'm always amazed at the incredible
sensitivity Jesus has toward us. We humans, unfortunately are much more
ego-centric in our view of suffering. We mean well usually, but never
quite know what to say or do. In sharing with a person in pain, or
dealing with it yourself, it is vital to remember that the suffering
Christian lives with a constant reminder of his/her frailty. There is
no question that God heals, likewise there is no question that we don't
always understand how He does so. Ours is not a total theology of
glory. We live, as Martin Luther puts it, "In the shadow of the Cross."
We must take this cross seriously, with all of it's implications. There
is no victory without defeat, glory without shame, or health without
suffering. For example; I cannot say that I have been healed of my
disease. (Not yet anyway) I can say however, that I have been healed of
many other things through my disease. I've never felt as loved as when
I discovered I had Lupus. I saw Christ alive through the caring of His
church, and I experienced firsthand the sensitivity and faith of His
followers. Healing with suffering ... victory, in the shadows.

   I'd like to tell you that I accept and trust at all times, but I
can't. I'm human. When I'm in pain, I'm constantly reminded of my
mortality. But, I'm also reminded that in the shadow (or light?) of the
cross, and God's promise of redemption through Christ, there is hope.

   In closing out my thoughts, I think it's important to mention a
little bit on the practical side of sensitivity to the suffering
person. I believe the most important attitude you can take is honesty.

   A person is rarely alone in their pain. If there are people around
who care, they will be suffering also. If you find yourself in that
boat, don't be afraid to admit you're afraid. Be honest about your
feelings, hurts, and fears. If you're angry or confused, talk about it,
it helps. Be supportive of the suffering person, but don't pity them.
Let them know you care by being yourself, that is after all who they
love and need. Accept the ills of those you're dealing with as a part
of themselves. A very real part. Most of all, don't underestimate them.
They will fight the pain, fear, and desperation hand in hand with you,
and with our Lord.

   I hope some of the things I've talked about will help you in your
trials. I hope it helps the next time you hold me, or someone like me
as they cry. I hope most of all, you use your experience in suffering
to grow in sensitivity, and that our God will burn into your conscience
your need of Him in health as well as pain. This Christmas, may you be
guided by the tender compassion of our bleeding Savior.

   Kristi Lee Hernmeir

   NOTE: This article was written by Kristi for the Christmas, 1977
issue of the National Lutheran Youth Encounter Newspaper. The article
was written only a few days before Kristi's death.

   Permission to reprint the article was given by Pastor Gene and Ruby
Hernmeir, Kristi's parents.